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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Shroomy-

Stay strong! You taper is amazing, and in it I can see a lot of strength. Be proud of what you have done, and keep up the good work!
 
I've been really very sad lately. I don't like the way my life is turning out in almost every direction I look.

^Thank you for that I am just rewriting this because I don't think much needs to be said. I am sad and lost. I really miss my past girlfriend. I feel like back when we were still together, I didn't need to use for very much emotional pain. I feel like I'm using just as much for the pain of us falling apart as the pain in my spine now. I never used to be this sad when I was starting to hit withdrawal, and I'm always sad about her. When I'm actively using H or oxy, I'm happy. Dillies too make me quite happy. I think that I was really happy with her and using mainly for hedonistic reasons and to treat my awful back pain but somewhere along the way she changed, and I need to accept that she isn't the same person today as she used to be, or I never would have got with her to begin with. Over five years she changed a lot and she began to resent me. It was just the way that it ended that hurt me so much because, well she was just awful to me.

It's just hard on me all of this. I never saw myself having a disability so young when I was growing up. I've always been really healthy apart from drinking beer and smoking pot. Then I hurt my back and everything changed. It just sucks thinking about who I would be if that had never happened. I'd be a very different person. and life was so much different back then. I wasn't in any pain, I loved life back then.
 
I feel EXACTLY the same as you Shroomi. I was a big strong man. Too young to be disabled. Too much life ahead to be begging a Dr every month for more pills. I lost 40 lbs of muscle in two years, and now I think I will never get even half of the strength back that I lost. Without my wife at my side through this, I am positive I would have killed myself at some point. I am really happy I didn't do it though. Life is good on some days, mainly because of my wife and kid.
You make it through this Shroomi and I guarantee you there will be a line of super-hot young groupies lined up to hear you tell how you beat heroin and oxycodone. OR at least get closer to being clean and those same groupies will want to come get high with you. Just keep working at it brother, and someday soon your biggest problem will be figuring out if you prefer blonde or brunette.
 
I got my new script today, thank God. The good news is that my tolerance is set now around 75 mg oxy per day. So, I just took a 30 mg IR oxy and I'm feeling pretty awesome. My back pain is gone for a few hours snd I can just relax.
I plan to continue with my tapering plans, just so that I can bank some pills and get closer to doing what PokeMama did: get near zero and go cold turkey. It sounds really nice to be able to take ONE pill and get some real pain relief, instead of taking so many every day just to not get sick
 
I shouldn't have treated myself yesterday to extra oxy( that's a lie. It was nice) I'm paying for it today. It's going to be rough sticking to a schedule for the next 48 hours. Feels a lot like drinking too much tequila and having the shakes the next day.
 
Losing all that weight and being unable to be involved in athletics anymore has been fucking torture beyond description. Yeah man I just couldn't handle it because working out was my outlet, my lifestyle, it was everything. But I still do it (yoga, cycling, and that's about it... some hiking). lol dude then I won't have any problems. I like long dark haired chicks especially when they dye their hair dark red, and I like blonde girls too. Oh okay, I see what you're saying ahaha. You are right man, really the only thing I need is a good career job right now. I'm trying to keep the opiates under control, quitting isn't in the cards quite yet though. But yeah man I'd like to have better control over my habit.

Oh and I'm still a decent weight man. I do a couple hours of yoga a day and eat healthy, I'm around 180 - 200 or so right now since I've been using the right amount of opiates. I like to get a nice yoga workout in when I'm opiated, so I've managed to remain pretty flexible and toned. I'd never touch another weigh so long as I live man and consider every hour I ever spent in the gym a waste of time. Dude I have a good plan and I'm gonna need a career job, the main thing regarding women is not using so much opiates that it fucks with the sex drive. Again, yoga really helps with that. In my view I look better than ever before anyway, I didn't need all that bulk when I'm toned now anyway.

It's really nice to have found a way to get there. I can't even swim, but I can hold myself in most yoga postures, and this is also very relaxing, the meditation aspect is awesome. I'm getting my script soon too man, and going on a nice vacation this coming week I have lots of plans! Partying, concerts, all sorts of fun stuff brother I'm really excited and with a fresh oxy script : )

That's not a bad tolerance side. lol though they are just all over the place with us. Keep at it man and you'll be down in no time but don't go too fast you know that doesn't work out in either of our favour at least in my opinion. Also be careful with a fresh script... I don't like having lots of pills on hand, find it dangerous. So I'm going to do so yoga because I want to mellow out, and I may as well look good when I head out on my little adventure!
 
I am rewriting this. I decided that Im not going to buy any more H. Straight back to o, and deal with whatever bullshit comes my way. Hold me to it man. I'm dead serious. No more heroin!!! Only my oxy's as prescribed and honestly, it should be enough. I have a gram of dope left to enjoy and a nice summer vacation but then I'm seriously done.
 
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It takes me two days to get used to a new dosing schedule, and probably two more to get pain relief from the pills on that new schedule.
Shroomi- take that leftover H and hide it somewhere really hard to get to- put it in a jar and bury it in the back yard. Most of my cheating is on impulse. If you make it harder to get to then maybe you will talk yourself out of using it.
 
Yeah I'm just editing this it was too long. I encounter a lot of problems with the pain clinic and pharmacy. Really, it's degrading. It's like they don't understand that these medications relieve chronic pain, but if you were talking about a shitty muscle relaxer that makes you drowsy, is probably addictive also, and sucks for pain they'd be happy to talk to you. Or better yet an antidepressant, drugs designed to treat separate issues.

It's so stupid man it's like my fucking meds are on lockdown. Also being young I don't really like being on meds. It's not exactly something I associate with youth and I'm a very youthful person. So, I just prefer to rail lines man especially when they start childproofing pills and putting stuff in that is going to hurt my liver long term. I really don't like dealing with the medical system, I find it awkward, embarrassing, degrading, and like everyone just assumes I'm a junkie.

I was angry about my pills not because of withdrawal too by the way. I have heroin. I was pissed because I want the pain relief of oxycodone, and I want my fucking pills on time. It's like they think I'm trying to avoid withdrawal and just assume that.

Anyways, I already want to keep doing H because of these nasty little pills. I just hate them in comparison man, they make me feel like an old man and I don't even get the good ones. It's not like I get dillies or morphine pills (not capsules)... I just get shitty childproof oxy's and heroin not only controls my pain way better, but it doesn't make me feel like I'm 80 years old.

Right now, there is a huge chance that I won't have my meds for my summer vacation. Just the heroin. I did everything to avoid this man I was very clear. I reiterated that the pharmacy are fucking crazy and to please give them a telephone call letting them know about this. I gave proof via travel documents. Even still, the pharmacy is not ready to give me my pills. It's a good thing I have heroin or I'd be freaking out. This medical system is an absolute joke. Man I'm not really down with all the lies and deceit and it's not even me. It's like they force me to be that way unless I want to fuck myself. It's one of the dumbest aspects of modern day society and when you think of all the deaths... that isn't really opiates. That's prohibition and a medical system that is dumb as fuck.


Squeaky brother a lot of that is my own opinion, but I agree and can relate with everything you are saying man. I hate getting meds at my age, and ones that I get continuously? It's ridiculous, and they do nothing whatsoever to try and help what's actually wrong with me. It's the most depressing bullshit ever. Man, they won't even give me more of the drugs when they stop working at that dose. They make me do that myself. All I can afford is heroin right now, or I'd be doing dilaudids just orally. Man, none of the drugs are expensive in that, they don't have very much inherent value. What they are doing is taking advantage of desperate people in pain. I fucked up my back, and I need this shit to stand on my feet for more than a few minutes. Hey, let's use "drugs - drugs are bad mmmkay" -let's take that mentaly and abuse the FUCK out of the desperate people in pain. Let's give them just enough relief to get addicted, but then either cut them off, or never adjust for tolerance. We'll have them emptying their bank account for street drugs, and in the end who actually gets that money? It's not really the dealers, it's the government, banks, the people who allow this fucked up stystem to propogate anyway.

There is no separation between chronic pain patients who medicate using opioids, and people without chronic pain who use opioids recreationally and got dependent on them. Even if a chronic pain patient abuses, I personally believe and have seen that the effects of the drugs are different than from someone without chronic pain. It's almost like how a ritalin will calm down someone with ADHD, but make me really hyper (actually, they sorta calm me down too haha, but I'm not speculating on that). Anyways, in my experience even if a chronic pain patient abuses they are generally more likely to experience positive effects like increased energy, increased ability to concentrate, better sleeps, stuff like that - as opposed to "I feel so good man, I'm nodding out right now man." In my entire career of using heroin, opium, hydromorphone, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone.... I have never once experienced a so-called nod. I get energy, an antidepressant effect, it doesn't really do anything for my anxiety though, although it physically relaxes my body and is mentally stimulating. There is no real change in the way I perceive reality like there is with cannabis. Reality is the same; I'm just in less pain. I don't get what this nodding shit is man and how people are after this nodding state where they are like completely out of it and drooling on themselves.

That has never once in 5 years happened to me. I don't get it, and I don't see how that could be in any way enjoyable at all. I use opiates so that I can function in everyday life. Not the opposite. People don't seem to understand that this is possible, they think that anyone who is opiates is a drooling, slobbering zombie. That's how I have gotten away with having pinpricked pupils, my iris completely exposed with a tiny black dot for a pupil, for nearly 6 years now! It's because the news has it so wrong, that it makes it really easy to have a habit and just completely get away with it, at least for a while, before it starts becoming expensive. It seems like everyone here is the same way... we are completely functional on these drugs, the problem is that we are not functional when we don't have them, not functional in the slightest.

Dude in my opinion they see the dependency and how much we crave relief from the suffering (even before I had ever used an opiate, I spent 2 years of my life searching for pain relief all day every day. Booking and visiting different doctors, trying pseudo-treatment like physio massage chiro acu chinese cupping... chinese cupping and massage being my favourite. Ever since this happened, my entire life has been a quest to make that back pain go away. The opioids have been so effective at relieving pain - and still are - that this has essentially become a drug problem now, not a pain problem. It's only really a drug problem because I can't be honest with my doctor. I can't be honest and even just say my tolerance went up and I need more for the same relief after all these years. That's not acceptable, my doctor will not prescribe me it. What a joke! That's what really led me to my first serious heroin habit. And the funny thing is, I would have been happy with two OC 40's a day, and my percocets. It's insulting man. It's truly insulting to deal with these people and I live with enough pain as it is! I don't need some jerk who is only willing to talk to me for 5 minutes every 3 months (if that long) tell me how much oxy I need for my back! He has about as good a guess as the well-informed street using friend! It's all on me and my subjective experience of it, and why does saying you need more to get relief like some naughty fucking thing to bring up? Man, fuck the system dude. That's why I sniff dope instead. and I've shot up twice in the past 2 months but I think I know better than to do that every day haha. Still man, why the fuck wouldn't the dick just give me the 40's. I never would have even thought of using heroin brother love my OC 40's, to this day I still do! Just crush and pop them every 12 hours. ER formulations are useless to me. I like to experience the natural half life of a drug.
 
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Yeah I'm just editing this it was too long. I encounter a lot of problems with the pain clinic and pharmacy. Really, it's degrading. It's like they don't understand that these medications relieve chronic pain, but if you were talking about a shitty muscle relaxer that makes you drowsy, is probably addictive also, and sucks for pain they'd be happy to talk to you. Or better yet an antidepressant, drugs designed to treat separate issues.

It's so stupid man it's like my fucking meds are on lockdown. Also being young I don't really like being on meds. It's not exactly something I associate with youth and I'm a very youthful person. So, I just prefer to rail lines man especially when they start childproofing pills and putting stuff in that is going to hurt my liver long term. I really don't like dealing with the medical system, I find it awkward, embarrassing, degrading, and like everyone just assumes I'm a junkie.

I was angry about my pills not because of withdrawal too by the way. I have heroin. I was pissed because I want the pain relief of oxycodone, and I want my fucking pills on time. It's like they think I'm trying to avoid withdrawal and just assume that.

Anyways, I already want to keep doing H because of these nasty little pills. I just hate them in comparison man, they make me feel like an old man and I don't even get the good ones. It's not like I get dillies or morphine pills (not capsules)... I just get shitty childproof oxy's and heroin not only controls my pain way better, but it doesn't make me feel like I'm 80 years old.

Right now, there is a huge chance that I won't have my meds for my summer vacation. Just the heroin. I did everything to avoid this man I was very clear. I reiterated that the pharmacy are fucking crazy and to please give them a telephone call letting them know about this. I gave proof via travel documents. Even still, the pharmacy is not ready to give me my pills. It's a good thing I have heroin or I'd be freaking out. This medical system is an absolute joke. Man I'm not really down with all the lies and deceit and it's not even me. It's like they force me to be that way unless I want to fuck myself. It's one of the dumbest aspects of modern day society and when you think of all the deaths... that isn't really opiates. That's prohibition and a medical system that is dumb as fuck.


Squeaky brother a lot of that is my own opinion, but I agree and can relate with everything you are saying man. I hate getting meds at my age, and ones that I get continuously? It's ridiculous, and they do nothing whatsoever to try and help what's actually wrong with me. It's the most depressing bullshit ever. Man, they won't even give me more of the drugs when they stop working at that dose. They make me do that myself. All I can afford is heroin right now, or I'd be doing dilaudids just orally. Man, none of the drugs are expensive in that, they don't have very much inherent value. What they are doing is taking advantage of desperate people in pain. I fucked up my back, and I need this shit to stand on my feet for more than a few minutes. Hey, let's use "drugs - drugs are bad mmmkay" -let's take that mentaly and abuse the FUCK out of the desperate people in pain. Let's give them just enough relief to get addicted, but then either cut them off, or never adjust for tolerance. We'll have them emptying their bank account for street drugs, and in the end who actually gets that money? It's not really the dealers, it's the government, banks, the people who allow this fucked up stystem to propogate anyway.

There is no separation between chronic pain patients who medicate using opioids, and people without chronic pain who use opioids recreationally and got dependent on them. Even if a chronic pain patient abuses, I personally believe and have seen that the effects of the drugs are different than from someone without chronic pain. It's almost like how a ritalin will calm down someone with ADHD, but make me really hyper (actually, they sorta calm me down too haha, but I'm not speculating on that). Anyways, in my experience even if a chronic pain patient abuses they are generally more likely to experience positive effects like increased energy, increased ability to concentrate, better sleeps, stuff like that - as opposed to "I feel so good man, I'm nodding out right now man." In my entire career of using heroin, opium, hydromorphone, morphine, oxycodone, hydrocodone.... I have never once experienced a so-called nod. I get energy, an antidepressant effect, it doesn't really do anything for my anxiety though, although it physically relaxes my body and is mentally stimulating. There is no real change in the way I perceive reality like there is with cannabis. Reality is the same; I'm just in less pain. I don't get what this nodding shit is man and how people are after this nodding state where they are like completely out of it and drooling on themselves.

That has never once in 5 years happened to me. I don't get it, and I don't see how that could be in any way enjoyable at all. I use opiates so that I can function in everyday life. Not the opposite. People don't seem to understand that this is possible, they think that anyone who is opiates is a drooling, slobbering zombie. That's how I have gotten away with having pinpricked pupils, my iris completely exposed with a tiny black dot for a pupil, for nearly 6 years now! It's because the news has it so wrong, that it makes it really easy to have a habit and just completely get away with it, at least for a while, before it starts becoming expensive. It seems like everyone here is the same way... we are completely functional on these drugs, the problem is that we are not functional when we don't have them, not functional in the slightest.

Dude in my opinion they see the dependency and how much we crave relief from the suffering (even before I had ever used an opiate, I spent 2 years of my life searching for pain relief all day every day. Booking and visiting different doctors, trying pseudo-treatment like physio massage chiro acu chinese cupping... chinese cupping and massage being my favourite. Ever since this happened, my entire life has been a quest to make that back pain go away. The opioids have been so effective at relieving pain - and still are - that this has essentially become a drug problem now, not a pain problem. It's only really a drug problem because I can't be honest with my doctor. I can't be honest and even just say my tolerance went up and I need more for the same relief after all these years. That's not acceptable, my doctor will not prescribe me it. What a joke! That's what really led me to my first serious heroin habit. And the funny thing is, I would have been happy with two OC 40's a day, and my percocets. It's insulting man. It's truly insulting to deal with these people and I live with enough pain as it is! I don't need some jerk who is only willing to talk to me for 5 minutes every 3 months (if that long) tell me how much oxy I need for my back! He has about as good a guess as the well-informed street using friend! It's all on me and my subjective experience of it, and why does saying you need more to get relief like some naughty fucking thing to bring up? Man, fuck the system dude. That's why I sniff dope instead. and I've shot up twice in the past 2 months but I think I know better than to do that every day haha. Still man, why the fuck wouldn't the dick just give me the 40's. I never would have even thought of using heroin brother love my OC 40's, to this day I still do! Just crush and pop them every 12 hours. ER formulations are useless to me. I like to experience the natural half life of a drug.

And the LAST thing I'm going to do is go BACK to these SAME assholes for "treatment" - the fuck I will. That's not me bro. If I quit I will quit on my own, singly own methods with my own research. If I want to use subs, I'll get the illicitly. Although suboxone and methadone can definitely be useful for short term tapering, all too often people end up on the drugs for way too long, messing with their natural pain relieving systems even more! And that's not exactly being "clean" either - if you haven't caught it yet I absolute detest the word "clean" ... like I'm some "dirty" person right now because I use pain meds. Dude I'm a really healthy weight right now, I mean I don't need to talk myself up. But I'm pretty damn healthy for having chronic pain. I don't look like a so-called junkie AT ALL. I am muscular, flexible, and toned from all the yoga. I'm not droopy eyed either, and I take excellent care of my personal hygiene unless I'm in withdrawal. Man, I better get my oxy's on the day that I'm supposed to. They told me I would, but only to get me to stop arguing with them about it.

Man, I am SO fucking sick of the opioid bashing. If you're a chronic pain patient who is better off without them, great. I'm not. There's no need to bash an inert chemical. An opioid is a chemical structure that when ingested has an effect on the nervous system. It seems to create hysteria in people who don't have chronic pain. And dude, why are there not like advocacy groups because this is serious abuse? I'm not talking heroin abuse. The abuse and stigma created by society is way more harmful to me than the actual drugs. It forces me to live a life of secrecy dude. I don't like keeping secrets but it's like I have to keep this one, or people will think I'm going to steal from them and shit like that! It's truly disgusting man. And yeah, I just have to "get clean" I'm all dirty now you know what, actually I just showered. Really though, it is nobody's business but my own and I guess allegedly my doctors what meds I'm on.

Man I'm heading out to go do some more yoga. I noticed a lost a little strength in my last withdrawal period. I really have to keep up with it bro I'm not losing that muscle... I've been looking and feeling great. Have a good one man and good luck with tapering. Man, it sucks how we used to be athletes and this happened to us. I totally get how it feels to be taking those pills, it's depressing, makes me feel like a washup. Really, railing the lines is even worse. But I don't need to turn on the news and read "opioid epidemic" man that's just stupid. I bet you more people are dying from alcohol and cigarettes, but the deaths are less dramatic Lung cancer after decades of smoking , liver cirrhosis, etc. When the party has long been over.

Anyways, there are several things I need to focus on today but hopefully every is having a nice, pain-free day. I really hope I get my meds that were prescribed to me in time.
 
You're totally right Shroomi. There's a stigma around these pills and a tremendous amount of ignorance amongst those who have never used them. And more people are dying from Coca-Cola abd McDonald's than ever could die from opioids.
Have you ever tried taking your H orally? I know the rush comes slower, but maybe you would use less if you committed to just 'not shooting and not sniffing'. I got really good at chewing my ER oxy 30's. Got a good buzz, it just takes longer to hit(and lasts longer too). I get IR oxy 30's right now but I haven't ever sniffed even once. I do chew them every time though.
 
Taking H orally is like taking morphine orally - both have a 30% bioavailability or so, compared to something like 50 or 60 for sniffing and 100% for IV. It's not like oxy where you already getting 90% taking orally, so I'd be throwing money down the drain. It wouldn't work man but it's a great suggestion and something I've thought about to.

Are those the rock hard gel kinda pills? Anyways, I'm sticking to oxy now man. Get my script today. I have an interview this morning that is really important so I'll write more later, I have to go. Peace brother..
 
My two cents:

Adding time between use has been much more effective for me than trying to use smaller doses at the same continuing interval. I found that while yes, you are going to suffer some WD throughout the experience, trying to add 4-12 hours between each use, each day, helped me manage things by knowing exactly how long is be hurting. And my mind (and body) seemed to quickly go on the mend with each successive addition of time.
 
I have been doing 12 hour dosing lately. It is the best for me because I go through the whole process of getting low energy then getting low energy then starting to feel it physically and then feeling like shit for a few hours while having very strong cravings for most of this time until I dose again 12 hours later. When I'm not tapering this is how I dose as well. A strong dose every approximately 12 hours and tapering is just slight light lowering that dose (well, the amount depends on you, and the duration between changes. So that's one way of doing it and the only way I ever do it anymore. If I take a pill every 4 hours or whatever that amounts to I am never satisfied and just can't make it through, it is like a constant tease. Not for me but other people find that a good way of doing it too.
 
Squeaky, I find that I don't crave opiates/opioids the same when I'm stoned. I'll still use them when I am irritated but I don't have natural cravings arise the same. It's a strong and very obvious effect of getting stoned for me, and I find that cannabis is an antidepressant as well.
 
Shroomi- yes the ER oxy is the one that is a little ball of plastic polymer. It's really hard, but there's a grain to it( like wood) you can split it and keep splitting it into 20 or so pieces with your teeth. It will digest in 30 minutes or so and feel very much like the quick release oxy(just tastes like dog crap).
 
FinallyKickinit- I have tried every combination. Taking smaller doses got me to a lower dose without much withdrawls BUT I never got to feel like crap and then get the rush of feeling better throughout the day. The end result is that I cheat in the evening and use extra so I can feel "good ". If I had willpower enough then I could do it and be done in a few weeks.
Since I have almost zero willpower.... your way will likely be my solution in the long term.
 
Hey squeaky, last few days I've used 400mg oxy. I'll have H again soon, that was the only reason I was using it. I don't like it, and oxy doesn't make me feel good.

I threw away away my iv supplies which felt good. I'm a sniffer through and through again.

I'm just sad. I just cut up one of my ER oxy's thanks for reminding me I used to do that. I was my natural instinct when I started getting them. Into slices, and have a percocet as well. I'm not doing very well though, I am crying. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I'm glad I don't have anything to inject H anymore. I shot it 4 doses in a row last week and it was great and also hit four different spots but I just don't want that in my life. I also prefer the high of sniffing it, just from what I'm looking for from the dope sniffing's best for me.
 
Dam Shroomi. 400mg is a lot if oxy. It seems it would be wise for both of us to get away from 'getting high' off this stuff. Every pill I take gives me hope of more than just pain relief, then I'm disappointed when I don't feel great 30 minutes later. That seems to be driving my excessive use.
I keep hoping that if I write it down here, maybe someday I'll follow my own advice......
 
Shroomy- Man I hope your ok... I haven't looked real hard, but haven't seen ya' in the 'usual' haunts. Be careful with the oxy! I took it for 10 years, and never got up that high! It sounds like it isn't doing anything positive for you, please let us know you are ok!

Squeaky- you can do it, you can get back down there! I know what you are saying when you say that having a stash just makes you take more. Instead of trying to create one, just aim for taking the prescribed amount. Don't short yourself at the end of the month, it's not worth the evening of almost feeling better!

Both of you are amazing! Both of you have gone to H E L L with withdraw, and made it back again. Both of you are strong, and able men! Go back and read about the good moments, the ones in which you were kicking the opiates ass! I read your posts and am at awe at the strength that I see in them. Look at how many people have told you both how inspired they were. How impressed they were! Remember that you lived through it and made it out the other side. I keep reading them as I quite the oxycontin, and my legs are dancing while I try to sleep, which doesn't happen because I have PAWS from the benzo withdrawal. When I think I can't take it anymore, I look at the post you guys wrote were you were struggling, and I make it for another minute, then 5, then 8, then 30. I'm not sure I would have made it this far without you.
 
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