Hey guys!
@Slayer0344 I hear you about being a hamster on a wheel. I think anyone here can relate to that analogy. There is no easy way to get off the wheel. To do it successfully, you need a plan and you need to absolutely stick with the plan that you make.
I've known people who have allegedly solved their Opioid (or other drug) problem themselves by titration. This is highly unusual though. Most people are not able to do the full about-face required on their own. If you want my advice, you should consider going into detox. Detox is not a magic bullet though. Detox is you admitting you can't figure it out and handing over the keys to your life to someone else for 5-7 days. Sometimes this is what we need. It was a vital part of my own journey. It stops you spinning on that wheel long enough to gain perspective on your situation. You are locked in, so you can totally forget about all of those nagging "maybe I should go score" feelings. Those feelings are hard enough even if they don't lead you to a relapse. Knowing it is not a possibility to easily go score is helpful.
Once you get out, you're going to need something to keep you going. This is different for everybody. I do believe that there has to be daily reflection on your feelings. This is easily obtained through programs like the 12-steps. There are also other programs based upon this constant catharsis like SMART Recovery and others. You can pick one that works for you. You do need to pick one though. I've known some people who make Church their AA. In my opinion, it's not a great choice, but whatever works for you.
I'm always disappointed to hear people are not wiling to try Methadone for whatever reason. They are often concerned with the dependency on the clinic. This is a reasonable concern, however, I feel many folks with this opinion are failing to recognize how totally dependent they are already on the much-less stable relationship of dealer/client. People also talk about how insane it is to go to an AA meeting every day, when really, we're awake for 16 hours a day, is one hour of that time too much to completely fix your life? Not really in my opinion.
My advice in the end would be to go to detox. After detox, you should do sober living for 3 months, perhaps longer. There's nothing wrong with living at a sober house for an entire year if you feel safe and comfortable there. Throughout this time, you need to entrench yourself in some kind of recovery program. As I've said already, the 12 steps were my choice. They aren't perfect, but they are everywhere, around the clock. Take what you like from the program and leave the rest, provided you are being fully honest with yourself and others.
The main idea is that you need to load everything possible into your shotgun and shoot it at the problem. Don't "try this" or "try that", draw a line in the sand and dive into your program headfirst. Don't be the guy that is not willing to give up a few months of his life for happiness. This is the guy that ends up spending decades in misery before dying. He just had too much that was important to him, a job, an apartment or what have you. It all is worthless in the grand scheme of your life if it leads you to continue on the path you're on.
To be less-philosophical, Buprenorphine (Suboxone; Subutex) is fast becoming obsolete in the face of our current illicit Opioid supply. I hear more and more people describe their Buprenorphine as something that essentially just fucks with their ability to use. They take it as access is so easy and most docs still believe it's just as viable as it once was. Buprenorphine strikes me as being more of a mindfuck than a viable treatment these days.
For this reason, a lot of folks' only choice is Methadone. It's not perfect. It's not the greatest. It's not exactly what we all want i.e. Heroin, but it's the best we have right now. If you have any questions dude, feel free to write me here or in my mailbox,