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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Betternow

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Jan 29, 2019
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Those are about this best reasons I can think of to be clean for. How old are your kids if you don't mind asking? Do they know what your going through?

Since you use cbd oil have you thought about using old fashion weed?


If you know you can do it with no issues maybe ask for a few benzoes for when things are real bad.
Nooooo....no one knows what I am going through. Not really. My husband thinks I have anxiety starting up. I have 2 kids 14 and 9, all they know is I don't feel well. And with all my health issues,the last 11 yrs they are used to it. Hopefully, those are over, and if they are not I guess I will just die with the next issue bc I will NEVER go to another e.r. as long as I live lol.
I went to my general pract, he gave me wellbutrin. I have been thinking about what u said-how will I know if I just start taking something, and then what if it makes me dead inside, I JUST NOW became alive again. But, when/if the anxiety comes back I will be rueing the day I failed to take it. And what about sex drive!? What if that goes back down I DO NOT WANT THAT. My husband was just saying the last 2 weeks have been some of the happiest of his life and that lines up with about how long I have been recovered from subs and surgery!

I can't use real weed bc I am a, let's say, higher up. If I can't get a rx, it can't happen. I tried to get some sort of quick acting med and I told him I want nothing that I have to take day after day. And what if I have to stop taking it?? I haven't panicked since yesterday from 5 am-about 12 noon. So, with PAWS I could feel this randomly for a year!?
 

Betternow

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Jan 29, 2019
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63
Back is hurting really bad today. I couldn't sleep that's why, and skipped another taper dose. I hate doing that. It's so hard to get anything done in the middle of the night.

I don't want to fuck up my life any more than I have. I hope the two of you are well today, and yeah I think weed dilates blood vessels. Should probably know that, considering I smoke it all day every day.
I know you are hurting, shroomy, the weeds not helping much anymore, huh? Missing sleep is the culprit to 90% of panic, I think.

I have been taking 2 melatonin, 5 Valerian Root pills, 3 L-Theanine pills AND 2 1000 mgs of CBD oil just to get some rest the last 4 days. That's quite a lot for a little peace. But, not taking it scared me more! What about ur work out? Anything recently? Please go for a 30 min walk each day.
I have been trying to eat. It's hard. But it does make healthy eating easier as I have no appetite also, when I eat something good I can actually feel it lifting my mood. Even for a short time, which Is helpful when I am panicking. Maybe it's over for a while idk??
 

mtop2036

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Nov 4, 2007
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282
Potentially yes for about a year. But don't let than number scare you, that's just the base time frame they say for every opiate addict. Everyone is diffrent and you jumped from a low dose so thatll help. How long did you stay at .75 of subs before your surgery?
 

assurdo888

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Apr 20, 2015
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Hey guys, even tho i subscribed BL years ago, i just started posting these days, don't ask me why i used to wait all this time, i don't know. Yesterday i wrote an answer to something that a guy whose name i don't even remember posted years ago in this thread. I replied but i just copied and pasted a part of the post, not quoted it wholly. Then today, i suddenly realized that this thread is still going on and that people is posting everyday. So i want to apologise for having mistaken this thread as an old one and for having gone out of topic. Me too i'm having a hard time, and i'm very confused. I wanted to start tapering oxy, but my doc recomended me not to do it now, since, as above said, i'm going through a though period. My GF, or i'd say ex Gf suffers from a kind of schizofrenia, she's gone insane and left me all of a sudden, we should have kept on living together for an indefinite period, but about ten days ago she went all paranoid, started acting mad and she ended up in the psych ward. She doesn't want to hear me, i'm in touch with her father, but she does not even really communicate with him. I returned living to my parent's house, as i couldn't stand staying alone, and i'm spending my days in a strange haze, in a surreal mood. I can't start tapering my oxy, and i'm on lorazepam too for insomnia: sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I'm in a limbo. I'm not even asking for some adivce on my meds, i just wanted to share my experience with other people going through hard times. I hope to God my GF, or ex GF recovers well, and i wait for this fucked up situation to end. Sorry, once again, for having "crushed" this thread, i'm really confused... Be well, everybody.
 

Squeaky

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Assurdo888- I am/was on the same as you: oxy and Lorazepam. Getting off the Lorazepam helped me getmy life back a little. I had to get used to daily living again, but I definitely recommend it.
Tapering is a must to avoid seizures, and it helps to avoid people who cause stress. Fibd anything to occupy the time. The best part of being off it is that it starts working again like it did when I was first prescribed it for panic attacks. When I need extra sleep I can take one and pass out.
 

Squeaky

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Have you ever gotten clean for an extended period of time? And if so, was there any down side to immodium? I do NOT want to keep delaying this shit.
I quit once for a month, but not since I started using Immodium.
Immodium (Loperamide) is dirty. At high doses it feels like you ate compost and its in your blood. The upside to this is that it stops withdrawls but also inspires me to taper because I dont feel great. My plan this month is to taper using Loperamide and get to zero before starting back on oxy.
I have made many plans though. I have cheated basically every time.
 

Betternow

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Jan 29, 2019
Messages
63
Potentially yes for about a year. But don't let than number scare you, that's just the base time frame they say for every opiate addict. Everyone is diffrent and you jumped from a low dose so thatll help. How long did you stay at .75 of subs before your surgery?
A super long time, went from .5 to .75 back n forth for a while! So, I stopped panicking, that's good. I also saw my Dr. Who gave me some wellbutrin. Worried to start on it, you know, since I am not having any panic currently, if it pops up again I am gonna be pissed I didn't lol. What if it makes me short tempered? What if it messes up the sex drive that I just got back?

Idk that I said this but, I will repeat it ANYWAY-Iat the 4 week mark (from all pills) my husband said, "this is the happiest we have ever been". I know why, even tho he doesn't. So I really don't want to do anything to change that, and taking something that takes 2 weeks to get in the system JUST to see if it works only to have to taper off that as well seems insane to me, (right this minute.) AND THEN WHAT IF IT'S REALLY BETTER!? LOL

So, I am just obsessively looking for a sign in this forum, or in the drug reviews to see if i am gonna do this.
 

Betternow

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Jan 29, 2019
Messages
63
I have continued some random accelerated heart rate situations. Usually about 3 a.m., so I take my st.johns wart, l-theanine, a valerian root. idk which one is giving me the headaches yet. But, I wish I knew. I do normally have migraines few times a month and a nagging headache that never materializes into migraines, usually 3-4x a week. But usually excedrines will knock it out. Only, I can't take excedrines right now or it will throw me into a panic attack. It's a catch 22. But they are bringing me down.
 

Squeaky

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I have continued some random accelerated heart rate situations. Usually about 3 a.m., so I take my st.johns wart, l-theanine, a valerian root. idk which one is giving me the headaches yet. But, I wish I knew. I do normally have migraines few times a month and a nagging headache that never materializes into migraines, usually 3-4x a week. But usually excedrines will knock it out. Only, I can't take excedrines right now or it will throw me into a panic attack. It's a catch 22. But they are bringing me down.
Your headaches sound A LOT like caffeine wd headaches. Excederine has caffeine and tylenol. Next time you have a headache that would be cured with Excederine, try an extra strength Tylenol and a Coke. If it works then youre addicted to caffeine and your headaches might just be wds from that.

And dont start an SSRI like Welbutrin unless youre suicidal and that drug might save your life. Poly drug use(and withdrawl) usually does not normally solve anyones troubles.
If you could be honest with your husband and team up to tackle these issues, that would be best. But if you cant, then your best move is to keep doing what you are doing now and not add to the pile of garbage.
Get all if your doses on a regular schedule. Even if you have to dose in the middle of the night(I take Loperamide at 2 am because of a 6 hour schedule!). The sooner you do that the faster you will feel hopeful about your chances of tapering off all drugs. It takes about 4-7 days for any new schedule to become normal. Make excuses like the flu, or it must be the leftovers I ate last night. I get out of explaining a multitude of ailments by blaming allergies.

You will get there. Theres that old addage about how to eat an elephant..... one bite at a time :)
 

Squeaky

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I have continued some random accelerated heart rate situations. Usually about 3 a.m., so I take my st.johns wart, l-theanine, a valerian root. idk which one is giving me the headaches yet. But, I wish I knew. I do normally have migraines few times a month and a nagging headache that never materializes into migraines, usually 3-4x a week. But usually excedrines will knock it out. Only, I can't take excedrines right now or it will throw me into a panic attack. It's a catch 22. But they are bringing me down.
The accelerated heart rate may be wds. Part of your nervous system coming back online. It happens to me a lot in the first week of opiate wd.
 

mtop2036

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Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
282
Sorry for not replying, have had a bad cold these last couple days.

I think it's he headaches are still your body recovering. Also I've heard a lot that caffeine should be avoided while getting clean or it can cause general headaches and feeling restless. The more chemicals you put in you, the harder it is for your body to return to normal.

I'm now down to .05mg of subutex. I think my plan now s to get down to .01 which is 1/200th of a 2mg pill then once I adjust in gonna start taking it every other day then quit. At this rate I'll be down to .01 in about 3-4 weeks! .05mg is 360 times lower than what I started with. It feels good to be able to say it.
 

Betternow

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Jan 29, 2019
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63
Sorry for not replying, have had a bad cold these last couple days.

I think it's he headaches are still your body recovering. Also I've heard a lot that caffeine should be avoided while getting clean or it can cause general headaches and feeling restless. The more chemicals you put in you, the harder it is for your body to return to normal.

I'm now down to .05mg of subutex. I think my plan now s to get down to .01 which is 1/200th of a 2mg pill then once I adjust in gonna start taking it every other day then quit. At this rate I'll be down to .01 in about 3-4 weeks! .05mg is 360 times lower than what I started with. It feels good to be able to say it.
MTOP i am super proud of you!!!! I cant wait to hear how the withdrawals affect you, or if they even will!!! I tried to go lower but the surgery really made the decision for me. My withdrawals are completely over. April 4th will be 2 months from subs and it's been 4 weeks off the rx of lortabs. If it weren't for one of you guys telling me that I won't feel the panic and depression everyday, I may have given in to taking another pill/strip.

I feel really incredible. I didn't realize how I was suffering until I got clean. It was fun sometimes while it lasted, but def wasn't worth it as a whole. I have plenty of shit to get high on, but I feel so good I don't want to.

I didn't end up getting the wellbutrin. I haven't felt anxiety or depression, in what seems like, forever. Really stoked about that. I was given my migraine pills, but I am now afraid of them as they utilize serotonin to fix the migraine and I want nothing to do with messing up my brain chemicals EVER again!

If I HAD to complain, I would about my laziness. But, I am embracing it! Fuck it has been my new go-to phrase. I do still work out and that's DEF harder to do than it used to be. But, I got faith that I will over come that.

I wonder how shroomy is doing.
 

mtop2036

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Nov 4, 2007
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That's so amazing. Happy you were able to push through and are feeling better. Just remember if a bad day hits you out of he blue you know it's not permanent! Just one day at a time!


Thanks. It's strange some times when i go down i can't even tell and other times I definitely get withdrawls. I'm currently on my 2nd day of .03mg. I spent a few days at .05 then 2 days at .04 and wasn't feeling great at .04 but I am impatient and want this to be done. One thing I keep doing is staying at a dose for a few days, feeling alright then go down more knowing that the wds from the previous dose hasn't even hit me yet. Hasn't been fun but it's working for me.

Only 2 more times to go down then I'm gonna start every other day and it'll be over!


Well I've noticed shroomy will post something then he deletes it a few hours later. Either way hopes he s doing well too.
 

ShroomySatori

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Thanks for pointing out my lazy form of journal writing. Also I feel insecure about my feelings and delete them the majority of the time. It is also writing practice, as one of my ambitions is to write a novel. Are there any other character flaws you wish to point out? I am sorry it is part of my mental illness... I feel threatened and attacked by anything and everyone. You probably were wondering if I was okay but it starts my brain thinking going in circles cause I start thinking about it myself.

Nothing has really changed, they realized how fucked my anxiety really is and it isn't really a taper anymore. It actually sort of is but like the 5% type, I am not quickly getting off these as I am not just a drug addict and these possess no recreational value to me at all. It was self medication from the start, when my first prescription was cut off, and my doctor agrees. Finally, I am getting through to a profession about just how bad my anxiety is. I cannot believe they did not notice for like 10 years it was this horrific, especially socially like I don't understand other people are not that way and it takes me from the front of the line to the back, no fucking pun intended with those stupid drugs. The fucking anxiety why does it exist to this extent. This is not worrying about something. This is my body going haywire and killing itself with stress.

I have BPD, my feelings change every few hours. I go back and read stuff, disagree with it and delete it is well. It is an anxiety thing. I guess thanks for pointing it out because then other people will understand what extreme anxiety is like to live with as it is easily 10/10 could not be worse. I just feel like whenever anyone says anything to me it is the way of the language. If you had said "shroomy, are you okay I noticed you posted something?" I wouldn't have brought it up. It's just this keeps happening to me in real life too. And when it does then, I come across to myself as a paranoid schizophrenic as it is completely delusional. Someone can be offering to make me breakfast and I can think they are very quickly on the phone calling in the squad with a straight jacket. I have absolutely nothing whatsoever to be worried about so I don't get it. I have it all. I sabotage myself for some reason.

I am doing much better as I am able to experience human emotions again. For about a year at least I was unable to laugh and I am a silly doper. I'm beginning to get the giggles again when I'm stoned, stuff like that it's my personality coming back. If you abuse short acting benzos like this you will die. (to anyone reading this)
 

mtop2036

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Nov 4, 2007
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282
Hey I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to point out anything, and wasnt attacking you. Just hope your doing okay.
 

ShroomySatori

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Yeah, I've just been tortured for to years and finally got to the point where I was putting my life in other people's hands on a weekly basis. I am doing much better now looking back at that. I am more stable.

I find that I am horny it is annoying, frustrating. Since the benzo abuse was numbing that.

I started exercising again and I am going crazy with it. I am going to get so damn fit I feel like it helps so much. I can sleep and eat a lot better but I gotta stop smoking quarter pounds every week. How about you are you good yourself. I wish I had a life like a job and dates and friends to smoke weed with I am very lonely and it has been damned years in withdrawal at this point can I make it back to the old me? There are positive signs, but only time will tell. I would be surprised. I really fried the fuck out of my head.
 

ShroomySatori

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Not really sure what I'm doing or what day it is most of the time but I am keeping active, mentally and physically and feel like I have seen better days. This existence is hell so it is not sustainable for all that long it has to change. This seems to be rebooting my fried brain though, combo of nutrition, exercise, and intensive learning / problem solving.

Also I am trying to make all of that fun and relaxing. I am trying to enjoy life and not be in a rush with my thinking. Trying to eliminate these ridiculous stressors that are not only holding me back, but probably shortening my life. I am smoking heavy amounts of organic weed, probably more than ever before in my life. I feel that I require it right now.

I am trying to plan ahead. I am also trying to make sure that I have goals for each day. I have already started working on a goal of my goals for the day and completed one. I have to keep very busy but I'm really lazy so it's a big change and with the disabilities it is a little much.
 
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ShroomySatori

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have learned a lot about the kind of anxieties i have. i am eating really well, no supplements at all just three really healthy meals a day ex. arctic char last night sweet potatoes, i've been feasting, lamb, lots of good cheeses i gotta put weight on, spices, kale and spinach, so much garlic try to get some ginger in. lots of oats and fruit too, pineapple and blackberries mainly and also grapefruit cause it potentiates satandrug. point is i am eating something, i wasn't before. one meal a day, sometimes nothing. i am still directionless though and think i will be forever alone. just have a more stable mind i guess about my decimated life. can't dwell on that anymore or i will peace

been withdrawing too hard to realize mac miller passed away what even is that. i am getting bloodwork done they want me too but i'm holding off i haven't even been eating this year so i will be healthy for like a month first it makes me nervous i know for sure something one of those batches or drugs or whatever probably messed me up. ignorance is bliss, for now. i have to be as healthy as i can be but i just slept all day that many naps was good though.
 
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Mafioso

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Hey Shroomy, keep it up man sounds like you are doing great. So much of our world is defined by our perception. If your focus is on only what you don't have, where you fall short, what you need to do, and what you should be doing, you'll never really be able to appreciate the present. In a sense, all those things are just your brain scrambling for reasons not to be happy. People can laugh and have a good time in spite of their problems.

It's funny how even the thought of certain fears can make them come true. Things like social anxiety.. if you worry about having social anxiety you will almost certainly have it in social situations. The truth is that problems aren't solved by worry. And in order to come across a solution and recognize it as such, you have to believe in the possibility of a solution. Like fitness for example. If you believe you can never be in shape because of genetics or something, you will never take the steps necessary to be in shape. Body builders have to first believe in their ability to become strong before they become strong, otherwise they'd never develop the discipline and habits necessary.

I think the same is true for happiness. We have to believe in our ability to be happy. Happiness isn't just the result of pleasant circumstance. There are habits and disciplines that can promote happiness. Things like being kind to yourself and others- most people forget to be kind to themselves. Also, if you never believe you can be happy or you believe you are worthless, you aren't going to be taking chances like you otherwise would. Confidence is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you believe you can you will try, and if you can't you will try until you can.
 
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