I had to chuckle at this it hits too close to home
And later you say you think you'd be able to pull off keeping this job while nurturing a new meth addiction.
Why does it have to be sober?
And real human sex VS diddling my peepee like a goof for 8 hours to the kind of porn that i feel obligated to wipe from my browsing history right after the deed is done?
Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
Your teeth managed to turn yellow after one use?
Reading your experience up to this point would argue otherwise, at least imo.
Trying to juggle any serious job schedule with this drug, on top of having almost no experience with it, is usually referred to as having delusions of grandeur. You won't sleep if you use it after work. Hell, you won't sleep even if you only use it before work. You'd probably pull it off on your first try, sure.
Then day 2 rolls around a lot quicker than you thought it would. You've now been awake almost 24 hours and somehow fight off the urge to redose before work. You'll go in looking like the holocaust with paranoia like you've never felt in your life that sets in on the first co worker you lock eyes with. Its a pretty steep drop from there as any attempt at looking normal will get you the opposite effect. Stuck in an endless loop of self awareness trying to stay one step ahead of your own self-perceived (and usually exaggerated) outward behavior. Thats an unwinnable fight.
The sort of work environment engineering jobs have, with cubicles and not having to work with the public directly has its advantages, but your peers are probably on the smarter end of the spectrum and will sniff you out quick even if most have never so much as even been in the same room with a drug like meth.
You will use it again, even if at the moment it feels like you'd sooner drink a glass of store brand bleach.
Thats just the dilerium talking.
Normal stim crash effects and your brain trying to re adjust. Only sleep or a benzo will fix it.
Again, you're just lying to yourself.
Only..
Sounds like you had a pretty horrid come down, tbh.
Takeda's playing hardball I see. Shire wasn't cheap.