• TDS Moderators: deficiT | D's | JessFR
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,170
Location
USA
Well, unfortunately I’ve botched it a bit, although hopefully not too badly. I used all the liquid morphine in a couple days bc shit, it’s enjoyable. I started to chop up and snort the MS Contin, but very quickly ended up doing it compulsively. I used to use a TON of coke, and snorting anything awakens that demon and I don’t want to go there because I know where it leads for me.

So for the last three days, I’ve turned to loperamide. Used 30 mg on Wed, 26 mg on Thursday, and 24 mg yesterday. Taking it all at once and it’s holding me OK. I’m bored and in pain, but I’ve been sleeping well and not having terrible restless legs or anything.

I have eight more days to go through. I got through Xmas for my kids’ sake which was the goal. I have all next week off (I’m a 2nd grade teacher), so I can afford to be a little more uncomfortable. Even when I return on the 4th of Jan (which is when I’m due to get more meds too) I’m working remotely so I can work in my jammies (well, pants at least!) from bed.

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to use my meds responsibly next time, but....chances are probably slim. I swear I’ll do it rig by every time, but here I am again.

Anyway, thank you for your advice! I’m hoping that my loperamide use is low enough and short-lived enough that I won’t have to deal with a crazy increased tolerance. Time will tell, I suppose.

Hope everyone is doing reasonably well ❤️
I don’t check in very often, so I just now read your post. I’m sure you have figured out how loperamide works by now. I was using it as much as 180 mg per day for up to two weeks, and that jacked my tolerance way up. My guess is it had only a small effect on you.

i keep telling myself that I will change too, but I just get worse every month.
 

Larimar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2018
Messages
659
Location
East Coast USA
I’m back on oxy guys. The Kratom just was not cutting it . The Kratom had me well for 6+months but I was miserable , not happy , and I was not having any sex with my husband even though he begged me daily . He went and fucked some fat nasty bitch who buys weed off of him . Her husband found out and told me . I take some blame because I wasn’t giving him any but was still a kick when I was already down . I emailed her work and let them know she used her work bathroom to cheat on her husband with a married man , and she got fired ,that gave me a little satisfaction. He fucked her once then ghosted her and she went psycho and confessed to her husband . We are working it out because I have cheated years ago so we will call it even . If he talks to her again or does anything else I am done ! I pretty much told him he better get me oxy or I will make his life living hell . It helps me cope and not be so angry and mean . Haven’t told anyone else so it’s nice to get this off my chest .
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,170
Location
USA
I’m back on oxy guys. The Kratom just was not cutting it . The Kratom had me well for 6+months but I was miserable , not happy , and I was not having any sex with my husband even though he begged me daily . He went and fucked some fat nasty bitch who buys weed off of him . Her husband found out and told me . I take some blame because I wasn’t giving him any but was still a kick when I was already down . I emailed her work and let them know she used her work bathroom to cheat on her husband with a married man , and she got fired ,that gave me a little satisfaction. He fucked her once then ghosted her and she went psycho and confessed to her husband . We are working it out because I have cheated years ago so we will call it even . If he talks to her again or does anything else I am done ! I pretty much told him he better get me oxy or I will make his life living hell . It helps me cope and not be so angry and mean . Haven’t told anyone else so it’s nice to get this off my chest .
Holy crap!
I guess you’re even, but I have no patience for a cheating spouse. At least you didn’t let that woman get away with it. I believe that when there is infidelity it is not only an offense committed by your spouse but also the person he did it with, even if the ‘other woman’ were not married. I applaud you for hitting back hard. I feel like it sends a message out to the universe that nobody should feel like there is no consequences to sleeping with someone else’s husband.
I also think you’re awesome for owning your part in pushing him away. Marriage is supposed to be ’for better or for worse’ so cheating is never an acceptable outcome, but most people can’t own their part in making their partner feel alone.

I’m going to be a therapist when I grow up.

Oxy gets you in the mood huh? Not me. It’s not that I couldn’t do it on oxy, it’s just sort of the last thing on my mind. Although I have to admit I have forgotten what it’s like to get a buzz from 10 or 20 mg of oxy. Maybe back then I was getting relaxed enough that it sounded like a good idea. I’m a pretty strange guy though.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,170
Location
USA
So, happy New Year everyone!!
My insurance changed for 2021, and now I will be paying out-of-pocket for my Doctor’s visits and prescriptions. This really sucks. Going from about $60 per month to about $450. Happy f’ing New Year...... And at the rate I’m burning through my pills right now, it’s costing me $450 to feel like a junkie for a week, then wd’s for a couple of days, then sort of in pain for another 3 weeks. It feels like I could just be sort of in pain for the whole month for free.
Maybe this will be the push I needed to just give up.
Either way, if someone offered me that bottle of 100 oxy 30’s for $450, I would be stupid to pass it up. It’s just really stupid to pay that much to be comfortable for a week out of every month. I would love to collect a few months prescriptions and stash them for when I really need extra pain relief, and then be done with this.
Sounds a bit like an addict though huh?
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,170
Location
USA
There’s an article on Google about Kratom that bears


The author is, in my opinion, trying to sound impartial but failing. He is leaning way hard towards the “dangers” and overstating potential negatives.
But the science is pretty interesting.
 

MyrandaK

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
36
I have tried both and got no relief. Pregablin is f’ing amazing for sleep though. I have a script but I don’t like them so I just stockpile them. I have given some away to two different people to use for sleep and they both had the same exact experience as I do:
On an empty stomach (and preferably after drinking very little fluids all day), 300 mg Lyrica[Pregablin] orally with a little water. Exactly 2 hours later the sandman comes without warning and puts you in a sleep-coma like you have never experienced. Literally you go from feeling nothing to falling asleep mid-sentence. And it lasts for 10 hours if you’re not suffering from anything, but minimum 6 hours even through opiate wd. I say stay away from fluids because the sleep you will get is so deep that you most likely will not wake up to pee. You might wet the bed though.....
You wake up the next day with a weird chemical taste in your mouth for an hour or two, but it’s barely noticeable. The only drawback is tolerance and dependency comes crazy fast with Lyrica. So, if 300 mg got you great sleep on Monday, by Friday you might need 900 mg to get the same. And it only takes 3 days of use for me to get wd’s pretty bad (insomnia, nausea, and scrambled brains). 3 days of use=3 days of tapering for me.

EDIT: And I recommend avoiding alcohol. It’s like letting 2 bullies play in the same sandbox. Twice now I have woken up in the middle of the night, in the middle of peeing somewhere very strange. I didn’t remember getting out of bed, or walking into the kitchen and pulling down my pants. I just woke up in the middle of peeing into a casserole dish. (This was after 300 mg Lyrica and s fifth of gin)
I don’t think pregabalin is even 10% as good as gabapentin for withdrawals. Matter of fact maybe I should have said 1 percent. Zero, good for nothing unless you have serious nerve pain.
 

MyrandaK

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
36
Hi everyone. I’ve been following this thread on and off for ages, but I’m in a tough situation now and it inspired me to finally make an account.

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I have been on various opiates for most of the last 10 years, primarily for spinal issues. On Sept 22nd I had two level cervical fusion and on Sept. 24th I had three level lumbar fusion. It was BRUTAL doing both during the same hospital stay, but I was happy to get it over with and commence healing.

when I was released, I was getting 12 oxycodone 10mg a day. I could make that work OK, but when we dropped down to 10 pills the following week it was harder. Then 9, then 8, then 7. Dropping every week was super hard, and I definitely took too much sometimes and had fewer at the end of the week, but it was just a couple days of fewer pills so I managed.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when he gave me a whole month’s worth at 6 a day. Well, having that many did me in. I blew through them all and am now out. I should mention here that even though I am a legitimate pain patient, I am also an addict. I went through detox for alcohol two and a half years ago and have been free from that addiction, but clearly I’m still dealing with those impulses. It sucks to NEED those pills but also deal with an addict’s brain.

Luckily, my husband’s cousin has a lot of pain meds currently (unfortunately it’s because her husband died after a long illness). She’s been trading her opiates for coke.

I went up to see her yesterday and she gave me 10 MS Contin 30 mg and eight little syringes of morphine sulfate (20 mg per ml). She also gave me a phenobarbital 100 mg.

However, she made it clear that this is the last time she wanted to do this because she wants to lay off the coke and she’s worried about enabling me. She did say that if I get in a jam and really need a few more she’ll help me out.

so I have about 16 days to get through. I have 6 of the liquid morphine left, 10 MS Contin 30mg, the phenobarbital (just the one) and two left over oxy 10s.

I’m planning on crushing up an MS Contin and seeing how long I can make it last. I also have baclofen at home and weed and can pick up kratom or otc meds.

I feel like a loser for fucking up. I’m not a candidate for Suboxone because I have so many medical issues (including a recently diagnosed blood cancer called polycythemia Vera) and will need more treatment and possibly surgery in the near future.

I’m a teacher so I have two weeks off and can deal with a little discomfort. However, I have kids and don’t want to be totally out of it. I’d like to avoid jacking up my tolerance too much, but mostly I just need to get through the next couple weeks. Any advice appreciated!
I’d suggest taking literally anything that exists to keep from taking buprenorphine
 

MyrandaK

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
36
A
I’d suggest taking literally anything that exists to keep from taking buprenorphine. And that’s a highly controversial statement. I’m sure some will strongly disagree and plenty of people still think bupe is their “miracle” but it becomes a curse not long after that.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,170
Location
USA
The main problem I see with bupe is that it is supposed to be a way of ‘softening’ the landing when the goal is getting off other opiates. It still has to suck a little. Too many people transition from a short-acting opiate to bupe and then decided to stay on it for such a long time that they become addicted to bupe. The wds from something like oxy last for days to weeks. From buprenorpherine the wds can be weeks to months
 
Top