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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Hey man, nice to see you post, what's up, how's it been going with you? :) It's okay, turns out we're just waiting to address the remaining issues til Monday so my weekend is safe. I'm going to go over to my friend's house soon and practice with their band, I love jamming with those guys and they told me the other day that they want me to sit in and play a whole show with them on the 13th. Pretty excited, they're awesome and want me to play with them more. Other than that, the divorce is soon, I just found out I'll have my divorce court date assigned for a day in the week of the 10th, so quite soon. A little nervous about it but I'm also eager to just get it over with. Gonna go visit my family for 10 days on the 16th, with my girlfriend. Excited about that. Also my girl has totally moved into my house and it's awesome, I love it. She pays me rent and my house looks nicer than it ever has. I have my office (also the atrium/sun room) full of orchids mostly, and other plants. Just got a big shelf so we can fit more. I also have several awesome ferns.

NSFW:

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Ugh... Monday night I took propylhexedrine and got really drunk... I hadn't done that in a while. Got semi-unresponsive drunk, barely remember the Uber home, my girlfriend told me she was talking to me before I went to bed and I was unresponsive. :\ I hate that shit. I had a wretched hangover, one of the worst ever, all yesterday, and today I feel like I caught a cold. Fucking drugs man. Hopefully this will remind me why I decided not to do this...
 
^I got drunk 3 days in a row on the weekend and still feel hungover.

It's Finland's Independence Day tomorrow, we're turning 101.
 
Didn't get too sick after my first chemo round. It MESSED UP my vein when it got injected tho. Apparently this kind (oxalaplatin) is really hard on veins. Felt like I had a severe sunburn inside my vein. Like, you know that "crinkly" feeling when you move around a part of your body that is sun burned? Felt like that. The nurse said other patients say it feels like crystals ripping your vein, I understood that explanation too.

So now I decided to have a chemoport put in me instead of getting injected in my arm. Got a device stuck between my ribs near my right nipple that has a line going directly to my superior Veena cava. Supposed to be a lot more tolerable getting the chemo this way.

My arm still feels messed up a week later. My whole left forearm feels bruised.

Oh and xorkoth, you were in my dream last night. I had a computer monitor with sliders I could adjust for how much I trust someone or something like that? They had preset positions based on prior interactions with them, but I could also adjust them higher or lower based on my feelings. Some of the lower ones didn't have names associated with them somehow, just gave me feelings about who the person was. I had a real good feeling off of one of those, and slid it up, and after I got it past a certain threshold it revealed the name and it was you. :p
 
Oh haha, nice. :) That makes me smile. I was feeling kinda down because I am getting a cold and my delayed the final court date that was supposed to be next week to February.
 
I am feeling down because I am nearly a year clean from those opiates and still nowhere near functional. At least I can take a cute french girl on a hot date but my life has been hit by a hurricane. It has been shattered to pieces so bad I am still waking up a month away from a a year to the damage done. Don't mean to be depressing but, it sometimes heroin addiction is and that shit haunts you, man. Maybe I should try microdosing ibogaine every time I surf this subthread the idea comes to mind lol. I've become a straight up caffeine junky anyway and that stuff was working great, still have both the TAE and pure chemical around.
 
first dose of chemo has my pain DRAMATICALLY reduced an my tumor in my neck definitely shrinking considerably! this is my first time doing chemo since starting the ketogenic diet, i have a really good feeling about this time, despite the fact that the science says it only has a 10-15% chance of curing me.
 
Alright tnw! thumbs up all things considered man :)
Hope it keeps retreating!

Sorry about the delay i got confused about the social threads, nice sunroom there man X i love it.. that seems like such a great place anyway, we hardly even have real nature here let alone wilderness.

Good that things are wrapping up with the divorce, i think you can use some closure by now.

Clarity is so important.. at this point I think I would prefer just to know more about my perspective over achievements. Whatever happens I know I will have interests and a lot of stuff to do, even if i have trouble getting organized and staying on one thing to seriously achieve stuff (and make some money in the process). But the tension created by "promises" of achieving something is what can be killing on a regular basis. Thankfully they are not busting my ass about applying for any jobs cause they realize that I would waste away on low level jobs but I also have a long way to go for high level jobs (I mean like in science / academics etc not management).. they wasted a year of my life just waiting on applying for trainingships and bureaucracy and shit and I burned them for it so they leave me alone now and are super enthoused that i am trying to start a company and get into research through alternative means.

But for now it still feels like i am just fucking around and experimenting with (not using as drugs) plants and fungi and other science and art silliness. In january the pilot to grow fungi at the art academy can finally start (I built a grow tent there) but I am skeptical about being able to bill them decently. They can't pay for a real consultant.

An offer for doing research on some agricultural project (using fungi in a novel way) is pending too but I am losing faith in the company I am working with. They are into blue economy but in reality they take ages to set stuff up, unwilling or unable to put more manpower and investment of materials on it. I am not an expert on business but it doesn't seem like you can achieve much that way in a decent amount of time unless you don't really care if things take years. I'm not doing work for free anymore for them.

Orchids are really sensitive aren't they?

@ Shroomy: I didn't have my life together either after a year although i admit i wasn't on IV heroin exactly but still, I did opiates. PAWS did suck balls although not as much as benzo's.. I mean when you quit first your feelings all come back and it's hard, but then after that settles a bit everything just seems to suck and it is just impossible to imagine that things will get better or that you can do it without resorting to drugs, although ibogaine is something in an atypical category..
I have never been clinically depressed aside from PAWS and other drug effects but I guess in a pit like that it's not just hard to see how things could get better but it also makes it hard to get things started up or be resourceful to find ways to get a feeling of fulfilment. The latter seems absolutely vital though, as a healthy replacement for the fulfilment/reward the drugs made you feel. I realize not everyone is in the same situation though but that doesn't mean the same principle doesn't apply.

I just went through a difficult setback but psychedelic therapy yesterday helped so much to reset me. But earlier in the week I was already preparing to reset myself and basically set myself up for it. It really does "start" with wanting to get better, as a first incentive to get in motion and keep repeating that with every setback.
 
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Sounds like you have some cool projects going on. :) It's good you're looking to get involved in something you're passionate about as IME that's one of the keys to a fulfilled life. Especially if you're able to hold off and work towards that without being forced to do something soul-destroying in the meantime.
 
Well, our lovely Cream Gravy has been stepped down as a mod... let's all wish him the best as he ships off to basic training. He's working to be an officer in the military to give himself a lot more opportunities for future education and pay. We love you, man! <3
 
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Wuts up guys.

Started a new job at this restaurant that just opened. Working lots of hours which is a good thing. Had some mishaps with benzos lately but I'm back on track. Life has been going pretty good generally.

Glad to see all the familiar faces :)
 
Hey man, glad to hear you're doing well. :)

I have a super busy week this week... I'm starting to play with my friend's band, we have a show on Thursday and I've only had a few practices with them and it's mostly originals. So yesterday I went over and practiced for a few hours with the guitar player, I wrote down the basic of every song (and cover) and practiced with just him. Tonight I'm going to my own band's practice. Then tomorrow I'm taking a half day off work and doing a dress rehearsal with the full band of my friend's band. Then Thursday night is the show (2 hour and a half sets). Then Saturday me and my girl and flying to Illinois to visit my family for Christmas. I have the whole week and a half I'll be there off work, so it'll be nice to relax and spend some time with family.

My friend's band wants me to join it fully and go touring with them for several months a year. I can't though, I have a 9-5:30 job and a mortgage. So instead I'm going to It's crazy because the lead guitar player is younger than me and he also works in programming, however he doesn't program anymore, instead of he leads teams and recruits people. He makes more money than I do and he can just spend a few hours a day on the phone. He is able to go touring for months at a time while still making his ~$70k a year salary. Talk about set up...
 
Yeah good to see you guys!

And I agree about doing something fulfilling. It's hard for me when at the incredible places I work at as volunteer (but soon paid) like the art academy, they are often either so busy that I can feel sidelined and I know I could help like in the wood workshop but my colleage there tends to be so swamped, frazzled and artistically goofy (An American but I swear the sweetest and most playful and himself guy I've ever known (and really popular because of it)) that I just don't get assigned to something although it's cool that I shopped some tools for myself like an oak unit for triple magnetic stirrer, and a foil dispenser both for my lab.

I'm glad you are doing so much with music, X. You are always talking about it, obviously passionate about it that's good to see! And doing shows is really cool. I've never been one for ensemble music performance but am also just anxious about performing and am just not extraverted that way or so I think. But wouldn't you say you get used to it (i think that is a known fact)?

The rest of the month I don't wanna put any pressure on anything; some solo therapeutic process, finalized and consolidated by that ETH-LAD helped me see how I was caring way too much about everything I was trying to do. Which cramped me up with anxiety and overreactions... made it really hard when things didn't work out and put the bar really high (i always have perfectionism).

But, I still hope I can make time to play around again with sound and music! I was asked to perform at an experimental polypoetry thing which is pretty interesting but I never really did that much with language before. And I hate the cliche beat poetry but maybe I've only seen caricatures. I have since also seen some more artistically interesting performances. It is also encouraged to involve modern technology..
An old dadaist hippy artist friend, the one who invited me has used google translate before to go through multiple different languages to get interesting stuff. So simple yet so effective lol!

That isn't until january. First I will install my new flowhood and turn my kitchen into a modular clean room to work with mushrooms.
 
I would say you do get used to ensemble music and performance. When I first started playing in a small band, it was so nerve-wracking to perform, and at first, even to play in private with others. However I grew up playing both solo classical piano and also percussion in a concert band, which is a whole different kind of ensemble... it's less intense because there are like 50 people so you're just one of many. Whereas in my band I'm one of 4 (it was one of 3 for years), so everything I do is right there in the open.

Playing with others is WAY more fun and fulfilling than playing alone though. You get to combine your ideas with the ideas of others to make something greater than you could imagine. Improvising with others is the absolute best, the absolute height of euphoria and inspiration I've ever reached (and repeatedly) is when improvising with others who I have a good connection with. I love playing by myself too but it just doesn't compare.
 
pharmakos said:
first dose of chemo has my pain DRAMATICALLY reduced an my tumor in my neck definitely shrinking considerably! this is my first time doing chemo since starting the ketogenic diet, i have a really good feeling about this time, despite the fact that the science says it only has a 10-15% chance of curing me.
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Good good good mate <3
 
Shadowmeister said:
Well, our lovely Cream Gravy has been stepped down as a mod... let's all wish him the best as he ships off to basic training. He's working to be an officer in the military to give himself a lot more opportunities for future education and pay. We love you, man! <3
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Nice das awesome gravy cream! <3 Also if this is your subtle way of asking me to mod....of course I accept! Congrats pharma that's great to hear!
 
I had a really fun night last night... I played a show with my friend's band. Well I guess it's sort of my band now too, they really want me to join, and I want to, though I won't be able to tour with them because I have too much of a work obligation. But I love those guys, the drummer is an old friend I used to be in a different band with 4 years ago. I had 3 practices within the last week, learned about 15 original songs, and went up on stage. It was super fun, they have a bit of a following and we played at a cool venue downtown that I've played at before. The crowd was really into it. My friend got a gram of coke and it was the best I've had in a while. We played from 10:30 til 2 and then I went to an afterparty that some guy was having at an AirBnB he was renting. On the Uber ride home I was talking to the guy... the topic of bears came up, as it often does (people love to talk about bears around here), and the guy was like "dude, this guy I gave a ride to told me story about how a bear opened his car door and stole a peach!" I was like... dude that was me! And we realized he had given me a ride like a month ago but neither of us noticed until he told me my own story. =D I fucking LOLed and so did he. Apparently he's been telling my story all over town, too. So I gave him a few more, such as how 4 bears opened my garage door to eat a bag of garbage that was in there.
 
Huh my liver tests revealed that the levels were pretty high. Time to cut back drinking, at least doing a dry january.

Bought benzos for the first time in years, chilling on 2mg clonazepam atm
 
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