For me it was a huge shock to learn this, it was like "I want to know I want to know I WANT TO KNOW" and then........... BANG! "I don't want to know, ouch, I don't want to know, why do I have to remember THAT? Where is my old life? My old pijamas?"
it definitely enhanced my enjoyment of life. As bill Hicks used to say "its just a ride".
It is a bit like when you let death, the certainty of death and the end of all you call "your life", soaked you. It makes everything feels precious, as you understand that it all happens just once.
“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget is a necessary condition for our existence”
Sholem Asch, “The Nazarene”, 1939.
this is what I wrote and saved...
11-30 5am
Dpt there and back completely in around an hour. To hour and a half. Seems way longer. Learned muhc. Remember less, but am programming myself so it will get easier in time….time to meet the father
"11-3-0-445pm
Dmt, by meet the father I guess I meant myselof. For I am God, at least a piece, but a piece ofinfinite perfection is still infiniste perfedctin.Way more than I bargained for. Literally instant transformation. Lke the viel was dropped and reality was reality.
Isn’tthat what I aloways ask for? Be careful what you ask for yoyu just might get it. It was immediately clear I had been here before. The most terrifying pinacle of experience imaginable. Face to face with the truth, unfortunatlhy I could not handle it. I was encourage to sit and rid it out, experience the experience. This lasted a minute at most. It became too much. Too many flashbacks. Reminders of every experience before where I was on the verge of total insanity, killing myself, or doing something that wouold get me inarcerated or hospitalized…
How else to explain it. Like some kind of secret respite for those “in the know”. A break where we can be ourseloves. Escape from this rat race/matrix most call realiy. For whatever reason I immediately became petrified exclaiming I don’t’ want it let me go back. How is that? I get exactly what I want and ask for and then don’t want it. I felt perhaps .00003% more ready than the previous times I’ve had these type of experiences. Alothough none were as immediate and straightforward as DMT. The rational part of me said ride it ou for 20 minutes and learn what you can, while the other said you are stuck like this forever unless you end it quick.
It’s like I had help/encouragement/friends/entities saying “no stay do this, you are ready now, try again,it’s so very important”. So I tried, then gave myself up for failure. And they allowed me to lay in bed. Take 5-10mg etizolam solution sublingually and the experience faded. Was it the dmt fading regardless, was it the etizolam. Was it help from the entities?
Who knows. I just get the impression that there is something much deeper going on behind the scenes. I feel I keep trying to access this dimension or what not without being fully prepared. It’s like it will leave me vulnerable to attacks/whatnot that I wouldnot be vulnerable to if I remain steeped in ignorance of this “reality”.
After all that, the first thing I wanted to do this morning was consume more DMT. What the fuck is wrong with me? Lol.
What I take from this is yoga, mediation. I see the differenece in the way I can handle things, psychedelic and regular reality. This is the one true purpose of my life. To grow myself and help others to grow this way. This is the future of evolution on this planet. I need to stop being so introverted and scared and begin the process of finding my placein this world/sun. Forget worries about money and wahtnot. Searching for jobs and such. Search for teachers to help me become a teacher myself. This is my lifes purpose,
The dmt experience was the singularly most “real” thing I have experiencd. Although I feel like I have been exactly there a few times before. Like memories of memories. Each time I become progressivly more “ready”, but I am still so far from fully ready. The general concensus seems to be leave these drugs alone, but I am not sure if I can do that. I do know I need to focus more on living life fully. Put in the work, and get help with yogi medicine as needed.
Although I feel I came so close to “breaking” myself again last night, why do I feel the insatiable desire to do it again. Even though it was the most terrifying experience ever and I feel it could be the end of my human sanity.
Safe journies and love to all"
while that does not even come close to summing things up, it will have to do.
i dunno. I have had a lot to think on this week. I am glad for this thread and talking things out with people otherwise I would feel a lot more alone and depressed.
