depersonilization.... Describe yours

[pmz]

Northern. You said it took what 9 months to be good?

 

[Macenroe]

Thank you so much for your time Northern lights. My symptoms basically are anxiety, I feel spaced out in the mornings, mild depersonalization. I feel like the anxiety makes me a much slower person in my cognitive habilitys specially in the mornings but then everything clears out and I feel almost normal at night.

Do you think that is a good sign of recovery, do you think I have chances to be back to normal? How long do you think it will take me to be a functional human being again. I heard that 6 months is more or less enough time to become functional again.

Please help. Thank you all!

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

it could be measured anywhere from a few months to over a year. it really depends on the person, how healthy they are on a regular basis, and how much they fucked up, as well as genetic makeup. too many factors to give a guaranteed estimate. if you lived healthy (i.e. exercised regularly, ate proper foods and nutrients, avoided junk foods and such, and have proper vitamin balances) you will most likely recover a lot quicker than if you didn't do those things. just like if you started doing those things now, you would likely recover quicker than if you refused to do those things and live in an unhealthy manner. though i have heard the usual recovery range is about 6 months though for some people (like myself) it has been considerably longer. then again, i was not only rolling during my party days.

i think it is incredibly unlikely that you did any permanent damage, so i believe you will be near fully recovered sometime in the near future.

 

[Macenroe]

Thank you mate, I am quite a healthy person, when I had my binge, I didn´t feel bad at all, I just felt very high and didn´t sleep for a long time.

Before that binge, the last time that I took drugs was a year ago, usually I party hard just once a year.

Thank you brother, I pray for better times.

One question, during your long term comedown, have you been able to keep working or studying?

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

To a degree, but work and studies were extremely difficult due to everything being in the back of my mind all the time. I was the first person I knew personally going through this, and it wasn't until almost 3 months into the recovery process when it was at its worst that I joined here and found out more about these things.

while a lot of my 'friends' now experiencing this same thing had my experiences as lessons to be learned about being careful to use moderation in moderation when taking drugs, nobody seemed to use it for some reason... also, most of them mocked it and told me off saying I didn't know what I was talking about and should just shut up... and now they are dealing with some serious consequences, especially person A from my story above. worst thing about him is that he asked for my advice and tried but is struggling to get back on the right path... (why the good guys never catch any breaks is beyond me, and why the douchebags always get off easy for EVERYTHING just continues to blow my mind). So I was caught up not only in my own shit, but trying to help others avoid the same mistakes I made which became extremely stressful because nobody ever listened. Everyone back home thinks of me as the 'Acid Guy' who just does drugs all the time because my cousins are pieces of shit and have always embellished things to step on top of my head to get ahead in life, while out of all those who comment on me being the druggie are now popping shit every week while I am dead sober. worst part is that I told my cousin that story to raise awareness on my bad DOB experience as a method of harm reduction because they were beginning to go through the same shit, and he took that and only tried to hurt my relations with my so called 'friends' back home... I still haven't received a call or hung out with any of that old 'friend group' of mine in over a year and a half...

and this shadow still continues to follow me over a year later from that experience, and that also added to the stress in the back of my mind. So since all the issues went down with my mental well-being, I was more concerned with helping those whom I cared about avoid it than helping only myself, and all that the most of them did was just brush me off and tell me "it's OK, we don't need your help, thank you..." (a more polite way of saying 'fuck off, nobody cares about you or what you think')... and being a typically very caring and stressed out person, I do tend to be more prone to becoming upset and anxious over even the smallest things. so the constant ignorance of my so called 'friends' when i was simply trying to help really added stress to my situation... i have tried to fit in with family, over 10 groups of friends after my only friend in the world became a full blown junkie when we were 13-14, and have been outcasted throughout all of the experiences and still have rarely any people (even parts of my family disregard me - like my cousins and their piece of shit mother) I can truly call friends.

using the drugs was the first time I ever felt a part of a group since 12 or 13... when I chose to stop using drugs for my own mental well-being, everyone once again slowly began to disregard my existence and seemed to not care. to this day, i only get phone calls to hang out with 1 or 2 people here, and only 1 or 2 people back home. that's it. and out of those 4, only 1-2 of them call me on a consistent basis when i am around. even a social group at school i joined disregards me and takes a whole ton of verbally abusive cheap shots at me on our group messenger that I haven't left, and they think i stopped paying attention and don't see any of it. yet I have been carefully watching over this for over a year, and this has been going on for over 2 years now. i left and stopped communication with that social group at about the same time that my comedown had started, because all of it bothered me sooo much. i tried telling others in the group, but go figure, they didn't care at all and continued the emotional abuse.

so when all this went down, every single thing in my life that bothered me significantly (which is a lot of things) fired off on all 12 cylinders and I just felt completely alone, and completely helpless. unlike anybody else around me, i literally had me, myself and I to get me through it. yes I sought help from my parents and multiple therapists, but I had to take the initiative. other than the before mentioned people, nobody ever gave me a call to ask if I was doing alright, and it wouldn't take a fucking genius to realize i was significantly fucked up mentally and emotionally.

as a result, there was no possible way i could succeed in my studies or work, as I had to focus well more than all of my energy on getting past all of this... and it just felt as if things were going to continue to worse, as everything lost it's enjoyment, people just seemed to be more ignorant than ever, and i was just sooo fucking exhausted from all of it. there was almost any room for hope to move past it, as i felt completely on my own. while I am better at dealing with these things now, it is more that I am beginning to accept the fact that I am just eccentric and will probably be outcasted my whole life.


at least I can be thankful for the fact that this experience has made my mind incredibly stronger, and I understand that I really don't need anybody to find success and happiness in this life other than myself. it simply comes down to not letting everything get to you, and let what happens out of your control happen. if you can do that, you should be able to get past all of it. if it helps, I am getting straight A's at school this semester... also, when i went home for the summer I was able to work part time (about 26-27 hours a week) at a law firm over the entire summer very productively. you will be able to succeed as well if you just do your past to ignore the bad feelings. i usually preach against ignorance, but sometimes, ignoring certain things is really all you can do to succeed at what is most important to you.

 

[derok]

your story remember myself, old friends...getting stronger mentally...i felt like i had +20 years and i just came from the war so i believe i dont need too much like before, cause then i was too much offbeat

 

[derok]

Thank you so much for your time Northern lights. My symptoms basically are anxiety, I feel spaced out in the mornings, mild depersonalization. I feel like the anxiety makes me a much slower person in my cognitive habilitys specially in the mornings but then everything clears out and I feel almost normal at night.

Do you think that is a good sign of recovery, do you think I have chances to be back to normal? How long do you think it will take me to be a functional human being again. I heard that 6 months is more or less enough time to become functional again.

Please help. Thank you all!

i write you here cause you have full you PM store.

realized that you readme talking about skydiving vs mdma haha, i think this kind of risky experience are similar stuff for us like a example, thats why i posted it , to asure someone that we are not guilty , but mdma neither is. Well xD after this im not so cool...i just skate and make some martial arts, but one day i will skydive.

My symptons:
-tremors - fading
-parkisonism - fading
-axiety : full in the mortning, fade while the day goes by, in the night i could enjoy life and go out, everymonth more or less the good time come earlier, so maybe i was in month 7 or so 3 hour anciety in the morning
-strange voice and humble feelings,desrealization
-bruxism daily and now only nighly (i say only cause is prettyharmfull and i get TMJ) actually my remaining syimpton.

i think today im able to study and work, im a little bit more lazy but im much better, and everytime im better i make more efforts to stay, sport, health...
i dont have now any coginitive deficits, only bruxism and slighty anxiety once a month , almost nothing, im pretty me.

i will say give you 8 months, but dont worry...everytime you will be better and one day you will be better than before mdma take my word.

AH i felt that greay speace out feeling, i say my girlfriend and she was like plastic,everything was grey (the serotonin is LOW in the morning so make a lot of sense)

any question im here.

Pd. i had brain zaps, than lessened too, im still having it but low grade. they are worse in the night btw xDDD anxiety better they worse

 

[Macenroe]

Northern lights, how long it took you to recover? My main symptom is that I feel spaced out, disassociated, like in a dream state, derealization.

Did you felt the same too and how long it took you to recover from this?

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

I haven't rolled in just over a year now so I guess I have been recovering for about a year. However it took a few months of sobriety to realize the lasting effects. The spacing took a while for me to get over, though mine was just feeling disconnected rather than "dreamy". of course I went through that dreamy state for a bit, but it wasn't very long for me. this disconnection lasted for a while though. 6 months maybe? everyone is different so we can't really give any definite timetables. some people take a few months to recover, others a year or two. and this is regardless of use. i have known people who have had very short recoveries after abusing a lot more drugs and in higher quantity than I ever had. and then others who were very moderate users of only few drugs have had recoveries that took rather long. the longer you dwell though, the longer the recovery will take. placebo affect definitely has an impact on recovery time, as your brain can trick you into thinking too far into things that don't even exist...

This can create an endless loop... You feel spaced out. because of this, you feel anxious about the belief that it will never end. and you feel depressed about being anxious all the time. and the depression only makes you feel more disconnected and distant from those around you who seem to be unaffected by any of these things. and the cycle continues... try not to dwell on it because this cycle can be a real bitch.

 

[Dawglaw]

Northern lights, how long it took you to recover? My main symptom is that I feel spaced out, disassociated, like in a dream state, derealization.

Did you felt the same too and how long it took you to recover from this?

I went through the same thing as you and others. I'm 100% recovered. I believe it was all anxiety based. Work on mindfulness, spending time online obsessing about negative feelings is only gonna make things worse.

Get CBT if it's available, it helped me immensely. Other than that, you have to be positive

 

[pmz]

Aight. So dawglaw. I still seem to be having trouble understanding how anxiety rules everything. Here me out. Just came back from the gym. I was listening to my music like I always do. Before all this happened I would get so into my music during my work out. Almost sit there at time and forget I'm working out and just jam out in the gym. I just can't get that feeling at the moment. No anxiety at the gym. Totally focused my routine. But the music just Dont give me that energy during my work out like normally.

I've been trying to figure out what's behind this blockage. I can't help to think there is still a chemical serotonin/ dopamine dysfunction preventing me from feeling that. I guess its the do that's really preventing this. Annoying is all. Maybe I've just set a bar for my self that in my head I just Dont think its capable to enjoy music. At one point I really believed that. Maybe now its just stuck in my head.

 

[hungryjack]

I do experience the same fluctuations and cycles. I feel much better at night than at day time. Would say my symptoms get 30% better at night when im at home.
its been 4 months since that life changing event took place through a half a pill, not even abuse. feels like i recovered from 30% to 50% so far.
my main symptoms are

- headache every day

- feel disconnected
usually when im hanging out with friends. hard to catch up conversations

- massive cognitive declines
concentration, speech, thinking and intelligence are effected.

hope this all comes from anxiety. never been an anxious person though. my doc put me into CBT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo

 

[goldenboy2008]

@hungryjack @macenroe hmmm it's not the first time that i read that people feel better at night time. I've been dealing with dp/dr and mild visual hppd for the last 9 months. I feel much better now even though it's not completely gone. i also have these cycles where i feel bad, sometimes awful in the morning and better at night. Does anybody have a theory about that?
I was thinking about cortisol being higher after waking up, i dunno...

 

[Dawglaw]

Pmz - anxiety is much more than feeling anxious. My hypothesis on what happened to me was the drugs really stressed out my brain to the point where it went into "safe mode" ie anxiety induced DP/DR, which probably coincided with a temporary chemical imbalance from the stress. As I worked on wellness and coaxed my mind out of the stress, I slowly started to feel better.


Hungry jack - that was me. CBT did wonders for me. It turned out to be anxiety based yet I wasn't exactly anxious.

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

Pmz - anxiety is much more than feeling anxious. My hypothesis on what happened to me was the drugs really stressed out my brain to the point where it went into "safe mode" ie anxiety induced DP/DR, which probably coincided with a temporary chemical imbalance from the stress. As I worked on wellness and coaxed my mind out of the stress, I slowly started to feel better.


Hungry jack - that was me. CBT did wonders for me. It turned out to be anxiety based yet I wasn't exactly anxious.

For me the anxiety was just an uncontrollable and repeated build up of random feelings of tension for no reason at all. nothing to onset them, no reason to be completely terrified and uneasy all of a sudden, and it was just extremely confusing and depressing. In addition, they would last as long as they wanted (anywhere from a few minutes to 12+ hours nonstop) and would only give me a 5-10 minutes of ease MAX before transitioning into another "panic attack"... this constant roller coaster ride created non existent depression, tons of depersonalization, and slight derealization. nothing was enjoyable, as everything would lead to a panic attack worse than the one before. meal times, relaxation times, work, bed time, play, socializing, exercise, time with friends and family... all of it resulted in the same thing.

 

[pmz]

Pmz - anxiety is much more than feeling anxious. My hypothesis on what happened to me was the drugs really stressed out my brain to the point where it went into "safe mode" ie anxiety induced DP/DR, which probably coincided with a temporary chemical imbalance from the stress. As I worked on wellness and coaxed my mind out of the stress, I slowly started to feel better.





Hungry jack - that was me. CBT did wonders for me. It turned out to be anxiety based yet I wasn't exactly anxious.

Hmm. I'm def working on my wellness and things are really starting to shift

I actually got an EEG done recently and found out the brain waves I emit show that my brain is running on a slower wave length that normal. Doc called it a "low idle". He says through neurofeedback therapy he believes he can help

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

Hey guys,

It's almost been 5 months now since my comedown started and I'm still really struggling. I'm still getting crippling episodes of anxiety almost every morning and it just doesn't seem to get better. Shouldn't the anxiety start to fade by now at 5months?

Also I'm still really plagued by this fucking brain fog. It feels like I'm literally stoned, and I feel it especially while trying to have an intelligent conversation with someone or even while driving. Can anyone relate to this?

Also over the last couple months I've developed this high frequency ringing in my ears that is more noticeable when I sleep at night and more pronounced when I'm having an anxiety episode.

I guess on the plus side my memory seems a bit better and my speech maybe not as stumbly, and I can sleep a bit better in that I'm not waking up every hour

I'm so sick of this shit. I was really hoping I would see more improvement by now. But every day is still a torture and it's just really breaking me down now

Everybody is different, my anxiety took about 6 months to begin subsiding, but was still very noticeable 9 months in. others have gotten over it in 3 months. are you smoking weed or doing other drugs recreationally? I find that a lot of people including myself can have panic episodes after smoking weed. The best thing you can do is find something you enjoy other than drugs that can ease your mind of the stresses. It starts off slow but eventually you catch on and begin to feel a lot better. I played a lot of pick up basketball games during my recovery. Probably about 3 hours or more of games 4 or 5 days a week. At the beginning I felt out of place and just weird playing, but about 2 weeks in, I felt literally no anxiety when playing basketball. like nothing at all... of course it was still prevalent after I stopped playing each day, but those 3-4 hours a day of basketball were extremely peaceful and gave me a state of equilibrium I needed to push through. Its been over a year now and I still see improvements as well as some lingering effects, but it is much less noticeable. i'm sure that you will break through that plateau and start seeing noticeable changes before you know it. just try not to dwell on it, because it only makes the process so much more difficult.

 

[pmz]

OK. New question.

Does alcohol seem to help anyone?

Does it relieve anxiety?
Does it help in that "emotionless" feeling?
How do you feel the next day/week after?

 

[Northern LIGHTS]

No weed or any other drugs, not even alcohol. It's weird because in Sept/October the anxiety was appearing to get better and I wouldn't get an episode days at a time. But over the last couple weeks it's back in full force like it was in the first month, to the point where I can't even sit still. Very frustrating experience

i found later on it came in spread out waves. some weeks were really bad and others were not bad at all, whereas early on the cycles were happening many times a day rather than week long spans. its a roller coaster ride thats for damn sure.




....
as for the alcohol, I wouldn't go so far as to become an alcoholic but i guess it can help take the edge off. i found that for me, occasional drinks were quite relaxing... as soon as i would smoke and become crossfaded however, anxiety came back. sobriety was the best cure for me, but the occasional drink never hurt. hangovers sucked balls though. major panic attacks.

 

[Dawglaw]

OK. New question.

Does alcohol seem to help anyone?

Does it relieve anxiety?
Does it help in that "emotionless" feeling?
How do you feel the next day/week after?

Social booze on the weekends was great for me. Instead of constantly thinking about my DP dr, I was able to relax and be me.

A Hangover with DP sucks.

Don't use booze as a crutch, use it for a brief foray back to reality to keep moving forward.