I 2nd #2 for sure, and #4 and #5 to a lesser degree. I've never been a really emotional type, but when I reflect about my drug problem, it really fucks with my head and makes me feel like a shitty person deep down. I'd like to think i have a healthy relationship with friends, family, my fiance and I've always been brutally honest (even to a fault and I never steal from anyone, but always pay people back if i borrow money). They've all expressed that they hate seeing me pinned out. I hate that it bothers them so I try to stay sober or at least "sober-passing" around them. It breaks my heart that I'm still not strong enough to quit, but in my defense, i keep it in check. I might dose everyday, but its mostly just enough to get some shut-eye, which isn't much since I've tapered myself down. I still like to get fucked up once a month because it at least gives me something to look forward to (pathetic, i know, but that's the only high point of my life as of now--no pun intended).
I can relate. Especially when I'm around friends who have kids (because part of me is deeply envious of their wholesome, happy lives and drugs distract me from my discontent about being childless). I know it sounds selfish and pathetic, but it really hits me hard on a personal level so i just try to avoid my "super-mom" friends for both their sake and mine. I'm not good at faking being happy, so i don't wanna be a wet blanket to them or be high while their kids are around, nor do I want the depressing reminder of something I'll likely never be--a mother.
I'd say all of those reasons are good reasons aside from societal pressure (for the simple fact that I could give a shit less what society as a whole thinks). I've never injected any drug either and don't intend to, thankfully. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense that alcohol and cigarettes, as problematic as they can be, are still 100% legal for adults (my fiance is a heavy beer drinker). I still drink once week, smoke weed daily, and smoke less than a pack of cigs a day though. I agree that if I could get my pills legally, I might never quit--especially if there's no chance that I'll ever have a child of my own. My reasoning for that is: "if I never have children, what's the point of trying to refrain from something I enjoy?" Besides, the desire to start a family is pretty much the only reason why I'd ever try to quit willingly. Otherwise in my case, I don't see the point in quitting if I don't have a moral obligation to set an example for someone. I'm over 30, still childless, and the only thing I'm deeply worried about at this point is that its going to remain that way indefinitely if I don't tackle it soon.
I see. Nobody wants to go jail or prison. I wish I was a parent myself, but I became an addict long before I considered that if I want to be a mom, having a kid during active addiction isn't the best idea. I'm thankful that I haven't wound up pregnant for the sole fact that I'm an addict, but a girl can dream. Sometimes I hope that it would accidentally happen anyway so I'd be obligated to quit asap and finally have my motherhood wish granted. My fiance (rightfully) refuses to consider having a baby til I've been clean for a good while. Maybe one day when I get my shit together...
That would be my answer too if not for the fact that I wanna be a parent eventually.
Yeah. In my experience, the heavy users sure do love to talk shit and rant about nonsense--or niche interests at best. For some reason, anytime I bought H it was usually from a tweaker. They always gave me the runaround which usually includes an elaborate story and I'm like "dude, I just wanna get me shit and leave". When I stuck around to use it at their place (cause my fiance would flip if he caught me doing it), their bat-shit crazy energy was too much for me and it would ultimately wind up ruining my high...which in turn is a financial waste.
It’s funny because with reasonable doses you usually start your amp career being totally on point and super efficient. I’ve never seen that last even a decade really. First your memory erodes and then your obsessions expand to fill the gap.
