Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
/\ Very true! And this was also something I was taught in clinical therapy courses. To always keep a certain professional distance from your clients. And we actually debated for 3 hours whether or not it was appropriate to touch/hug a client. The answer was something along the lines of "if not hugging them would harm their self esteem then a hug is ok".
But anyways. My therapist was 65 years old, although he looked much younger than that. He did a lot of the same things you mentioned in that post. He came over to my families house several times before I was going away to prison. And came to visit me in prison. And when I got out I continued seeing him for 6 years like I said.
As good a therapist as this guy was. And as incredibly smart as he was. Younger therapist are much more stand offish in their approach and I commend them for it. Younger therapists will not go visit you in prison or come to your home for dinner.
And the reason is precisely like you said. That relationship itself brings in forces, that therapy itself must work extremely hard to break down. The force of feeling shame. Would I have felt shame if my therapist kept his distance? I don't think I would of. Its the "bonding" with someone as a friend that can create shame. This is why I never realized how important it is to not get close with a therapist.
They're there to be objective as possible and help you with your life. How can they do that when they're coming over for dinner? At some point you go from therapist > client, to therapist friend > client friend. And that takes away a lot of the power of therapy itself.
Therapy maintains its power by keeping that certain professional distance. You won't like your therapist as much as if he was more friendly, but you're also not going to lie to him or feel ashamed when something important in life comes up.
Really makes me wonder how things might have played out if my therapist was more professional and less friendly. He was one of the best therapists I've ever seen no doubt, smart as all fuck, could reflect things back to me in the most introspective ways imaginable, but he still crossed that line of professionalism. And its sometimes tough to think about today if I would have been better off with a tight wad who's judgments I didn't really give a shit about.
But anyways. My therapist was 65 years old, although he looked much younger than that. He did a lot of the same things you mentioned in that post. He came over to my families house several times before I was going away to prison. And came to visit me in prison. And when I got out I continued seeing him for 6 years like I said.
As good a therapist as this guy was. And as incredibly smart as he was. Younger therapist are much more stand offish in their approach and I commend them for it. Younger therapists will not go visit you in prison or come to your home for dinner.
And the reason is precisely like you said. That relationship itself brings in forces, that therapy itself must work extremely hard to break down. The force of feeling shame. Would I have felt shame if my therapist kept his distance? I don't think I would of. Its the "bonding" with someone as a friend that can create shame. This is why I never realized how important it is to not get close with a therapist.
They're there to be objective as possible and help you with your life. How can they do that when they're coming over for dinner? At some point you go from therapist > client, to therapist friend > client friend. And that takes away a lot of the power of therapy itself.
Therapy maintains its power by keeping that certain professional distance. You won't like your therapist as much as if he was more friendly, but you're also not going to lie to him or feel ashamed when something important in life comes up.
Really makes me wonder how things might have played out if my therapist was more professional and less friendly. He was one of the best therapists I've ever seen no doubt, smart as all fuck, could reflect things back to me in the most introspective ways imaginable, but he still crossed that line of professionalism. And its sometimes tough to think about today if I would have been better off with a tight wad who's judgments I didn't really give a shit about.