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  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Bf makes me pay him for weed

Oh, and I jus realized you contradicted yourself here:

He buys enough (readily available) for a few weeks, provides for a few family members.

The other day his brother was here when I needed some. I bought it; I always do
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So, you have been buying it as of late? And he used to buy it?

Now, I'm genuinely confused.
 
I'm just going to explain how my relationship works in regards to finance. Although we have no kids.
My partner makes more than I do. Not a substantial amount, but still higher.

Groceries - we both buy groceries. I buy them more than he does. I do not ask him to pay me back. (We cook and eat together)
Utilities - he pays for them.
Mortgage - we both pay however he pays a bit more than I do
Internet - I pay for that
Cat Food/Supplies - generally me but if is in the area and it's needed then he pays for it
General Household Supplies - almost always me (he occasionally)
When we go out to eat - he pays (although I hate this, I usually pass him a twenty because I feel bad that he's paying but he thinks it looks bad if I pay - lol)
Substances - whoever gets them pays for them and we share
Household repairs - whoever is here at the time pays for them.
Ex. when we moved in, my partner had to do something (I forget what??) so I was with the movers. so I paid for moving. But then we go the eaves troughs fixed. My bf dealt with them and paid for them

We have different bank accounts (I have two, he has three) and then one shared account which our mortgage comes out of. Different credit cards. I mean, it all seems to work out. He pays for a bit more. I don't really mind. It's impossible to keep things 50/50 while living together, in my opinion.
 
Comparisons are fine. But, I honestly have no idea why this is a big deal.

This should be something the original poster has a conversation about with her significant other.

Posting poorly worded questions to a bunch of strangers isn't going to change anything anytime soon.

:)
 
^ If we judged all topics as whether or not they should be discussed with strangers, we would have no SLR.

Sure, discussion with her partner is good but sometimes people need to talk it out and hear opinions. Nothing wrong with that. Strangers can sometimes be the best because A) it wont' get back to the SO and B) you don't have to worry about your friends/family judging you.
 
Smokeyblues said:
Kids aren't his, just mine.

I pay him weekly for my half of the monthly bills and we buy our groceries separate. I know that's weird. I buy my own meal if we go out too. I guess I am answering myself here
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^ If it's a norm in your relationship, then it doesn't really help if WE think it's weird.. because I think all that above is kind of weird.
 
It just seemed jumbled is all.

I was pretty specific about that in a previous post.

No offense was intended.

So, what do you think?

Is this really an issue for you?
 
It wasn't a problem until my recent change of income.

I am currently (perhaps permanently) not capable of earning what I did.

I guess the weed is a small part of a big problem. It is just the one that gave me someone else's POV causing me to, I don't know, admit what a jerk he is.

I expected him to step up. Seems he turned his back instead
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
^ If it's a norm in your relationship, then it doesn't really help if WE think it's weird.. because I think all that above is kind of weird.
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So do I. My ex-husband was kinda like the OP's bf and shit we were married. It's probably why I dislike this dude so much. :)

We had separate accounts and then every time we went out it was a discussion about who was paying. Then when I got laid off during the dot com bust, there were like no jobs for someone like me. It was bad. Luckily, I had a severance package that carried me for a year between it and his income. One day, he got pissed at me and accused me of stealing his money because he couldn't spend as much as he used to (I made more than he did and managed the joint account). It was one of the minor reasons it was going downhill. We were married and times for system admins were not good in 2001-2002 and he got pissed that he couldn't buy a TV or something (I forgot what it was) because I was "stealing" his money by paying more of the bills from his income. Needless to say, prolly part of the beginning of the end. lol
 
If you are buying weed for him, and he isn't doing anything else to contribute then I see the rub.

Can you cut something out of YOUR budget? I have a few more difficult vices to overcome than smoking trees.

Buying stuff impulsively is definitely one of them. Buying stuff I don't need has become a habit that is hard to break.

I don't leave a car sitting in the garage for weeks at a time, but I have pants I don't use and more pairs of shoes than I actually wear on a daily basis.
 
Noodle, I buy it from him, not for him.

He buys and then breaks it up for others to buy.

Won't be now, as it's a luxury?

My output is not high. $400 a month to him for my half of rent, electric and cable. Cell and car insurance are my solo bills.

The problem is that my income is too low. $186 a week and I'm doing physical therapy 2x a week. I have a $40 copay for PT.

I will no longer have to pay the copay as of June 15 (state medical coverage)

Someone on here put it beautifully.

If he won't help when I'm relatively (50) young, he won't if I'm incapacitated when I'm older.
 
^ A cheap man like that who only thinks of himself and his own money will never help you out. My mom dated a multi-million air who was super cheap and didn't like to share anything. My mom hit a financial wall and needed to borrow like $20,000. He charged her 1% interest rate and then raised it to 5%. People like that who are selfish with money, no matter how rich they become or how successful they are, they will be the same... and is that really someone that you trust to spend the rest of your life with?

Lysis said:
So do I. My ex-husband was kinda like the OP's bf and shit we were married. It's probably why I dislike this dude so much. :)

We had separate accounts and then every time we went out it was a discussion about who was paying. Then when I got laid off during the dot com bust, there were like no jobs for someone like me. It was bad. Luckily, I had a severance package that carried me for a year between it and his income. One day, he got pissed at me and accused me of stealing his money because he couldn't spend as much as he used to (I made more than he did and managed the joint account). It was one of the minor reasons it was going downhill. We were married and times for system admins were not good in 2001-2002 and he got pissed that he couldn't buy a TV or something (I forgot what it was) because I was "stealing" his money by paying more of the bills from his income. Needless to say, prolly part of the beginning of the end. lol
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Aw, sorry to hear that. Yeah, finances can really break up a relationships especially when there's that financial insecurity. I think I would really need the guy to be making more money that me and paying more, tbh. Of course, I expect to use marital funds to purchase a house, etc, but I would want separate accounts to be able to do what I want with what I make. But idk, me and my boyfriend often fight about money. He wants me to pay 50% of rent. I said no and moved out. Lol. It's HIS rent. Lol, I don't need to live there and like clean, cook, and shit, AND pay rent.
 
^ sorry, but how is it only his rent if both of you live under the same roof? I think splitting it 50-50 is the most rational thing to do in such a situation. Cleaning, cooking and so on is just a part of everyday life and you do it anyway; if he puts it all on you, then it's a problem, but it's not like just having to do things around the house is a problem.

My ex-partner owned her own (albeit small) flat, so there was no "rent", but I still paid half of the household bills despite it being technically her flat, not mine or ours. Well, more than half actually, because I was making more.

I believe being together means sharing, and I really can't stand doing things separately when there's no real reason for it. Might as well be/live alone then.
 
^ I just don't have the same view. I come from a very asian culture, and in that culture, the man is suppose to pay for the household. The women can work, but all her earnings, is her own and should be allowed to save 100% of her money for herself and her future child. It's how I grew up and it's what my parents expect. So yeah, I don't believe in paying 50/50. It's HIS apartment. He asked me to co-sign the lease so he would be able to get it (he didn't make enough on paper). This was the agreement when he got the place. So I slowly moved in, but once he started demanding money, I moved out. I mean, it's as simple as that. Expectations were clearly set down before this all happened.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
^ I just don't have the same view. I come from a very asian culture, and in that culture, the man is suppose to pay for the household. The women can work, but all her earnings, is her own and should be allowed to save 100% of her money for herself and her future child. It's how I grew up and it's what my parents expect. So yeah, I don't believe in paying 50/50. It's HIS apartment. He asked me to co-sign the lease so he would be able to get it (he didn't make enough on paper). This was the agreement when he got the place. So I slowly moved in, but once he started demanding money, I moved out. I mean, it's as simple as that. Expectations were clearly set down before this all happened.
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Fair enough, if that is what you're used to, then it explains your attitude. However, do you not see how it may be irrational and unfair? I mean no offence, but in modern Western culture, it's becoming more and more accepted that men and women are equal in this regard, so I'm afraid this could cause some relationship problems for you in the future unless you find a like-minded partner.

But then again, it's none of my business. Just a friendly suggestion.
 
^ Not really irrational... it's just a cultural difference. :shrug: I mean, if my partner thought it was unfair and irrational, we don't need to be together. I don't see the big deal? It's not like I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. I work two jobs, got to school F/T, take care of my mom... I have my career all planned out...

Thanks for foreseeing future problems for me...I guess? I don't see it that way. So thanks for your concern, but I'm doing alright.
 
Id expect a full Michelin star meal every night and white glove maid service if you were not paying any rent. Like belligerent drunk said, cooking and cleaning is called living life, it isn't anything valuable.

Do similar Asian cultures not believe in child support either?
 
If you both smoke herb, and he's a dealer then yes you should be paying for it, or chipping in some money towards it.
 
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