Harm Reduction ⫸Should I Try HEROIN?⫷

[Olivia Nicole]

...if you are interested to begin with that is a warning sign, even visiting this page is a warning sign too...

This, right here! +1

 

[Olivia Nicole]

Sex work and heroin

You had me on board until the" "9 out of 10 female heroin users become prostitutes" part. I have no idea how anyone could quantify that, it sounds way too high. Idk, maybe you're right about it, but 90% of female users being prostitutes sounds wrong.

The rest of it is spot on though. The thing I like about bluelight is its neutral, unbiased forum for drug discussion and its HR goals. I see heroin use discussed in realistic terms. Almost all the posts I see about it are about its addictive potential and the problems it causes. And HR stuff to keep those who do safe, but for the most part I dont see any glorification here, everyone more or less agrees that it will fuck your life up

My experience is completely anecdotal and pertains to what I?ve gone through and personally witnessed so I?m not going to try to make generalisations and throw out statistics about others but the fact of the matter is I never would have gotten into sex work if I didn?t have a 1-2 gram daily heroin habit. I?m young and when I started using heavily there was no way I was in a position to afford it in any other line of work, earning less and waiting a week or two to get paid.


I starting out ripping guys off. I?d post ads on craigslist, set up appointments, get them to pay before doing anything and then literally take off running (cash and dash) or offer a pretense such as ?I?ll pay the hotel and be right back? never to return. I didn?t actually do sex for money until one day I found myself in a situation where the client refused to pay me in advance. I was dope-sick and it was either suck this man?s cock or I wasn?t going to get high. So I did it, and I haven?t stopped even over the objections of my boyfriend of three years who also uses. He begged me not to fuck for money. He got on his knees, crying and begged me not to do it. Now I can?t stop.


I typically see two clients a day and the money is good, really good. I earn more money than most people I know, like six figures, not that I have anything to show for it because it all goes to pay for dope. I?m paying for me and my boyfriend?s habit and everything else. It doesn?t leave much and to others it probably looks like we?re just surviving but to us, it feels like we?re flying high. We?re not on the street sleeping rough. We?ve got food, shelter and dope and that?s enough.


Before I started doing sex work in earnest, my boyfriend and I were sleeping at friends' places, basically homeless and yes, occasionally literally on the street. So sex work stablilised our lives. Not that it?s been ideal. Once when my boyfriend went to jail things kind of fell apart for me and I was sleeping in a friend?s car for about a week but we?re together now and share a modest hotel room.


My biggest challenge is motivation. Most times when I get high I just want to nod and so I miss a lot of appointments with clients. I?ve had my online reputation trashed because of missing appointments, making dates with clients and then not showing up because I was too high or nodding but the demand is so great that it doesn?t really matter. I?m young and attractive and there are always guys willing to pay. When I think of the all the money I?ve blown on dope (pun intended) it boggles my mind!


I can?t speak for all sex workers but yes, all the girls that I personally know that have a habit like mine do sex work to support themselves.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Hi ShroomySatori. Your posts provide one of the best chronicles I've read on the descent into addiction. You explain so eloquently how easily it happens, and in a way that one can easily relate to, because no one tries Heroin thinking it will eventually control their lives. For that matter, your account applies to any drug of choice that one becomes addicted to. I'll admit that when I tried H, no-one could have stopped me. Throughout my life, whenever I decided I was going to try something, no one and nothing could talk me down, it's just the way I am. But if posts like yours can make someone less stubborn than me stop and question what they're considering trying, then they are worth their weight in gold.

I tried heroin 5 times, quality product that I tested and was vouched for by many others. But every time I tried it, it made me feel sick, so I eventually moved on. Maybe I'm just lucky I didn't persist, but of course my drug of choice eventually found me, it just happened to be meth. But addiction is addiction. The thing that struck me initially was that compared to weed or alcohol or some of the psychedelics I tried, it seemed perfect - a drug with not a single drawback while you're on it, only the comedown at the end. No paranoia, no head spins, no 'bad' trips, just sheer, unadulterated pleasure, better than sex. In fact, to me deciding not to take meth is like having a 10/10 woman come up to me and offering to indulge me with every fantasy I could think of for hours on end. How do you say no to that?

If I had tried meth when I was young, it surely would have ruined my life, because I had no shortage of tragedy to provide me with the reasons to seek that escape into bliss. And though I struggle to control my use, I have some odds in my favour - I'm old, my working life is behind me, and I have much to lose. That keeps me from going off the deep end. But although that gives me some semblance of control, I always worry about my health, and whether that next shot will be the one that gives me the mother of all strokes! Time will tell. Be safe and thank-you for your contributions to this thread.

Thank you. Then, that means it was worth it for me to post in this thread to begin with. When I starting to think of heroin as an option, it was less than a month before I tried it and was snorting H and taking raw alprazolam for the first time as well with no tolerance to either. It was two years of daily, heavy use back in the day when there were better real pills for cheaper and more reliable dope before I noticed anything was wrong. It was like I was not using a drug but it was heroin. It makes you feel so comfortable in your own skin that you don't notice you are on a drug at normal doses. I was never after the nod, but self medicating depression and BPD and panic disorder and ADHD not to mention my chronic back pain how it became an option. Even if I, this drug fiend never did it pop in my mind to try this drug until something was seriously wrong with me. That can happen in your mid 20's in fact that is the average age of onset of something wrong for a lot of things like panic disorder. Things can go downhill fast.
It feels way too good. If you are one to like it and get the dose right, how could you ever pass up trying it again? There isn't even a comedown... you don't pay back H right away, you do years later when you're addicted and it's a life threatening disaster at that point. And the shame. You will be shamed by everyone you know except those who are your true allies. I had to detox cold turkey I would have gone to rehab but it had to be a secret. It's really not something that is intelligent to try. I was suffering like crazy with that back pain and I still completely regret it even though it gave me several wonderful years of life - I could for the most part always afford my habit while using, was a functional addict with a job and a girlfriend for the most part.
Makes it tempting to go back cause it has been 10 months and hardly anything has changed. Trying hard and it seems like I fried my brain. And I know exactly what you mean by the perfect drug. My friend shot coke and meth and said MDPV was the perfect drug, but he disappeared at the beginning of this year in another country and I fear the worst. It totally sucks when you realize that you are never going to hear from a friend again and it was almost definitely drug related. For myself it happened to be Heroin. I could never use a stimulant daily, not even caffeine, but people's minds are wired different and it amounts to the same thing. Heroin is just one of a few examples of extreme abuse - the type of abuse that would attract somebody suicidal, for the most part. Aware of it or not.

 

[Screwface911]

I wish I never tried it. After 20 years of use, I would give anything to go back to the point of never having tried it

 

[ShroomySatori]

Things have never been the same since I first tried it.

It's insane. I will never feel comfortable in my skin again unless I relapse. It has been almost a year since I quit, and I still wake up feeling like shit every morning.

Unless you are suicidal, it's definitely not worth trying. The high isn't that good unless you are already addicted to it and the feeling from being that fucking sick to feeling normal is the kick out of it. Or if you are someone in pain then it's great. My friend who is normal and happy tried it and didn't like it but said he still was thinking about it non stop the next day. Just said it was a hell of a painkiller cause he had a hurt foot or something. That part feels amazing but you have to get addicted and ruin yourself to feel it. Otherwise yeah it goes without saying I mean it is a special high but it just is so not worth the risks. There are also inherent risks with using it in any form that are simply not worth it these days. When kurt cobain and whoever else were shooting up I don't really think they were lacing that shit with research chemicals. It isn't heroin anymore, that is manly what keeps me from going bak to it. It literally is not the same drug anymore and sucks so bad in comparison unless you somehow get really luck to get good stuff somehow.

 

[Olivia Nicole]

^I'm saying this crudely, no its not personal, but it might help. So, yeah...

I'm assuming you know how dangerous this is. Beyond possible rape, what would you say if you were trying to prosecute such a person? Then there are psychos who take pleasure in beating up, slashing, or even killing sex workers.

I know that you're young, but drug addiction has a knack for making people age fast.

Depending on organized criminals with firearms to stay healthy, in addition.

So add up how much money you've spent on dope, post it, and brainstorm what you would otherwise could have bought--if you want. Chances are it could be a nice house and a slick whip.

If its the difference between x amount of money for heroin and getting with someone who doesn't wear a condom and/or has an STD, what would you do?

If heroin were free or a small fraction of what it usually costs and purity was regulated my guess is that the majority of people who've posted in this thread saying how bad and damaging heroin is wouldn't have a reason to complain.

Sex work has given me the ability to support a habit of good quality gear. Sex work is not as dangerous as you seem to think. I screen all my clients online before seeing them with calls, text messages, emails and private messages from hobby websites. I've been doing sex for money for almost 3 years and I've never had a violent client or even been threatened and pimps are not an issue for any girl smart enough to post an ad on a website herself.

As for the money I've spent on dope, yeah it's been a lot! I certainly could have bought a nice condo but then I never would have been motivated to even do sex work and make the kind of money I make if I didn't have a habit. I'm young, so I can always set that as a goal in the future but right now I love getting high with my boyfriend and contrary to ShroomySatori's experience dope hasn't killed my or my boyfriend's sex drive. We have the most incredible sex when we're high.

 

[dopiejay]

My advice is take everyone here's advice. As far as I can see I'm the only one who dabbled with a needle and never got hooked. It's a devil in disguise.

 

[suidomreh]

Again, thanks for the responses. I understand completely. I should note not only am I depressed, but I am in chronic physical pain too. Last year I tried to take my life because I couldn't deal with it anymore, but I was rushed to the hospital and was saved. But because I drank over a full fifth of vodka with the pills I was trying to kill myself with, it was put on my medical record that I have alcohol use disorder. So now I can't even get any meds that interact with alcohol, including pain pills and benzos which were the only thing that helped with the anxiety. It is retarded. I am not even an alcoholic lol... it is one of the least fun drugs to me. Maybe I am wrong, but I feel like drinking a lot of alcohol before suicide is pretty normal and understandable occurrence. It doesn't mean you are an alcoholic... like wtf? And then to deny me medications, especially anxiety meds right after I tried to kill myself which certainly was contributed to by anxiety... makes no sense man. The system is messed up.

I did do the heroin, I shot up and snorted, trying both ways. My veins like to hide so that was fun trying to learn how far to go in and what not. Probably collapsed a vein or two for sure lol, but it healed completely straight away within a day or two, after a week not even a mark or bruise was left. I would say that was due to using 30 gauge needles, super thin, barely even feel the prick in most places on the arm.

I have to say it honestly just felt like every other opiate I had. It just came on faster. So it was good, but I was not blown away or made super addicted instantaneously. And it was strong stuff too, seeing as I only had to do like 10mg with the needle to have a nice strong nod. But I am a lot smarter than I used to be, back when I had real bad addiction problems.

I used to steal my mom's pills that she needs for her really bad pain. I told my dentist my wisdom teeth were hurting just so I could get them removed and score a full script of hydros lol (it worked). That is just a couple stories lol... I was desperate and each time, it felt like I needed to do a little more than last time to keep up with the tolerance.

Eventually though, I started doing opium tea because it was easier to get the supplies (unwashed seeds or pods) and was cheaper than pills by a lot, but the problem was that the strength of opium tea varies so much. I would say probably even more so than heroin, assuming you stick to the same source for dope and they are generally reliable. So I pretty much was taking a huge gamble each time I drank the tea because as an addict you don't want to waste your stuff trying to test it and take it slow, you want the most out of each of your highs to get the most out of your pretty penny you had to give for your stuff. But this lead me to actually start learning about opiates and how they work and whatnot. Since then I have actually became pretty well educated on chemistry and herbalism. And that gave me a huge tool and advantage over the average addict. I am fairly safe and know many tactics to avoid losing my soul to the stuff.

I learned things like, how to prevent tolerance gain, which is the third biggest factor in addiction I would say. If you don't gain tolerance, you don't have to keep taking more and more to get the same effects and therefore this prevents you from burning too big of a hole in your wallet, and that hopefully leads to preventing some of the small petty crimes one may commit when desperate for a fix. What also comes with preventing tolerance and keeping your dose low, is significantly weaker withdrawals and chemical changes in your brain. That goes a long way.

And that leads me into my second point, withdrawal prevention. Withdrawals I think are the second most driving factor for addiction. Or more specifically and especially, the fear of withdrawals. I have learned how to tame and control withdrawals, even cold turkey ones, to the point of where 90% or so of the symptoms can be prevented or calmed drastically with the correct combination of substances. The hardest to treat is the depression of course. But there are things that help. And if you prevented tolerance from gaining, the chemical effects on your brain would be significantly less severe, hopefully preventing any MAJOR depressive episodes afterwards. This has removed my fear of withdrawing almost entirely. That being said, the smartest and easiest thing to do is simply taper off the substance while maybe using low doses of some of the things I was referring to, depending on how quick of a taper you are doing. If you do this, you would experience pretty much no withdrawals. But not every one can do that, some people have to go cold turkey, and that is because of my third and final point. Psychological addiction.

I think psychological addiction is the biggest factor in addiction. Bottom line is if you want to be free from addiction and that want is stronger than the want of the substance, you can and will stop being an addict. I think this is the area that addicts probably need help in and need to confront the most. And it is this area, combined with physical pain that has me here. I do not need to continuously increase my doses, I do not go broke paying for anything, and I have no fear of withdrawals. Luckily this makes it so I am a pretty functional addict now days, as functional as I can be with depression, anxiety, and chronic pain that is. And while high, I am in fact even more functional than normal. So in a lot of ways, opiates are much more like medicine to me. But the downside is, instead of running away from withdrawals and the problems of addiction, I am running away from my other problems. Is it truly beneficial in the end to cover up those bad feelings with opiates? I don't know. But I think it beats suicide.

 

[Boku_]

If heroin were free or a small fraction of what it usually costs and purity was regulated my guess is that the majority of people who?ve posted in this thread saying how bad and damaging heroin is wouldn?t have a reason to complain.

.

EXACTLY! Olivia Nicole just because you are working as a sex worker to fund your heroin habit don't let anyone tell you that you are not an intelligent girl.

A legal affordable and regulated supply of heroin would cause 99% of drug related crime and violence not to mention substance abuse induced poverty to be wiped out overnight if legalisation occurred on a global scale. The huge sums of money spent by governments on law enforcement could be redirected to harm reduction initiatives focusing on education and treatment programs.

Imagine if half a gram of heroin made under strict medical conditions free of dangerous Mixing Agents, Substitutes & Adulterants was made available to be purchased at a price similar to a dose of methadone. What would be the harm? would the sky fall in? NO of course not, heroin users would still get high. Some will use sensibly, some would have addiction problems but the needless deaths would be reduced.

Just like society still have alcoholics society would still have heroin addicts it would be a health issue.

 

[Boku_]

As far as I can see I'm the only one who dabbled with a needle and never got hooked. It's a devil in disguise.

Fair play dopiejay. Have you been tested for Hep C or other blood borne viruses. i too dabbled with using the needle to shot heroin in much of my 20's and never got hooked. I put my lack of physical addiction to heroin down to the fact i never and i mean never scored heroin in bulk amounts so i never had a ready supply of heroin at home to shoot 4-5 days in a row. I was the paranoid of getting hooked i never used two days in a row.

However the real devil in disguise of IV'ing heroin is when you catch Hep C like i did but the final straw was my near fatal overdose on a bad hit of heroin that was cut with a crushed up benzo.

My advice for anyone thinking to use heroin for the first time is smoke or snort it. If you really must use the needle get a friend who knows what their doing to guide you. Never shoot on your own, you need a friend there to raise the alarm and call for help if you OD and equally important use fresh fits and never share the same spoon to dose up.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I didn't like the needle but if it had been more than a handful of times I'm sure I would have grown fond of it. Way preferred the feeling of sniffing.

It doesn't really matter what way you use it. You're doing heroin and in case you didn't know it outright kills a lot of people and visiting this page means you are willing to take that risk. Ask yourself why.

 

[Bigsk15]

Wow I?m amazed to see so many people outright against it on a thread like this, seems like more are preaching abstinence than harm reduction

 

[Theplacidcasual92]

I?m struggling with cravings to try H at the moment. I?m currently addicted to codeine (take regular 700mg+ doses) and keep thinking I could score a bag of H as a one-off...

 

[ShroomySatori]

It will never be a one-off with heroin if you like codeine that much. I wish I had known what I do now before I tried it.

Nobody is preaching. I see lives ruined by this drug here, and people curious about trying something than can kill them as a one-off and is even more likely to die than an addict that knows what they are doing at least. If you are asking about trying it, in my opinion it is sort of like asking for help why not to.

Get out while you still can, unless you want to ruin your life and I would encourage you to think about what losing every single thing you have going for you would be like. Even your ability to take care of yourself. It took a while but I went from having a beautiful career and girl on the verge of marrying to presently nothing but a roof over my head and a little bit of hope. It has been almost 2 years in and out of withdrawal.

The shit is disgusting fucking garbage. A question was asked. "Should I try heroin?" and for the sake of harm reduction my answer would be absolutely not, if you want to feel something similar and just as good get an 8mg dilaudid and snort it. If you really want to try a harder opioid that one is far safer to try and it doesn't have to be iv'd. I'd say to anyone thinking of trying it to rail a 4mg or 8mg dilaudid instead, and if that is already too low of a dose, if you try that shit you will completely fuck your life up. And make sure it's a brand name one or it contains talc which is bad for your lungs. I had one of the best opiate experiences of my life taking those orally, there is no need to try this drug and to my knowledge I'm not really aware of too much fake dilaudid in circulation. It's more fake oxy's and percs and stuff like that. The suffering leaves its mark and that is why this thread is full of negativity, and this drug makes others who don't even use it suffer a lot too. It's really best to stick with the codeine or if you have to, like oral morphine or rail a dilaudid anything but this shit it's not even heroin.

Keep that in mind because it is critical. You will not be purchasing heroin anymore. You will be purchasing a mixture of active drugs, often fentanyl or a closely related drug that bears no chemical resemblance to diacetylmorphine. You really, will have no idea whatsoever if what you even did was heroin unless you were already addicted and had the experience to know, and were addicted before this fentanyl cut started making the news it was killing so many people. You hear a little preaching, because more people are dying than ever before, and trying it is extremely dangerous because you will have no idea how much to use due to tolerance and that the drug isn't even really heroin anymore. It's like how you would click on Erowid's cocaine page and see a headline warning about levamisole, the cuts really are that prevalent the news for once is not a joke about that. The proof is on the thousands of tombstones. And it's so addictive and so deceiving you just wake up one day and ask yourself what the fuck happened to your life, might take 5 years might take 5 months but people get there. People are dying on the very first hit trying it keep in mind.

So, if you really want to try a hard opiate, dilaudid is the way to go and not injecting it. However I do not recommend this as its just as addictive and I had a friend shooting like 32mg a day+ disappear like just vanish so yeah. People die and with every new batch comes a huge risk of it being a bad one, I'd reconsider especially in this day and age. It's like coke and levamisole and that stopped a lot of people from doing coke but this is way more serious than that.

 

[hdth]

I?m struggling with cravings to try H at the moment. I?m currently addicted to codeine (take regular 700mg+ doses) and keep thinking I could score a bag of H as a one-off...

DO NOT, for the love of god, DO NOT TRY HEROIN THINKING OF IT AS A one-off. You are already addicted to codeine, heroin is much stronger and a much more slippery slope. Iv been there before much like a lot of people on this thread and iv done heroin before the huge fentanyl push, it took me 2 years to feel normal without it and I still think about doing it, in fact I did as a one-off and immediately regretted it because I was 4 years sober. You are already addicted to codeine, do you really think you are going to have the self control to push back the erge to buy a cheaper, more potent opiate if you go that route? I get it this site is a harm reduction site and i'm preaching to the choir of abstinence. If your already addicted to a substance you are using it wrong and do not respect the power of the drug. We shouldn't be addicted to anything but, it happens. Im still addicted, im still pushing back the erges and im still suffering from the cost of chasing that dream. It will consume you, you already probably know because of the codeine. Heroin isn't buying fun, its just borrowing it and it will strike back in ways you will not imagine. Stay strong while your at it, get clean from opiates, and never touch the shit again. It gets better, much better talking about the recovery process the more you abstain, my life right now is 3x better than what it was when I was using, relationships, finances, mental health, everything.

Harm reduction. If you do so become stupid enough to buy the shit. I cant speak on behalf of injecting, iv never injected it. Once again heroin is bad, and injecting it is the worst. I would snort it or if it was black tar, chase it. start small with a new batch like really small, bump your way up to the high forget the rush with fentanyl floating around. Once you have a solid understanding of the batch of H you have, then if you do so wish, snort/chase/inject your life away.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man, listen to that. Codeine metabolizes into morphine in the body, about 30% of it but it varies widely. So, you are pretty much getting hits of oral morphine.

Heroin is diacetylmorphine. It converts to morphine and that is what gets you high. You are primed to get hooked fast because you already have the same drug in your brain and it's a way way way better fix. You'll never turn back until you are forced to, guaranteed.

Heroin doesn't exist though it's not like it's the early 1900s and you can get that shit at pharmacies. It's been through who knows how many hands and cuts and is probably full of butyl-fentanyl or whatever the fuck the new fentanyl analogue is. I feel that they have graduated from fent, there is no way of trusting that drug these days. No matter what anyone says how would they know, It's just an expensive bag of garbage.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I was so undercover about it too.

That's what is crazy about it. If you are the right match for it, you will function better than ever before in the early stages. Eventually, when it catches up with you ti's already too late.

You don't know if you'll be susceptible it's such an incredible feeling to me it has been almost a year and it steals so much life from me, I am just beginning to come to my senses. It has been a year of hell. I'd skip this one, trust. It's a nasty drug to get involved in and most people regret it immensely. It made me wish I was dead.

 

[alos]

So many warnings here and I'm almost afraid the thought police will come and get me after I write this - that yeah, try it whatever. Honestly all these warnings just serve to strengthen my (already satisfied) curiosity, as well as the rest of the hype surrounding this drug. I procured some good stuff and can't remember if I snorted it first or went straight to IV. I'm no stranger to hitting a vein, but it honestly was not that amazing of an experience to me. I've tried twice since then at higher doses and besides making me feel drunk and tired, it also caused me to vomit everything I'd try to consume all day, even water wouldn't stay down, evil bastard. So yeah I guess H does not like me and that's fine I guess since T does. My point is that not everyone will even like it, the same way not everyone likes weed, coke, meth, etc. But the addiction is a curious one, that the warnings here do serve some sort of purpose. The first time I tried it it wasn't that much nor was it very good stuff, and I overall was not impressed. It was a while before trying it again, but the subtlety of its call to me was just so alluring, where it got to the point that I had fantasies built up in my mind around it like one would on a romantic interest. There was even a dream where I was screaming to just get my H, even though I had never properly experienced it. But like a crush the reality of the drug couldn't match the fantasy I had constructed for it in my mind. I don't have the same cravings now, but I imagine if you do enjoy the experience then it would be pretty much impossible to get away from.

 

[Paganpablo]

Heroin addiction is shit

Yeah very true. It not only changes you personally, but how others look at you.

I've been addicted to smack for 15 yrs and have spent thousands, been jailed and destroyed relationships. Heroin is big here (Merseyside, UK). The short answer is NO FUCKING WAY!!!

 

[Paganpablo]

Heroin is big here (Merseyside, UK) after 15 yrs of addiction, fucked up relationships, jail and numerous shitty times, the short answer is DON'T TRY HEROIN!!!