Hi, I'm Foxy.
i have no idea what my email was or what happened to my old account but idc better to start off new.
I have been an off and on user of meth and other things (sometimes ket every so often, weed when off meth, benzos) and it's quite defeated my life. I had a fairly successful life career going in the US government at a three letter agency but a lot of what I experienced in Afghanistan, as an operative and speaker of the tongue, made me shift from wanting to support my country to sort of realizing the just... badness we caused. This has created some serious PTSD and trauma that is still ongoing and has, after a couple concussions, also exacerbated bipolar and BPD issues I have. I have a feeling the drug use may have contributed well, it certainly did, but I have been doing better.
I am a veteran and have many sortie hours in combat over Afghanistan earlier in the previous decade. Since I got out over mental health issues, coping with what I did and how many people I led to hurt has seriously devastated my ability to not relapse, etc. I want to say this in case any other veterans have these issues, since we often hear of homelessness and alcoholism; but a lot of us turned to hard drugs, y'know? And an otherwise successful young person with the ability to pick up languages quickly and could be the top of their class in any subject can be mentally torn apart by war and the effects of it and end up homeless. I had the option to continue, numb my empathy, and be making $100k+/yr at the moment being an intelligence contractor for Palantir or some other horrible company, but I chose to follow my ethics and conscience and would rather be homeless than have to hurt or kill anymore people, and so here I am broke and near homeless haha. But my conscience is clear and though I deal with the scars of the past I am committed to a life of education and nonviolence. '
I have a lot of experience in pharmacology, harm reduction, and care over the years since I like to both study and enjoy the therapeutic side of tripsitting and the like. I owe a lot to the tripsit irc back in the day.
I want to be sober but life makes it hard when it's so easy to just ignore all the stress with a line or two. I keep trying, though.