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April Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs Not Fooling Around.

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another day clean from tryptamines and phenethylamines. i had to tell myself today sternly that i am above using hard drugs which have had bad effects for me in the past. I don't need more potential bad in my life. i will put into my body only the things that i think would be good for me, and try to live righteously. for me taking hard drugs is not righteous because of the harm they've done me in my past. i still smoke weed but that for me is harmonious with my life
 
Halfway thru the month and we are on page 7 allready i see alot of bluelighters going to the other side its great ;)
Im looking forward to hitting 3 months in a few weeks hell yeah!!!!
 
phactor said:
Yeah I had to go back out for a good 2 years after my first semi-legit attempt before I said enough, and yes, we very much have a relationship with the substances we use and/or behaviors we indulge in. I look at it as a relationship that started great but then turned into a bad BF/GF situation.
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So true - excellent way to describe it. It's funny 'cos it's true but it's not a laughing matter. I'm tired of doing research out there. No more!
Glad you made it back too! :)
 
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Okay... so let's make this Day 1 again.
April 14, 2015

No more opiates, I gotta stop. This relapse dealio is over. I can't keep doing this rubbish to myself. *sigh*
Here we go, I can do this. Think positive Verri :) :)
 
I really hate waking up sick and with cold sweats all through the night. I never thought this would be my life. I never thought I would lose control.

I need to gain control of my life fast.
 
How do you plan on gaining back control?

Also, it gets way way worse if you keep going, trust me.
 
Whoah picked up a vomiting bug last night and am now day 2 and feeling really rough. Well enough to post on the net though so cannae be too bad.
 
I can't believe I made it thru the three weeks with a empty house and did not get high once
I was very worried about having this freedom but I made it
I am very proud of myself everyone is coming home today and I am happy about it because I have nothing to hide and what a good feeling that is
 
On top of withdrawal? When it rains it pours sometimes. Sorry to hear that. I do hope the bug is short lasting. Congrats on Day 2 Catinthehat !
 
totach said:
I can't believe I made it thru the three weeks with a empty house and did not get high once
I was very worried about having this freedom but I made it
I am very proud of myself everyone is coming home today and I am happy about it because I have nothing to hide and what a good feeling that is
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Really inspiring stuff man. :)
 
Smoky said:
On top of withdrawal? When it rains it pours sometimes. Sorry to hear that. I do hope the bug is short lasting. Congrats on Day 2 Catinthehat !
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Yup, on top. Spent all night and morning with my arm down my throat trying to induce vomiting to reduce nausea, think I've broken my gag reflex. I can feel it's on the way out already though, hopefully keep some fruit down before bed tonight.

Nice work totatch.
 
Very envious of the clean dates listed.

Im not sober yet but on the 18th im getting suboxone. I have been on and off since sept. 14' before that was a year in rehabs and jails. So im thrilled to become non dependent on substances.

Ive been trying to mask the pain of my fathers death. I decided being sober and actually facing life head on should be a sufficient way to a new life. The vicious circle of relapse is haunting. Then again the self control and Free will becomes rewarding.
Congrats to all with any amount of clean days .
 
Totach: Your post today is inspiring. I can tell that you are fighting your addiction and winning this war, one day at a time. Congrats!

Sickies: CINTH and CH: So sorry to hear you both feel like crap. CH: Your illness has been dragging on for awhile now... are you feeling any better?

I blew my taper plan big time today... stress with a family member. My daughter is such a control freak and is really angry with me for wanting to set some boundaries around a future situation. I struggle with a lot of guilt, because I wonder if she is so controlling due to my drinking when she was a teen ager? I was reasonable in my drinking most of her life, had years when I would maybe have a couple drinks a year. When she was 16 is when I really started to party. But, I went into recovery several years after that. IDK. She just gets so emotional whenever I try to voice my opinions. I got so stressed I took the dose that wasn't due for another 6 hours, and the pill for the dose after that.
I got to reign this in now, or I will end up eating the pills that I have stashed from being successful at my taper for the first half of this month. Hopefully by posting, I can get re-centered and back on track. Because, truthfully, I would like to pop two more right now, and just say f&*k it.
 
Easy to rescue situation if you are prepared for a little short term pain. You should be able to make it through to the next dosing time without too much shit, just set yourself up ready now by getting food and liquids etc inside you now, preparing comfortable areas for yourself etc. The extra large dose now should carry you a fair distance towards that time and if you are prepared to handle a few hours pain you're back on track.

Alternatively, if you don't think you can manage that then you can dose as you would as if the next dose was timed for now and then add an extra percentage of time to each gap (extra hour or whatever)slowly over and over until you have the dosages lined up with how they should be. A taper within a taper by adding extra time to each gap if you will.
 
CITH: Thank you.
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Your feedback is just what I needed to hear. "Easy to rescue situation" broke my obsessive thinking that this is much bigger than it is. If I get back on schedule right now, using one of your solutions, I won't spiral emotionally into beating myself up, then using.
 
Absolutely, only a little bit of short term pain needed to get a lot of long term gain here. You're less than 24 hours out on your dosing, idk what you're tapering on but that's going to be a relatively easy to bridge gap. More of a mental fight than physical most likely.:)
 
Mental, for sure. Yes, I always get slightly nauseous when first tapering or missing doses after about 4 hours past the schedule. Otherwise my mind becomes my worst enemy. BTW, I am tapering off of 15mg IR oxycodone. I haven't walked today, and that has been my go to coping skill when I begin watching the clock in anticipation of my next dose. So, that will be helpful later.
 
One day at a time sounds so annoying but yet is so true
When my best friend came home from rehab 6 years ago he would say I'm gonna drink again one day not today but maybe tomorrow
So it's bin 6 years and he says the same thing maybe I'll drink tomorrow but not today
So I am trying to think that way I might get high tomorrow but for sure not today
With that mindset you never have to scare yourself with the thought of never drinking or getting high again but just for the day tell yourself you will not get high
What I said might sound stupid but it helps me
 
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