Lucid S. Dreamer said:
You asked. MDMA-like? Oh no. I've often thought of meth as the yin to MDMA yang (and with MDA in the middle sort of, maybe that's why I like it best? Yinning and yanging in a pharmaceutical taijitu till Lao Tzu himself appears?)--all the empathy and cosmic connectedness of MDMA, the urge to cuddle, make pillow talk, light some candles; becomes a burning need to just fuck something on meth. Doesn't matter who or what, but the more perverted the better, the more people watching, the better.
There is a mystical mind-set that can be reached during marathon jack-fests, some kind of Huxley-like opening of an ancient limbic ventricle, a state of pure sex. And I don't mean like that place you go when making out stoned or on E, that's kind of a "flying through space" cosmic feeling. This is more like oneness with my penis.
But the mystical states are completely different. I haven't started charting them all, because they're not exactly fun, and it takes enough meth (or at least, a high amount for a certain length of time greater than like three days) that I'd need a sitter, possibly with a Taser.
It's different than the trippiness from sleep-loss, which gets routine after a while. They range from a bizarre, constant deja vu, to an amazing nostalgia, and then to that shadow-realm place. I don't mean the "shadow people" that comes with paranoia from sleep-loss, this is where the things around you become imbued with agency, very reminiscent of LSD.
It was most noticeable camping, especially on an empty beach at night. I was trying to peak out on my session, and of course wanted to fuck the ocean, just sitting there, splashing dangerous surf everywhere, so I started stripping down. But the wind and bushes behind me kept objecting. The cliffs didn't seem fond either (yeah, I'm not attractive, especially naked, but the cliffs shouldn't give a shit). This sense of things being alive was like classic psychedelics, but with a darker edge, and a moving one. There were things alive moving behind me, off to the sides, I could see hints of them in the moonlight.
It was too much there on the beach, much more fun on the long walk back, esp. considering prev. adventures in the hills there. But I think it was just the beginning of a psychotic state, and all I had to do was have a delusion combine with it and I'd be deep in haloperidol territory. The voices you hear anyway with sleep loss had only to start talking to me.
But there's still strange moments of deep insight that comes with lots of meth, especially if you can recognize some of the altered thought processes. That's trickier than it seems given how smooth the slide into a particular delusion is. You don't feel fucked-up at all, IOW.
Anyway, I'm down to emergency cash, and it's wrecking parts of my health, and I'm misusing it continually, so it is time to take a break for awhile. It's been 48 hours without, and mainly I'm just suicidally depressed, hungry, and sleepy. So like normal.
