Random Why did you want or don't want kids?

[G_Chem]

I will never have kids because I don't want to pass my shitty illness genetics on, and because the world is a dumpster fire that will not be made better by adding more people.

Added to that, almost everyone I know who got duped by society into thinking that having kids would be awesome is miserable now. No thanks.

That’s where my heads at.. I’ve suffered so much in my life, I would hate to pass that suffering on. Let the normies have normie kids.

-GC

 

[Tronica]

I respect that you see it that way. I'm sure a lot of people find rearing children worth it. The people in my life who went for it are miserable. Most of them regret having kids but don't regret their kids, if that makes sense.

I was thinking of this thread today when I was interacting with my 1yo. I was genuinely enjoying her company - we were playing with music instruments and it was just pure joy. But yeah there’s also a cluster fuck all around the moments of joy!

 

[Foreigner]

I was thinking of this thread today when I was interacting with my 1yo. I was genuinely enjoying her company - we were playing with music instruments and it was just pure joy. But yeah there’s also a cluster fuck all around the moments of joy!

I've met genuinely happy parents for over the years and I am very happy for them. I don't just mean my first impression either. I spent time with them in their homes and what not. They had their shit together and things seemed pretty balanced on the whole. I also commend parents who make these calculating self-sacrifices to bring these little beings in the world.

What I said was still true though, about my close associations who had kids. They are so miserable. And of course they turn to people like me to ask if I could take their kids for a day so they could get a break. NOPE!

 

[Tronica]

I've met genuinely happy parents for over the years and I am very happy for them. I don't just mean my first impression either. I spent time with them in their homes and what not. They had their shit together and things seemed pretty balanced on the whole. I also commend parents who make these calculating self-sacrifices to bring these little beings in the world.

What I said was still true though, about my close associations who had kids. They are so miserable. And of course they turn to people like me to ask if I could take their kids for a day so they could get a break. NOPE!

Fair enough - it’s a lot to take someone’s kids for a day. Childcare is pretty important for us to get breaks and so we can work. 24/7 care by one or two adults or children is not the way things used to be - the whole “it takes a village” rings true to me but isn’t how at least the society I’m living in is organised anymore…

 

[JackARoe]

I have a lot of respect for parents. The joys, the heartache, it is a long journey. I tip my hat to all my family and friends that have raised kids.

I grew up knowing I never wanted kids. If I analyze that I feel like I already raised kids and I am at that after period. (maybe I raised kids in my last life who knows). My wife also never wanted kids. That is important. Too many people think they can talk their spouse in or out of having children.

Saying that uncle Jack is a Godfather 3 timed over. I said no to the fourth proposal. But I love kids and they love me, I treasure family and friends that have their own family. I mean kids are our future.

Glad some people here are raising kids. Someone has to.

I admit I see people that KNOW they are going to have kids. No question. And I feel a person should follow that. Either way it is important to know your own heart as well as your SO's heart.

 

[jasperkent]

I never had any desire to have children. I wasn't vehemently opposed to the idea, I just didn't have that urge which so many people seem to have. Had I been in a long-term relationship with the right woman I could have been talked into it.

I don't hate kids but I don't particularly like them, either. I didn't particularly like kids when I was a kid and that never changed.

When I was too young and too reckless I did father one child who was given up for adoption at birth. I never regretted that decision, either.

 

[JackARoe]

I don't hate kids but I don't particularly like them, either. I didn't particularly like kids when I was a kid and that never changed.

They grow up to be Elon Musk, the A-hole CEO at my company and all sorts of delightful adults.

Then some grow up as very cool members of BL. That gives me hope.

 

[nepalnt21]

my wife and i didn't feel that strongly about marriage, but we did it anyway just because it seemed like the thing to do. we decided to have our first kid before we were married, and it was pretty much because we wanted to share the joys of life (even if life has a lotta bullshit, it still is pretty cool). and another, the first needed company (also as a backup in case something happened to the first lol jk but seriously...).

it's funny, when i was younger i didn't even want to have kids... but as time progressed and i grew in love with my wife, it just felt natural (i guess i'm a slave to my innate, evolution- driven propensities).

it's the hardest job, and i didn't believe ppl when they said that... but it's worth it.

the first pregnancy was intense... scary close calls, plus the intense labor pains and the pushing my wife went through, and the head squeezing its way out, and then seeing the gross wet blob ploop out onto the delivery bed is definitely the most joyful and powerful memory i have.

(i'm too tired to write that any better lol)

 

[Foreigner]

Fair enough - it’s a lot to take someone’s kids for a day. Childcare is pretty important for us to get breaks and so we can work. 24/7 care by one or two adults or children is not the way things used to be - the whole “it takes a village” rings true to me but isn’t how at least the society I’m living in is organised anymore…

People should make sure their "village" is ready, willing and able before they have kids and not just expect it after the fact.

The economy is collapsing, after all.

 

[Tronica]

People should make sure their "village" is ready, willing and able before they have kids and not just expect it after the fact.

The economy is collapsing, after all.

For sure. I don't think people should expect others to just look after their kids. Sorry if I gave that impression!

The other things to remember about kids is not everyone excepts them and not everyone has a choice. Contraception doesn't always work. Some people don't want to or can't access abortion. And then there they are. I'm glad we did have choices and were able to plan it, and had funds and enough of what we needed to make it work, but I realise that's often not the case.

 

[Foreigner]

For sure. I don't think people should expect others to just look after their kids. Sorry if I gave that impression!

The other things to remember about kids is not everyone excepts them and not everyone has a choice. Contraception doesn't always work. Some people don't want to or can't access abortion. And then there they are. I'm glad we did have choices and were able to plan it, and had funds and enough of what we needed to make it work, but I realise that's often not the case.

In 2023 it's easy to not cause a pregnancy if a person really doesn't want to. There are so many options and in many areas the government will even pay for them. People just like the pleasure and intimacy of barebacking, and will make excuses to do it. *shrug*

People have free will.

 

[Tronica]

In 2023 it's easy to not cause a pregnancy if a person really doesn't want to. There are so many options and in many areas the government will even pay for them. People just like the pleasure and intimacy of barebacking, and will make excuses to do it. *shrug*

People have free will.

Depends.

In terms of women’s options, some of us get bad side effects from hormonal contraceptives. And some people may be mentally unwell for years and not even realise it’s their contraceptive causing it.

There are lower dose hormonal options of course.

Sure, a lot of people don’t like condoms and really they should use them if they don’t want kids - but also known of some condoms breaking… there’s also guys who say they are using one then don’t or remove it… I also have friends who got pregnant while on the pill but they were taking antibiotics or were sick, and it didn’t work

Another issue is just ppl thinking it won’t happen to them. Sounds stupid but having been in a situation myself where for years I was deemed infertile (basically) and after having one pregnancy, everything changed, that was a bit of a shock. Especially as i believed as you get older you get a lot less fertile! Overall yes, but that idea shouldn’t be applied as contraception

 

[Foreigner]

Depends.

In terms of women’s options, some of us get bad side effects from hormonal contraceptives. And some people may be mentally unwell for years and not even realise it’s their contraceptive causing it.

There are lower dose hormonal options of course.

Sure, a lot of people don’t like condoms and really they should use them if they don’t want kids - but also known of some condoms breaking… there’s also guys who say they are using one then don’t or remove it… I also have friends who got pregnant while on the pill but they were taking antibiotics or were sick, and it didn’t work

Another issue is just ppl thinking it won’t happen to them. Sounds stupid but having been in a situation myself where for years I was deemed infertile (basically) and after having one pregnancy, everything changed, that was a bit of a shock. Especially as i believed as you get older you get a lot less fertile! Overall yes, but that idea shouldn’t be applied as contraception

"Condoms breaking"... that is not the reason for most accidental pregnancies.

These are mostly excuses. The majority of people getting accidentally pregnant are not thinking with their brains. They're thinking with their sex drives. Plain and simple.

Most people who get accidentally pregnant make up grandiose stories about how contraception failed so that they won't get shamed for the fact that they barebacked. I've seen this a million times. When you interrogate their logic you find out. I have a family member who recently got pregnant. She was barebacking but said, "My health has been poor for so many years that I didn't even think I could get pregnant." I mean, seriously?

People who have bareback sex are inviting pregnancy.

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

i didn't intend at all on having a kid but ended up with one at 40 - ended up with full custody and did it all myself since she's been 17 months old - yea i had to make sacrifices but sometimes it's not all about you

i didn't have a village set up and still pulled it off almost entirely by myself - sometimes you just gotta go with the flow and take it as it comes



i lived the free life until i was 40 - i didn't miss out on anything - and now that i have a kid, i didn't miss out on that either and i can talk from experience - i have no regrets and it never made me miserable - far from it

 

[porkstock]

I have two kids and I think it's hard enough that anyone who doesn't want kids shouldn't be talked into it.

Worrying about their health is the number one hardest thing.

 

[ions]

Condoms break. That's the best you could ask for.

 

[Salem_is_tired]

Hello. It’s a big question, isn’t it?
I can understand your concerns and doubts.
If you are young enough then maybe you have some time to work it through, too.

I have three kids and at times, yup, I wish I had more alone time, and at times, it just feels like a lot of hard work. It’s cliche I know but the magical bits of it make it worth the tough stuff, for me. I know I’ve grown a lot as an adult by having to make these sacrifices - but then I don’t think any less of adults who don’t have kids. It’s just that there was something that clicked in me when I first looked after baby #1… a few weeks in, I looked at my own parents with completely new eyes. I actually realised what they had done for me. At 34 years of age, until I’d had my own, I hadn’t really appreciated them. So, there’s that!

In terms of being 100% sure or your partner before committing to children with them, well, no one can ever be truly sure. Things may change. In my case we are still together and it feels stronger than ever. But I also want to leave room for my partner to grow and for me to grow - ideally we grow together - but there’s got to be enough space somehow for all 5 human beings in our house to occupy and work out who we are becoming.

Letting go of control is something you learn through parenting. It’s a worthwhile lesson!

Best of luck working it through

Hi!

Mother of three? Oh my, all my respect is your's Tronica The longest time I have ever with little kids were that few times my aunt asked my to babysit them (two boy, 3 and 1 year old) and I wanted to crawl out of my skin in panic while that few hours.
I actually talked with my partner regarding it, and (luckily, it was not a surprise) he understood my fears and told me, he will not ask me to do anything I don't want to. The pregnancy scares me for two main reasons: I hate body horror, and hate it when something "happens" with my body I cannot control or hurts me (like injuries, one of my knees is really fucked up, and when my kneecap decide to jump out of its place, I want to vomit even as I only just look at it) and "something" growing in me, is just twist my mind so much. I'm also really scared how I would deal whit the changes my body goes through during and after pregnancy and giving birth, especially with my body dysmorphia.

Thank you for your kind answer

 

[Tronica]

People who have bareback sex are inviting pregnancy.

I can see that, especially if no other contraception is involved.
but my friends when I was in my late teens who got pregnant while taking the pill daily - I mean, they really thought contraceptive pill was enough. normally it is, but in that instance.
another one I know where they went on the pill after having two kids already and got pregnant with a third, after which the guy got himself a vasectomy for extra protection. That couple were pretty fertile...

The thing not yet mentioned is sex is not always done with consent. Pregnancy is not always the result of consent between two informed adults. also know someone recently in my friendship group who ended up with a baby after rape, and she went ahead with it for various reasons, even though she had PTSD from the event. So... it's complex, hopefully most of us can agree on that.

 

[Tronica]

The pregnancy scares me for two main reasons: I hate body horror, and hate it when something "happens" with my body I cannot control or hurts me (like injuries, one of my knees is really fucked up, and when my kneecap decide to jump out of its place, I want to vomit even as I only just look at it) and "something" growing in me, is just twist my mind so much. I'm also really scared how I would deal whit the changes my body goes through during and after pregnancy and giving birth, especially with my body dysmorphia.

I think these are really valid concerns. Pregnancy is really full-on. It's a metamorphosis - and definitely is something where you are surrendering to a process which is not within your control. And that can be scary. In the end getting through those fears allowed me to grow from my pregnancies and use them to strengthen me (that may not make sense but that's been my individual experience of them) - but I think I was also lucky. My body and I enjoyed pregnancy and even birthing (well not really 'enjoyed' but I found the whole experience pretty awesome and amazing - like a peak experience). Whereas I know many others who had a really bad time being pregnancy and/or had really traumatic birthing experiences, so all of that isn't fun. Pregnancy can kill and that's bloody scary - the baby and/or the birthing person/mother. I can why, for many, that's enough to put them off the whole experience of bringing children into the world as the birthing component of the equation (or even the partner supporting, as they have even less control!).

 

[yubacity]

After every beating and broken rib by the old man I always said I will never do this to my kids I will tell them I love them every day.

32 years later I have 3 girls and one boy I tell them every day how much I love them no matter what our door is always . I have never raised my hand to them the chain can be broken.

When you hold your child in your hands for the first time its a lov e like no other straight away you have such love for them .

I have been an addict for 32 years but i built a good home along with my wife for them . My boy is 13 and i still pin him down and give him a kiss the old man treated us three boys as a punching bag and my sister as a princess would break our hearts but i use that pain to makem sure i give all my kids equal love to the point they all get presents when it is one of their birthdays.