being happy and content

[rangrz]

I think the biggest reason WHY people don't choose happiness is because they simply don't realize they can.

I think you answered it.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

It's funny, in doing EFT therapy, one of the biggest "limiting thoughts" which comes up a lot in the process of the therapy is the idea that it's impossible for anything to be that easy.

Most people doing the eft process have to work on limiting thoughts such as:

-This can't possibly work
-It can't be that simple
-It's too easy, nothing too easy can work like this

I found a lot of thoughts like that coming up while I was doing the therapy. It's funny, because I realized I had been through so much that Id developed a mental block that happiness was some sort of far off, impossible thing that one could only work towards, not find. After being through so much shit in my life, the fact that I could simply just CHOOSE happiness and change my entire life seemed ridiculous to me, almost maddening in how simple it was. But it's true.

So I got rid of those limiting thoughts about it being too simple or easy, and it made a big difference. I think once you accept that it IS that simple and easy, you really change your entire mentality and your life changes around you.

 

[LivingInTheMoment]

I think the biggest reason WHY people don't choose happiness is because they simply don't realize they can.

That's it!

...and this!!!!!

(I'm not denying that the world is suffering but I still feel you are missing my point. My point is that pain and suffering doesn't always = unhappiness. Your point is that it DOES, for most of the world, and I agree with this. I feel that this is because most of the people in the world are not awake to their own power, and I will spend my life trying to awaken people to that fact, wherever I can.)

Lack of awareness and willingness to go through pain to relieve the long term pain! ...as well as for some not knowing how! But thereis always those defenses and repression blacks out awareness of what you can and can't do, and what is there! Also they want instantanious relief, it ain't going ot happen!

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

I wish I could help everyone with this. I'm not sure the best way to go about doing it.

When I share my story, I'm met with a lot of "Well not everyone can do that" sorta remarks (Or my favorite, the much more bitter "Not everyone is as PERFECT as you.")

I am not sure how to share what I've learned in a way that doesn't come across as me being high and mighty or a know it all, and have it come across in a way that makes sense to the individual person. I want a way to SHOW people their potential.

 

[jam uh weezy]

I'm still going to point at that for some people, even if they are aware that they have the choice between happiness or sadness, it may not be as easy to actually be happy as it is for other people(excluding blockages of the mind of course). I don't mean for this is to turn into the whole 'free will vs. determinism argument'... I think maintaining a 'real as possible' view of the world is just as important as maintaining a positive view. Looking at things through an emotional screen of happiness does not always provide the clearest and most suitable outside information for personal judgement for those in rougher conditions of living.

 

[rangrz]

I see it as real, I just dont let that make me sad.

Even when its as gritty and bad as war. I see the situation and choose to still be happy.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

I'm still going to point at that for some people, even if they are aware that they have the choice between happiness or sadness, it may not be as easy to actually be happy as it is for other people(excluding blockages of the mind of course). I don't mean for this is to turn into the whole 'free will vs. determinism argument'... I think maintaining a 'real as possible' view of the world is just as important as maintaining a positive view. Looking at things through an emotional screen of happiness does not always provide the clearest and most suitable outside information for personal judgement for those in rougher conditions of living.

You can maintain a real view of the world and still be happy.

Happiness exists outside of the boundaries of "positive" and "negative".
I realize that's just how I see it.. but yeah.

Can you explain the bolded part? Are you saying that one might focus so hard on seeing the positive all the time that they might ignore the negative, including some things which might need to be fixed/helped?

 

[LivingInTheMoment]

I wish I could help everyone with this. I'm not sure the best way to go about doing it.

When I share my story, I'm met with a lot of "Well not everyone can do that" sorta remarks (Or my favorite, the much more bitter "Not everyone is as PERFECT as you.")

I am not sure how to share what I've learned in a way that doesn't come across as me being high and mighty or a know it all, and have it come across in a way that makes sense to the individual person. I want a way to SHOW people their potential.

You can't help anyone unless they want it, are ready, and they ask for it.

Unfortunately if you talk about yourself and your own healing you are met with skepticism and irony.

This is where I am refering to defences. The defensive ego does not want to change, or give up its position and there is the fear of what they are up against, what demons will they find but is all unconscious so skepticism is strong and the hardest to break.

People can be stuck, you see where they are stuck, you know how you can guide them through up to a point and then let them go on that path when they are ready, but until they are ready and miserable enough from where they are stuck or ill, they don't want to do anything about it regardless how much they say they want to become healthier.
Just talking about it is as far as they go, and try to make you as if you are out of this world when you try to show them the way, or even treat you as a megalomaniac. That's just ego talking....and a false one at that.

The only way is, if you are ready to go through a lot of bushing, and persist, if it is someone close to you, or you possess a lot of compassion besides empathy.
The hardest thing is, to bypass their deffences, and to take alot of the punches and not give up on them. The point is that unless their life does no longer work for them that they have nothing left where they are stuck then they might consider it, and you have to be quite strong and capable to see them through it, they have to be able to trust your ability.

I can see that you have advanced in yourself, and quite the contrary as to where they make their sarcastic comments, you do not appear to be what they say of you, but it is their defences and unwielding defensive ego, that they try to break your philosophy with, or otherwise tell you to leave them alone, and they don't want to change.

It depends how much you want to do this!

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

The only way is, if you are ready to go through a lot of bushing, and persist, if it is someone close to you, or you possess a lot of compassion besides empathy.
The hardest thing is, to bypass their deffences, and to take alot of the punches and not give up on them.

Yeah! The one person this happened with was my mom. For years I was like her therapist. I sorta felt like I was HER mom in some ways, it's weird. She seemed like a really young soul or something. I basically became her life coach and in the last 5 years she completely grew and changed as a person. Pretty amazingly so. She used to just be ridiculously negative and had no self esteem or self worth and always kept herself in this depressive box because of her limiting thoughts. Now she is someone I actually LIKE. She opened her mind and went through so many awakenings right in front of my eyes. It was so cool. I feel blessed to be able to have helped her!

 

[LivingInTheMoment]

Yes, and that is even harder when you are so close, because you need to be also objective, yet not lose your emotional connection and compassion. Especially because you can easily merge with such a close relationship, or get into a struggle.
congratulations, I admire your efford and not giving up with her. yes a young soul needs the healing to mature! The limiting thoughts is the biggest problem, and the self worth is where you need to be strong to guide and be the walking stick for a while.
Great work!

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

Thanks, yeah it's pretty cool. I never thought we'd have the relationship we have now.

 

[Jamshyd]

I think the biggest reason WHY people don't choose happiness is because they simply don't realize they can.

I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree .

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

You can maintain a real view of the world and still be happy.

Happiness exists outside of the boundaries of "positive" and "negative".
I realize that's just how I see it.. but yeah.

I can agree with this. Happiness is just having your needs and expectations met. It's being satisfied with what you're getting, life wise.

I think we have control over some of this, but not nearly all of it. There are certain things people simply need, and if denied these things for any length of time, life will not feel good. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is worth a look, because this includes things as basic as food and water and sleep, on up through things like belonging and the acceptance of others.

But we do have control over our own happiness in two ways. First of all, no matter what position we're in, we can choose to be realistic about what exactly it is we need (and lack), and devote whatever we have left (both in terms of inner and outer resources) to singlemindedly aiming for it. Secondly, we can choose to be skeptical about letting anyone tell us we NEED something, and make a choice from our own gut about whether that thing -- or more importantly, the acceptance and approval of those who've told us it's a need -- is really something we're better off having than not. This requires a good deal of self-knowledge and introspection, no doubt. But it is a skill anyone can learn.

But here then is the question: is it someone's fault if no one has ever taught them how to channel their negative energies, see the bright side of things, or look inside themselves, in the face of adversity? What if "my people" (whomever/however I define this), to whom I belong and from whom I draw a sense of grounding and security, are people who've taught me solidly destructive and negativity-creating coping mechanisms? Does that make me a lesser person, who deserves being rejected as 'negative' or 'angry'? I'm not speaking from experience, I'm just conducting a thought experiment.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

But here then is the question: is it someone's fault if no one has ever taught them how to channel their negative energies, see the bright side of things, or look inside themselves, in the face of adversity? What if "my people" (whomever/however I define this), to whom I belong and from whom I draw a sense of grounding and security, are people who've taught me solidly destructive and negativity-creating coping mechanisms? Does that make me a lesser person, who deserves being rejected as 'negative' or 'angry'? I'm not speaking from experience, I'm just conducting a thought experiment.

No, of course it's not their fault and of course they don't deserve it. That's why my mission in life is to wake people up to the fact that they have a choice!!!!

 

[Enlitx]

I haven't read this whole thread, but here is my two cents.

Suppose there are three cavemen. One is so happy he just wants to enjoy what is around him, not needing to improve much. One is so depressed he just doesen't care and won't do much to change his plight. The other finds joy from his accomplishments but learns to become upset when certain things go wrong, thus he tries to improve himself to attain the feeling of being happy. Which do you think would do better in the world?

Evolution has dictated that we aren't too happy all the time so we can be productive. Dopamine in the limbic system is meant to be a reward for a task accomplished, thus furthering a species. Too much elation is counter productive in evolutionary terms. Too little is also counter productive.

Thus, for most people, viewing someone who is happy all the time is just not natural. I am not saying it is worse or better, I am just saying that evolution would provide a negative selection for that type of behavior.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

Suppose there are three cavemen. One is so happy he just wants to enjoy what is around him, not needing to improve much. One is so depressed he just doesen't care and won't do much to change his plight. The other finds joy from his accomplishments but learns to become upset when certain things go wrong, thus he tries to improve himself to attain the feeling of being happy. Which do you think would do better in the world?

Once again, you guys are taking "happy" to mean a constant state of joy. That is NOT how I am meaning the word "happy". I am happy on a soul level, and I get upset all the time. Being upset is NOT the opposite of being happy. It's perfectly normal and healthy to experience the full range of emotions at different times. But I don't consider happiness to be an emotion. Yes it can be, but it's also a state of being.

Just an example, the last time I lost someone close to me, I lay in bed crying my eyes out. It hurt so much. BUT, I was still happy. I was still happy, because having love in my heart is beautiful. Life, love, death, it's all beautiful. So while I was sad, I was still happy because my appreciation for life never stops.

Does this make sense to anyone but me? lol
I feel like no one (or very few) see the world like I do.

 

[Jamshyd]

Evolution has dictated that we aren't too happy all the time so we can be productive.

Source?

Dopamine in the limbic system is meant to be a reward for a task accomplished, thus furthering a species.

Source?

Too much elation is counter productive in evolutionary terms. Too little is also counter productive.

Source? (And another source for "in evolutionary terms", please?)

While in our time it is impossible to separate science from philosophy, it is also very important not to conflate philosophical musings with empirically-based scientific theorems.

 

[Jamshyd]

Just an example, the last time I lost someone close to me, I lay in bed crying my eyes out. It hurt so much. BUT, I was still happy. I was still happy, because having love in my heart is beautiful. Life, love, death, it's all beautiful. So while I was sad, I was still happy because my appreciation for life never stops.

Hmm, now that you put it like that, I think we might have reached an understanding

That which you call happiness, I call "joy" - it is perhaps a fundamental mistake in this whole thread that the definitions were confused.

It may sound like semantics business, but to me, a bilingual person, semantics is actually important when talking of these matters.

So yes, I would definitely agree with you on that one!

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

Yay! Sorry I don't always explain myself perfectly but I try. :D
No I totally understand, semantics is important, but tricky because its different for everyone.
What happiness means to someone means something different to someone else.
I love that about communication though, it can be a challenge, but it's beautiful
to me how we can make so many ideas out of words, even when it's difficult.

 

[malakaix]

I want to jump in and say that happiness is not as simple as choosing happiness. If it was we'd all be stupidly ecstatic. Suffering is necessary to living a mortal life. In fact you must suffer to feel joy.

Indeed.

You have to experience pain, in order to appreciate happiness.