I tried heroin in 2003, because a boy I was really close to had a great time with his girlfriend speed balling when he went to visit her. He met her online. I had a crush on him, i wanted to get closer to him. I really liked his brooding nature, his beard, his smile.
10 days later I was already addicted. I went straight to IV use because IV was more economical. It made sense at the time.
I showed my mom my track marks and asked for help. I knew it was deadly. I had heard the street junkies we went to to find went to find dope talk about another user that had died of a heroin/xanax od. I saw a woman that wanted nothing more than to get her kids back, shoot up into her jugular vein in the back of my truck. As she was saying that she wanted to get clean.
I still wonder what happened to her. Despite these horrors...
...it is 2015. I recently got 100mg morphine powder fron the darknet. About a month ago in fact.
I split this with my partner, who has never done heroin.
Despite being a mod on reddit's r/quittingkratom, despite what I learned studying biochemistry after my mom helped me detox at home... I almost copped a bag right after.
It took a week for that desire to go away.
It isn't even gone. It is sleeping. Waiting for me to slip up.
Of the two people I tried heroin with, one is dead. She was the girlfriend of that boy I liked. She became a prostitute and was killed in 2006. The boy now has hep C. We haven't talked in probably 5 years.
All I have from that time is ghosts, and this dragon, this sleeping dragon that if I let my guard down and give in, will destroy me and harm everyone important to me.
Don't take that first taste and wake up the dragon. It doesn't care who you are, what you can do, how you can brighten other people's lives.
It only wants to consume heroin. It can only consume heroin through your body. It has killed countless people to satisfy it's hunger for over a century.
It won't hesitate to kill you too. Not if it means it gets to feed. You are just another victim it cares nothing about.
If I manage to avoid it, I will live the rest of my 50-60 years on this earth knowing the dragon is there, waiting for when I feel weak and vulnerable to strike.
I am already tired and I just turned 30. I have a long way to go still.
Please do yourself a favor and run far, far away. I am a strong woman. I manage a team of five people in a multi million dollar company. The dragon is still waiting. I know he will be until I die. I can't ever make him go away. I can only ignore his pleas for sustinence. He won't ever starve though. He will still be there no matter what I do.
Just don't.