True. I live in my own universe, really. I seem to see things in this very broad way and am very loose with semantics as you said because from this "big mind" viewpoint I tend to live in, semantics are very malleable.
If, for the sake of this thread, we wanted to go ahead and define "happy" as the in-the-moment emotion of JOY, then what would be the word you guys would use for what I'm talking about?
What I'm trying to describe is that there is always this feeling within, sometimes it's joyous and sometimes it's bittersweet, but it always feels like love. Like being in love, except not with a person, but with the entire universe, and even with myself, because I know "I" wouldn't be able to see this beautiful universe this particular way if there wasn't this girl, Andi, living this beautiful life. So I love her and I love all things.
I'm not sure what the word for that would be, I define that feeling as happiness, but it's clearly not that right word. It's like I feel my life's purpose, connection to all things all the time, and even when something bad happens or Im in terrible pain, I know in my heart that I'm still a part of something beautiful and that never leaves me.
What is that evidence of?
Of course everything we experience happens in our brain. That's what our bodies do. Doesn't make it any less real or meaningful to me!
Happiness is not an emotion as you said, it is a state of fulfillment, a state of being.
Feeling two oposing feelings though is not something that occurs normally, if they occur both at the same time, but something that need to be healed.
However, I think you are using the wrong expression to describe what you seem to have difficulty with, being feeling contentment within your feeling of sadness, not distressed as such, for you have already accepted death as being a part of life.
I don't know the circumstances of which the person died, but if it was sudden or traumatic or whatever the circumstances, one feels different. It is the norm to feeling angry if the reasons the person died are out of ordinary, and before you had the chance to enjoy their life etc.
Just imagine a mother losing a child, I don't think instant content would be there. The depth of the bond and connection makes a lot of difference, and understandably that denial exists at first.
There is a lot of pain and anguish and one would be repressing or denying it if they do not feel it, and all that is part of grief, the first state, but anger is normal and then comes the grief and slowly acceptance as you shed all the feeling and breaking the emotional bond with time passing.
And... I think that perhaps you are also trying to say,
you are living in the moment, in content and in peace and the state is that similar to bliss and love... thereby in connection with all around you and your world within, but also, not run by your instincts I would imagine! Something similar to a state of pure consciousness?
