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April Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs Not Fooling Around.

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Captain.Heroin said:
i am sick (flu, Cancer?) -not in withdrawal.

But holy fuck. This is awful. :(
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Hope you get well soon CH!!

I'm preparing to hopefully not go through wd's again after this relapse.. Do you guys ever get wds only after doing it for a couple days after relapse?? :/
 
Yes, hope you feel better CH!

March and April have been the most serious months I have had in such a long time.

Being sober is really tough. When I used methadone, I had a normal life. Now everything is difficult and I'm always tired.

I feel that my doctor still thinks the cost benefit is not that good. I believe that he does not really care whether I use or don't use methadone. I guess he pictures me using that forever if I wanted to as long as I continued with my healthier previous life. Like exercising, being productive at my work, having a quality life on my spare time, etc.
 
^
It doesnt matter what your addiction is to its all about getting yourself better be it drugs or alcohol
I hope you feel better soon CH try hitting up the sauna or steamroom
Papa hopefully you wont feel any wd or maybe just alil but do it now cuz if you use another few days then it will be back to square one
As for me i am doing ok cravings are strong as ever but im surviving
To evreyone else you guys are doing great and i look forward to many more posotive updates ;)
 
Relapsed...3 days since my last injection. Really looking for a hobby or something to keep me busy.
I did just get my hair redone which was kind of rejuvenating :)

Boredom is my enemy. Can't wait for it to keep warming up and for these trees to get some leaves on them!


On a side note, in a month I'm taking a Caribbean vacation with family. I SO need this. Maybe this will be a good distraction and another tool to help me "kick start" my new life? I'll be with family so I won't even be considering drugs, maybe a nice pina colada by the pool if anything. I planned this a while ago but maybe the timing is just right and this is God's way of giving me a mental break and helping me out with the timing.
 
On ANOTHER side note, I feel like I'm lucky as I'm not going through bad physical WDs. My mind is my enemy. How do you guys deal with the mental aspect of this?

I feel like despite this setback (relapse) my body is sobering up...if that makes sense. Its just the mental prison I'm in; and what scares me is I know I have to stay strong for the long haul. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just make it through 1 week clean and never think of touching another pill again? I'm scared to death of battling this for the rest of my life....
 
totach said:
^
It doesnt matter what your addiction is to its all about getting yourself better be it drugs or alcohol
I hope you feel better soon CH try hitting up the sauna or steamroom
Papa hopefully you wont feel any wd or maybe just alil but do it now cuz if you use another few days then it will be back to square one
As for me i am doing ok cravings are strong as ever but im surviving
To evreyone else you guys are doing great and i look forward to many more posotive updates ;)
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Thanks man. I hope I recover quickly from this cold.
 
1fastgsxr said:
On ANOTHER side note, I feel like I'm lucky as I'm not going through bad physical WDs. My mind is my enemy. How do you guys deal with the mental aspect of this?

I feel like despite this setback (relapse) my body is sobering up...if that makes sense. Its just the mental prison I'm in; and what scares me is I know I have to stay strong for the long haul. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just make it through 1 week clean and never think of touching another pill again? I'm scared to death of battling this for the rest of my life....
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yeah, the mental aspect is awful. right now i'm trying really hard to keep from thinking too much about what's gonna happen in the future (or what happened in the past, really). i've just got a short-term goal and my aim is to make it to that without using. after that, another goal, etc.

but christ-on-a-bike, it's rough. dreaming about dope when i manage to sleep. ugh.

glad to hear you're not letting that bump keep you down. you got this.
 
I feel ya, that's what I've been trying to do. Celebrate the little things. One day at a time...one hour at a time. I flash forward too much and I just get overwhelmed and it seems impossible.

Gotta pat myself on the back for the little things. Last night I went out to dinner... I haven't done that in months. Despite not the best night of sleep, I managed to get myself up and out of bed at a decent time. I haven't spent the day laying in bed trying to sleep the days awake. It's not healthy at all. Oh, and I am going to get that workout in...even if just 15 minutes. Gotta look at every little step forward as an accomplishment.

Thanks for the support; let's all do this together.
 
^
Yes, exercise seems to help *so* much.

As you said, 1fast... tiny increments when the going gets tough.

I'm monitoring this thread pretty closely (somehow it helps me keep my shit together). So chime in if you're in a rough patch.
 
Went about 4months in 2013, now I am on day 8 and this will be final. Just wish I had money to go out and stuff but you know exactly where that money would probably end up which is why I am glad I gave it to someone to hold onto. Being clean was the best feeling I ever had, I remember enjoying things sober which I used to need a pill to do/watch. I am feeling great and I hope everyone feels the same.
 
HEY 1fastgsxr


I am on Day 8, with a slip up thursday (not counting that f#$% that I am stronger than this) I am so happy to not touch those things, but the mental does suck, I try to fill it with weed and nicotine (i hardly drink). But I chose March as my quit month (sisters birthday lol) but I screwed that up(or did my best friend) and now April is my month. I am done with these things. How many times have I gone through wd just becuase i ran out of money...uggg never that again. I am awake pretty much all the time so if you want to talk let me know. You mentioned pills so I assume maybe we have something in common.

Anybody know what to do if you friend is using and you dont wanna be around that?? Hes my only and my best friend for almost 13 years.
 
crsmclaren said:
Anybody know what to do if you friend is using and you dont wanna be around that?? Hes my only and my best friend for almost 13 years.
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Find a way to not be around them, even if it is something like saying "I cannot be around you when you are using or in active addiction. I am trying to get clean." It really is that simple, the harder thing to do is put yourself and your recovery first.

Getting clean takes sacrifice and lots of work. I have some true friends that still use, but I haven't seen them in a year. Outside of Grad School and Work, everyone else I spend time with is in recovery (which to me means actively working to stay clean and not using).. there is a big difference between "not using" and "being in recovery".
 
phactor said:
Find a way to not be around them, even if it is something like saying "I cannot be around you when you are using or in active addiction. I am trying to get clean." It really is that simple, the harder thing to do is put yourself and your recovery first.

Getting clean takes sacrifice and lots of work. I have some true friends that still use, but I haven't seen them in a year. Outside of Grad School and Work, everyone else I spend time with is in recovery (which to me means actively working to stay clean and not using).. there is a big difference between "not using" and "being in recovery".
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Thanks Phactor

Its tough cause hes my real only friend and is the only one who stuck around when my addiction pushed all away. You are right I just have to distance myself, if it keeps me clean. I would rather have no friends and be clean then well you know lol


Anyway DAY 9 and I am feeling great, just ot some sweating to deal with but I am feeling so much better. Its nice to be in a stable mood lol
 
Phactor it is so good to see how well you are doing
It's amazing to see how committed you are to you're sobriety
I am at a little over two months now again but I do drink and blaze once in a while
I want to find a smart meeting to go to but I haven't found the time yet
Do you still get cravings?
Do you ever almost give in and cop like make a half ass attempt to cop but don't really want it to work out?
I really want to do something n different this time to make sure I stay sober
I wish everyone a great week!
 
1. My cravings are very very brief and infrequent nowadays for example a few days ago for about 20 seconds I thought "man some dope would be nice" when walking out the door to run errands. But thats it. When I first started, it seemed like I was constantly craving. I have to say, I do not really remember what craving all day feels like anymore, but I do know it sucked. I had/have to keep reminding myself it gets better. I did that by going to Meetings and seeing other people staying clean as well. It showed me it could happen.

2. I haven't really came close to caving, don't get me wrong, in the first few months I would watch drug deals go down or drive by the liquor store wishing I could use but that was it. I just do not want to use anymore, it doesn't work for me.
I haven't made an attempt to cop. Another reason that I haven't tried to cop was because I haven't had my judgement impaired by any other substances. When I would drink and or smoke weed I would always want something more.

All of this is because I know if I use drugs nothing positive will happen and I value myself to much to put myself back into that position. This is a day to day thing for me though, I have to keep that first and foremost. I am an addict, I am powerless over my addiction (but am powerful when I am not using) and if I use drugs I will suffer severe consequences.

Meetings really help me alot, I encourage you to try to find that SMART meeting, if not maybe go to a few open NA meetings. You don't have to identify as an addict.

I went to 90 meetings in 90 days. Now I'd say I go from about 3 to 5 a week depending on my schedule. I do make meetings though.
 
Looks like I'll be hanging around this subforum for a while. I am officially out of heroin, and I may want to jump on the next bus and buy some, but I won't. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
 
still sick, taking three OTC meds to alleviate the symptoms of influenza/cancer/whatever I've been cursed with.

still have over 5 and a half months clean. later this month I'll have my half year again.
 
phactor said:
Meetings really help me alot, I encourage you to try to find that SMART meeting, if not maybe go to a few open NA meetings. You don't have to identify as an addict.
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curious what you mean by a "smart" meeting. i'm considering NA but feel iffy about it for a variety of reasons. any advice on what to look for, what to avoid, etc. as far as meetings go? personally, i don't have a problem identifying as an addict during a meeting, so i don't think open/closed is probably the important factor. but i'm totally in the dark about NA. any advice?
 
CrowetheCat said:
Looks like I'll be hanging around this subforum for a while. I am officially out of heroin, and I may want to jump on the next bus and buy some, but I won't. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
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welcome aboard. i hear what you're saying about the urge to score...we're here to help (and occasionally complain ;)).
 
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