I picked up my final oxycodone script for a friend who was in a car accident. Of course, I ended up getting high once. I was strong enough to flush the remaining 96 oxycodone pills down the drain (with an INSANE street value) and I had to tell my friend that I couldn't help him as he is in excruciating pain from getting hit by a car, and can't get any sort of painkillers prescribed (he also prefers stimulants and I can't see him having a problem with these). Simply because I have NO control being around them in any way at all. As soon as they were down the drain... like the heaviest weight lifted off my shoulders it felt so damn good not having them around. I will never be sick again. That was the most miserable, wretched 5 years of my life and I have fucking made myself suffer enough.
I didn't know my tolerance, I don't give a fuck to know what it is anymore, so my normal dose got my trainwrecked like never before.
I don't give a fuck! I am looking forward not back! I don't count the days at all. I will never be someone who says I have 2 years clean time, because I'm trippin out and smoking pot half the time anyway and all I care about is I'm not a junkie anymore. I junkie would NEVER throw oxy's that expensive and rare to get down the drain without a second thought after nodding the FUCK out for a day. Really it was nice to have the relaxation like that, was like getting laid without getting laid really, and I don't sleep around so it has been fucking forever for me LOL. But yeah, this is like the one fucking thing that oxy's ever did for me that was productive in any way, and I only view myself as stronger for throwing that shit down the drain because believe me there were second thoughts I had to ignore. I just knew I was going to ruin my life, after a single fucking use (the high lasted 12 HOURS from weakass little fuckin OXYs) I was actually sick for a day! It was miserable, I'm never going back to that garbage it was just a mistake!
I slept from 2 to 10 yesterday and my friend who was in the car crash knowing me was having really bad thoughts. He thought I might not be sleeping, you see. He called me like 10 times and even my home phone and almost 'ratted me out' I mean, it would have been completely understandable. If I had not flushed those down the drain, I may very well have died by now. I'm NEVER going back and I don't give a fuck if I used one day all I care about is that I'm okay and didn't OD, learned a lesson and it won't happen again! Plus I am a hedonist and the high was fucking SICK. I have never nodded out like that before in my life, but I had to let it go right away! Never again but I'm glad I finally experienced that nod! As that is not what I was ever looking for out of opiates. More of a chronic pain patient that wanted to function and spiralled out of control, but never to the point of nodding out. I was always functinal high, and able to hold good jobs until my habit became way too expensive and then I pretty much lost everything and luckily woke up just in the nick of time before I presumably would have died.
Maybe I will add to this part. Maybe you are someone who wants to try heroin because you are a hedonist? You don't have any problems or whatever, you just want that SICK fucking high right? Cuz believe me... if you get the dose right and everything, the high is like no other. It is incomparable to cocaine or Mdma or any of that stuff it makes that shit look like a waste of time and really in comparison, it is.
I am not condoning the use of it please let me explain. If you start off using heroin, you won't know what the FUCK dose to take. Like you essentially have to already be addicted to get it right, either you are going to dose too low (which will make you want to try it again, leading to addiction) or you will get it too high - potentially overdosing, dying, or simply puking and getting really nauseated and feeling like shit. Hell, even with prescription drugs like oxycodone and hydromorphone, you won't know what the fuck dose to take, and even if you are already addicted to those, you won't know what the fuck dose of heroin to take as there is no equivalency table for street drugs laced with fuck knows what.
Over a half-decade of abuse, I have had the "perfect high" ONCE. Okay so obviously I was really high and all when I used but my doses were always low; I wasn't nodding out in bliss or some shit like that. I would go about my day with my dirty little secret so long as I had my filthy fucking drugs. And that is all that I cared about, it came before anything else.
So, I came close to the perfect high once. I was tapering off oxy's, using them once every 12 hours at lower and lower doses. I ran out of my script so I substituted 8mg oral dilaudid for my oxycodone dose and somehow got higher than I had ever been in my life at the time. I laid down experiencing a 4 hour rush of bliss while talking to my brother and listening to radiohead - but it left me feeling suicidal for an entire week. I felt that I had fried my brain, and this has to do with how I was still addicted and tapering, but I got the dose too high just once and got fucked out of my mind. This is with prescription pills like can't you see how easy it is to overdose on this shit? Especially for new users in my opinion like you wouldn't be the first person to try an opioid a single time and just drop dead and that is the end of you.
The perfect high came two days ago. I had over a month of "clean time" (I don't give a fuuuuck about counting days, I care about how I feel and what I am doing to improve my life, how productive I am... and this cute little fox who totally has my heart and I want a second date so damn bad I am getting it today for fucks sake!). Anyways, I took 60mg oxy's and got high as FUCK. It was perfect in the sense that I threw the remaining 96 pills down the drain, I never want to experience it again, I was experienced enough to know in advance how life ruining it is, I didn't overdose and die, I had the dose just right that day, all this fucking bullshit like don't even try it is NOT worth it. The high was awesome though, but what I am trying to explain is it is so hard to achieve that people chase it for their whole entire lives. I never even experienced it until I had been a fucking slave for 5 years. I randomly experienced it 2 days ago, and I feel the need to never again. Once was enough. I was so fucked up I thought I was laying in bed, when I was in a downward dog on my yoga mat... opening my eyes like WTF is going on. Obviously, I was very close to overdosing and falling asleep to never wake up. A couple more pills would have done it before, and the high wasn't even that good. I care about this blonde beautiful fox way more than that shit! I want a second date with her and I am getting it. That silly high as good as it was is the last thing on my mind, but this is because I already know from having ruined my life, how fucked up and miserable that shit is. If I was a new user and achieved that high, I would not be alive for very long!
So yeah... like it is important not to deny that they feel really fucking good sometimes. They can feel too damn good, but how the fuck can anyone trust themselves with that shit? You might as well put a loaded gun to your head, with maybe half the bullets in it, and pull the trigger if you are thinking of trying this shit. Any of it. Oxy's, dilaudid, fentanyl, fuckin heroin is the WORST but it's all the same shit - and if you need heroin to get that 'perfect high' or whatever the fuck you want from it, then it is already too late for you, as it is (potentially, depending on a very large number of annoying factors beyond your or anyone else's control) achievable with new users in the form of a percocet. I didn't want to get high I was trying to help my friend in excruciating pain from getting hit by a car who I know can handle his shit with opiates because he simply wanted them for acute pain. If you go looking for that shit you will probably end up dead and I am personally very happy that I did not die 2 days ago, as I have matters with this foxy blonde chick to attend to. I am getting that second date if it is the last damn thing I do! My life has changed in so many awesome ways since I stopped using that bullshit, that shit is the last thing on my mind. It's not like I'm thinking back to that high being like ohhhhh I need to experience it again, but it is because I have already ruined years of my life and nearly lost my life to opiates. If I hadn't already ruined my life, I would probably be fucked and never ever able to toss those pills down the drain and look forward and onwards! I have suffered SO much that I simply don't give a fuck about that stupid high. I want to get with this foxy blonde chick haha well I mean, I want to fall in love with her. I think I already have... she is amazing! Crazy hard to get though I have been hard at work for weeks lol well not really, I just talk shit to her and be myself!
