Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Painful One]

@Painful One

How are you? You are a beautiful soul, I see colors in your eyes, you are not dead, this by reading all these comments. So, how are you? Seems like no one's been asking you this for a while from what I see.

Thank you Shady’s Fox. Very much.
I’m afraid that I am not well at all physically. I have actually been diagnosed with traumatic brain injury and a brain disease that is really worse than death. I don’t think I am long for this world.
I‘m pretty much a prisoner confined to my house now.

But I am doing the best I can and you are right, I am a beautiful soul. I am proud of that.
I have done amazing against very bad circumstances for a long time.

I look forward to my suffering coming to an end. I have had a near death experience and I know who and what I am and where I am going, been given a heart of flesh and that is the ultimate accomplishment that one can achieve.
It is the reason for these lives.

Thanks for reminding me I am not dead yet.

 

[Shady's Fox]

Tryin to keep it all balanced but don't let anything to hold you from movin forward, there's a little escape in any kinda of landscapes... though what brain disease? I mean I have brain damage if that warms up you up haha. But mine is from drugs you know cuz Shady is Shady you know, fuck. I am sick dunno where or how but I think I got a flu, haha.

And please don't call me as you see in the whole name, you can call me by my real name, Winter. I would brick you up into a wall so you can be naked just for me. Stay safe, little troublemaker.

 

[Painful One]

Tryin to keep it all balanced but don't let anything to hold you from movin forward, there's a little escape in any kinda of landscapes... though what brain disease? I mean I have brain damage if that warms up you up haha. But mine is from drugs you know cuz Shady is Shady you know, fuck. I am sick dunno where or how but I think I got a flu, haha.

And please don't call me as you see in the whole name, you can call me by my real name, Winter. I would brick you up into a wall so you can be naked just for me. Stay safe, little troublemaker.

Loved this message.

Indeed there is an escape in any kind of landscape! Thank God for that.

Your brain damage doesn’t really warm me up to talking about it. Lol!
I am pretty upset about it. It is really bad. I can’t talk about it. It is too much for me still.

I’m just going to rock on with my bad self until the end.

xoxo

 

[Boober]

I know my friend. I am in the same boat with the chronic pain. I hate being drugged but I (and no one else) could live with me due to the severe pain if I was not on medication. I hate being dependent on opioids.
I have an appointment with an award winning neurologist/ headache specialist in December and I am hoping there are some treatment options available for my condition that could make my quality of life better.
I’m not giving up.

Keep trying. Exercise does help. Getting your dosage down does reduce the side effects. Maybe you could even just use the pain medication on bad days. I know that is hard to do with chronic pain. I made it that way for a long time.
I don’t know what you are dealing with or the severity so no judgement here. Do the best you can. That is all we can do.

My pharmacist was telling me that his brother had an implant for back pain/ degenerative disc disease and they are giving him conch snail venom through his spine and he has been able to cut his pain medication in half. There are people trying to find alternatives for people like us.

Keep on keeping on.

Shit. You have my sympathy about your condition that I just read about... It's good that you see death in a non-negative light. More people need to see it that way as well. It is a mercy for those suffering so much. As for me, My pain is too much for me to not take anything. There aren't really good/ bad days, it's just ALWAYS THERE. Never freaking leaves me alone and is a constant 7-8. Drives me freaking crazy. I tried getting a shot into my spine while being put under, steroid shots, etc. Nothing. No doc has been able to tell me what needs to be done and one pain management doc even told me he doesn't know how to help me. I'm really hoping to find someone who knows of some kind of effective treatment that maybe most docs don't know about maybe like that snail venom thing. Btw I have osteoarthritis in my lumbar spine + 2 other things I don't remember the name of

 

[Painful One]

Shit. You have my sympathy about your condition that I just read about... It's good that you see death in a non-negative light. More people need to see it that way as well. It is a mercy for those suffering so much. As for me, My pain is too much for me to not take anything. There aren't really good/ bad days, it's just ALWAYS THERE. Never freaking leaves me alone and is a constant 7-8. Drives me freaking crazy. I tried getting a shot into my spine while being put under, steroid shots, etc. Nothing. No doc has been able to tell me what needs to be done and one pain management doc even told me he doesn't know how to help me. I'm really hoping to find someone who knows of some kind of effective treatment that maybe most docs don't know about maybe like that snail venom thing. Btw I have osteoarthritis in my lumbar spine + 2 other things I don't remember the name of

Thanks man. It is what it is.
I am actually very thankful that I had that near death experience as it has helped me in so many ways. I wouldn’t be dealing with any of this well at all if not for that. Death is nothing to fear. It is the pain that is scary.
This life is short also. It is not worth worrying about things so much. Worrying is a waste of time and energy.

Yeah, if your pain is too much for you not to take anything then you just have to accept that and don’t let others make you feel bad about it and don’t feel bad about it yourself. It is not a failure as a human being to need pain control or other medications. I have come to see it as the same as someone who is diabetic and needs insulin. I’m sure they hate that too but you gotta do what you gotta do.

If you have tried all the options available and are still working on finding alternative ways of coping then you are doing all that can be done.

Constant pain does drive you crazy. The doctors don’t tell you much either. Until things get really bad. Maybe they just don’t know and have to wait for things to get worse until they can pin down a diagnosis. I think that is why they just call it Chronic Pain.
I have a feeling they know more than they say to us though. They want to push us to do our best and keep living life.
I do appreciate that about my doctor. He always says to me “I like to focus on what you can do.”
I prefer that also!

Do the best you can. Try to not run yourself out of medication. Keep your tolerance down so that it keeps working. We need that medication to work! There is hope with some of the New technology and research being done.
Give yourself a break on this one.

 

[Boober]

Right. I've still been trying to taper, but I seem to have hit a wall. Is that something that typically happens during a taper? It was pretty easy going down the last couple of weeks, but now I'm having issues going lower and maintaining reasonable relief

 

[Painful One]

Right. I've still been trying to taper, but I seem to have hit a wall. Is that something that typically happens during a taper? It was pretty easy going down the last couple of weeks, but now I'm having issues going lower and maintaining reasonable relief

Yes that is something that happens with tapering.
It is best to stay at the amount that keeps you from having issues for quite awhile. Let your body adjust to that.
Then you can try to cut it by very small increments and hold in between for quite awhile before trying to drop down again.

If you try and rush it at this point, you will most likely fail to lower your intake at all.
Slow and Steady. Let your tolerance completely drop before you try and reduce.
You still have to manage the chronic pain.

Try to find other things that help. I have found meditation, aromatherapy, exercise/stretching, music therapy, medical marijuana (occasionally), Epsom salt bath soaks, breathing exercises, intermittent fasting, lots of water, distraction.

 

[Boober]

Ok, that's comforting to hear. Thanks. I was thinking I was doing something wrong. Good to get second opinions where I can get em. Going to finally see a physical therapist in the morning, so let's hope to bob they can help me fix things up

 

[Painful One]

Let me know how it goes Boober.
I wish you luck and hope the physical therapy helps.

I have been reading about psychedelics helping. I know how much my Near Death Experience helped me and I think psychedelics is the way for me. There are Doctors now who are using psychedelics for patients like us..

 

[Korana]

Guys, chronic pain sufferer, withdrawing from Codeine day 6.
Have already called my doctor to arrange getting a steroid injection into my mid spine, hoping it'll provide some relief for a while.

However right now on day 6, can I take just two effing cocodamol 15mg/500mg to help quench the utter excruciating agony in my mid spine?
I won't be holding pills after this nor have easy access nor do I even want to take them at all but I am suffering so much with my condition. The withdrawal pain is over but my condition is screaming.
What the hell do I do?

(Have tried Gabapentin, Kratom, rubs, Diazepam etc etc)

 

[Painful One]

It sounds like you really need a break. You are in too much pain and are exhausted from the withdrawal you have put yourself through.
I think it is okay to take the pills. Settle down and get some food and sleep.

You will feel better then and can consider what to do after that.

Im sorry you are feeling so rough. Love and Peace to you.

Ps: it will set you back a little on withdrawal but not much and you need to consider how you are going to manage the chronic pain.

 

[Boober]

I can't risk taking psychedelics with my ptsd. Weed gives me intense flashback/ episodes now, so I would really not want to risk taking anything like that.

I'm about to go in there in a few minutes. Will let you know how it goes. Really really needing this to get me going on the path to recovery and ending this nightmare.

@Korana I was in the same boat first time I detoxed. Got the junk out of my system, but the chronic pain remained so here I am... Hope you don't have to go back to opioid dependence if you can. I have unbearable spine pain as well. I know how it is having absolutely nothing work, but the damn opioids. Here's to hoping the shot helps you or you find something that does

 

[Painful One]

Yeah, I wouldn’t consider psychedelics either except for the fact that I get cluster headaches and there is much research done about people taking a dose of mushrooms like once a month or less often depending on how often they get the cluster headaches and it is really helpful. Stops them from happening as often and also reduces severity.

I‘m just thinking out loud. I mean, we need all options we can find. Conch shell snail venom and all.
I have major back pain too. I thought this was a back injury for a long time but no. It is a brain injury.

I hope the physical therapy helps Boober. I just do the exercises from home.
It does help me. Eat healthy and get lots of sleep too. Those things are so important.
Once you get in there it isn’t bad. You can do it. Listen to some music to get through it.

I have not been able to go without the opiates. I tried hard and I suffered badly. I have been able to stick with the same dosage for 12 years. No increases. It is the best I can do. I tried to get by on extra strength Excedrin for too long. You will hurt yourself taking NSAIDS for too long.

You guys might be different though. You might feel better without the opiates.?
I just don’t want to see people who actually need opiates feeling bad due to this “opiate epidemic” B.S. !
If you can get by without them, that is best.

@ Korana, I hope you are feeling better. Have you tried Sleepytime tea extra (has valerian)? You can buy it at any grocery store and it has some kind of muscle relaxant quality to it for me. It is really soothing and helps my leg pain. Also, Loperamide (Imodium) is an opiate. You can also get those at any grocery store and they really help with withdrawal. You could use some of those and taper those down if worst comes to worst. Those two things really are great “comfort” medications during withdrawal.

 

[Korana]

Painful One - Boober
Thank you for replying. I've been praying to the universe for some guidance from someone who knows what they're talking about.
There are two strips of cocodamol 15/500mg in my house right now because my sister is also dependent (Issues after child birth) and is an enabler... i.e, cares too much to watch me suffer. I feel entirely loved and supported in this moment. My partner has them under his own lock and key and since he knows my pain he'll decide if things get rough enough to give me a couple. (Lying in bed crying like a baby usually)
Which he did there with the last Diazepam I'd given him which he saved for me... yes he's an angel.And two cocodamol. And my regular dose of gabapentin. So it's been hit from all sides.
Luckily the small codeine dose didn't feel the void in my brain, I still feel garbage, but it is helping minorly with the pain and I have more comfort sitting up and interacting and distracting myself. Which is all I wanted. Boredom is my mortal enemy.

I'm okay with prolonging the rest of the withdrawl. I expect the next few months to be sad. I warned my partner that while right now I might not be craving pills and want them out of my day to day life as much as possible... I may develop serious cravings and he'll need to be prepared for possible addict behaviour. My addiction is the only thing that has ever made me lie to him.

I am so glad to be able to read about psychedelics being bad for PTSD, which I have, seriously. Like I can't be touched by strangers I freak the f out. Feel mortally threatened and have been in bar fights with men because of ass and boob grabs.
However I've read that micro dosing with LSD can help and I'm really curious.

So micro dosing with LSD... am I onto something. I know shrroms are a possibility but they're hard to get atm and they're unpredictable. I've never had either shrooms or LSD. Seriously, only interested into microdosing. Is this... an idea safe to try for someone with PTSD?
Painful one I haven't tried Sleepytime tea - I use weed at night to sleep (Can go without it fine) Have you tried kava for muscle relaxant properties? It's supposed to be great for anxiety too?

 

[Boober]

So today was only my evaluation apparently and they'll get me into actual PT after the weekend. I was told that with the issues I have, swimming is the best possible solution, so I went into the 24 hour fitness near me and got me a membership. I know getting back in shape will make everything much easier.

You're absolutely right about things being better without opioids... I'm still super pissed that I went through that hell of a detox just to be forced back onto my junk... I was supposed to get stem cell therapy; therefore was told I needed to be clean of everything... Found out about the negatives and uncertainties about it AFTER freaking detox and decided it wasn't a risk I wanted to take. How fun.

@Korana Well, we're here for you, homie. It's good you have such support. I've been a baby too since I was forced into a relapse due to chronic pain.

Between 1-2 years ago, I microdosed some shrooms, but I didn't really get much of an effect. Can't remember how much I took, but I guess you can take anything as long as it's a small enough amount where you're in control and can gauge how you feel before taking more.

Wow. Fuck those dudes. Hope you clawed their damn eyes. I hate the over-exaggerated fight or flight response after the trauma. PTSD and addiction is yet another example of how un-evolved our species is. Why can't our brain understand what is logically best for us and stop firing all those neurotransmitters that don't need firing? Scumbag brain

 

[Korana]

@Boober Some brains are born inadequate for human life I think. They just don't have all the natural chemicals twirling about that we need to make it. Those people should be cared for and guided and supported to make it in this world. Otherwise they're us.
I had a trauma event as a child which triggered PTSD into my teens. It's only got worse since. So while I'm considering going back into therapy but I don't have much faith. Therapists can be utter idiots with severe foot in mouth syndrome.

Damn the shrooms... have you considered LSD or have knowledge about it? It's also really hard to source here atm. Hilariously heroin is everywhere atm and some idiots are lacing the weed supply with fentanyl to get people to hit the fentanyl instead. I've been mega careful souricng my weed. I don't want to ever try fentanyl or heroin, ever. I don't trust myself not to fall into the oblivion of physical and emotional pain relief.

But I'm considering a temporary experiment to see what it can do for my depression anxiety and nervous system issues. Is there anything other than codeine which made improvement in your life re PTSD without becoming an addiction?

 

[Painful One]

I have a brain disease where my brain does not make dopamine. So...it is good I picked morphine when the doctor was offering medication choices as this is exactly what my brain/body needs. It is what they prescribe for the disease!
It feels like absolute hellfire shit to be low or out of dopamine! Not to mention the movement problems.
well, you guys know. That is what withdrawal feels like. I would feel that way all the time if I didn’t take the morphine.
I may have to add something called levodopa too. I imagine I feel about like a normal person does while I am on morphine, when they feel like absolute shit. It is a big improvement for me though.

There is a psychedelic forum on here. Check it out. There are many articles that Dr. Peabody has up about the research and doctors and people using psychedelics for treatment. They say it helps PTSD. They do it in a controlled environment and guide you.
I am learning about it as I have a rare disease that is painful as fuck so I have to consider everything.
I am not afraid of psychedelics after having a Near Death Experience at all. That thing blew my mind and I can walk in those dimensions. No problem. It may really help. The”microdosing” is an interesting thought!

Stem cell research was also something I was looking at. I’m glad you brought that up Boober.
That is something I may try if I can somehow swing the huge price tag.

It sounds to me like you two really want to quit the opiates eh? They have become a problem?
They do have a lot of side effects. Being dependent on these things sucks big time!
I would get off them if you can.

See my list above of ”other things that I found helped“.
Alternative and healthy stuff without side effects.
That is what you need to find. Alternative / Other things that help.

@Boober- Excellent job getting the membership going. I was going to suggest swimming.
That is something I need to take up again too. Good one!
Fun too! You will start feeling better doing that for sure!

@Korana- glad you are feeling better. I have someone give me my medication too. It helps me not to go overboard.
medical marijuana does help me quite a lot sometimes. I only use it occasionally but it is helpful.
I haven’t tried Kava. Thank you for the suggestion.

It is nice to have some friends along who understand and we can brain storm together and support each other!
This is hard on our families.

❤ Love to you guys! Hang in there!!

 

[Boober]

@Korana Unfortunately opioids do help my PTSD symptoms and what I take is an H and fentanyl mix. I guess it's good that I don't have a particularly addictive personality and have never gotten the 'heroin high' since I take it as a medicine rather than for getting high. Other than that, exercise, having a social life, and doing things I love help with my symptoms

I don't think I'll ever do LSD or anything else. It's something I've had a fear of since high school even though I have done salvia twice (both times ended in a not so good experience that started off pretty fun, though). It didn't mess me up, though and the experience was interesting so I don't regret it. Won't do it again, though.

Fent on weed?? That's fucked up... Does it even work like that?

Yeah, therapists haven't helped me, either. Very few have been through physical and psychological torture for months, so how would they even understand how to help?

@Painful One Holy shit. That is insane... I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry. No matter what you do, your brain doesn't make it at all? Not even a tiny bit?

People with needs like yours are why the 'war on opioids' pisses me off so much. Those stupid bureaucratic assholes don't understand that some people with issues the likes of which they've never had the displeasure of dealing with literally need opioids to live. Spoiled oldheads with little wisdom and a lot of luxury. Thanks for the positivity. It's gonna be tough returning to form with my nausea coming back. You both have my support

 

[Korana]

Damn @Boober - Those are heavy. How has your body responded without them?
I've never been addicted to anything other than codeine and I've experimented a lot. Spent a summer dating a drug runner back in the day. I barely remember it lol. But I walked away from it without any issue.
Excellent perspective on the therapists... I was watching an addiction video on YT of a doctor... who had battled with Opiate addiction. He GOT it and was lecturing to this class and I'm like damn... those are some almost doctors who might actually help people some day.
Psychs are scary for me too. Maybe you have that control freak gene like me? Don't want to let go because you can't keep the bad out?

@Painful One - I've left every chronic pain group ever because there wasn't even a glimmer of innovation or hope. It made me feel worse. It's great reading from people who are always educating themselves about their conditions and looking for something to help. Hope is contagious. But I am so sorry for what you live with. I'm considering steroid injections, numbing injections to partially paralyse some muscles to help with the spasms. I stopped researching when I was dependent.

Btw, DAY 7. I have some cravings in the background. This is the time where I'm like.. I miss my morning doses. They got me moving. I need a new routine. I think substituting the codeine for taking healthy supplements will help. No longer will I laze about in my PJs enjoying a high for a few hours when off work. Today is - plan a new off work and on work morning schedule.
I'm worried. Is it safe to have any pills in my day? No matter what the pain?

 

[Painful One]

Thanks guys.

Yeah, that is heavy @Boober. You best take it real slow with that mixture.
I am sorry that you had to resort to that. We are here for you.
I am sorry that I had to resort to morphine. My family has made me feel bad about it too.

The idiots making it hard for me to get help ....oh....just wait until they get home. *wink
yeah this opiate epidemic has hurt and caused so much suffering upon people such as myself that I feel it is my responsibility to keep a record of it here. On the behalf of the other side to this. Opioids have been used for , well always. What are they thinking?
There are a lot of conditions that opioids treat Like nothing else.

I don’t like psychiatrists at all. Never will I go to one again.
There are very few doctors who treat this Thing I am dealing with.
You guys are SO right about the doctors not understanding or it seems even being educated about things to watch out for.
They should have helped me better.
It worries me about the quality of people we have being Doctors these days.
I always like to find the oldest doctor possible. They are wise.

Don’t put any fear into me about the psychedelics. I may seriously have to try that. This is serious what I am going through.
I’m slowly going paralyzed. Every system in body is becoming paralyzed slowly then I will die.
I just watched my dad go through this exact same disease a few years ago and we realized that we had both had this for....as far back as we can remember really. There were problems. We never knew about this sleep/dreaming thing we both have always had was a “precursor” for this disease. It is rare and it is hereditary. It has been progressive. Now, Yes I would say my body does not make any or very little dopamine naturally now. It has been a shitstorm of progressive symptoms.
This is what “Parkinson’s disease“ is except they refer to this as “Double Parkinson’s - Multiple system atrophy.
I don’t have a lot of shaking or anything like Michael J.Fox. instead, it is way hard to move and other horrific details.
I am freaked and scared.

Do you think LSD is a good idea? I have had ALOT of progress by becoming a meditation master. I have actually been able to like manually turn some things on and heal some things. I learned how to control the tremors a lot through near death experience.
I don’t know if I would want to have something that heavy happen to me again. It was amazing though and I kind of long for it again.
It taught me a lot of helpful things. In a very loving way.

@ Korana, You take this at your own pace okay. It is a good way to drop down slowly and replace things.
That is key. If you need a little bit of codeine, well then, girl, you are doing better than B and I. Lol!
probably better then a lot of people out there. Back pain is a bad symptom. It can mean future worse problems.
I don’t want you to suffer that bad. It can be done slower and way less severe. Take it easy.
It is worth putting the time in to come off things right.

@Boober- I used to swim at this place that had a big soundprooof dome over it and it was dark inside but with stars and swirling lights on the ceiling of the dome, moving. It was awesome. Good music always playing. Have fun with the swimming! Get yourself some new gear for swimming. Enjoy!