BDD Social and Info BoothVs30-I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money

[tentram]

smoke some weed and chill out

hell, it's what i'm doing while i lay here i wretched pain going through from my right shoulder to ankle it might be worth getting the bone graft to even up my longer leg to separate this pain and only deal with my DDD

 

[laCster]

thats what i am doing! i feel oh so fine

want to get on aim?

 

[BabyGurl3171]

I've been wondering how you've been doing since you jumped back on the Benzo train a few Weeks back. Just out of interest what doses have you been using? Have you found much benefits from it again? Are you full on addicted to it again? As I know you greatly feared this when you mentioned about starting back up on the Xanax a few Weeks ago.

As for Narcotics Anonymous meetings.... I to began to attend them back in August 2012 and I would either have to massively dose on Benzos before the meetings as my Social Anxiety would go through the roof and I would sit there for the duration of the meetings completely terrified or I would get home from the meetings and just have drugs on my mind and then end up using, so I stopped going as it was seemed very counter-productive for me. Although I do believe NA is a force for immense good and helps countless people get clean even if it is slightly cultesque.

I was doing pretty good using my alprazolam as directed, only 1-2 extra at times just because. But it has rapidly turned into addiction again. I can see where it's heading, again, but I do have severe panic attacks & was tired of hospital runs a few times a week bc I was sure I was dying. My tolerance is right back where it was in Aug of last year. Sucks. I usually take 2-4 mgs at a time with a total of, today for example, (4 am & woke up to take more) I have to guess I took between 10-12 mgs alprazolam. Plus kanna pills, something I'm too lazy to go look at but it's a kratom like substance & even though warned I took 800 mg blue lotus zaney bars. Irresponsibility at it's best. This was over the course of 8 hrs though, not all in a single dosing.

I do believe I must taper again before I get trapped again...although I'm pretty much there.

Then the added stress of just leaving an abusive boyfriend didn't help so much. Back to single parenting, which has great stress of it's own. Especially with a special needs child. I know, not an excuse but I suppose we all deal differently.

I had to acquire some extras to maintain my script til refill day. Come on Thursday!

NA does the same to me. You get to listen to all the "good party times" and it's always so much fun when someone brings your drug of choice to the mix <sarcasm>. Almost every time I wanna run home and get high.

 

[tentram]

thats what i am doing! i feel oh so fine

want to get on aim?

sorry not at the moment, bud. i'm not feeling overly social at the moment and am distracted with my pain and going into dissociate mode while i punch down cones and hope for some sleep in a few hours time.

i love this fruit smell from the weed though from the bag sitting next to me:D

 

[laCster]

damn im sorry to hear that, though im glad to hear you have good weed

i have some decent buds, but a good amoubt and i have just been smoking. feeling really high after the methadone, oxycodone, valium, promethazine, amitriptyline, and weed, but i feel like i could still go for another 10-20mg oxycodone

hope things get better for you!

 

[Jktm]

to the putting of xanax under the tongue...I can put di-scored/tri-scored 2mg bars under my tongue broken in pieces and barely taste them...
shit takes practice and skill...

took 8 more fioricet and an assload of lyrica...should sleep like a baby tonight...

and who says you can't redose barbiturates? you just gotta be careful and keep the doses lowish...(lol, HR at its finest)

sorry scag/rhun...I tried the whole no drug talk...it didn't help...

@cane...where do you get things like this lol? GNC?

@leftwing...ya...I remember the days of 100+mg of diazepam...valium really is my favorite benzo, but takes too much for it to be worth it...that's why I prefer xanax these days...and ProSom (estazolam) for sleep...that stuff is king for insomnia...take 2mg (equivalent to taking 2/3mg of alprazolam) and an hour later; no high, just lay down and sleep occurs in 5 minutes....PRAISE estazolam...and PRAISE alPRAZolam...there a ereason it's called alPRAZolam.

edit: once again...@leftwing/tentram; I feel your pain...I dont' know what a thoracic bulging disc is like, but I've got hyperkyphosis, degenerative disc disease, and 3 herniated discs in my lumbar, as well as unknown neck problems, so I know what you're going through...I've been out of tramadol a few days and just ate the remainder of my lyrica to complement my butalbital....at least I'm not drinking/taking xanax.

tramadol refill on the 10th (I get a script of 90 for 15 days), and lyrica (the 100s; should be the 200s IMVHO) on the 27th...

and ya...it's so much better to give me a drug that will cause seizures at moderate doses, cause SSRI discontinuation syndrom, and can cause serotonin syndrome than to just give me T4s/norco/MS-Contin...definitely the lesser of two evils. 8)

buttfucking tramadol.

 

[Siccness909]

Will you get methadone withdrawals if you used for a week on and off? Doses ranging from 5-15 MG's

Used for pure recreational use. Not addicted or using for maintenance etc.

 

[pally pete]

Well about 1 & 1/2 hours after my first dose of Oxy (300mg) I decided to take another 120mg, it's amazing how little my tolerance dropped considering up until last Saturday March 30th I hadn't touched any Oxy since Thursday December 27th 2012, so a break of about 3 Months. Although admittedly when I first dosed the Oxy last Saturday 80mg did have me feeling quite nice. The potentiators did work well tonight though (White Grapefruit Juice, Tonic Water, 25mg Diphenhydramine and some Tums - Calcium carbonate)

I dosed the 300mg of Oxy at 18:15, and then took the second 120mg dose at 19:50 and it's now 04:10 (EDIT: 06:10) and I can still feel the Oxy. IME/IMO them potentiators do not increase the intensity of the effects but they most definately greatly increase the duration of the effects.... That joint that I smoked around 9pm also done the trick nicely. :D (Sorry for being such a geek with all the exact time and dates etc.. It's just that I keep a drug diary of what and when I consume, although it's not something I carry around with me on person.

I'm very tempted to take some more Oxy, even though I'm feeling slightly tired/drowsy I know damn well I wont be able to get to sleep, I have 5 x 10mg Ritalin (Methylphenidate) at my disposal and wondered whether the Ritalin would mix very well with the Oxy? Does anybody have any suggestions/advice/experiences with regards to mixing Ritalin & Oxy? Also I have plenty 150mg Valerian root extract tablets, how well would Valerian root work with Oxy? If at all? Or any other combinations anyone can think of would be most appreciated. I also have plenty of Trazodone at my disposal.

Unfortunately I don't have any Benzos either as I flushed my last 80 x 5mg Diazepam down the toilet because they were another drug that I had been clean of for 3 Months, and after initially taking 50mg a couple of weeks ago and being pleasantly suprised that my Tolerance had dropped and they provided some Anxiety relief I used them a few more times over the following Days culminating in me taking 200mg on Tuesday and getting no benefit from them, and I also noticed a definate connection with my Benzo use and an increase in my Depression.


Haha! Thanks for your concern The thing is I was a pretty boy once upon a time The problem was that I was completely oblivious to it, and I was also incredibly naive with regards to all the Female attention I used to get, add to that the fact my Heart was broken when I was 17 and ever since then I've been terrified of any commitment as I associate it with emotional pain, hurt and anguish (I know I'm wrong to think this way as I'll end up spending my entire life without Love & Companionship if I'm not careful and so I have to allow myself to take emotional risks) Although I'm far too sensitive for my own good, that's why trivial things like this can cause me great Anxiety. Also as I'm not so 'young and pretty' anymore which doesn't help with my self confidence and self esteem it becomes even harder as I've have pretty much always had low self esteem and low self confidence (Even when I did used to get plenty of Female attention in my younger days) pretty much all my friends are married/engaged/cohabiting/in long-long-term/have children and they all wish for me to find someone,

I too was going to mention 14 Beers is a bit much, but then I considered the level I have abused Oxy today and realised if I were to say something it may come across as very hypocritical of me.


Just Like I was saying a few posts up, Tolerance is a bitch! I also want some Alprazolam,! I haven't had any in a long long time, even though the 200mg of Diazepam Didn't do much for me on Tuesday, I'm sure 16mg of Xanax would be nice.



l-theanine is great for what? I know it's in Green Tea which by coincidence is all I've pretty much been drinking the past 6 Months or so...


I've been wondering how you've been doing since you jumped back on the Benzo train a few Weeks back. Just out of interest what doses have you been using? Have you found much benefits from it again? Are you full on addicted to it again? As I know you greatly feared this when you mentioned about starting back up on the Xanax a few Weeks ago.

As for Narcotics Anonymous meetings.... I to began to attend them back in August 2012 and I would either have to massively dose on Benzos before the meetings as my Social Anxiety would go through the roof and I would sit there for the duration of the meetings completely terrified or I would get home from the meetings and just have drugs on my mind and then end up using, so I stopped going as it was seemed very counter-productive for me. Although I do believe NA is a force for immense good and helps countless people get clean even if it is slightly cultesque.


Did I say I WANT some XANAX! :D


Did your massage include a 'happy ending'?



Fair play to you

Only 2 weeks ago I used to be able to post exactly the same, No Drug consumption. Tonight I got messy and have spent the last couple of hours trying to type this post (Essay!) And also listening to a couple of old Green Day Albums - '39 Smooth (1990) & Nimrod (1997)'

TBH, I come on here just to chat after being all serious and posting HR stuff. It's pretty boring and hard to have a conversation with people who just list the drugs they're on. Once in a while I don't mind or if it's just mentioned casually in reference to something else but c'mon... people mix it up a little, be original

I'm extra grouchy though cause I'm on my lunch break and I can already tell it's going to be a long night. Ugh.

Mix it up a bit!

I think I gave it a damn good try and managed to touch upon a few different subjects if you care to read my mammoth post, and believe me it was fucking hard work! That's why it took me over 2 Hours to write! I was that twatted I could hardly see the screen let alone know what keys I was typing on my keyboard.

Aside from Drugs I believe I touched upon my sad excuse of an attempt at a love life, I asked about how another Bluelighter was getting on with her addiction/medication schedule, I even managed to talk about Music. Oh and I even dropped in a lame smutty joke with regards to a massage, and I also managed to reply to a post in a foreign language (Thai - 'Mai pen rai' - Which means 'no worries' In trying to keep a link to the happy ending massage.

 

[smokemctoke420]

Woke up at 7am today with a slight headache due to a hangover. I feel good now. Ate some good food and smoked some dank.

I got 900 mgs of tramadol coming to me around 1:00. I'm ready to feel good. It surprised me last time I took some.

 

[Jktm]

Man I slept like a baby from all that fioricet...it was nice...and I actually dreamt too...bummer there's no way in hell my psych would rx amo/secobarbital for insomnia...she won't even Rx me a benzo for my horrible anxiety...goddamn was that a good sleep...

I have a tolerance to gaba-ergics though kids...don't eat 700mg of butalbital (300mg early afternoon; 400mg at about midnight; not at once) in a day unless you're one of those people that can take 14mg of xanax without blacking out lol

edit: how the fuck do you kids get fucked up from any amount of tramadol? goddamn herniated discs+kyphosis....

Just saying, even when I first got rx'ed it...staggering 400mg in 4 hours did nothing to me but relieve pain...

 

[Bob Loblaw]

Quote of the week, from one coworker to another:
"How about all that scrap pipe you ran today, Mammy?!"
"It was only 30 pieces, Maurice."
"Yeah, 30 pieces of thick 2inch pipe."
"I got your 2 inches right here, Maurice!" *points to crotch*

I'm going to cut the end off a Taco Bell hot sauce packet so he can have a feefee.


I think I'm going to take shrooms for the first time in 2.5yrs this Saturday on a hike :D. It's weird how heavy heroin abuse makes me forget about other drugs & things I could do with life ,

 

[Jktm]

I don't know you bob, but that's any addiciton...meth did the same thing with me...I forgot about my friends, would stay away from the house for 4 days at a time and come back for maybe 2, if that, before binging again. I would go in late to work because I was finishing a bowl, I would smoke meth in the bathroom of starbucks/my car on break...it was bad lol...

 

[Mass08]

Lol nothing is the deal, I just think Nirvana sucked. The grunge sound is really annoying and sounds more like noise than music to me.

And yes Marlboro smooths suck, I'm a straight newport guy now even though I'd like to quit, possibly going to try chantix.

30 Days off heroin and cocaine, how is everyone else?

 

[Bob Loblaw]

That's the main reason why I don't want to get back on it. Fuck living that way. But OTOH, I love it . I used to do a lot of drugs, but then if it wasn't heroin or coke or meth, I didn't want or even think about it. Not because I physically needed any of those 3, but dope just took over. Yeah, I suppose that's true for any addiction, but heroin's the only thing I have real experience with in that category.

^30 days clean & 30 posts in the past, eh? Heh, way to go though. I'm 9 days past my relapse on dope.

 

[smokemctoke420]

Man I slept like a baby from all that fioricet...it was nice...and I actually dreamt too...bummer there's no way in hell my psych would rx amo/secobarbital for insomnia...she won't even Rx me a benzo for my horrible anxiety...goddamn was that a good sleep...

I have a tolerance to gaba-ergics though kids...don't eat 700mg of butalbital (300mg early afternoon; 400mg at about midnight; not at once) in a day unless you're one of those people that can take 14mg of xanax without blacking out lol

edit: how the fuck do you kids get fucked up from any amount of tramadol? goddamn herniated discs+kyphosis....

Just saying, even when I first got rx'ed it...staggering 400mg in 4 hours did nothing to me but relieve pain...

is that the shit with tylenol, codeine, and a barbituate? idk, i just remember finding an old script my mom had for tension headaches in like 07 and i looked up the ratio for codeine to oxy and it said something like 230mgs =s a 30. idk but i took all 13 which ended up coming to about 350 mgs of codeine. i was so wrecked lol

about the tramadol, i dont ever remember getting as fucked up as i did at work the other week. i took 150 then like an hour later took 50 more. since then ive been wanting to get more. my buddy has 2 more refills but i gotta buy his script cuz he doesnt have insurance. if it makes you anymore jealous, i dont stagger my doses either lol i just pop 3-4 at once. i think there's a big difference in 150 and 200. i never felt as fucked up on that 150 as i did that 200. im gonna plug 200mgs in like a half hour when my coworker gets here.

Lol nothing is the deal, I just think Nirvana sucked. The grunge sound is really annoying and sounds more like noise than music to me.

And yes Marlboro smooths suck, I'm a straight newport guy now even though I'd like to quit, possibly going to try chantix.

30 Days off heroin and cocaine, how is everyone else?

yes, marlboro smooths suck. and with that chantix watch out for nightmares and shit. it works fairly well tho but you gotta wanna quit to
congrats on your 30 days brotha.

That's the main reason why I don't want to get back on it. Fuck living that way. But OTOH, I love it . I used to do a lot of drugs, but then if it wasn't heroin or coke or meth, I didn't want or even think about it. Not because I physically needed any of those 3, but dope just took over. Yeah, I suppose that's true for any addiction, but heroin's the only thing I have real experience with in that category.

^30 days clean & 30 posts in the past, eh? Heh, way to go though. I'm 9 days past my relapse on dope.

9 days is better then no days.
....................................................................................................................................................

anyways, im getting some tramadol in about a half hour and im gonna hit golf balls with bats since my golf clubs cant be found. but first ill be plugging 200 mgs of tramadol and smoking a giant bowl of stinky reefer.

its gonna be so nice this week but especially tommorrow through wednesday. gonna be 73 all 3 days. ill be breaking out the shorts at work tommorrow for sure.

speaking of tommorrow, i start going in at 6am and im done at 2:30. it sucks that this week i start my 40 hour week but its 6 days now. half days thursdays and saturdays but saturdays if the 3 people that are there are done we can leave so we are usually out by 9am and get paid till 10. it just sucks that they do that so they have someone to take care of bunkers and greens during the weekends and dont have to pay overtime. fucking faggots.

So, how is everyone today?

 

[Jktm]

@bob I would do EVERYTHING else with meth...oxy, xanax, kpins, lsd, mdma...never did coke with it though, and heroin is non-existent here...

and ya...I love my meth, but it makes me a shitty person...if I had the cash though, I'd probably go get a ball and go through that in 2-3 days and think agents from the dea were in my closet waiting for me to pull my pipe and dope out lmao...

edit: @smokemctoke: lol...I'll take 5-600mg (DO NOT DO THIS; THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA) and not feel any sort of "opiation."

Though I dislike the feeling of any opiate other than morphine....all they do is make me itch and get pissy...40, 50, 60mg of percocet and I'm just itching and yelling at people for no reason lol...

 

[Jktm]

And fioricet is butalbital, tylenol, and caffeine...if it has codeine in it, it's fioricet #3 with codeine...

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Lol nothing is the deal, I just think Nirvana sucked. The grunge sound is really annoying and sounds more like noise than music to me.

And yes Marlboro smooths suck, I'm a straight newport guy now even though I'd like to quit, possibly going to try chantix.

30 Days off heroin and cocaine, how is everyone else?

I actually listen to noise so I'm going to say the opposite, too much melody and rock sounds for me IMHO.

BTW congrats on your 30 days, that's amazing progress. I have a friend coming to visit in a few weeks who is over 30 days clean from IV hydromorphone, and didn't need ORT to get clean.

I definitely recommend chantix because cigarettes are the worst IMO; definitely quit if that is what you want.

 

[twotoomany]

Chantix gave me ridiculous nightmares/sleep terror. I lasted 3 days. Lol. The e cig on the other hand had me off smokes after less than a week. I'm still a nicotine addict, but its cheaper and healthier, plus you can taper you nic level down easily.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Chantix gave me ridiculous nightmares/sleep terror. I lasted 3 days. Lol. The e cig on the other hand had me off smokes after less than a week. I'm still a nicotine addict, but its cheaper and healthier, plus you can taper you nic level down easily.

Also another great idea if you need to quit.

I'm glad I don't use nicotine at all.