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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Hylight

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Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
4,629
lol, i can't really focus right now. ? it's awful, honest. thank you. ??


i have been off since my last cluster headache, i can't even talk about it. or don't know if i could right now anyway. thank you bunches. ????????????
i like going outdoors !
 

Mafioso

Moderator: TDS
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Feb 14, 2010
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doges are awesome. sad to have to put one down after watching it go def, blind, and immobile. I want to get a corgi.

Kind of getting off track ere tho… back to the taper.. I allowed myself to binge for a few days after re upping. Tired of wasting my time money and brain on this shit. I was watching videos of myself playing msic when I was sober, wih except maybe some weed, and compared to nw I feel like I cripple. It's time to get serious about my taper about. I started taking 1-2mg doses, but that ends today. .5mg dose and going to try 1-2mg max. Proabably going to hurt, but I don't think I'll be in danger. IF my posts become extremely ereratic and senseless then maybe PM me to get help lol.

Running/walking 3-5mi a day this week, every day. Usually morning and night walk/run/job. Also been working out a lot and staying busy with construction work. Been focusing on mentally simple but physically challenging tasks, as I've been too high to really get complex things done past few days. Wish I would have just stuck to the taper, i was pretty sure I had made it past the hardest part, but here I am again. At least I know what I am doing this time around, just struggle to manage self control.

I really need to work on having a close social structure... one that isn't "necessary" as in like family, NA friends, or work friends. I miss having friends that i hung out and did shit because we had common interest like music, jamming, hiking, and roadtrips. I guesss that's part of getting older, not entirely things people do so much at the age of 30, but I've never really socially grew past early 20s when my heacy drug use started. I feel a bit stunted. I know in time, and with challegning myself outside of my comfort zone, growth will be inevitable, but I also believe there is an element of play and fun that is necessary in life for not just enjoying life, but for real learning and growth.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
4,629
learning and growth will happen through every new experience and is great progress towards empowering priorities and goals ?

i have been keeping up with walking the doggies and swimming in the cold lake water to feel better. ♡

i can't even get on a bike now ! ? ?
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
I’m using tons of Kratom now between oxy scripts. I can only guess, but my tolerance for oxy never goes down even though I’m off it for 15 days at a time or more. Must be the Kratom keeping it up because I go from 300 mg oxy per day to none for two weeks then back to 300 mg per day in about 3 days.
I need to get off everything including Kratom for at least a month to get my tolerance back down. But how does that ever happen when I’m in constant pain and I have to go to work and run my life.
Dunno how, but I need to make some changes.
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
4,629
Why can't you get on a bike now? What happen, ylight?
y,depressed and quit taking pain remedy and had pulled tendons in my wrist and everything else aches and pains. ya paws hits hard.

don't know half the time. should be gone in a year. or not. eventually they might give me something for my swollen tendonitis sciatica tensions and bone and joint medical records.
i made copies of them.
but maybe things will be better in a year or some how some day.
 

Squeaky

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Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
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Same stuff..... different month. I promised myself I would ask for help this month, but I didn’t. And I’m right back where I have been every month for a year. I wake up in withdrawal, so I need pills to stop sweating and feeling like crap. Then I take “just one more” so I can enjoy the morning. Next thing I know it’s bedtime and I have taken 12 that day when I’m only scripted 3.
 

Painful One

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Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,360
Aw Squeaky.

I just recently had to go ten days with no Morphine. Ten fucking days! I thought of you a lot during that, you doing that every month.
woah! It really hurt and really sucked and it is taking awhile to get back stabilized. Pain level was so out of control.
It has taken days to get it back down.

That was so hard on my body and mind.

I worry about the toll that switching back and forth between the oxy and Kratom is taking on your body.
I still fuck up once in awhile but wow, after that ten days, I’m going to try very, very hard to never have to go through that again.
I handed control of my medication to someone else.
Telling myself that I can have another one after midnight, so it still keeps me within the same day with my medication helps me.
Whenever I think, “I need to take an extra one today, I’m really hurting.” Instead of doing it, I have just been telling myself that “no, it won’t even make the pain or feeling any better or increased and then I will suffer and I can make it a few more hours. I can have another one after midnight.”
Doing this has been helping me to get things back under control and to keep it that way.

Let me know how I can help my friend. I’m here for you.
 

Larimar

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Joined
Jan 16, 2018
Messages
571
Location
East Coast USA
Same stuff..... different month. I promised myself I would ask for help this month, but I didn’t. And I’m right back where I have been every month for a year. I wake up in withdrawal, so I need pills to stop sweating and feeling like crap. Then I take “just one more” so I can enjoy the morning. Next thing I know it’s bedtime and I have taken 12 that day when I’m only scripted 3.
I do the same thing . Husband gives me 7 - 40 mg oxy that I have to make last a week , I always take like 2 a day for the first three days to feel extra good then have to make the last one last 2 days then I have 2 days with none that I have to ask him for more . We get 20 a week (it’s all we can afford .) I always tell myself I’ll deal with it later then those days with none come and I’m kicking myself saying I didn’t need that extra one the night before . I never learn , always living in the moment instead of planning for the future . Luckily I don’t have any pain to deal with I just get the withdrawals when I don’t have them ; restless legs, can’t sleep and I’m a mega bitch .
 

Squeaky

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Feb 1, 2016
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USA
Larimar, I highly recommend Kratom if you can get it. It works great on the restless legs and scrambled thoughts while in withdrawal
PainfulOne- One of the hardest things for me to do is asking for help. It doesn’t matter if I’m opening a pickle jar or controlling my medication, I just can’t admit that I need assistance. It’s really amazing to me that you not only have someone you can count on for this, but also that you stood up and let someone else get involved and help you. You’re a lot stronger than I am. That’s awesome. I’m really proud of you.
 

GENGAR

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 14, 2019
Messages
670
Location
New England
This piece of wisdom is probably the single most important thing I discovered when getting off methadone. So very true.

Small, consistent steps are so much more successful and manageable than trying to do it all at once. It is the single best strategy when it comes to freeing ones self from the clutches of dependency.
Joined 1999 gees your an old timer huh
 

Painful One

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Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,360
Anybody hear from Shroomi lately?
No. I haven’t and I think of him everyday. I am so worried about him. I feel it is my fault he hasn’t reached out here. I was talking to him on e-mail and we were helping each other through things but I got diagnosed with white matter brain disease (which is either MS, Parkinson’s, or multiple system atrophy) and I freaked for awhile. I just withdrew from everyone. Shroomy took it personally, thinks I “ghosted” him.

I made him a bracelet at Christmas and was meaning to send it but I never did. I need to do that. Just to know even if it gets returned to me. I have been scared to know.

I wasn’t even sure if he remembered any of our conversations. I think he could have been just “blacked out” from so much benzo’s. He got quite mean and I know it wasn’t really meant for me, he was just so frustrated with his situation. I just couldn’t handle it at the time because so much shit was hitting the fan in my own life.

I feel like such an ass. I have tried to reach out to him and explain and apologize but I get no response.

If you are out there Shroomy, PLEASE let us know. We all love you here and everyone asks about you all the time!
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,360
Larimar, I highly recommend Kratom if you can get it. It works great on the restless legs and scrambled thoughts while in withdrawal
PainfulOne- One of the hardest things for me to do is asking for help. It doesn’t matter if I’m opening a pickle jar or controlling my medication, I just can’t admit that I need assistance. It’s really amazing to me that you not only have someone you can count on for this, but also that you stood up and let someone else get involved and help you. You’re a lot stronger than I am. That’s awesome. I’m really proud of you.
Thank you Squeaky. I appreciate you saying that more than you know. It is very hard for me to ask for help also.
I have come to understand that this problem we deal with is not our fault and it is not some kind of failure of strength or character.
It is what it is and you know what, It is alright. Nothing we can’t manage.
Especially, TOGETHER!!

Even just writing here helps so much. You reach out here and have shown me tremendous strength. You have consistently set an example for me, comforted me, made me feel not alone. I have always looked up to you!

When I got the diagnosis of the brain disease, I remembered you deal with a diagnosis that is hard like this one and you still kick ass and are such a strong man for your family! You have done so much for them. I know one of them would be happy to give back to you in anyway they could. You are strong my friend. You do it your way though.

The main thing is I don’t want you to suffer or hurt your health. I am glad to hear that Kratom helps/works.
❤
 

NorthernGirl

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2017
Messages
32
Location
Canada
Hi everyone. I have wondered about Shroomy too. Havent heard from him or seen any trace of him on here since May.. I emailed him in Aug but he never replied.. still hasnt. strange and not like him to not reply bc he always did.. Shroomy, my fellow Canadian friend, if you read this, pls know you are missed.. ❤& I hope you are being kind to yourself these days. Please come back and say hello!.
 

Squeaky

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Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
This makes the 11th month in a row that I have said I would use my prescription responsibly, and even use less than prescribed so as to rebuild a reserve. The 11th month in a row that I have run out early. And the 11th month in a row that I said I would ask for help next month. I spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas in withdrawal. And if I don’t fix this really soon, I am going to spend the holidays again this year suffering in silence (I get my refill near the beginning of every month so I am withdrawling at the end of every month) I am so ashamed and afraid of what my wife will think of me.
I keep ALMOST asking for help...... then I puss-out and convince myself I can do it. Then I screw it up.
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,360
There is no shame in asking for help Squeaky.
We all need help with things. We need each other.
It is not a weakness. Asking for help is harder.

If you start now, you can be (or just about be) through the withdrawal that it is going to require to get your tolerance down by Thanksgiving!
The good news is that it isn’t going to be any worse than what you are already putting yourself through every month!

Four to six weeks of just using your prescription as prescribed and you will be able to manage with just your prescription.
Quite comfortably too!
Think about how great that would be! Not having to worry all the time about meds and withdrawal.
Your body and mind will feel so much better. Your pain level will be so much better controlled too.

Your body will readjust back to your prescribed dose and the withdrawal is not nearly as bad when you have some.
You could even just cold turkey it now while using just a few loperamide (not over 40 mg a day and Not for more than 10 days total loperamide use) until you get your refill and this would give you a jump on getting that tolerance back down.
Just use enough loperamide so that you are not in major withdrawal but still in moderate withdrawal.
You can use Benadryl and maybe get something for sleep like ambian from your doctor just long enough to sleep through the withdrawal/readjustment period. Then you can go through a lot of the discomfort while asleep.

Imagine for a minute if your lovely wife was going through this and didn’t ask you for help for whatever reasons.
Wouldn‘t you rather she come to you? Wouldn’t you be happy to help her? Knowing how she is struggling.
She loves you Squeaky. Trust in that love.
 
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