The first step is to me, quite dis-empowering. Being kind of forced to admit you are totally powerless in the face of your addiction does rob you of the little power that you might still have, such as the power that made you decide to choose recovery over addiction - that is the addict exercising their power. I think it is more useful to try techniques that will build up your willpower and help you overcome cravings and temptations to use, rather than to knock you down into accepting powerlessnes, which is damaging to self-esteem. As addicts, we already have poor self-esteem and I think it is better to restore it to a healthy level than to destroy it further.
In total contrast, modern research on willpower has revealed it to be a bit like a muscle, and it can be strengthened through specialised excercises - this can be of enormous help in overcoming addiction and I prefer this approach. They didn't know this back in 1935 of course, but times have changed and newer approaches exist. Ultimately, I prefer to work on empowerment over accepting powerlessness.
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Other parts of the steps I found difficult were those that involved wallowing in guilt and shame, such as having to admit all our faults and moral shortcomings. It's a rather negative approach and I would prefer something more positive - as addicts we need help rebuilding ourselves, restoring our self-esteem and improving our self-confidence, not the opposite. I got this more positive help from the recovering addicts I shared my time with at rehab and also from various exercises the therapists organised, which were supplemental to the 12 step program. I was a damaged, self-loathing, suicidal mess when I entered rehab and I dearly needed to find a way to like myself, to believe in myself, to find the good in me and to rebuild myself into a healthier, stronger person. I did do that, I was a changed person when I left rehab, but I didn't really get that from the 12 steps.
Finally I never did get any kind of spiritual awakening, I dearly wish I had, but nobody at rehab had one while I was there. I see people at NA and AA meetings who clearly have had such an awakening, they emanate the most amazing vibe and make great motivational speakers at meetings, so it is not just a myth.
In the end I will reiterate that people should try whatever works, be open minded, and if necessary interpret things in the way that you believe will help you the most. If one program has not helped your recovery then try another but don't give up.
I think nowadays the 12 steps are a little outmoded, but they they might perfectly suit the more religiously-minded addicts out there. There is not a single perfect recovery program that suits all addicts, but there is a greater choice than ever before and I urge all addicts seeking recovery to try whatever they think will work and give it their best shot. Never give up on recovery and I do believe it will happen.
as I also had a horrible experience, but I cannot recommend NA over AA enough for those with problems more with drugs than alcohol. Some meetings are better than others too, so if you can get yourself to, definitely shop around, eventually you'll find one you vibe with.
