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Did I blow it with a "unicorn"?

I would settle for an intelligent significant other in whom I could trust my heart and soul with until the end. I don't have enough money in the bank to go shopping for a Porsche, I'm in the market for a really well-equipped Kia Sedan, but I wish you all luck, searching for your sexy Porsches.
 
Ksf2023 said:
Really curious about how I am doing this. I have not spoken to her since she ghosted me 4 years ago and never plan to again for obvious reasons. Is it because she keeps popping up in my mind?

I am just having a very hard time letting go of this because I have always had a very hard time finding someone who meets my standards being interested in me back. I have had a couple of girlfriends over the years, but I always "lowered my expectations" to certain degrees, because I felt that was the best I could do, and that always backfired. So, knowing that I have trouble finding what I want, and having an online experience where this woman who I was very attracted to in multiple ways seemed to be intrigued at first (giving me her number when I asked her out), and having this be the only experience where I felt excited about someone, it's tough to let this go. All I can do now is improve myself and increase my chances of finding someone I like who could be interested back. Whether that's socially, financially, with mental health and various things, reading about meditation or martial arts here on Bluelight. Whatever it is. But I posted this thread because I was talking to a friend recently, my dating struggles came up, and he said something to the effect of "Yes, there are some people that are just that amazing. If you know someone like that, by all means try, but don't dedicate yourself to tracing a unicorn. They probably can't be caught if they are even there" and it reminded me of her, and produced some anxiety.

And I guess another big reason why I am focusing so much on this online situation is because I kind of developed agoraphobia 3 years ago. That combined with the lockdown and also postponing dating due to self improvement and previous bad experiences
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Its understandable with the pandemic and your agoraphobia why it could be hard to move on. With things finally beginning to chill out Covid wise maybe try and get out there again? There’s more singles now than ever before.

I can guarantee when you finally do find that someone you’ll look back and see this chick wasn’t the unicorn you made her out to be. There’s a lot of amazing people out there, you just gotta try your shot more often.

-GC
 
G_Chem said:
Its understandable with the pandemic and your agoraphobia why it could be hard to move on. With things finally beginning to chill out Covid wise maybe try and get out there again? There’s more singles now than ever before.

I can guarantee when you finally do find that someone you’ll look back and see this chick wasn’t the unicorn you made her out to be. There’s a lot of amazing people out there, you just gotta try your shot more often.

-GC
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You never answered my question, how am I "disrespecting her disinterest in me"
 
Ksf2023 said:
You never answered my question, how am I "disrespecting her disinterest in me"
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By not accepting her response, or rather non-response. If you respected her you’d have actually listened to what she was trying to tell you and move on. Again I don’t think she’d be a fan of knowing some guy she never really knew is still this obsessed all these years later.

-GC
 
@G_Chem is right.

She made it clear she wasn’t interested and you still long for her. Worse yet, you seem to have set a sort of female barometer by all you envision her to be. She is not all that, She has issues, insecurities and annoying personality traits, just like every other woman. But you’ve put her on a pedestal, and you fail to see that she could possibly be flawed, aka: human.

I guarantee that if you were in an actual relationship with her, things would not be all roses. You remind me of fans/groupies of musicians and actors who believe that if only they were able to spend time with the star, that person would drop everything and everyone, and hit life’s restart button with the fan/groupie.

The good news is that you’re still young, and there are many women you still have yet to meet in your future. If you could stop focusing on her, you’d be doing yourself a world of good, as well as your future girlfriends.
 
G_Chem said:
By not accepting her response, or rather non-response. If you respected her you’d have actually listened to what she was trying to tell you and move on. Again I don’t think she’d be a fan of knowing some guy she never really knew is still this obsessed all these years later.

-GC
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I really do not understand how I did not accept it. From what I understand, 4 years ago I got the idea that she did not want to talk since she never responded back, and left it at that, and never bothered messaging her again. Does being bummed out over this not working out count as "disrespecting her?"
 
Fiori di Bella said:
@G_Chem is right.

She made it clear she wasn’t interested and you still long for her. Worse yet, you seem to have set a sort of female barometer by all you envision her to be. She is not all that, She has issues, insecurities and annoying personality traits, just like every other woman. But you’ve put her on a pedestal, and you fail to see that she could possibly be flawed, aka: human.

I guarantee that if you were in an actual relationship with her, things would not be all roses. You remind me of fans/groupies of musicians and actors who believe that if only they were able to spend time with the star, that person would drop everything and everyone, and hit life’s restart button with the fan/groupie.

The good news is that you’re still young, and there are many women you still have yet to meet in your future. If you could stop focusing on her, you’d be doing yourself a world of good, as well as your future girlfriends.
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I have to be honest...do kind of feel like I am being gaslit on this thread. I do understand what you guys are saying and I think I acknowledged multiple times that she is not perfect and has flaws like any other human being out there. Am I just lying to myself? No really.
 
Fiori di Bella said:
I guarantee that if you were in an actual relationship with her, things would not be all roses. You remind me of fans/groupies of musicians and actors who believe that if only they were able to spend time with the star, that person would drop everything and everyone, and hit life’s restart button with the fan/groupie.
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That absolutely is not what I think at all
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
Do you think you might be objectifying women? That’s the bigger question?
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I hope not, it's pretty messed up. Like I said before, I have asked some people in my life and was honest about things, and they said no. But @G_Chem seems to think so, and that threw me into a loop. I really don't understand how, despite me acknowledging multiple times on this thread that no one is perfect, not even this woman I was interested in, and thought about potential flaws this person has, as well as the likelihood of finding more flaws this woman has if we ever did meet in person, they perceive me as seeing this woman as an object. Of course I always try to give myself the benefit of the doubt, maybe they know more than me, but I really struggle to see how this is and now wonder if there is a possibility that I just have a blind spot here.

And the unicorn shit wasn't literal. Again, I never thought her or really anyone fits that bill, but after talking with a friend over the summer they said something that made me anxious that I blew a potentially great opportunity. Never knowing what she's truly like is fueling this. Now, I do believe that some people are better (and worse) than others, despite everyone having flaws, but the right person would make those flaws worth it. Because I hold myself to a high standard. And I am having intrusive thoughts about it. Seems like nearly everything is reminding me of her.
 
Mystery says the best way to get over one-itis is to fuck a dozen other broads. She won't seem so special after that.

And yes, one-itis is a the term for it.
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
No, they’re extinct now like the Ivory Billed Woodpecker. Sure people think they see them sometimes, but they are extinct (this is coming from a wizard no less).

Best to move on and get infatuated with someone new. Become a sigma male, or better yet a MGTOW, and claim your own lane. Just don’t become an incel is all I can hope for for you.

🧙‍♂️
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Fuck incels and mgtows
 
Just talk to women. Even if they're with guys. Talk to the guys. Be more comfort in the cold approach, or just starting a conversation.

But @The Wizard of the Creek neglects that women will use a shit test calling you a creep if you seem insincerely mysterious. Some men are put off when they get called a creep. Me. I plow.
 
Over the years, I've created a celebrity of my character or image anyway. So you get women that want to talk to you. I try to be dismissive of this. Because your soul mate will let you chase her a little. Wizards are a celebrity in their own regard. I'm a 345lb man with a face and a brain. Haven't turned off a female in awhile. I probably go with the George Jung or Hunter S. Thompson characters Johnny Depp plays in my body language and junk.

Yeah, so you can read books on how to pick up women. It's a crash course into social dynamics. Then start to model yourself after your favorite movie roles. Next thing you know, you'll be so far underground cops will come to arrest you because you're so damn sexy.
 
Dude this is kinda frustrating.. I went and re-read the OP, you had more than a chance with this girl, it sounds like you two had some fairly deep conversations so it’s not like this was a decision of hers based on nothing. She ghosts you after making it pretty clear you two weren’t compatible.

You then follow up with talking about how you could’ve bonded over this or been sexually compatible. This is from your perspective, but SHE didn’t think so.. You keep going on like if you had just a little more time to prove who you were it would’ve worked, that’s not respecting women that’s more in line with the ol’ “wear em down til they give in” strategy.

She said NO! Stop following her thinking about how sexually compatible you are, stop obsessing over this one person. This may be harsh, but based on what you’ve said your likely not in her league. She’s older than you, in a different place in life, and has guys coming at her from all angles that she supposedly rejects. You have this thought that you’ll be the one that she chooses if you just got one more chance amongst what sounds like many chances already, once again this ain’t the movies.

Despite what she says, everyone cares about looks to some extent. She’s lying if she says otherwise. From her perspective your someone that sits inside all day due to anxiety (no judgement I’ve been there) and based on the “she doesn’t care about looks” comment assume you don’t take care of yourself like you should (at least then) your younger at a different phase of life and different academic level.

Don’t have ridiculous standards unless your a ridiculous specimen yourself..

-GC
 
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