Oops failed to mention that my brother is also a dope fiend...poor parents are batting 2-2 with junkies.
he pawned my dads wedding ring, pressure washer, lots of my dads tools...etc..
i also forgot to include in the previous post that I also opened up credit cards in my rents names and cash advanced the shit out of those, broke into my moms file cabinet where she works and stole the petty cash...Jesus fuck... Thank god I haven been a shit since Jan 2012 when I got into the 'done clinic.
okay I'm going to stop dredging up the past...I thoroughly feel like shit now...fuck..thanks brain.. Fucking asshole brain drives me to do shitty things to get $ whilst dopesick, then once I get well again, I feel like dirt from all the shitty ass things I did to get the cash...so I want to drown my guilt, shame, whatever emotion I don't want to deal with...which causes me to use more...I'm sure you guys/gals know the drill.
You're definitely (you and your brother) self-medicating, killing mental pain. I assume you do not have physical problems. You could make it less of a trouble by talking to a doctor. Almost everybody has some kind of thing that hurts recurrently. Now I'm not telling you to score opioids from your doctor, but IF you can think of something real that involves physical pain, you could save yourself the horrors of heroin, not that diamorphine (heroin) is itself bad, the way it is distributed, and in these days, increasingly cut with fentanyl or fentanyl analogues...Just saying that you could get out of that horrible lifestyle of waking up and finding ways to score (I did the same, but it was a pharm, Dilaudid, the rush from it is apparently stronger than heroin, some say even oxymorphone (when one lucky person gets their hand on Opana 10mg IR's). I would have never went there because of politics, literally, when Oxycontin was removed for a while and I could not find IR forms of oxycodone, all there was was Dilaudid and HydromorphContins, some Kadians, but at the time, I did not have filters that are good enough for shooting up those 130mg Kadians...the beads contain talc,unlike HM Contin beads).
I'm saying this as someone who is on bupe, and going to ORT turned out to be a bad idea, I was able to get hydrocodone from my doctor if it was at decent intervals of time I would go and get a 60 count of 5mg Hycodan pills (no tylenol in em over here up north). I've been on Suboxone for close to three years, in a month it'll be 3 years. And I can feel how it has messed up my mu opiate receptors by sticking to them so hard all the time. In reality, if it wasn't for the fact that it would eat a whole in my wallet and I have small rolling veins to start with and was almost always only able to shoot up on the top of my hands, giving me a bad track mark that now looks like a difficult to see but still the scar on my right hand, marked for life. I'm slowly reducing my Suboxone dose because I will be given generic Oxycodone-CR when I get off it, which is difficult. Took me 3 months to be able to go from 12 to 10mg (I was at 12mg for almost the whole time, took 7 months to get my 6 takehome doses, 90 days without takehomes, an angel drove me over there because here its pharmacies that give methadone, in the same bottle hydrocodone and codeine syrup comes in, those brown bottles. Now Suboxone is available in all pharmacies, but I had to move because of the bullshit. 3 days before I gave up and went to my ORT appointment and 6 day inpatient induction, I had just gotten a 30 count Hydrocodone 5mg bottle which was able, when I took doses of 25-30mg, to make me forget about the needle. A month with this and I would have been able to get out of it.
Now 4 years later, I gained 100 pounds because of the methadone, which also caused me other health issues, and I got a bunch of cavities because of the suboxone pill and the lemon and lime extracts in the pill you gotta sub for 20 minutes. My dentist couldn't believe it, he didn't know what Suboxone was and he said you had perfect teeth (only had 2 minor cavities in the past). now almost all my bottom teeth needed fillings).
At least I'm known and have proof of my need for painkillers, I was shooting Dillies because a doctor retired on me so I looked and looked for some time for a pharm connection and yeah, it became a lot like chasing H, which I never even saw irl, its not around here, and even if it was, its ridiculously overpriced compared to pharms which are everywhere, and with the aging population, will continue to be everywhere (this part is only really in my area of Canada).
Just trying to be helpful, and a warning about ORT clinics in North America, their very short list of tools that they use involve some of the opioids out there that are much worse to take long term than other more common milder opiates/opioids.
