Research chemical cannabinoids are a bad idea.
Agreed. I've tried them in the past, only one mimicked weed (and not very well, way to potent) and the others triggered seizures and were very speedy, like stimulants. Some of the ones I tried induced psychosis relatively quickly. I tried them when I was going through benzo PAWS. I had so many seizures, and my seizure meds did nothing to prevent them when I smoked.
One time I freaked out and was certain someone was in my house (I lived alone). I was renovating the master bathroom at the time and had a bunch of backer board, tiles, and a five gallon bucket of mortar along with other stuff. I barricaded myself into the bathroom by placing the backer board across the door, then moved the vanity in front of the door, and poledthe mortar and tiles on the vanity. I was too paranoid and irrational to call the cops (don't really trust cops) so I called my 70!year old Dad in a panic. He has a heart condition, and my addiction and subsequent getting sober was already stressing him out. He lived a few blocks away from me and came over. While I was waiting for him I smoked ansecond bowl (I always smoked it in the bathroom because I was too paranoid to do it outside, but didn't allow smoking in the rest of the house. While smoking my bp shot through the roof and I had a partial seizure meaning I didn't totally lose consciousness. My Dad arrived and I couldn't talk to him as I was seizing and aspirating on vomit. He almost had another cardiac event trying to get to me because I had so much stuff in front of the door. He ended up breaking through the door. Needless to say, nobody had broken into my house and my stupidity almost killed my Dad and myself.
All this happened right when the JWH series became illegal so I was smoking some mystery cannaboid that I bought at the gas station. I tried a few other kinds and finally quit because it was nothing like weed.
I think these synth cannaboids come out so quickly that it's almost anyone's guess as to how people will respond. Also, many of them are quite dangerous for consumption. The ones I preferred had a napatholine ring, which is horrifically carcinogenic, plus inwas combusting it. I would not be surprised to come down with cancer from the year I toyed with those. I've never done meth but I have heard several different people say that they feel more like meth than weed.
At any rate, I wanted to share some of my experience with synths while in benzo withdrawal/PAWS. I really don't think this is a good idea - you are dealing with so much as it is, you don't need another layer of complexity. They are also difficult to recover from because they make you stupid quick, and tend to disassociate you from your feelings, but not in a positive way, more like you have a good chance of winding up in prison way :/
Your situation is so dire and the desperatation is apparent, is there any way to get into a facility? As much as it sucks, can you find a safe place and just curl up and go on standby for a few weeks, meaning just do methadone and try to ignore the other unpleasantness? I know it's easier said than done, but it's not impossible. I did that during the worst of my benzo withdrawal. I was so close to killing myself, I had a plan, wrote out a will, and everything. I was going to do it the next day and something clicked in my brain and I told myself, hell, I don't think it can get worse than this, instead of killing myself I will just lay in bed and wait to die. I stayed in that bed for at least two weeks, I only got out of bed for the bathroom, needed water, or when I fell out having a seizure. I didn't shower or anything for that time. At one point I puked on the floor and covered it with a towel and it stayed there for about a month until I could take care of it. It was hell, but I survived. I was on benzos for ten years, and also had recently ended a seventeen year alcohol binge. You shouldn't be anywhere as bad as that, can you ride it out (again, easier said than done I know)?
In the grand scheme of things it's so temporary but so worth itnconsidered the alternative of active addiction. Which would you prefer, extreme illness for a week or so or blowing guys for dope money in definately? This cycle could go on for years, but it is within your power to stop it now. I'm not trying to be harsh or depressing, I know how bad it is. I wish I could give you a big hug in person and let you know everything will be okay. I am so very concerned for you, I wish I could take your pain away. Please don't add anything new to the mix, and please don't go back to full blown active addiction. You got sober once, focus on that time and the steps you took to get there.