boyfriend has never eaten a girl out

[Sweetbeefaerie]

My boyfriend and I are very serious-we have been since the first day we met. A couple weeks into our relationship he built up the courage to tell me that he's never eaten a girl out, and that he really doesn't ever want to. This was secretly very devastating to me honestly, but I truly love this man and I am willing to live without this for his sake... It just really sucks. I help him out all the time, and that was something I used to refuse to do but I want him to feel good so I do it, and him feeling good makes it really enjoyable for me.

I've asked him before to kiss my legs or my stomach because these are things I really enjoy, but he wouldn't because he was convinced it would lead into him having to eat me out and he really didn't want to. I've told him that I would never make him do it if he didn't want to do it but he still refused to kiss my legs and stomach.

I feel like it's wrong that This upsets me... But i mean, it kind of makes me self conscious... I take good care of myself..I'm clean and everything.. Will he ever come around? I never pressure him-I never even mention it. But it truly bothers me. And Im very serious about this guy, so that makes it suck even worse that our sex life is a little one sided. It's not like I don't enjoy it-I very much enjoy it. I just wish it could expand a bit...


Do any guys have advice? Or girls, whatever.. Will he ever come around? I'm not comfortable with him doing it if he doesn't want to..and I don't know how I could get him to want to

 

[Corazon]

..he built up the courage to tell me that he's never ...

The way you phrased this gives it some hope. If he indeed had to build up the courage to tell you this, then his problem starts from fear, ignorance, lack of insight.

The solution would be showing him how to do it. Teach him about your clit, and what you like done. It's fairly likely that he is clueless and wouldn't be very pleasing, even if he tried on his own without you teaching him.

If he's unwilling to learn/change, then it's up to you to decide what to do.

Unfortunately if he proves to be stubborn and ignorant about something so basic and pleasing as giving you good oral sex, he likely has a lot of shortcomings throughout his personality.

 

[421]

Have you asked him why he's so averse to it? Kinda weird if he's never even tried. If he doesn't know maybe it's something he could think about. Often these kind of things are results of traumatic experiences, from childhood especially. The trouble with those is because of the pain it might be hidden deep down in his subconsciousness as some kind of way to deal with the pain and he might be completely oblivious to it.

I can understand the self conscious thing. But surely it isn't about you. And maybe you can even relate if "helping him out" is something you used to refuse to do, it probably wasn't because of filthy dicks. Anyway "forcing" him to do it is not a good solution. Him looking all grossed out down there (for psychological reasons) isn't going to make you less self conscious. Not that you were planning on doing that either.

If you're experiencing feelings of unfairness it's not like you have to do it to him... And if you want to do it then great but why would you want a "reward" for something you wanted to do anyway.

Do you think there are other reasons why something this small is a big issue for you? I mean it's not like oral sex is some kind of necessity, just pleasure.

 

[harmacologist]

tie him up, so he has no choice, but to accept that your gonna sit on his face.

or just accept that he doesn't want to for whatever reasons he has.

 

[Sweetbeefaerie]

Have you asked him why he's so averse to it? Kinda weird if he's never even tried. If he doesn't know maybe it's something he could think about. Often these kind of things are results of traumatic experiences, from childhood especially. The trouble with those is because of the pain it might be hidden deep down in his subconsciousness as some kind of way to deal with the pain and he might be completely oblivious to it.

I can understand the self conscious thing. But surely it isn't about you. And maybe you can even relate if "helping him out" is something you used to refuse to do, it probably wasn't because of filthy dicks. Anyway "forcing" him to do it is not a good solution. Him looking all grossed out down there (for psychological reasons) isn't going to make you less self conscious. Not that you were planning on doing that either.

If you're experiencing feelings of unfairness it's not like you have to do it to him... And if you want to do it then great but why would you want a "reward" for something you wanted to do anyway.

Do you think there are other reasons why something this small is a big issue for you? I mean it's not like oral sex is some kind of necessity, just pleasure.

It's not that I want a reward, and I definitely don't hold against him the fact that I do this for him. I understand that was my choice, and I'm glad to do it for him. It's not always a big issue-usually I just don't think about it, but sometimes when we're being intimate I feel that I'm giving him a lot more pleasure than he's attempting to give me. I don't want him to feel bad or guilt or anything-he probably doesn't even realize this is happening, and even if he does it's probably true that it stems from fear of unknown territory. When I was younger and first experimenting with my sexuality I was terrified to try to perform oral sex because I didn't know what I was doing and I really didn't want to do it wrong. I'm wondering if that's his reasoning too, or if he just assumes I'm gross down there?... I guess I just sort of feel a little left out of the pleasure giving experience. I want to discuss this with him, but I don't want him to feel bad or embarrassed, and I don't want him to think that now that we've talked about it he has to do it. If he truly never feels comfortable with the idea, then that's okay. It sucks I may never experience it again, but I'm a big girl and I can handle it. It's just that if there's a way I could bring him past his fears or doubts or whatever they are, it'd be really nice.

 

[421]

I don't want him to feel bad or guilt or anything-he probably doesn't even realize this is happening

If he doesn't realize the problem he won't be able to do anything about it...

and even if he does it's probably true that it stems from fear of unknown territory. When I was younger and first experimenting with my sexuality I was terrified to try to perform oral sex because I didn't know what I was doing and I really didn't want to do it wrong. I'm wondering if that's his reasoning too,

It's surely a part of it but how strongly he feels about it suggests something else might be involved. I mean not kissing your stomach despite you asking... that's just over the top.

or if he just assumes I'm gross down there?

If he does don't take it personally. After all apparently he has assumed that about every woman he's been with...

I want to discuss this with him, but I don't want him to feel bad or embarrassed, and I don't want him to think that now that we've talked about it he has to do it. If he truly never feels comfortable with the idea, then that's okay. It sucks I may never experience it again, but I'm a big girl and I can handle it. It's just that if there's a way I could bring him past his fears or doubts or whatever they are, it'd be really nice.

Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you feel bad. But it's the only way forward. I understand that you don't want to hurt him, but sometimes tough love is needed and better for him in the long run. Also is it because you don't want him to hurt or because you don't want to feel the guilt of doing that? If you're protecting yourself from bad feelings well you can't blame anyone but yourself for not getting any progress with the issue.

Baby steps though, maybe you'll get him to kiss your stomach first or something.

 

[harmacologist]

lol I wrote you a script.

I want you to go down on me.

I understand you don't want to. It isn't a reflection on your dick, or your love making abilities, which are all great.

However I still want that, because it A) feels good B) lets me feel like you like/love/respect me C) other reasons.

What is it that stops you from wanting to make me happy by engaging in oral sex with me? Is it something I can change (ie, trim my mega-bush)?

 

[Teabag Johnny]

He's really missing out on something erotic. Maybe you should give me the favor, then maybe he'd feel inclined to do the same.

You guys should experiment with drugs, alcohol, porn, and open up to ideas of your sexual fantasies.

Maybe you could tease him by going down with small kisses & licks, then refrain some.

Train the man Is he really into you? If he was, you could get him to do anything :D That's a woman's power over a man.

Us guys kind of like that to be honest...

 

[malakaix]

I think if you're sexually provocative and seductive enough you could persuade him to go down on you.. maybe the lead in to it is just awkward for him. Maybe in the throws of passion after a couple of drinks you could make very direct actions suggesting you want him to eat you out.

It's a shame, making a girl cum from oral sex is freaking awesome.. especially when she clamps down her thighs around your face and rolls to her side.

 

[Sweetbeefaerie]

haha this thread is actually really helping me here, thanks guys. It's a slightly awkward issue for me to talk about, but I figured this audience would be less judgmental than most. I'm happy about that. 421--I think it's a combination of both: I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or guilty, and I don't want to feel that way either. It's just a weird thing to bring up, even though we're very close and talk about everything else with ease. Just the fact that talking about it freaks both of us out is probably good enough reason to talk about it and get past the awkwardness.

I do wonder if I got erotic enough and "forced" (in an awesome sexual way...) him past the initial stuff leading up to it, if he would just go along with it or if he'd stop dead in his tracks leaving me completely humiliated. I've thought of this actually a few times, and I have not gotten the courage to try it because jesus it would really suck if it didn't work!

I do think I'm going to attempt the conversation. I'll make it clear that the purpose of the conversation is not to convince him into something he doesn't want to do, but that I feel I need to talk about it and at least get it off my chest..maybe find some solutions...hopefully at least convince him I won't shove his face into my nether-regions if he kisses my damn legs! ......or maybe I will and that will get him past that awkward beginning..ughh. Maybe I'll accidentally leave some delightful porn up on my computer involving these things and he'll decide wow, that looks exciting!

 

[anniegram]

I agree with first finding out WHY he is so adverse to doing it. Especially since he's never done it before so it's not like he had bad experiences with it. How old is he and how many sexual relationships has he been in before you?

 

[severely etarded]

You could suggest a 69, no?

 

[LuGoJ]

Just grab his face and push it into your crotch. He will figure it out...

 

[Sweetbeefaerie]

I agree with first finding out WHY he is so adverse to doing it. Especially since he's never done it before so it's not like he had bad experiences with it. How old is he and how many sexual relationships has he been in before you?

He's turning 30 this coming January. He's been with several people, way more than I have. Its always been in a party type atmosphere with maybe one or two semi-serious girlfriends when he was a teenager. He's painfully shy and very self conscious (although there is NO reason for that. That man is sexy.) so that is a huge part of why it's never happened probably. I get it, I mean like I said I always refused oral. It wasn't until I had a serious partner that I started getting acquainted with it because I trusted that if I messed it up, he'd tell me. So now going into this relationship with him Im coming into it with some confidence there already

 

[skitsofrantik75]

Me and my wife had a problem with this, only with us she was oh so willing for me to go down on her but when it came time to return the favor, I got very little to none. Oral sex to me is great, to the point that sometimes I don't even have to have intercourse after a good couple rounds of oral. back to the point, I just had a talk with her one night and we got everything figured out. She was very self conscious about doing it for me cause she didn't think she was any good at it. After I assured her she was indeed great at it, she became more open to doing it. She always said it felt great to her to do it for me, but she was just afraid she wasn't any good. Look if you guys are really serious about each other you have to be open about your sex lives as much as you are in other areas. Trust me once he figures out what makes you feel good you probably wont be able to keep him out of it. Sometimes I think I could just take a plastic bag down there with me and huff it like paint. By now you know how to communicate with him without being forceful, and by all means don't try to force him to do it. That wont make it any better at all, and if all else fails quit doing it for him. Sex afterall is a two way street.

 

[Ds]

What is it with women and getting eaten out? Thats because its like a punishment to us guys sept some of the other guys fancy the whip more then others.

 

[TacototheCloud]

What is it with women and getting eaten out? Thats because its like a punishment to us guys sept some of the other guys fancy the whip more then others.

Are you saying that eating a girl out is like punishment for guys? If so, I think a lot of men and women would disagree with you. If not, what did you mean?

 

[anniegram]

What is it with women and getting eaten out? Thats because its like a punishment to us guys sept some of the other guys fancy the whip more then others.

What is it with guys and wanting their dicks sucked? You don't make any sense. Sleep it off and try again later.

 

[nuttynutskin]

 

[dopemaster]

@ anniegram

I'm with D's on this.

Bjs are just a prerequisite to sex.

Not all snatches are creates tasty and well I ain't gonna say that's why I ain't eating it. I'm polite.

I don't have to eat the pussy to get a woman off. I suppose if I had to I would, but thank my lucky stars....

Oh yeah, just don't bite it.