I have been thinking suicidal thoughts every now and then maybe 3 months, especially today. I got some sad and insulting news, and I have been very low energy lately anyway. I have no support, my closest person/my partner is at trip and he said he would come here next week and it was settled and now he said he will not come. And didn't know when. I feel so lonely and abandoned, i have been struggling with mental issues and I think he does not quite understand how severe my situation really is and how anxious and depressed I have been. I just want to give up, i wish this anxiety to stop. Everyone thinks its only anxiety and blames it on me ("you need to just get up and go, just get your self together, its because of your attitude blah blah blah.."), oh really, i really wish it was that simple to just switch my mood and become productive and happy again. Why the hell would I wish to be unhappy and sad all the time?! Now I have no one to support me, i don't even have enough benzos to get though next week to get sleep and be able to do my daily chores, he supposed to help me with my benzos to get me those (my prescription is empty and I have only 2 days worth of them. I don't know how to manage. I just want to give up, i know I should hang on and try to cope, but I don't have the strenght. I wish I could just sleep this sadness and emptyness away.