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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Sorry for typos my friend im not on my comp. just as younwould benefit from 4 times as much morphine, i would be efit from 4 times as much valium. Which is a heavy dose but not entirely unreasonable considering my problems, amd it would allow me to eschew etizolam from my life. If we mention the meds are not working as well though then we are drug seekers i guess. Really its just not what they want to hear since it means they suck at treating us and high doses put heat on them almost like dealing it seems. My smart doctor referred me to a pain clinic that does stuff other than opiates so ya im not just sitting around possessed i gotta find a used car too
 
Kids up here do “xanx” i dont understand it. How is alprazolam a recreational drug? Have people really become that uncomfortable around each other. These xans are pressed by criminals and laced with all sorrs of stuff. Lil peep died taking them but knew the risks well.
Anyways, teenagers taking xanax at parties totally unaware of the risks is impacting my treatment of panic disorder. It is irritating as fuck because i dont find valium abusive and they seem to think its the most abusive one. Its really good at relaxing muscles amd keeping panic attacks away for a long time. But the doctor always knows best.

see my back is in fucking agony at the moment. A painflare that is rare. It is excruciating. I almost want to go to the hospital to be honest. It is that bad and there is nothing i can do about it. I dont have diacetylmorphine, hydromorphone, or oxycodone around. I could sure as hell use a fucking pericet right now. I wanted to ask my doctor for one a week for these incidents that is 5mg a week compared to way more a day but felt too uncomfortable. It’s insa ity im going to pass out from the pain. Id do a line in a heartbeat no hesitation. The dope dealers have more compassion anyway for fucks sake but im seriously cinsidering the hospital, all the stress caught up with me ive been reckless and its killing me now
 
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ShroomySatori said:
Kids up here do “xanx” i dont understand it. How is alprazolam a recreational drug? Have people really become that uncomfortable around each other. These xans are pressed by criminals and laced with all sorrs of stuff. Lil peep died taking them but knew the risks well.
Anyways, teenagers taking xanax at parties totally unaware of the risks is impacting my treatment of panic disorder. It is irritating as fuck because i dont find valium abusive and they seem to think its the most abusive one. Its really good at relaxing muscles amd keeping panic attacks away for a long time. But the doctor always knows best.
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I'm not trying to insult or scare u bro, hope u didn't get that idea. Nothing like that actually, I'm just pointing out the facts.

And yes the doctors up here are fucked. Terrified of opioids because of this 'epidemic' which has never affected my community, but they throw benzos at people like it's going out of style it's fucking ridiculous.

And you're totally right about looking like a drug seeker. I've honestly left the doctors office in tears before because of how poorly my chronic pain has been treated. Opioids are the only thing that works for my pain, but I have a 0% chance of getting them. Then the waitlist for our pain clinic is booked out to the point I'll be waiting around 3 years just for my first appointment.

All I was saying was try to be careful with benzos is all. Sounds like your doctors have a flipped idea to what my doctors do. Terrified of benzos but throwing out opioids like candy whereas my problem goes the other way. Sad state of affairs truly.
 
Oh yeah i kniw dude i kniw the facts but thats what this site is about i’m just volatile man.

man if they are throwing benzos at people it sure isnt me, a legit long term chronic 10/10 could not be worse anxiety / panic disorder, I’m sure many get more for social anxiety.

my first appointment took 2 years to get. After 1.5 years i couldnt take it anymore and got a gram of good dope not knowing wtf i was doing i just didnt care. Then scripted oxy later. I quit and it has been so long im nit sure i could get them back. Id want good H snyway if i was going to the trouble of relapsing but man is this pain hard to deal with right iw. My entire spine like my fuckng spinal cord feels on damned fire. I am burning here. It is hell and i rarely complain about the pain but honestly fuck this. I should have a fuckng percocet around for fuckng situations like these honestly fuck my doctor if she cant do that i’ll go back to the crooked hustler oriented one.

Cause im trying to explain tomthem ebery few days i actually need one and if i had a bottle of 5 i dont think id be at risk of abusing them. The pro would outweigh the con this is fucking unbearable.

i domt have an opioid script anymore gave it up or just stopped going to appointments. I could sure use a couple,percs right now tho its bullshit
 
I should be on way less benzos a d more opiates. My lofe fell apart after the injury. I was rolling my vertebrae up amd down and there is fucking grinding every time and a crack at the pain place. Fucking facet joint slipped out of place they think. I have every symptom of that but they suck at imaging here. She said they likely just couldnt see it i have to go again cause like it sorta like you cam see where the pain starts well my girl could point out the place amd it is highly localized.

i cant do this anymore. Ive watched my 30’s start off in hell. I found some unwashed poppy seeds and made tea with them. I feel it a little but I a, getting codeine as soon as thr pharmacy opens. This pain flare is too much for me. I can cold water extract the stuff amd get like 8mg oxycodone worth of pain relief for an irritating hassle. Thats all i can do i cant live like this anymore im actually going to lose my mind. The problem is i cant grt them from the doctors anymore. Fuck that shit people gettingwasted every friday night amd i camt get reliable pain relief from this fucked upmsociety. Im honestly done with this. I cam get dope at the soonest opportunity as i a, at least functional on it amd ,y weed amd benzo use will go way down. In fact i will be happier and healthier but this is too much suffering to go on. It has been nearly a decade so. Once im more established ill have a needle habit amd probably be off weed and benzos and feeling a lot healthier.

Its the only way i can make this back pain go away. Theyll never prescribe me showing up a year amd a half later. Amd i dont want them to. I will get the pure again but its going to take time amd effort. I cam definitely feel the poppy seeds they were coated in opium residue but very mild. My back stopped hurting so much. I cant deal with that its chaos
 
dopiejay said:
U wanna be very careful uncle jocko. If u get down to say 10mg a day and try and stop completely u may well relapse and ruin all the progress u made. I would suggest keep tapering until it seems like you're literally taking fuck all. Like 2.5 mg a day. It's when u got none at all in your system that the psychological withdrawal hits.
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Thanks, dopiejay ... I totally agree with you, my friend. Slow and steady wins this race!
 
I’ve been concerned about this since quitting but with the stress and all I am finding it hard to deal with this pain flare. It is horrendous and I need something stronger than an anti inflammatory.
i got some of those otc codeine and cold water extracted 10 to get 80mg codeine (but 150mg caffeine).
i have never taken codeine as an addict as it was too weak for my tolerance. This is equivalent to 8mg oxycodone or 12mg morphine and with the loss it would be more like a percocet or 10mg morphine but codeine really depends on the persons metabolism. A relative is allergic. About 2% of people process it faster. I don’t know how I will react to it and I should have got the manority of apap out.
Hopefully my back doesn’t hurt as much. It’s a prodrug I don’t think it is active in itself so probably takes longer to act than morphine. I’ll have to see if I can see them as pain relief now I guess. Since, there wasn’t much option the hospital is dangerous. Would probably get something stronger and then it would be game over. I have a high pain tolerance and really overdid it lately cleaning and restructuring and organizing home. I was up on my feet from like 5am to 8pm so that is why iguess.
 
Man we're all dealing with so much, I see so many chronic pain people here suffering too, very sad state of affairs. Oh well, you're not alone.

Just wanted to pop on and tell you I am sending love and support to you all, dopiejay, unclejocko, Painful, squeaky and shroomy. I hope everyone has a good week, even if it is only Monday, ugghh.

Here for you all always,
hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Yeah, lots of us are dealing with chronic pain / back injuries/ other injuries/ health problems. Disability to our lives!!
Resulting in depression and severe anxiety!

This is really tough. I sure don't have it figured out.
I say just do the best you can and try to keep as comfortable as possible friends.

Enjoy life as much as possible and know that you are not alone.
I am so very grateful to have all your friends here who understand. I am sorry there are so many of us suffering this.

Love you guys! I'm sorry we are all going through so much!

Ps: nice to hear you are making some progress uncle jocko and are feeling pretty good. Keep up the good work. Take it slow and easy.
No rush.
 
I definitely feel that so my tolerance is reset for acute use. I’m having a bad pain flare still, but probably because i cut my benzo dose in half since I didn’t feel the need for it on codeine.

this has made me realize how I am still very much physically affected by the past opiate use. I didn’t think I was so much but the symptoms are really bad learning to live without them. I feel totally normal on half my benzo dosefrom taking codeine. Also for once I had an appetite. The opiate withdrawal at 9 months is clearly still going on if taking such a low dose makes me feel this much better in any way i can think of.

I’ve wanted a light opiate script for a while, we,l been considering one. Like ten 10mg morphine pills a month for times like these. Something way lower I couldn’t abuse but would still enable me to function. I’d want specifically low dose morphine or dilaudid but I’d never get this prescription. This here isnt a long term option so it kind of sucks. I was way overprescribed before the drug loses its effect and im not in pain this awful 24/7 anymore. It is something to think about it’s a shame that would be a problem to a doctor.

i feel like a pill every three days wpuld keep me same and it would be as needed. I wont do this with codeine again since i am really against products containing apap, but it felt like a slow acting morphine I liked it and yeah whatever keeps me sane and stable in benzo wd’s. I just dont know where i could get a handful of 5mg ir morphine or dilaudid pills a month.

daily use is not necessary for me but for example one pain flare got me so depressed an i fell out of yoga all summer. I wasin really good shape and one class i overdid it a bit and was in hell for two weeks. It’s cause i lay down to rest and that makes it worse. And i legit think i could handle tem 5mg oral morphine pills a month. Railing drugs up my nose is my addiction thing amd you camt do that with those. Plus, they dont contain apap so there isnt a risk to my liver health.

It’s a shame doctors are so reluctant to listen. Especially when i never drew attention to myself and was on a fair amount of avripted oxy. This would be less than a tenth of ir meds i had before, without the extended release. That’s what I could use without building tolerance because the pain really stresses me out to the point i’m concerned about more serious health problems now. But only sometimes; when i overdo it. I really wanted a clean and orgsnized room and like there was weed everywhere its all neat and tidy now. But after that i had to go to run errands and yeah totally overdid it. I do think i could handle 100mg of oral morphine a month max though amd benefit from being disabled young in life. It is a shame my doctor would shut me down on that one or even that i am so uncomfortable just thinking of bringing it up. Id have to drive 4 hours to a different appointment and even then.

no other pain relief option other than the very easy to acquire good quality dope. Which is just way too addictive i wouldn’t do that after 15-16 months. I’ve hurt myself enough and it comes in too far of an abusable form. There is yoga and stuff though like that helps.
 
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I think you should give it a try at asking a doctor Shroomy.
You said your lady Doctor is referring you to a new pain clinic. Find a different one if they don't help.
Tell them honestly what is going on and about your quality of life and about all the things you try to do to help, like yoga, nutrition.

Think carefully on what would actually help you the most. Keeping the opiates to a low dosage is a good idea.
Pain management is important to keep up daily in order to manage the pain so you don't have these huge flare ups.
Keeping things stable and balanced is the best way that I found to go.
Taking a low dosage of morphine daily might really help keep everything under control more.
A lot of anxiety and depression, mood disorder, etc. is caused by the chronic pain.

You have to treat all of these symptoms as a whole. They are all coming from chronic pain. Different things just manifest more on certain days.

I think you could really do with some sleeping medication also. I know you don't get very much sleep at all and it is a very erratic sleep schedule.
 
The morphine works so well... that is what this pretty much is. My tolerance is so low. I get addicted way too easily I think I will not be doing that again for a while. I cam already feel the drive towards heroin from taking 160mg codeine today. So that will be the end of it but it was a day that I did not suffer. It was a great day and I barely took any benzos until just now as well amd was in withdrawal but couldn’t be bothered. There’s definitely a chance I’ll end up addicted in the future.

i didn’t realize that codeine is a prodrug for morphine i like it. I have a tendency to sedate ,yself under stress and I have never been so stressed in my life than now so I think I should hit up some yoga classes and stuff to help keep me away from it as this is really a manifestation if H cravings in part.
 
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Well, I am happy you had a good day today! You needed a good day!

That is good that you realize the pull toward doing the H due to using the codeine.
You certainly don't want to return to that!

At least you can get some codeine if the pain gets real bad like it was. But be very careful and I know you are.

I understand that you have just had it with the medical system. It is definitely lacking in help.

Just keep on doing the best you can. Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat and exercise.
Keep on trucking!
 
I did not enjoy it at all. Yeah I didn’t have cravings and the pain seems to have subsided today. I just sensed it was a bad idea to fuck with sny opiate and it wasnt wirth the pain relief as bad as that was. II am doing better most of thentime. Really wish I could find the motivation to read my next book. I have other stuff I am learning but there’s always time for reading. It’s that one word: anhedonia. There are no guarantees it will ever go away I had it before any of these habits. I hope I can get some reading in today, and study more math that is my goal. Plans might change I need a car.
 
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Yeah I'm hating my life right now. Took my last two percs the daub before yesterday for shits and giggles and paid for it horrendously last night when it felt like there was gasoline poured over my knees and set on fire.

Something happened when I was working in the oil patch 5 years ago, although I had chronic pain before that but never as bad.

I pulled something in my hip one night while doing snow and ice removal and it felt and sounded like there was gravel in my hip socket. Never recovered since.

On the days where it flares up my whole lower body hurts right through my bones. And the doctors refuse to help.

So I guess I'll keep paying a fortune buying oxycocet off my buddy, only as much as is available at a time, and keep suffering. Also about to run out of Valium early because I think someone was into my bottle.

Been shunned and driven away from the hospital by doctors and won't ever go back in this fucking lifetime. Just wish heroin was available in my area so that i wouldn't have to put up with this shit anymore.

*long sigh*

How's everyone else doing?

PS. I've been off the booze for almost a month now (bottle of whiskey a day) and am STRONGLY considering jumping off the wagon head first tonight.
 
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dopiejay said:
Yeah I'm hating my life right now. Took my last two percs the daub before yesterday for shits and giggles and paid for it horrendously last night when it felt like there was gasoline poured over my knees and set on fire.

Something happened when I was working in the oil patch 5 years ago, although I had chronic pain before that but never as bad.

I pulled something in my hip one night while doing snow and ice removal and it felt and sounded like there was gravel in my hip socket. Never recovered since.

On the days where it flares up my whole lower body hurts right through my bones. And the doctors refuse to help.

So I guess I'll keep paying a fortune buying oxycocet off my buddy, only as much as is available at a time, and keep suffering. Also about to run out of Valium early because I think someone was into my bottle.

Been shunned and driven away from the hospital by doctors and won't ever go back in this fucking lifetime. Just wish heroin was available in my area so that i wouldn't have to put up with this shit anymore.

*long sigh*

How's everyone else doing?

PS. I've been off the booze for almost a month now (bottle of whiskey a day) and am STRONGLY considering jumping off the wagon head first tonight.
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I'm so sorry to hear this dopiejay. I have that same "gravel" sound in my hip after hitting my dashboard at approx 150 mph when someone plowed into me from behind on the freeway. I have been fucked every since then too.

It is ridiculous that people like us cannot get medical help!!!! My doctor needs to up my medication dosage! I have been looking for "assisted suicide" "euthanasia " programs for fuck sakes! Not doing well over here either. The cold in coming in and winter makes things so much worse!

Don't return to alcohol. Whatever you do. Anything is better than that. I have seen what alcohol does to people, I have a lot of alcoholic in my family.

Good lord guys! I feel so bad for all of us!
Hopefully the street dealers will be up soon huh? Lol!
 
Painful One said:
I'm so sorry to hear this dopiejay. I have that same "gravel" sound in my hip after hitting my dashboard at approx 150 mph when someone plowed into me from behind on the freeway. I have been fucked every since then too.

It is ridiculous that people like us cannot get medical help!!!! My doctor needs to up my medication dosage! I have been looking for "assisted suicide" "euthanasia " programs for fuck sakes! Not doing well over here either. The cold in coming in and winter makes things so much worse!

Don't return to alcohol. Whatever you do. Anything is better than that. I have seen what alcohol does to people, I have a lot of alcoholic in my family.

Good lord guys! I feel so bad for all of us!
Hopefully the street dealers will be up soon huh? Lol!
Click to expand...

U were thinking of euthanasia? I had some pretty awful thoughts in my head as well if u get my drift but that's not the answer we need.

My dealer is up, the bastard just lives two hours away and only comes to town every second or third day lmao.
Patiently waiting twiddling my thumbs until he comes down later this evening ?

Keep hanging on dear, u got this
 
Hey dj,

Just wanted to say I totally relate, being in chronic pain sucks and with the current climate, there is also a war on us pain patients. To say we are not treated well is a gross understatement.

Anyway I just wanted to say you're not alone in this chronic pain hell, I'm right here with you. I am sending you nothing but love and support.

Feel free to pm me anytime,
your friend,
Ash.

P.S I hope your day improves.

dopiejay said:
Yeah I'm hating my life right now. Took my last two percs the daub before yesterday for shits and giggles and paid for it horrendously last night when it felt like there was gasoline poured over my knees and set on fire.

Something happened when I was working in the oil patch 5 years ago, although I had chronic pain before that but never as bad.

I pulled something in my hip one night while doing snow and ice removal and it felt and sounded like there was gravel in my hip socket. Never recovered since.

On the days where it flares up my whole lower body hurts right through my bones. And the doctors refuse to help.

So I guess I'll keep paying a fortune buying oxycocet off my buddy, only as much as is available at a time, and keep suffering. Also about to run out of Valium early because I think someone was into my bottle.

Been shunned and driven away from the hospital by doctors and won't ever go back in this fucking lifetime. Just wish heroin was available in my area so that i wouldn't have to put up with this shit anymore.

*long sigh*

How's everyone else doing?

PS. I've been off the booze for almost a month now (bottle of whiskey a day) and am STRONGLY considering jumping off the wagon head first tonight.
Click to expand...
 
Good morning PO,

I agree, your doctor needs to be listening to you and working with you to manage your pain. But with things the way they are now, doctors aren't doing that anymore. Scary.

Just want you to know I understand the struggles and I'm here for you anytime.

love and support,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Dopiejay seems like i could have written that. A part of me will always feel let down by the tainted H supply, when I was using it was the only time I could function in my adult life and raw wasn?t that hard to get back then. Since it wouldnt be worth it to go back I?d have trust issues with what I was taking.

ironically when I have more benzos and a good herb supply I use less of both. Always have a good supply when tapering. Supply issues have fucked up my tapers so many times. I don?t really differentiate between illicit and health care supplies. I?ve been screwed over way more by the medical system in that regard, they have been useless for so many years it is hard to believe.

things are picking up in my life i have this etizolam monster better figured out, not doing the escapist stuff so much, i did start my book today was my goal to force myself to read. Went for a walk. Just little things but I get up at 5am every day now and start getting ready as if I had a full time job, I think that is importamt for me and to sleep and force myself to cook up yummy healthy food. Before was eating one meal a day now three.
 
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