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Mental Health Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v.2

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@Rosi71 The best way to regenerate your neurons and nervous system are high quality fruits. Lots of it every day.
 
@Rosi71 You can get new dopamine receptors, but unfortunately recovering from invega sustenna is not as simple as that since the drug causes so many changes.

@Yeshuah I felt some of that same grief. I know that I won't ever be the same, but I hope that at least I can be a complete human being again. You're 5 months out, and a lot of people see improvements at 6 months. But I guess that maybe you want to brace yourself for possible disappointment?
 
Rosi your half brain dead bc of a stroke + 2 very cumulative doses of invega. I took one. At 156mg. When will I feel dopamine again?
 
@Emmersony I'm sure that we change in some kind of way. But I want to be myself with just a horrifying experience on top of it and get over it some day and be fully vibrant and flowing through life again with my body mind and soul. I can't accept that I'm not going to be myself and never will. Many people have said that they recovered fully, so there is hope. I ordered some THC today, I hope this will help me. I have tried it a few months ago, it didn't feel good. Let's see what it does. All I know is that I will work hard to get my real self again. No matter what it takes. I'm drinking so many smoothies a day and take all kinds of nutrients. I'm trying really hard and stay with god and I hope that I get rewarded for it some day.
 
How long for dopamine to restore itself after 1 shot. Rosi you should go elsewhere or find an ad or a benzo maybe you'll recognize yourself
 
Day 163

The improvements I saw just a few days ago were actually a window. Some of my symptoms are back. I still don't have the motivation to do anything and I wish this comes back as well. I need to be able to run and work out.

Peace
 
Hi everyone, I'm still here. I got the job, I'm really worried about my capabilities but I won't know til I try. I'm nervous about it all since invega messed me up but I have to push myself and hope for the best. I have to stand for 8 hours I don't know how I'm going to do it.

@Yeshuah @Emersonny Yeah I have the same funny feeling that this is as good as it gets as far as recovery but everyone says you bounce back to yourself, so we got to believe our best that we will come back to normal after this shit is out of our system, hang in there. I take THC pills and I found them to be very helpful.

@Zack365 Yeah I think I'll stay for awhile and post updates, see how things go, thanks.
 
@Yeshuah I feel you. I love my old self. I almost feel like my life was too good to be true before invega sustenna. I was so full of ideas and could respond interestingly to pretty much any philosophical question asked. I felt like I was better at philosophy than even my professors. I felt like I could learn just about any skill except for frequent showering or speaking fluently. So I really don't want to accept this rate of learning and coming up with ideas. Nothing feels like it makes sense right now. To my doctor, I've just had a few minor changes in behavior, but for me it's like my entire world has been burned to the ground. There's no refuge for me except for to some extent in sitting at the caf? and typing up a post on here. My doctor thought that I "seemed sharp" yesterday, but he just doesn't understand how far I've fallen as a philosophy major if I can barely hold my own in an argument with an idiot doctor. I feel so helpless. If something's not hardwired in my brain, then I basically can't do it. I used to take so much pleasure in continuously learning and creating. Creativity is freedom. I can't accept that I will never be free again.

Thought of the day: I kind of think that the ethics of giving people invega sustenna is similar to the ethics of killing someone. Both end or greatly diminish the desires, sensations, thoughts, drives, memories, abilities, dreams and emotions that make someone the sentient, soulful being that they are. We don't say that killing people is fine because they no longer are aggressive or exhibiting unpleasant symptoms. Doctors are able to compartmentalize things and think that it's a "tradeoff" that's worth it, but they don't understand that they are taking away the meaning of someone's life, the most important thing they have besides maybe interpersonal relationships, and the medication doesn't help with that either. It's like killing someone but keeping a fake copy of them to appease people's sensibilities. People fear psychosis patients and nonconformity so much that they cannot comprehend the other's experience. They think that the individuality of psychosis is grotesque and they are so motivated by fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of difference, fear of the handful of cases where psychosis results in aggression. Every decision is tainted with and saturated in fear. People's attitude towards antipsychotics seems highly political because it seems tied to fear of criminals, fear of nonconformity, and fear of those who believe differently.

I don't want to kill myself because I want to hang on to any chance of experiencing meaningfulness in my life again. Death just doesn't seem like a part of my story right now, except for the partial death I've experienced thanks to invega sustenna. I also appreciate how beautiful being alive can be and hope to experience that again. Barring permanent side effects, the majority of our lives after this have got to be with a full and beautiful range of experiences.

I'm thinking of going to live in a monastery for a while around my 4th month instead of going to school. Not much talking and the meditation should be good for me. I read that meditation increases dopamine in the brains of experienced meditators, so I'd like to become an experienced meditator. I'd also like to have more structure in my life without going to school. I don't think it would be good to gamble on school and my abilities next semester. I'm getting tired of going to all the same places and interacting with the same people I did pre-invega and pretending to live my life. It's frustrating to see everyone continuing their lives like normal while I'm just an empty shell. At least at the monastery I wouldn't feel like dead weight on my old life. There wouldn't be that contrast between my current zombie self and the ghost of my old self floating around this town. I also have wanted to live in a monastery for a while but didn't know when I could find the time. Might be good filler for this awful prison sentence.

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. Sucks to feel like my life is passing me by and that I probably won't be both young and carefree again. People have stopped IDing me for cigarettes since invega, which just adds insult to injury.
 
@Offvega Congratulations on getting the job! Thanks for the encouragement as well. I'd love to have myself back one day. How have the THC pills helped you and how is it different from smoking weed?
 
@Emersonny I truly believe that we will have those things you mentioned back again if we continue to live a drug-free life and do everything we can to rebuild ourselves. In some cases it will take some lifestyle changes. The diet is VERY important. Even while going through this. Even if we don't feel results after eating healthy and taking nutrients, we have to keep doing it as the body needs it to heal itself. We have to help the organs to flush this out of the system and keep them working as good as they can now. Just because we don't see results immediately doesn't mean that the body is not healing. Healing is happening everyday. The reason we don't feel it is that the nervous system is still being attacked daily by the poison and this slows down the whole process. Even the organs don't work with their full potential as the communication with the brain is reduced. If our organs would work to their full potential, I'm sure this shit would have been over much faster. Death doesn't seem like a part of my story either, something inside me tells me that I will be surprised and that I just have to hang on. And that it will be a horrible experience every day until I get there and that I will feel like it's getting worse the longer I wait, but that it's gonna be worth it. And I feel the same for. I still believe that I have a mission on this earth. And so do you. It's not our destiny to be destroyed forever by this drug, it will lead our lives to a different direction with a different meaning, perspective and purpose. You will get there, I truly believe in you, you are a very intelligent person and that is going to be what will save you in the end. There are a lot of people that say that they have learned a lot from the experience and that they feel better than they did before. There are people who went back to university and people who are working on a Ph.D.. Keep believing in yourself. You're not lost, you still know exactly who you are, it's just hidden for the moment.
 
@Emersonny, and @The Room
thanks I have to stand for 8 hours a day and I'm really worried about that I start tomorrow and I'm so scared right now because I have never worked since invega and it diminished my capabilities so much and I'm only 3 months off but I'm afraid of what I can or cannot do I think I'm going to suck. It's for a hotel front desk I worked them all my life and I enjoyed them but the thought of being at front desk now is horrifying because of what invega has left me to work with. It's so hard for me to talk and think of conversation, I feel scared out of my mind because of the changes. Not to mention I'm heavy as hell now, I used to be skinny and super fit but that has drastically changed thanks to invega, let alone the other debilitating issues it's left us with.

I think Invega is like a death sentence too, or definitely a prison sentence. It's an evil science. Sure, when I took it, it saved me from going crazy with my psychosis, but I don't think I needed to be on it for 8 months, but I didn't know any better and just kept getting the shots because I thought that was what I needed. Now I can see it was hurting me, and I am very sad about what it's done to me. I don't know if I can accept reality sometimes but I get so depressed knowing I have to, and now I have to work. It's scaring me, but what am I supposed to do? Stay home and be on these forums all day? I need to get better and really focus on trying to become normal again. I don't know what else there is to do. I got the hardest week of my life coming up with my gf leaving for a cruise with her family and starting work, I'm going to be all alone for a week, my family will visit though thankfully.
 
@Yeshuah Thank you for the response and the encouragement. It does feel like the depression is outpacing the recovery. I believe in you too, and I think you are very intelligent as well.

Found something cool: a blog from a psychiatrist who went through something similar. "It gets better"

https://beyondmeds.com/?s="it+gets+better"
 
@Emersonny THC pills are great for calming down, I am lucky to get them, I won't say how but they are from the state so I know they are safe. I smoked junk which landed me in the psych ward... scariest days of my life because of how real I felt about everything. Still can't remember everything that happened because I was going insane. Sorry I got off tangent, the pills do help me with thinking, processing, focusing, and relaxing when I get worked up about invega or something. It helps me forget that I am on it, lets me be free for awhile. They take a hour or so to kick in but once they do it last a good three hours for me, and it's not an intense high, it's soothing and doesn't make you feel paranoid.
 
My mood seems to flicker around sunny days. Otherwise on cloudy days I’m am down depressed. Are your experiences up/down tracks tied to the sunshine?
 
I would like to know why they are giving us a drug/ poison we have to recover from isnt it a doctor's first hippocratic law do no harm what a load of rubbish anyway getting better at 24 months invega free what an evil nightmare its been it does get better not 100% yet though but we do heal from this peice of shit drug
 
My pdoc rediagnosed me as just mild bipolar, not schiz anymore, gonna pursue a business degree now, then a career, then a spouse, then a house, then maybe kids
 
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