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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Shady's Fox

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2017
Messages
8,251
Location
Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
Some shit with a 180€ bill. My welfare meeting and phone calls are slightly stressing me out.

Why are the times of change always so stressing?


Because you level up, that's life. It means that you're on the good path. Bills and shit like this doesn't break me anymore, I don't even care about them. I tear them apart. Learn to fish.
 

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
8,142
one of my neighbors' smoke alarms has been beeping low battery for over 24 hours now. i can hear it clear as fuck in my apartment. how do they live like that. you'd think oh they must just be outta town. i have an end of the hallway apartment (awesome, mass windows) where three doors are right next to each other, and i've met both groups of neighbors. they're early to mid 20s stoners. exactly the kind that would let their smoke alarm beep for days instead of going to the grocery store and buying some batteries. i'm about to call their parents.
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,358
That thing where you're filled with anger for someone but at the same time are calling out for their companionship.

Yeah, that thing:mad:
 

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2013
Messages
25,219
Location
babysitting the argument in my head
Fucking club just ripped the tanning bed out. Sorry assholes I need the vitamin D and don't want a spray tan. Yeah and I know it can age people. But why do i look younger then you and am 15 plus years older??? Maybee its because i don't worry about all the stupid shit you do.. Go watch the
news
 

Shadow Cat

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
15,824
Location
dEeP iN HyPerSPaCe
You know I always try and be the nicest man I can be everyday, and somebody I thought was my friend just fucked me over bad. And then when I talk to my other supposed friend he just tells me that I'm a nut job like he does alot. It hurts my feelings when people put me down because of my mental health. I struggle with it every day and he makes me feel like no matter what I say is wrong because " you know your crazy charlie " I'm getting to the point where I just wanna dissapear I dont have a feeling y friends IRL and the only people I talk to are from here. And now I just lost them too, I wanna kill myself. My life is going to be so lonely now :(
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,358
You know I always try and be the nicest man I can be everyday, and somebody I thought was my friend just fucked me over bad. And then when I talk to my other supposed friend he just tells me that I'm a nut job like he does alot. It hurts my feelings when people put me down because of my mental health. I struggle with it every day and he makes me feel like no matter what I say is wrong because " you know your crazy charlie " I'm getting to the point where I just wanna dissapear I dont have a feeling y friends IRL and the only people I talk to are from here. And now I just lost them too, I wanna kill myself. My life is going to be so lonely now :(


Sorry to hear that man, I don't know you so I can't really comment but I see your situation this way:

Maybe you don't have any friends irl, maybe you do, I can't comment on that....but if it is then it doesn't mean that you will never have any friends and it doesn't mean you're not of value as a person. Maybe you have ended up in a shit situation.....maybe it's entirely your fault, maybe it's not at all, most likely somewhere in between.....but that situation doesn't define you as a person. If you are a good person then you will find other good people, maybe you're just looking in the wrong place at the moment?

I'm also dealing with a lot of feelings of rejection/loss/anger/isolation at the moment, I was terrified of going back to the place of desperation and isolation I was in five years ago so I just tried to send out casual messages to people I knew even if I hadn't spoken to them in ages. In the past I would never do this because I was so scared of rejection and couldn't understand the concept that maybe someone might actually be happy to hear from me. The response I got was amazing and made me feel so much more secure. Maybe you feel like you have no one at the moment but you would probably be surprised by the people who might care for you. I would encourage you to send out messages to those people you know but haven't spoken to in ages, or were always a bit too shy to contact or whatever. Just be casual, enquire about how they've been or whatever. If you manage to think of a few people to send messages out to I bet you get at least one person who is happy to hear from you.

I guess what I'm saying is don't shut yourself off from life, although it might feel so painful now is the time where you need to reach out to people most. Saying something honest and vulnerable here was a good start. I for one need friends and support at the moment so if you would care to not top yourself and help me then that would make me happy..

:):)
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,358
Also it's worth remembering that sometimes people might not realise that they're hurting you. It's possible that actually this person who calls you crazy thinks it's just a bit of good natured banter and doesn't realise they're hurting you when they say that. Have you ever put up a clear boundary and said don't say that please it makes me feel bad about myself?

I understand that can be a difficult conversation to have but there's also a good chance you might have that conversation and they'll recognise their negative behaviour and feel remorse for it and try to change and actually they do want to respect you and be your friend but were lacking self awareness?
 
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NeverHaddaChance

Bluelighter
Joined
May 31, 2017
Messages
60
Location
Drainingly Conservative State
I am a very agreeable person... Very patient, very goddamn understanding. Know what I will never understand? Why the hell that makes me a target for everyone's bullshit.

My scenerio:
Asks nicely 3 times over the course of 2 hours for a blanket after sitting in the ER lobby with tetany for over 4 hours - labeled as agressive and noncompliant, sedated, left in wheelchair by ER exit for unknown time before not remembering how I made it home.

My mother-in-law:
Screamed at EMS for taking too long to respond to her nosebleed, triaged with minimun wait, constantly complaining in rude and agressive ways, continues with attitude of entitlement without check...

Even without drugs in my system, because of a compromised immune system, I returned to ER with a spreading infection in my NECK, (YOU CAN'T AMPUTATE A NECK!) as instructed by the clinic, because of a red streak spreading ra[pidly. After seeing my history, they did not even run a culture, no IV antibiotics, 3 bags of fluids before I could even produce urine for a UA, doc comes in and squeezes my neck like he's arm wrestling godzilla (asking if I shot drugs in it?!)...

Coming to terms with having an only child, because after what I've experienced I can't go back to the hospital. I wish the drugs would have killed me.

Edit to add: when I went back for the neck, it was only after my chest started turning blue (confirmed by others, because of how I'd been treated before HELLO GASLIGHTING!) and passed out randomly several times. fml
 

Blowmonkey

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
12,467
Location
No
Empty and sick of listing words that begin with the letter d, drawing clocks and having to go over all the bullshit that happened in my life while it constantly comes back to my drug usage anyways. Fuck off.

They give heroin users methadone replacement and call them cured while they get all the help they want, but I can't even get a goddamn psychiatrist to talk to me unless I quit weed and get nothing in return but a pack of ciggs to smoke myself to death with. Thanks for fucking nothing. What did I expect? More than this at least.

I just can't stop being a giant fucking idiot, lmao.

one of my neighbors' smoke alarms has been beeping low battery for over 24 hours now. i can hear it clear as fuck in my apartment. how do they live like that
Noooooooooo! I know this isn't helpful maybe, but noone will notice if you kill them with fire now. lol, I hate that sound, SO MUCH. Especially when you find out the battery is non replaceable, who designs that stuff? I bet those stoner kids are having the same problem, they pressed the button and nothing happened, so they're like, eh fuck it, it'll die eventually. No you have to tear out it's heart and stomp on it, even then it might beep a couple of times, those things are stubborn as hell.
 

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
8,142
the building manager went in and fixed it. for all i know they don't live there anymore. it's still in their name, because he had to give 24 hours notice first.

sorry you're having trouble finding a worthwhile psychiatrist. they're rare. i do not currently have a good one (not sure i have one at all now that i've switched to medicaid), but i like my psychologist.

i keep on having to tighten my watch. depressed and lonely. i can't eat.
 

NeverHaddaChance

Bluelighter
Joined
May 31, 2017
Messages
60
Location
Drainingly Conservative State
You know what I'm done with? Being valued for what I can do for someone rather than who I am. It's taken me nearly 30 years to learn that it doesn't matter what you give... I have very little left of myself. Today I want to die more than I have in awhile... I want to go numb and forget.

I want to forget the pattern of being taken advantage of, and abandoned when the well runs dry.
I want to forget the good times that draw me back in...
I want to forget the potential I once possessed, just waiting for a spark of good that wouldn't come.

I want to forget the injustice. Forget the righteous who so easily forget those they step over. Forget the intrusions on my body from men who forget as they move onto their next target. Forget the medical staff who abused me to appease their own anger.

I want to forget the lonely, austere offices of empathy and move someplace sunny. Someplace with opportunity.
I want to set the little girl trapped inside free - no cleaning up her parents messes, no caring for 4 younger children, no violence. She never derserved that.

What kind of life is this if that girl never hadda chance....

SORRY! I'm not in any actual danger, survived suicidal ideation for 27 years now but have no one to talk to...
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,358
I've fallen in love with someone after meeting them once, I told them and they said they felt the same.

At the moment it just feels really confusing.
 

THECATINTHEHAT

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
7,358
It would help if a load of complicated and intense stuff hadn't happened between us already. I've just been through a really intense break up so I'm trying to work out whether I'm just on the rebound but I really dont think so.

Never felt like this, it's actually quite uncomfortable being so wrapped up in someone.
 

Soso78

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
3,222
Running a landscaping business and the British weather keeps fuckin me over.
csnt wait for weather to pick up.
 

DopeAMeenFeen

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 31, 2015
Messages
21
Sorta can't wait to get back to work... but sorta don't want to because I'm helping my parents out doing physical stuff around the house that they can't do or need help doing (they took care of me when I was a baby/kid, so I can't or won't leave them when they need it in their older years). When I get back to work, I hope I won't be as pissy as I have been! Or maybe it's just the month of March is coming up & I know YYYYYYY

Feeling pissed but hurt because next month (March) will be 10 years that my husband passed away & he was my soulmate. I miss him so much. I'm pissed because he left me & we were suppose to grow old together... We should be celebrating birthdays, anniversaries and even some sad times together. But here i am... left to celebrate his memories & the good times without him. He taught me how to live and love, but he never taught me how to live and love without him...
 

strangeaeon

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 19, 2019
Messages
230
Location
Timewave Zero
absolute crap, no purpose, a waste of skin, space and oxygen, a punishment, horrible, horror, hellish, are some of the things i think of when i pause to hear my thoughts. i cant stop putting needles in my skin. i want it so bad, every minute of my day and night, i wake up 10 times at night to fucking piss but wtf i dont even drink any water where is all that piss coming from, is it the methadone making me piss my entrails? sleep, my only comfort, taken away by fucking PISS i swear to god wtf tomorrow im going to the methadone clinic strictly to talk about this PISS thing its slowly ruining my life wtf i want to piss right now im not even kidding i hate it so much and didnt even drink anything for the past 7 hours wtf today i called my dealer all day and missed my precious training cause he told me to wait for him and i trusted him and now this shit what a pisstake... initially i wanted to write about how desperate i am to stop this madness but the piss is so real that i could not
 
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