BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

[tentram]

it's (the heat) been ridiculous after all this rain because the humidity has been through the roof. and although it was around 30 celsius today, compared to the 32-37 celsius days beforehand, it was raining on and off and the sky was dark which made for a perfect afternoon of catching up on my sleep i missed the night before. i'm expecting it's going to be ridiculously hot for a week or two after all this rain thanks to our mate humidity plus i live in tropic climate.

i'm sure i'd rather endure this heat than put up with ridiculously cold weather like you guys get over there throughout winter. it does get in fairly low single digit celsius in winter where i live but there's no wind factor or anything and our days warm up to low 20's celsius throughout winter. our highs are never really below 16-18 celsius through winter so not too bad, almost perfect like spring time which is probably my fav time of the year because of the awesome climate.

where abouts are you in the states? in one of the colder ones?

 

[hatrix]

I'm on ohio. The weather here is bi polar man.... One day its 5 degrees F with a wind chill below zero, then the next day its up in the 50s F. Shit is dumb. Like I said though, now it's going to be a cold streak for a while. It's 23 F outside but it's supposed to "feel like" 7 F.

So yea it's not to pleasant to be outside lol. Almost time for my hour and and 40 minute class..... Gosh I just need sleeeeeeepppp.

 

[tentram]

the mid west eh? that's surely a cold streak, have fun with that haha. i do love winter time, though. i love being wrapped up in a nice fluffy blanket getting my nod on during the evening.

haha you need sleep and here i am just having put 15mg valium under my tongue :D sorry to rub it in. it is getting on though, quarter to 1 in the morning now.

gonna chill with this val and the morphine from earlier and might put one of the "Friday" movies on for some shits n giggles; just wish i had a little bud to smoke

 

[pasha]

haha, yeah, you definitely got that laid back, chilled out ausse stereotype right.

my doc knows i use other drugs, knows about my addiction and abuse problems in the past, etc. he even know's i shoot the morphine, but only ever rarely and he's never expressed any concern and shows me trust in having a good say in my treatment plan. he's even said to me something to the effect of "you're on of the better younger pain patients i have because you're obviously not abusing your script to the point of coming in wanting early refills on a regular basis, etc", though explicitly warned me if i were to start that that he would have no problem refusing my medications. sneaky bastard peeks up and down my arms on occasion to check for fresh track marks but they're never there :D

i actually don't use heroin. have very limited experience with it. so i can't really give a fair judgement on which i like better but i do love my IV morphine and have quite enjoyed what heroin i have used. my current med regime consists of morphine, codeine and valium. baclofen stopped working for me and i started getting bad side effects after being on neurontin for quite a while so cut that out.

unfortunately the petrol sniffing is still quite a problem among some indigenous townships/citizens especially in the more remote area. some aboriginal towns have a ban on alcohol consumption so they turn to chroming and huffing which is sad to see and know that it goes on. in a city an hours north of where i live there's a fairly big problem in regards to aboriginals chroming and drinking in a public park - i won't repeat what the park is dubbed because it's highly racist, but the council kinda kicked them out of hanging in that park leaving them to move onto the river front more out of the public eye. they're (the council, local authorities) doing fuck all to help them with the problem, they'd rather sweep them under the rug and keep them out of the public's eye the extreme remote places with alcohol bans still have people smuggling alcohol into their towns and selling it for absurdly high prices which only perpetuates problems and the stereotype surrounding them. there are things being done about it just it's not highly successful from what i see and understand myself. i'll be the first to admit i don't know a great deal about it for the most part.

ha, it didn't seem you were romanticising my condition. i just get a lot of "sorry to hear, etc" when people hear about my problem. i've come to terms with it so i'm all about managing it rather than living by it, letting it define me.

edit - i never liked baclofen in a recreational sense whatsoever, it gives a dirty high if you can even call it a high. it worked well as a muscle relaxant for a while but diazepam trumps it by far. and we don't get some here, so no haven't used it before.

Well at least you show some concern for the aboriginals which is a positive, I think if more people share your mindset then the situation will resolve itself muchlike the native Indians in the United States.

Checking your arms for track marks, that shit made me chuckle, It's nice that you've got such an understanding doctor, in the end of the day he knows that using different ROA's isn't such a big deal since in medical settings the needle is almost always the only way.

Yah I know what you mean about the sorry, it shouldn't be that way but at times it's the only thing people can say in social cues until they get to know you, once they realize that it doesn't define you I'm sure you wouldn't mind friends having a laugh about it with you.

I know it sounds fucked up, but at times when I was younger I would fantasize about hurting myself, nothing major maybe a broken whatever just to get opioids. I guess like you said in your earlier post you'd reverse it if you could. What do I know about it though.

Many people seem to react the same way as you to baclofen, for others it's like GHB or alcohol. It's good that your off it though because its withdrawals can be equally as hectic as benzodiazepines.

When you mentioned football did you mean Aussie footy or like English football (soccer, even though I refuse to call it that)?

Edit: are you an older member btw, cuz you seem to go way back on this site? If so what's the reason behind a new account?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Good lord I just went into the strangest opiate/benzo coma I've ever been to. I think I have another motherfucking spiked batch of diazepam, but I can't be sure. I don't know how long the effects took to hit me last night because its a blur, I was bunged up so bad from constipation I worried myself shirtless (literally) and put an enema up there. Sure as hell it worked, but later on I took some more oxy.

I woke up just now after 15 hours of sleep, I woke up downstairs, but I remember waking up upstairs and coming down briefly so that's all good, fucking glad I didn't go to school. I think my mam noticed though because first I asked her for an enema; then I've been dead today. She's not pleased at all... Fucking bunk diazepam man I'm gonna go fucking psycho

 

[laCster]

D Damn that's sketch synth...

I snorted 0.5mg bupre and swallowed 60mg vyvanse an hour ago, I'm starting to feel all floatyand warn ahhhh I feel Gucci son

What up with you today Tentram and synth?

 

[tentram]

Many people seem to react the same way as you to baclofen, for others it's like GHB or alcohol. It's good that your off it though because its withdrawals can be equally as hectic as benzodiazepines.

i was one of the lucky ones that escaped withdrawal symptoms going cold turkey off it. i was only taking 25md t.i.d so nothing extreme. i don't know where people get the impression that baclofen is anything like G - never used G myself - but if that's what it's like i'll pass on G. i know it's really nothing like it, though.

When you mentioned football did you mean Aussie footy or like English football (soccer, even though I refuse to call it that)?

yeah aussie footy, not football (soccer). was likely referring to rugby league if you've ever heard of it?

Edit: are you an older member btw, cuz you seem to go way back on this site? If so what's the reason behind a new account?

yeah, i used to be leftwing - modded OD for 3 years, BDD for a while as well and DC for a couple years and a senior moderator for a fair while there and when i got an administrator position is when i disappeared from BL going through my meltdown. just needed a fresh start after a mental breakdown this time a year ago. always good to start afresh!

I know it sounds fucked up, but at times when I was younger I would fantasize about hurting myself, nothing major maybe a broken whatever just to get opioids. I guess like you said in your earlier post you'd reverse it if you could. What do I know about it though.

'
haha yeah i read that a lot on BL, crazy bastards. i used to think "i can't wait until i start getting decent amounts of oxy/morphine from my doctor when first being put on either one. how silly was i thinking that. few years later and my tolerance is sky high, going through mad wd's countless times, overdosing, etc, etc. just wish i wasn't so leadfooted and hit it hard so early or i'd still be able to get high and enjoy a nice small dose of say 20-30mg oxy. not this bullshit amount i have to use now. i've had other addicts say how lucky i am getting my scripts but how wrong they are!

 

[laCster]

Lol silly Tentram, now you shoot a pretty large dose of morphine a day lolol

 

[tentram]

What up with you today Tentram and synth?

well it's 2am so not a huge amount. took some valium just before. and i've got some reflux i can't seem to shake no matter how much bi-carb i eat! it's getting damn painful.

how about you, boo?

 

[laCster]

Damn two weeks ago when I had the flu, I had the worst acid reflux of my life! Pepto bisnal really helped me, and oh Yah, benzos especially klonopin are known causers of acid reflux...

Nothing much today, hanging out on speeds and bupre, bout to play guitar, then I need to take my computer to get fixed and sciut out some jobs.

Thia sensation washes over me, i can't describe it. I've been here before, a dream within a dream

Synth and Tentram. Want to join me on aim or TC

 

[Jabberwocky]

Left wing you motherfucker, everyone changes their fucking name on this forum and I end up infracting an ex senior mod. F u you all

Sure buddy might jump on aim or tc, lemme head onto my laptop. Today is a wasted day.

 

[laCster]

Lol why is it waisted? And let's dooooo it! I am actually going to plat guitar for 30mins, but I will be on then! You better not ditch me buddy

And lmao at infrafting a senior mod

 

[laCster]

Lol at the dude trying to sell droogs, he is from Atlanta and has the same area code as me

 

[Jabberwocky]

I won't ditch ya don't worry. Ill get on my laptop now and ready.

It's wasting cause I woke up at 3pm from a diazepam fuck up! What the fuck do I keep feeding myself that is spiked to hell and back?!

 

[tentram]

give me like 5-10 mins and ill be back laccy. just doing someting quicklu

 

[tentram]

Synth and Tentram. Want to join me on aim or TC

alright, my aim doesn't open on my laptop but is that meebo site still around or a site i can sign in without need for the program? otherwise what's the link to TC?

Left wing you motherfucker, everyone changes their fucking name on this forum and I end up infracting an ex senior mod. F u you all

Sure buddy might jump on aim or tc, lemme head onto my laptop. Today is a wasted day.

haha, nah i got a line put through leftwing. this is a total seperate and newish acct.

you only gave me a warning as well i think all for a silly little RP where i was just joking around,

i was pretty doped up at the time and think i might have been a bit of a prick to you in a PM i sent you in regards to it. sorry if i was, digs. no harm was done. i just thought "who the fuck does this noob think he is warning me for some bullshit like this?" lol. i knew you had the strength in you because it was a very professional and business like message which impressed me.

in other words - you were doin it rite and impressed me with how you handled the warning and the wording of it not to crawl up your ass or anything:D

yourself and bronson have been doing a fantastic job since the promotions, so hats off to the pair of you.

 

[hatrix]

the mid west eh? that's surely a cold streak, have fun with that haha. i do love winter time, though. i love being wrapped up in a nice fluffy blanket getting my nod on during the evening.

haha you need sleep and here i am just having put 15mg valium under my tongue :D sorry to rub it in. it is getting on though, quarter to 1 in the morning now.

gonna chill with this val and the morphine from earlier and might put one of the "Friday" movies on for some shits n giggles; just wish i had a little bud to smoke

I mean it's all good, I still have 25.25mg of Alprazolam left. Plenty to last me a long while before another visit to the doc to ask for a refill. However, I'm not trying to take anymore today. Last dose was at like 7 AM this morning. I'm planing on taking the 35mg of hydrocodone around 8 or so. That should be plenty of time to rid most of the xanax out of my system.

<snip>

 

[Jabberwocky]

haha tentram, nah you didn't come across as a prick or anything. you just seemed a bit out of it, and when i talked to people i realized you'd been here for a long long time and we're just kidding around, and now that you've revealed your secret identity - leftwing, you've made me even more embarrassed. whore. thank you by the way, tentram for the compliments i appreciate it i enjoy having you around on the social, i've missed our bdd crew.

laC - i've been on aim waiting for ages for you, where are you? my aim is oh shit wait i'll pm you it.

yo hatrix hows it going? ergh, i hate/love the old alprazolam. i have such a love hate relationship with the stuff it's an annoying one. one day i'll love to take it, the next i'll hate it. meh. yeah thats a good time frame you're leaving yourself to take the hydro - enjoy it!

not that fucked man, loads of medical practices do it. they have the right to as well... what do you go to your practice for if you don't mind me asking?

 

[pally pete]

Wow, 34 off benzos and 24 off opiates? That is a reall accomplishment! I can barely be sober for 3 days straight.

Be proud of yourself and reward yourself with something that isn't opiates, benzos, or psychoactive drugs. Maybe eat your favorite meal, play your favorite video gamex or watch your favorite movie!
Good look Pete!

Good luck Pete.

yeah, well done pete, that is some achievement. I feel like I could probably do a month without benzos again, but I'd rather not at this time.

Thanks all!!!

It's always nice to have a bit of support from the Bluelight community %)

Although the desire to use is controlling my thoughts i've managed to go another day clean

 

[Jabberwocky]

pete i'm so proud of you honestly. you've been off so long you can be off the rest of your life. do things to distract you from the cravings, anything. you're amazing. have you been to NA? it really helps some people. perhaps you could give it a go?

if you lived around london i'd definitely come with/take you to a meeting. i'd love to go to some myself as they really help you stay clean, but i hate going alone.