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Are your parents racist, and how do you deal with them?

mine arent racist but my grandparents have said some fucked up things.
 
Cyc said:
We joke about race all the time, but the word "racist" implies an actual belief that different races are somehow not equal. There simply isn't the charged atmosphere where I live in Canada that you often hear about in the US.
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Its true. I live in TOronto which I heard and think read somewhere is the most multicultural city in the world. Its probably true. On the subway its pretty much an equal mix of every color.

I rarely have ever seen any racial disputes. Even when people are fighting, they dont often bring up the persons different race, more just what they were fighting over. People here often joke about different races a lot. A lot of it is true though.. but I never really get the feeling that the people joking think they are better or nething like that. WOrds like nigger paki chink cracker etc seem to have less pull here. I remember one time at this bar I was chilling with these black coke dealers at a bar and said something like "Yo what up my nigga?" And I am white... and he was like "SUP nigga" and then we chatted about how even white people can be niggers and all this wackiness.. it really just is a lot more meaningless here than in other parts of the world.
 
^ I tried to explain this to some people (whom I have great respect for) here in BL in the past and I don't think they really understood the cultural difference.

If there is no hate in your heart, then race can actually be funny. Yes, even if you're white.
 
I live in Toronto too and I've had a similar experience as Cyc and Draigan. None of my family is racist and race isn't an issue where I live.
 
I have racist parents. I have learned not to let it bother me, my passive aggresive stance had made an impact, it rarely is an issue.
 
A passive-aggressive stance is effectual? How does that work? I'm skeptical ;)
 
Well I did a 360 from what I did before. So maybe you have to do both or find middle ground. I just basically would embarass them at all cost if they ever said anything racist to people, such as at an Olive Garden..I stood up and said (pointing to my father) This man's a racist! He still talks racist but not around me much at all.
 
He just yelled at me and told me to sit down! Cussed me out, of course we didn't end up eating. I'm not sure I got my point across to the people eating, they probably thought I was off my meds, haha. I think it made a difference to my parents though. They basically just made a comment "can we get someone who speaks better English"? And I saw the look in the immigrants eyes, or most likely immigrant, and I just couldn't stand for this injustice.
 
In fairness though, my Dad tries to not go on about FoxNews shit and Obama bashing either, he respects boundaries now. So really I guess it wasn't the passive agressive that helped kickstart it, but I think being or appearing not to really let it get to me has stopped it too. If I get pissed now I just go read a book or something. Not worth it.
 
Racism wouldnt exist if stereotypes didnt have some truth to them
 
Is this still an issue for you and your parents? I am in my 40s, have 3 children, and have recently separated myself from my parents do to political views (mainly because they racist). I want my children growing up in a home with very open and accepting views. It has only been 2 months since I have spoken to my parents. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I miss my mom. I miss my father too - but mom and I were very close. I think about calling her every day but I keep thinking about my life growing up and remind myself that I don't want my children to hear those conversations or get into a debate with my parents about issues. I saw that someone was recommending this and at this point in my life - it's nice to control who I'm around - I can choose good, loving examples or I could go back to parents that love me and my family (but oppose our views) and otherwise teaching hatred. Hard decision. Please let me know what you've done to help the situation.
 
My mom is super racist. She HATES chinese people because of their fucked up country (yeah it kind of rubs off on me). She had a horrible childhood and memories from when she grew up there (because she was part Japanese). Also, her brother (my uncle) is currently incarnated in China (for "illegally exporting ivory")--he's been there for over a decade with no possibility of being released.

She also hates black people. Like she doesn't want to be near them. And if she sees a black and asian couple, she'll shudder and say, that's disgusting (but in Japanese so they don't hear her). She also used to do that with gays until she met this really wealthy gay couple that was referred to her by her really good friend. Money changed her mind about them (+ they were SUPER nice).
 
My dad is racist and I've found the best thing to do is to just ignore those kinds of comments. It used to really piss me off and we've had a number of huge fights about it but it's the kind of thing most people aren't usually willing to really question about themselves. He's convinced he's right, and this conviction being entirely irrational, nothing anyone can say or do is ever going to change his mind, really. All the fights/arguments served to do was put more unnecessary tension between us because as far as I can tell, he's never going to reconsider his thoughts on the matter, and I don't think most racist people ever do. If you're still checking this thread OP (or for anyone in a similar situation), I really think just ignoring the comments and remembering that this is their stupidity and nothing else, is the best course of action.
 
First and foremost, you MUST accept that you can't change them. Old people with deep-seeded beliefs won't change. Point blank.

Other than that, try to avoid the subject. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT, OR HAPPY?
 
Mom is a bit racist, and dad is pretty racist. I ignore their stupidity, just like I do with anyone else.

They don't say stuff around me too often, since they know I find their beliefs to be utter bull shit.
 
My parents are hardly racist at all. My mother is vehemently against racism, and doesn't realize when she is actually being racist. My father is the same way, and he is slowly learning to be racist in his old age. He has LEARNED this through his experiences with certain people.

I myself am very racist. Everything that I believe, I feel like most people are just blind to, or feel ashamed when they merely consider it a possibility, and so never give it any thought. My racism has been learned from my life experiences with certain groups of people. I've met many people like myself who have learned this feeling/caution throughout their life. IMO, most people just won't admit how racist they really are.

The thing that bugs me the most, is that nobody will look at things objectively. They also use exceptions as examples for the norm.
 
Its is quite possible to make broad, yet useful, generalisations about ethnic groups. Many people consider that a racist statement.

Those people are idiots; because that statement is reality. This same bunch is normally happy to clap along to 'positive' conclusions then angrily deny that any 'negative' conclusion could ever be true.

Failing to honestly assess and recognise the strengths and weakness of an ethnic group by acknowledging only positives; is no less racist than recognising only the negatives.

Actual racism only occurs where the broad principles are assumed to be true for every individual and the discrimination that results.
 
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