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TDS Introduce Yourself! Version: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 你好!

Hello, LifeIsStrange--I agree with your user name--life is strange!:\ I admire your ability to write in a language other than your native language. If you need any help navigating the site, let a mod know. Welcome to Bluelight!<3
 
Hi, my name is Tpfisher83 and I'm relatively new to actually posting here. I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm caught in the grips of heroin/opiate addiction again, i was clean for over 2 years but had to be put on a favorite narcotic of mine. Percocet 10/325 and I ended up eating em like skittles. Things got out of control extremely fast, and I've found myself dopesick, and totally afraid of myself. I'm not at the worst part of the sickness yet. The facts of my situation are this...I have a very legitimate medical reason to be on the percocets but i forgot how quickly these thing lose their potency with me. I was getting that warm feeling all dope fiends crave and then all of a sudden I was having to swallow 5-6 pills at a time to get that same level of euphoria. i will be able to get a new script on monday but that means i have the whole period of sickness ahead of me unless i go cop dope or manipulate a doctor. in all fairness, i had asked my surgeon to consider trying a stronger medication but he said he wasn't allowed. i dont understand why a neurosurgeon wouldnt be allowed to prescribe whatever he sees fit. but hey, hes the doctor. I'm a complete mess right now and I swore I'd never be here again. I live in the Midwestern USA by the way
 
TPfisher83 said:
Hi, my name is Tpfisher83 and I'm relatively new to actually posting here. I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm caught in the grips of heroin/opiate addiction again, i was clean for over 2 years but had to be put on a favorite narcotic of mine. Percocet 10/325 and I ended up eating em like skittles. Things got out of control extremely fast, and I've found myself dopesick, and totally afraid of myself. I'm not at the worst part of the sickness yet. The facts of my situation are this...I have a very legitimate medical reason to be on the percocets but i forgot how quickly these thing lose their potency with me. I was getting that warm feeling all dope fiends crave and then all of a sudden I was having to swallow 5-6 pills at a time to get that same level of euphoria. i will be able to get a new script on monday but that means i have the whole period of sickness ahead of me unless i go cop dope or manipulate a doctor. in all fairness, i had asked my surgeon to consider trying a stronger medication but he said he wasn't allowed. i dont understand why a neurosurgeon wouldnt be allowed to prescribe whatever he sees fit. but hey, hes the doctor. I'm a complete mess right now and I swore I'd never be here again. I live in the Midwestern USA by the way
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hey TPfish, welcome to TDS. :)
was it just that with your new ability to access percs that you started abusing them? or has there been other factors that led you to addiction again? (how did you injure yourself)
if i was in your position i would tell your doctor that you have a history of addiction and are worried about abusing your pain meds, and see if you could get something weaker (codeine? something less fiendish) or see what your options are?
i think it could be a mistake to get the new script if it means that you continue on the cycle of addiction. 2 years is a long clean time ! it would suck for that to go to waste.
our minds make it so easy to rationalise abusing drugs to escape, but at some point there has to be a decision to explore what issues you are running from.
 
I want to do a re-introduction. I want to show some of the newer members who I am, but also where I came from here on BL.

So hello, I'm dilated_pupils, and I've been posting and learning and yearning for information on just about anything chemical/drug related since I was a young teen. I devoted a lot of time in learning about the effects of chemicals before taking them. I remember the age I was at when I did this, 16, and all my friends always thought I was the go-to guy to make sure something was safe (mainly ecstasy back then). I was always the fun guy to party with, always the fun guy to have the good (as in potent, not cut) drugs, always knew what I was doing. I will admit it was fun, but looking back I should have conveyed to people more often how they needed to do the research themselves.

I take some peoples words with a grain of salt, I however am a trustworthy person, but how did all these people know what I was saying is true? My point being anyone here in the Dark Side posting needs to consider the fact that we need to be well informed and understand what we're putting in our bodies.

That being said this goes for over the counter, prescription, and illegal drugs - there is no difference when it comes to our bodies and the reactions. We need to be upfront and honest or we will never figure out exactly how we're feeling.

So as years passed, I got involved in BL a lot, wanted to be a mod, but in the end I couldn't commit the time compared to my drug use. I still have feelings over that, but I have had my share of popular threads that still shine today in BL, and I'm happy to see some of my ideas are still floating around. Back before we perminant threads devoted to things, everyone did "MEGA* threads and such, and my one on depression was me at my finest time. I wanted to help people but didn't realize how much help I needed. I knew giving was my best bet (I assume that's what I told myself) rather than getting help myself.

I urge anyone whose come here to post to not look at it as a gloomy and dark place but rather a beacon of hope and understanding. A majority of my posts surrounded this forum section and it was for a reason - but I was not all about being down about myself, I was about reaching out and opening up and trying to find myself. I'm still trying to do that but I don't have any ill feelings for doing and being what I consider to be a good person and neither should you.

I hope you all feel welcome and feel free to check out my threads from those years and if you ever need a friend or some advice thrown at you, PM me (I can't promise I'll always be online but I will try).

dilated_pupils
 
dilated_pupils said:
I want to do a re-introduction. I want to show some of the newer members who I am, but also where I came from here on BL.

So hello, I'm dilated_pupils, and I've been posting and learning and yearning for information on just about anything chemical/drug related since I was a young teen. I devoted a lot of time in learning about the effects of chemicals before taking them. I remember the age I was at when I did this, 16, and all my friends always thought I was the go-to guy to make sure something was safe (mainly ecstasy back then). I was always the fun guy to party with, always the fun guy to have the good (as in potent, not cut) drugs, always knew what I was doing. I will admit it was fun, but looking back I should have conveyed to people more often how they needed to do the research themselves.

I take some peoples words with a grain of salt, I however am a trustworthy person, but how did all these people know what I was saying is true? My point being anyone here in the Dark Side posting needs to consider the fact that we need to be well informed and understand what we're putting in our bodies.

That being said this goes for over the counter, prescription, and illegal drugs - there is no difference when it comes to our bodies and the reactions. We need to be upfront and honest or we will never figure out exactly how we're feeling.

So as years passed, I got involved in BL a lot, wanted to be a mod, but in the end I couldn't commit the time compared to my drug use. I still have feelings over that, but I have had my share of popular threads that still shine today in BL, and I'm happy to see some of my ideas are still floating around. Back before we perminant threads devoted to things, everyone did "MEGA* threads and such, and my one on depression was me at my finest time. I wanted to help people but didn't realize how much help I needed. I knew giving was my best bet (I assume that's what I told myself) rather than getting help myself.

I urge anyone whose come here to post to not look at it as a gloomy and dark place but rather a beacon of hope and understanding. A majority of my posts surrounded this forum section and it was for a reason - but I was not all about being down about myself, I was about reaching out and opening up and trying to find myself. I'm still trying to do that but I don't have any ill feelings for doing and being what I consider to be a good person and neither should you.

I hope you all feel welcome and feel free to check out my threads from those years and if you ever need a friend or some advice thrown at you, PM me (I can't promise I'll always be online but I will try).

dilated_pupils
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Fuck man long time no see :) . Jesus i don't even know how many years it's been since we talked it's been that long. It's always nice to see some familiar long lost faces from the old days and i am really glad your still around and kicking and seem to be doing better. Don't be a stranger around these parts and as you can see there are still a few old geezers kicking around ;)
 
paranoid android said:
Fuck man long time no see :) . Jesus i don't even know how many years it's been since we talked it's been that long. It's always nice to see some familiar long lost faces from the old days and i am really glad your still around and kicking and seem to be doing better. Don't be a stranger around these parts and as you can see there are still a few old geezers kicking around ;)
Click to expand...

Yeah man, I can't believe I was 16 when I created this account and I'm now getting jokes from my older brother about heading towards my 30's. It's crazy right?
I'm glad you're still a moderator, it's a tough job, I'm sure people realize it, but for those who don't it takes a lot of devotion to put your issues into perspective and constantly be giving advice. The PM system and other forms of communication between other long term members or outside support are what keep them going (the mods/admins) - it's not possible to forget yourself and just have advice - although I don't speak for everyone because some of us do get our help from helping others, as well as divulging our issues and working as a team (so don't get me wrong it's not all bad!).

Anyway, sincerely member since 2006 and still a mod, I love it. Thanks for still being around :)

Happy holidays, and feel free to hit me up and we can catch up!

-dp
 
Hi there!

I'm JenGarden/JenReborn and I'm a moderator at r/quittingkratom on Reddit!

I am a biochem student with medical school aspirations, and I'm setting up a website to help people deal with quitting Kratom and other research chemicals. :)

I'm an experienced moderator on Reddit, and am close IRL friends with a member who I am currently helping to quit kratom and I want to bridge the resources between the Bluelight recovery group and Reddit's!

Let's talk! I am available here or on Reddit as /u/JenReborn.
 
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Hi! I'm Greene0Kelly :D, a substance addiction blogger at recoveryexperts.com. I am willing to help as much as I can about people's lives in recovery and wanna learn from you guys, too. I already proved that people in recovery are very tough ;)
 
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Hi JenGarden and GreeneOKelly, and welcome to the Recovery forums at Bluelight! I look forward to your contributions.:)<3
 
Well i havent posted here yet. I am just an opiate addict and also have an issue with alcohol. Opiates started when i was 14 and by 15 i had a needle in my arm. You name it and ive tried it (except RC's, ive done a few but still only dabbled). I love all opiates but around here and with my income its best to be economic and simply buy H. Its cheap <snip> If anyone has any questions or just wants to talk or know more about me just send me a pm. I used to be a member on another site for quite a few years but that site is now gone so i find myself here to talk among others who share similar experiences and whatnot. I cant really talk to many people in my life about my problems and addictions so i use these forums as a bit of an escape where i can talk about everything and not be judged or persecuted for my choices and vices. Anyway i guess i should get to making an avatar as i do enjoy graphic art a bit even though im not that good. See you guys around!
 
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Hello, 58 year old from Manchester UK. I had a stem cell transplant 2 years ago. Things are good right now but along the way too many drugs have been in my system it's hard to remember the names of the good one's
 
Hi,
I'd like to begin by saying with a sincerity that I hope you all every one are doing well and have a groovy gravy day friends!! Mr.Dosed2Hard is the name and it represents the exact reason as to why I'm here in TDS. I reside in the Southern, US. I have browsed the forums for information for as long as I can remember along with a select few other sources. I love the vibes that blossom from BlueLight and the community intent on helping whomever, whenever, and however possible.
This section in particular really caught my eye due to my current situation and things going on in my life. I'm still only a spruce-ling at the ripe age of 20 but have found myself in a rather difficult stage of my life. I have been an addict of several substances since I was 13. I won't be specific but I've tried all common street substances and a hefty number of the RC's in circulation.
I am in search of advice however. Someone to relate. Guidance. Anything that could possibly aid me in my search for what exactly it is that I have going on in my head. Other than psychosis I have this kind of fetish... It's not your typical everyday pleasure fetish per say but it makes me feel what I would define as pure ecstasy or natural happiness on the inside.
I have an addiction to having addictions.... I enjoy every moment of slowly and indirectly diminishing my health to the point of utter death by exhaustion... I'm not a dark person either. Even my socks and boxers are tye-dye. I'm not hated by anybody I know of. Plenty of friends. Lots of attention from others..... I don't know what drives me to this though. It's selfish I know but I can stop doing strong stimulants no problem... Just not this.... It might be what's taking my life, but at the same time it's the only thing keeping me happy enough to continue.
You all give me new hope for a solution I must admit. Each of you have such amazing lives and unique minds, each one a beautiful abstract work of art only truly understood by the painter themselves!!
Love & Slugs,
- Mr.Dosed2Hard
 
Hello lovely people. This site has saved my life a couple of times from reading accounts of addiction, overdose and recovery. It seems like there are lots of awesome people on here and I would love to get to know everyone more.
I live in Japan, where doctors hand out Etizolam like candy. I thought that was great at first.
 
I'm Ryan. From Midwest U.S. Long history of drug abuse. Nearly every drug save ketamine. RX opiates in the military (pain management). Then I was kicked out of the Army for a DUI that was dismissed after I got out because it was due to RX pills- soma, norco 10s and lorazepam. After I got out of the military and had VA healthcare I jumped to IV heroin and IV cocaine for nearly three years. Was on subs and detoxed then went on methadone 110mg a day for nearly two years. I got it for free at VA methadone clinic, so money wasn't an issue. But was still IVing dope on a near daily basis with cocaine (lemon juice on crack and then speedball). But I cold turkeyed it all in February 2014 and went through such a withdrawal hell that I can only describe as abject misery. Cold turkey off a 2g a day IV habit plus methadone 110mg for near two years put me in the worst withdrawal I have ever been subject too. Used loperamide for almost a year just to cope with the lingering and ongoing methadone withdrawal. Then I kicked that but unfortunately did some IV dope to kick loperamide. I know it's insane but the misery of long term acute withdrawal is hard to bear and I caved. I've now been totally clean for ten days but used lyrica to cope. It really helped. Now I'm off everything. Opiate addiction is the most horrendous monster ever faced. I'm married and receive VA and SSDI for my military injuries but I want to work again and not be that disabled clown you sometimes see who never bathes. Let's hope for the best.
 
Hi! So sorry you have pain management problems... I totally understand, I have lupus with makes my joints be on fire when I try to quit... Not only do I have physical problems when I try to quit but I also kinda lose my mind to... Last time I tried cold turkey, I ended up in a state mental hospital for unbelievable panic attacks.... I'm seriously considering methadone, it will help with pain and and craving/panic I have every second for months after I quit.... I just can't deal with the paws I guess... I have tried subs twice before, one time I got pregnant so I wd because my doc wanted to switch to methadone(with still causes an addicted baby so I cold turkey successfully then even had a year clean.. But since I've been on h and pod tea for about four years now detox is a nightmare that never ends.... The second time I tried subs I was still getting panic attacks so my doc put me on ativan which I heavily abused and ended up stopping my subs.. Couple days later I took a lethal dose of morphine and about twenty ativan... I calmly walked to the ambulance and watched them strap me in and all the sudden they stabbed me with narcan and what followed was an hour it seemed like of pure torture and while I was screaming the ambulance driver literally laughed in my face at my misery.... I guess he thought I might learn my lesson. instead it caused my relapse to get off ativan, so I would stop blacking out and almost killing myself... I guess I just don't see how to get off street opiates without maintenance and at this point subs don't really work like I need them too.... Anyway I guess I just wanted to ask y'all's opinion...I know if I want to get clean there will be some pain but I also don't want to lose my mind and job and apartment trying to get there... Thanks for any advice ya'll could give me... After over a decade in afraid I'll never make and statistics say I'm right unfortunately....
Thanks again!
Ziebug
 
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Greeneokelly- i havent been able to check out your work yet on the other site. Anyway you are a substance abuse/addiction blogger. What is your situation and do you currently struggle with your own? btw i am a 29 year old offset printing press operator currently battling a buprenorphine dependancy and im just looking for some people with a similar situation and im trying to gain knowledge from those with experience.
 
You went through an incredibly wretched experience and i am impressed with your progress. I understand your situation as we are not very different. I realize the difficulty in taking phentanyl for awhile and trying not to become dependent on the medication. Thats where my buprenorphine dependancy developed. Anyway you are luckily on a high dose of clonazepam. At 6mg a day you should definitely be able to manage the present anxiety.
 
Just introducing myself. Benzo addict at tolerance after multiple failed attempts at tapering under medical supervision. Not sure what to do with all this anxiety.
 
Hey TDS community!

They call me Nate Dog, currently residing in Los Angeles after running from place to place. Born and raised in Texas- lived throughout the East Coast and overseas in Hong Kong as well to run away from my addiction. Been in rehab twice and over time my addiction always catches up to me. I was clean almost 2 years here working in the entertainment industry but I guess it finally caught up to me. Started with some addy, moved onto other stims like meth and coke... then to the benzos, then my DOC... opiates- preferably blues. Full blown relapse and it's been living hell to use and go to work daily. Nobody knows about my struggles here because in Hollywood, reputation is all you have to carry you onto your next job. I have seen lots of inspirational posts and learned a lot about things on this site that I finally decided to make an account of my own- the same day that I am kicking the habit and starting on day 1 of my recovery. Cold sweats, headaches, feeling like trash, not eating are some of the overall feelings I feel right now but I am determined to stay free. One of the things I have not been able to do is to reach out to a support group. I have thought about going to NA meetings here but after writing this post, I feel much better and determined to see this through. Thank you BL'ers and I hope everyone stays strong =)
 
Hello. I used to be an opiate addict, shot heroin/morphine. Quit about 5 years ago. I started doing heroin on a daily basis because of severe depression, panic attacks etc. Back then I thought that it was a better option than suicide. I still have the same problems with my mental health and my physical health is now, after doing drugs for a long time, not good either. I am not able to work, for example. I have friends and family but no one to talk to about my past with drugs. So that's why I'm here. I still feel like a junkie and would like to change that. Feel better about myself. And also be healthier physically.
 
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