Tristan1988
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2015
- Messages
- 21
Yeah I can totally second that with the booze..its always been my crutch/downfall/initiator/etc. etc.. My first stint on H back when I first started actually took away my urge to want to drink, made me more productive, etc to the point where alcohol was the furthest thing from my psyche of wanting to do to alter reality..Then after my first several attempts to get clean (mind you this was approx. 7 years ago) I would make it a week, two weeks etc of WD and getting off the opies, then I would feel well enough to figure "ah hell whats the harm in having a few drinks to celebrate and let loose" and almost every one of those times I would do that if I got the seed planted in my weakened judgement state of mind about wanting to score, I would get drunk-pass out-then the next morning although my 'judgment' would be back, so to say, that seed I planted in my head about scoring was still there the next day and that would ultimately be my failure..And trust me this was a cyclical thing that I began to notice a trend that was MUCH more than coincidental-it was factual! Eventually back then I was able to stop drinking for a while and got stabilized first on MMT, then to sub-which in its own way was a godsend because the sub was SUCH a most positive reinforce to not imbibe in alcohol b/c for 1) I got NO euphoria, relief, good feelings, or even drunk while on suboxone-if anything it was a toxic drunk that made me just want to jump off of a building because I felt so fricking terrible; and 2) On suboxone it would allow me to feel the deepest, darkest, sickest, vomiting all day, anxiety, panic, toxic HANGOVERS of any drug combination I had ever felt..And this was one thing that maybe helped me from becoming a full blown alcoholic while I was in college at the time bc at all the parties I pretty much COULD NOT get on that other level with everyone else bc of the sub, and even when I could get there for maybe 30 minutes tops became the horrible downward spiral I had just mentioned.
After being on sub and stabilizing for over a year I had to quit sub, which might I add was A BITCH FROM HELL; One that I will never forget, next to methadone that is. The past several years I have been clean from dope aside from pharmaceutical relapses of types now and again but nothing like the previous depths I was at, doing a jab or more, up to two jabs some days, EVERY day.. It was to the point where I never really got to "feel high", I was literally just chasing that rush over, and over, and over to where it was like the science experiment with the hamster in the cage with the cocaine laced water. It was pretty pitiful. Needless to say, this past 2 months I picked up using again, as my alcohol intake has progressively kept creeping higher and higher and that price of illicit pharmaceutical opiods with a tolerance leaves one broker than a joke nearly immediately to where either one must 1)Stop or 2)Get a better deal, and a stronger opioid (such as H), or find an amazing job that allows you to just throw money away in the wind like in the case of buying norcos or oxys and dealing with the bs people and the fucked up prices they charge.. But anyways yea WOA you keep it going girl! Glad to be able to tell in the tone of your posts that you seem happier! Itchy, how are things with you?
After being on sub and stabilizing for over a year I had to quit sub, which might I add was A BITCH FROM HELL; One that I will never forget, next to methadone that is. The past several years I have been clean from dope aside from pharmaceutical relapses of types now and again but nothing like the previous depths I was at, doing a jab or more, up to two jabs some days, EVERY day.. It was to the point where I never really got to "feel high", I was literally just chasing that rush over, and over, and over to where it was like the science experiment with the hamster in the cage with the cocaine laced water. It was pretty pitiful. Needless to say, this past 2 months I picked up using again, as my alcohol intake has progressively kept creeping higher and higher and that price of illicit pharmaceutical opiods with a tolerance leaves one broker than a joke nearly immediately to where either one must 1)Stop or 2)Get a better deal, and a stronger opioid (such as H), or find an amazing job that allows you to just throw money away in the wind like in the case of buying norcos or oxys and dealing with the bs people and the fucked up prices they charge.. But anyways yea WOA you keep it going girl! Glad to be able to tell in the tone of your posts that you seem happier! Itchy, how are things with you?
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