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December '14 -- SL Getting & Staying Sober Thread

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A journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step
- buddha
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BlueSaffron said:
I didnt relapse. "As of today" means what it sounds like-on this day, i have three weeks clean... The last dope i did was on a Saturday three weeks ago, so as of today, i have three weeks clean :)
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Congratulations Blue ! :)
 
Really really good to hear you are having less of those thoughts Captain.
 
Smoky said:
Really really good to hear you are having less of those thoughts Captain.
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I believe the healing process may take a while but once you are through with it, you will have grown so much stronger!
Keep up with the good work!!
 
Morning all. 12 days since my last oxy. Taper with sub going well. No physical WDs worth mentioning. A little depression, but I'm handling it. Tomorrow I go to .25, Thursday .125, and Saturday I jump. Nervous but it's been going so well that I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed that it continues to go well.

I gotta admit I miss the oxy. My back is killing me and the celebrex doesn't help much.
 
7 months and 7 days clean and serene. Some shit going on at my internship that both infuriates me and makes me try to constantly control it when I can't. Beyond that things are good for the most part. Finances are a constant worry, but I am in Grad School and only have a year left at most. After that, things should improve dramatically.
 
CamaroChick said:
Morning all. 12 days since my last oxy. Taper with sub going well. No physical WDs worth mentioning. A little depression, but I'm handling it. Tomorrow I go to .25, Thursday .125, and Saturday I jump. Nervous but it's been going so well that I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed that it continues to go well.

I gotta admit I miss the oxy. My back is killing me and the celebrex doesn't help much.
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Congratulations Camaro!!
I knew you would succeed.
It´s totally normal to miss you kills your pain for real.
And ime you will find a way to handle that too.
It´s just one day at the time. If it gets harder than one hour at the time.
Feel free to PM anytime.
Good Luck!!:)

@Phactor,
7 months is great.
I bet things will just get better and better!!
All the best
 
Ugh you guys!! Why is it that whenever I'm well or I'm high, I'm just oh so stoked to get clean and so excited and gung-ho about it... but then once the next day arrives and the first detox symptoms start kicking in, my thoughts immediately go back to using? I turn into such a little bitch!! I don't get why it turns from one extreme to another, like why can't I just keep my determination consistent from one day to the next?! I know if I can make it to my first Sub dose, my chances go up to about 50%. After that, if I can make it past day four, they're at about 90%. But it's always that first 24 hours while I'm waiting to take the Sub that gets me the most. It's just so weird to me how hard it is. When you think about it logically, you know the withdrawals aren't actually even THAT bad... they're even good in a way, because they mean all that shit is coming out of your system. You KNOW the mental shit is just that... mental, not a reflection of reality. You know the cravings and mood swings are just your addicted mind playing tricks on you because you've thrown it into desperation mode, and it's in a frenzy trying to get you to give it what it really needs... but also that it will calm down in time. You know that as long as you're patient, it will get better and better. And you are very goddamn well aware that being in active addiction is bad, all bad, nothing good can come from it and while you've learned some valuable life lessons, nothing good really ever has... but that living clean has more rewards to offer than you can even possibly imagine. Realistically, you know that it's just a substance... what are you giving up, really, a few moments of feeling good? It's not like there's not other things in life that feel just as good, so what the fuck is so special about this one? I mean. IT JUST REALLY SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD.

But it is. I tell myself literally every single day, "This is the last one!! After this, I'm getting clean!! YAY I AM SO HAPPY!!" And every single day, I let myself down. My God. Addiction truly is the definition of insanity.

Anyways, hey, C.H... I hope you're doing okay. I hate seeing you feeling so miserable. Please just try to remember how you felt before you relapsed. Remember how happy and proud of yourself you were? I PROMISE you will get back to that. You've made it so far, if you give up now then what were you even fighting for?! You have to dig deep and find the strength and the courage I KNOW you have in you to keep on fighting. There is always, always hope for things to get better. Please don't hesitate to PM me or text me anytime (I'd say you can call anytime too but my phone is still all fucked up haha). I would be so devastated if anything happened to you :( I know I'm not the only one, either. Love you, A... just hang in there <3 <3

BlueSaffron - well I only have one and a half Subs to work with, so right now my only plan is to wait the full 24 hours, longer if possible, and then start with 2mg. Usually, that will hold me. But if it doesn't, I'll wait another two hours and take another 1mg, and so on, until the withdrawals are bearable. The problem is that I don't know how much Suboxone I'll have left after that, so I don't want to plan the entire taper until I know for sure what I have to work with. If I had a bigger supply of Suboxone, I would have an entire plan laid out already lol... but I have such a small amount to work with that my taper is going to have to be based entirely on how much I end up needing the first day. Chances are it will be an incredibly fast taper, like 3 or 4 days. But that's alright, I really just need to get myself through the first 4 days as comfortably as possible. After that, it's definitely incredibly uncomfortable at times, but not too incredibly *painful*, and going throughout my normal day is still manageable. Another reason I don't really have a taper set in stone yet is because the timing for the first dose keeps changing... since I keep making the stupid decision to use lol. BUT if today is the day, and my last dose was at 9 am this morning, which I'm actually feeling pretty damn confident about today... then ideally, my plan will look like this:
Day one - 2mg at 9am tomorrow, 1mg at 3pm, 1mg at 9pm (or 1mg every two hours after the first dose, if I'm still too sick... won't go beyond 5mg tho)
Day two - 2mg when I wake up, 1 mg before bed
Day three - 1mg when I wake up, 1 mg before bed
Day four - 1mg in the afternoon
Day five - none because I'll be out lol

I might modify it to start at 3mg the first day, if it turns out that my first dose can hold me until the evening dose... I'd like to skip the afternoon dose the first day, but we shall see!! I'll have a more concrete taper plan after the first day, I'll let you know once I have it all figured out :)

It seems that's all life has been lately... trying to figure shit out, haha
 
Thank you Xburtonchic <3

I have 50 days today

The first 45 days I had insanely bad withdrawal symptoms; then past the acute withdrawal I contined having nightmares, panic attacks, so many suicidal thoughts if I had tallied them up it would be in the hundreds or thousands, I had the runs, really really bad insomnia

I still have suicidal thoughts, panic, nightmares, insomnia

But I can tell it's slowly getting better

I still have involuntary twitches - and apparently it's not the withdrawal/PAWS, so I need to see a doctor :|

If I haven't turned my life around I a few months I will likely give up entirely. I refuse to go back on suboxone.

Just A Guy said:
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Praying for you, bro.
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Thanks JaG <3
 
Anytime, love <3

Well my dumbass has still been using. I believe there are two main contributing factors to why I can't ever seem to get myself to the 24 hour mark. The first has to do with the guys I'm dating. I'm currently seeing three people (and yea I know how that sounds, but I like to keep my options open what can I say lol, but no I am not being a lil slut and sleeping with any of them... I won't until I know who I actually want to make things official with). Anyway, one of them is clean and doesn't use, so no problem there... the other one does use and we have used together, but he genuinely wants to be clean just as much as I do and went to a detox facility last week. It's the third guy that's the main problem... he started dealing somewhat recently, so he ALWAYS has it around. This past week he's been saying he wants to get clean with me, and each day we make plans for the next day to get clean together... but then the next day rolls around and I'll text him and inevitably we ask how each other is feeling, and that turns into him saying, "well I wasn't able to get rid of all my product, if u wanna do it one more night I'll get you high and we will start for sure tomorrow." And ya know, it's nearly impossible to turn down the opportunity to hang out with a guy you're into AND be given free drugs when you're kicking hard... so of course I keep giving in. And each time I do, I tell him, "okay well we have to FOR SURE tomorrow... absolutely no excuses!!!" and he promises and all is well and then he keeps pushing it back anyway. At this point, I am starting to question his sincerity... I don't think he truly wants to get clean, and I think he's also afraid that I won't want to come around anymore unless he offers me heroin (which isn't true but I suspect that's what he's thinking), and so he uses it as a way to ensure i stick around. I really dont know anymore if he is sincere though... and if that's the case, I guess I know what I need to do. The second major problem for me, I think, is that I've simply been half-assing it. I WANT to get clean, very badly, but I haven't really been doing anything to support that... haven't made the jump to Subs yet, haven't cut contact with users, etc. So to fix that, I am currently laying out an incredibly detailed recovery plan... and when I say detailed, I'm not even kidding lol that shit is literally six pages long so far!!

So tomorrow I try again. I think another reason I failed today is cuz my last dose was at 11pm, which means I would have gone all day feeling horrible. I guess it's no surprise I ended up caving around the 18 hour mark. Right now, it's 1:15am and I have one dose left... I want it, but I'm holding off as long as possible so that I'll be asleep towards the end of the 24 hour window. That way I'll be able to wake up and take it right away or at least soon after, and I won't have to deal with the worst of the symptoms.

I just really really hope this time is it. I mean it has to be right?? I can and will do this. I don't care how long it takes or how many times I fail, there is no way in hell I'm going out this way...
 
Wow, two years! That is brilliant.

And to others, congratulations! You guys are doing great and we are proud of you.

As for me, I am off from cigs since last two weeks now. Woohoo!
 
xburtonchic if you want to get clean I would suggest not dating an active addict or a dope dealer who also uses.

For me, I wanted to get clean for a decade. But it wasn't until I made radical changes that I actually was able to. I planned and planned and planned to get off but it wasn't enough.

Have you thought about intensive outpatient or inpatient?
 
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