TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

[ageingpartyfiend]

I don't want much out of life. Freedom from constant pain. A little bit of love. A sense of belonging. A way to contribute positive energy to the world around me.

All achievable, but only if alive!

I say all, the freedom from constant pain may be a reach, I dunno your circumstance. Periods of much lower pain though? Probably. Also teaching ourselves new ways to relate to our pain can massively improve things albeit fro a different angle

Change though - that will most assuredly happen. Nothing is more certain.

 

[Jnowhere]

I usually don't like to traffic in cliches, but they say "don't give up before the miracle happens".

You never know what's around the corner. Could be really awesome.

Wow, I am amazed by your positive attitude.
I am working on not being the opposite. However, I see very little news, but was leaks out into my isolated world, almost always is bad.

 

[Jnowhere]

Thanks for the kind words of support.

Yeah, would be nice to get professional help. Trying. Where I live it is extremely hard to find anybody accepting new patients and then the few I found over the past few years turned out to be quacks. Plus, it's $100 a week I don't have.

I'm kind of at my wits end. I have no friends or family (largely due to having been a huge asshole while I was on coke and booze 15+ years ago), a stressful soul killing job, no enjoyment of life or even break from the pain, no feeling of hope for the future. It's been like this consistently for a very long time.

I know I could get a big bottle is Xanax and feel good for a little while. Max out my credit cards, fly somewhere tropical, get an 8 ball, have some fun adventures, maybe get laid, spend a week or two squeezing as much enjoyment and pleasure out of it as I can, then get a big bottle of boost to mix with the Xanax, pass out on the beach at low tide, and be mercifully and painlessly swept out to sea. I know it could get more living done in those two weeks then have done in the last 30 years. The option looks attractive to me. Right now I'm trying to convince myself of any arguments against it.

Welcome to mid life crisis. I would have one but my emotional maturity died in my mid to late teens. My life sucks, because of things, I did or didn't do. I no longer have cable. I occasionally buy cheap used dvds, play with my phone, read and run errands. My doctor( who I like asked me to see a shrink and that I should be on disability. I am not open with people face to face. He could see how miserable I am. But alas I keep living
Few would miss me, but look around life is never as good seems to be: for a few select people. Most really successful people don't seem all that happy, when they think no one is watching.

 

[Jnowhere]

I do that sometimes and it helps. Deactivating my social media always helps too. But it has become the case that most venues where I live ONLY list their events on social media, so I reactivate it to see what is going on.



And good stuff has happened to me in the past that made be glad I didn't die when I was 15. I know there will be good stuff that happens to me in the future if I stick it out. But up till now, at age 40 plus, on the whole, the 10% of my life that has been enjoyable hasn't made the 90% of pain and sorrow worth living through.

Going to try again on Monday to find professional help, maybe go on ssris. But it is daunting making call after call and being told they're not accepting new patients.

I don't want much out of life. Freedom from constant pain. A little bit of love. A sense of belonging. A way to contribute positive energy to the world around me.

Do you have general practitioner that Is any good? Could they make recommendations?

 

[searchingforthesound]

Do you have general practitioner that Is any good? Could they make recommendations?

Good point. I do. Maybe they could.

All achievable, but only if alive!

I say all, the freedom from constant pain may be a reach, I dunno your circumstance. Periods of much lower pain though? Probably. Also teaching ourselves new ways to relate to our pain can massively improve things albeit fro a different angle

Change though - that will most assuredly happen. Nothing is more certain.

Thing is, I'm lucky and fortunate compared to most. In fact, I used to get annoyed when people would tell me I shouldn't be depressed because things could get A LOT worse. I remember 10 years ago thinking my life was miserable. Now I look back and think I had it really good and wished I'd appreciated what I had. Because things do change. Not always for the better

I'm blessed with good physical health, and the pain I do have is not physical. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. The corporate job I have that pays for that stuff kills my soul, but that's a different story.

I've known people with serious health issues who are living in dire poverty, but still somehow happy. I want to learn how to have a mind like that.

Welcome to mid life crisis. I would have one but my emotional maturity died in my mid to late teens. My life sucks, because of things, I did or didn't do. I no longer have cable. I occasionally buy cheap used dvds, play with my phone, read and run errands. My doctor( who I like asked me to see a shrink and that I should be on disability. I am not open with people face to face. He could see how miserable I am. But alas I keep living
Few would miss me, but look around life is never as good seems to be: for a few select people. Most really successful people don't seem all that happy, when they think no one is watching.

I wish it was only a midlife crisis. Been happening since I was a kid.

 

[Jnowhere]

Good point. I do. Maybe they could.


Thing is, I'm lucky and fortunate compared to most. In fact, I used to get annoyed when people would tell me I shouldn't be depressed because things could get A LOT worse. I remember 10 years ago thinking my life was miserable. Now I look back and think I had it really good and wished I'd appreciated what I had. Because things do change. Not always for the better

I'm blessed with good physical health, and the pain I do have is not physical. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. The corporate job I have that pays for that stuff kills my soul, but that's a different story.

I've known people with serious health issues who are living in dire poverty, but still somehow happy. I want to learn how to have a mind like that.



I wish it was only a midlife crisis. Been happening since I was a kid.

Try never growing up, then being thrown into the real word. I miss alcohol, I mean I wished I had missed it.

 

[searchingforthesound]

Try never growing up, then being thrown into the real word. I miss alcohol, I mean I wished I had missed it.

I know what you mean. If I had missed alcohol a little more often when I was younger, I'd still have people in my life right now.

I guess being free of alcohol is something we can both be grateful for.

 

[Jnowhere]

Try adding physical pain to emotional, it makes for a lot anger and self pity. I know you , don't know me
But you seem healthy and potentially active. You should use that to go places and do more things. ( no dui's, they really suck). I went to 3 different high schools in 3 different states. Mine started at 14.
Around me are implements of death, but here I am. I am not in great health physically, and like I 'very said my doctor, even without anything depression or related, suggest a shrink. I need to buy better insurance, to get a shrink. Had to buy a plan and det a letter, just to buy coverage. Stupid motherfuckers, have screwed up the health care system. My dad was a surgeon and had a lot to say for decades on how the health care system sucks.

 

[Jnowhere]

Didn't know you had alcohol problem, I was only trying to go after my own stupid self. Sorry, I will say this, there are no substances that will not( recreational) bite you in the ass, or worse.
Hey, your healthy, so please try to use that, who knows, you can do what I can't usually, meet real people go out and And try to live life.

 

[Jnowhere]

I meant the real world. To much to list, but if you stick around a few decades, and stay healthy, Pickleball might still be around. But seriously, get out and try avoid the miserable trap I have inadvertently set for myself.
I realize that as we grow older, after thirty or so, if you ain't got kids and a wife or ex-wife's, socializing can be hard. Especially when you get stuck looking at peoples kids pictures or worse, grand kids.
Then you are stuck with people who never left spring break emotionally and turnout to be shallow/ narcissistic and would be sociopaths if more successful.
I have great dreams, they are the I can't remember.
.

 

[BourbonMac]

I've been absent from the forum for a little while, bout a month.
Things got pretty bad, I've already configured my exit strategy of a massive overdose likely before my 30th birthday on the 17th. I don't want to die, but fuck, I'm fucked up, and I don't think there's a way back from this. My drug use has continued and gotten quite a bit heavier.

It's not about turning 30 either, it's just the culmination of the immensely fucked up year this has been, or maybe my life in general. 2023 can fuck itself, what a fucking awful year. I already have all the drugs I'd need to OD but it may not be that pleasant, my body could tank it all and then I'm puking and unable to breathe, barely conscious. I'm not going out without a mega, mega dose of DMT though, because I believe this can help get me back, for a time. If only I had a lifetime supply of the shit, it really is a matchmade in heaven for me. Problems? Just do DMT, they go away, they don't exist, you see them differently.

 

[deficiT]

I've been absent from the forum for a little while, bout a month.
Things got pretty bad, I've already configured my exit strategy of a massive overdose likely before my 30th birthday on the 17th. I don't want to die, but fuck, I'm fucked up, and I don't think there's a way back from this. My drug use has continued and gotten quite a bit heavier.

It's not about turning 30 either, it's just the culmination of the immensely fucked up year this has been, or maybe my life in general. 2023 can fuck itself, what a fucking awful year. I already have all the drugs I'd need to OD but it may not be that pleasant, my body could tank it all and then I'm puking and unable to breathe, barely conscious. I'm not going out without a mega, mega dose of DMT though, because I believe this can help get me back, for a time. If only I had a lifetime supply of the shit, it really is a matchmade in heaven for me. Problems? Just do DMT, they go away, they don't exist, you see them differently.

I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless. Please don't follow through with this. The 20s suck, and this year has been hard. But things can and do get better if we work towards them. Getting older has been more of a blessing than a curse for me. I'm not much older than you.

 

[WellTram]

I quit meth and opioids but since i take bupropion i almost killed myself.

 

[deficiT]

I quit meth and opioids but since i take bupropion i almost killed myself.

Quitting meth and opioids is a big step. What happened with the bupropion? Just negative side effects on your mental health? Talk to your doctor to get it adjusted. Glad you're alright.

 

[WellTram]

After acute WD i was on a lot of meth but sleep was low quality, suddenly i was able to feel everything,. .than i decided to quit meth and doc gave mé another ad, bupropion. Since then i am edgy, suicidal,going out of bed Is the worst...i quit painkillers cause i felt my health Is really fcked up. But after quitting i am totaly zombified i just eat 2 antidepressants, lots of benzos and modafinil can help me wake up but i need a lot, 600-1200mg and as a side effect i am overheating and anxios so i improve it by , 7-15mg alprazolam...i Can use chlorprothexine, Mirtazapine and promethazine to fall asleep but mornings after taking one of these Are ven worse. Also, a few days before christmas my grandfather died. And i dont celebrate christmas but i feel this negative energy surrounding everyone because unnecesary bullshit that for some reason must be done at Christmas...I lost my golden ring, spent Huge amount od money on that Meth..i feel broken. How to calm Down this pain.

 

[neophyte raccoon rezistor]

This nicotine withdrawal seriously makes me suicidal and have some really enraged feelings toward people from my past I hold some insanely strong grudge like resentment don’t call 988 for me I have no plans to harm myself nor them

 

[Isavela6]

This is My new Nick (i forgot My password from my previous Nick Isavela). I have Been thinking suicide The last 5 days, seriously. How, when, with what and when i'm alone at home, so no one can save me or see me dying. This is serious. I wished to die this much almost 2years ago.

 

[AutoTripper]

Fwiw, and I promise no fake or dreamy dramatisation ever, I have veered many times always always though only seeking a better stepping stone.

Last last resort basically.


Yesterday was the outright most fearless about it I've been stirred ever yet.

By fearless, I mean discarding knowing the weight and impact of the consequences on others first because that's it, totally only f right thing to do, Now!

Thinking, in that driven stage.

I literally genuinely begin proposals and arrangements except drugs are always involved first.


I do try taking enough benzo powder to just see, if it stops my tracks, lessee evil? and all!


It often does. But wild q's though, 35 mg's Etiz or Bromazolam maybe, with lots benzo potentiating kava and v stoned 24365


Then, damn legalities.


I have some, ahem...trips! Laying about that's all


And bloody (fuck her ex Majesty for growing selling legally based on firm undisputed science way more medical Skunk vs anyone single ever) MY, vital medical weed.



I bet 40 mg's yesterday by afternoon, did help me avert. Rough though.


Today, I feel unexpectedly different better calmer clearer more optimistic, not wistfully but like a baseball player knowing they're fit with an optimum grip analogy.





So, damn. Trust me I'm tough resilient resourceful hard, but I was lividly crazy with reason, still..


I reasoned timelessly ceaselessly though. I'm f here somehow.

It IS a new day. There may be some level of hope.



Just take lesson maybe, I will keep trying to do that myself.

 

[Nas47]

This is My new Nick (i forgot My password from my previous Nick Isavela). I have Been thinking suicide The last 5 days, seriously. How, when, with what and when i'm alone at home, so no one can save me or see me dying. This is serious. I wished to die this much almost 2years ago.

It was happened to me so many times Isavela....just read my posts years back....U know-that feeling...this is temporarly...like everything...like joy,like life......Best solution for me when devil hit is to fall asleep.U must sleep....Painkillers don't work in such cases for me.No cure for this in pill form.....This thoughts is not yours u know.....something whispering in ur ear....believing or not....find some way to sleep....if u ain't got problems/addictions with benzos or z drugs-take and sleep.Take some strong antipsychotick and SLEEP!The dream cured.....and tortured sometimes......don't loose hope sister....talk this to u...just like talk this to myself.HOPE never will die!Live today.....die some other day.....when is written for u to die

 

[Jen X]

This is My new Nick (i forgot My password from my previous Nick Isavela). I have Been thinking suicide The last 5 days, seriously. How, when, with what and when i'm alone at home, so no one can save me or see me dying. This is serious. I wished to die this much almost 2years ago.

Please don't do anything drastic. Not long ago i felt exactly how you did. Addicted to drugs, lonely and sad. Never thought it would get better but today i'm thankful i pushed through. It does get better, sometimes unexpectedly but it do.

My pm is always open if anyone needs to talk