The Suicide Support Thread

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Captain.Heroin

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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
i'm having such a hard time not getting high or doing any drug for that matter not even nonpsychoactive drugs i want to die and drugs will take that away but i need my tolerance to go down so i don't keep running out of meds and going through wds i wish i could just end it all but i don't have it in me to hurt people like that
You know Mr Flowers, when I tried to make a serious attempt at a fatal overdose, I am quite thankful I was talked out of going through with dosing more (on one of the two substances) to ensure the fatality. I'm quite glad I stayed conscious while I was vomiting, I am glad that I had a trusty friend I could talk to during the event (aside from people who pissed me off but wante me to open up).

Asphyxiation on your own vomit is an undignified death. It could have easily happened to me if I had taken more of the schedule 4 substance; as it would have inevitably led to a face-down blackout with vomiting to come.

The one person in this world (the second of 3 people I refer to Captain with the first being myself) who would have had to see my dead body, having drowned in my own vomit, does not deserve any more trauma in life like that. They have gone through at least ten thousand times worse than I have (when people tell me I don't know true suffering, I don't disagree and very well I may presume them to be right).

But this other captain (who would have discovered my body 3-4 hours after my death) has lived through trauma that I wouldn't have survived. I would have succumbed to suicide many years ago in their footsteps. I have even told them this to be brutally honest because I didn't exactly know how to convey to this person how infinitely stronger they are than me.

It never really hit me until now how very wrong it would be of me to have done it where I would have been discovered in that time or place.

And not until now do I realize that I don't need to kill myself. I just need intense therapy.

So Mr. Flowers, please do one small list of things for me. Tell your friends and family in real life that you love them. Give them a hug. Go on an enjoyable walk outside or a trip to the gym. Invest a few hours into your favorite hobby (for me that could be as an example... Listening to or making music, socializing, exploring the city I live in, coin collecting, playing they many, many card games I know, or even just sitting on a park bench and just enjoying the silence and the sounds of leaves rustling and birds chirping).

You at least owe it to yourself to do those things; but I am asking you to do them for me, because I am so sick that I can't enjoy anything at the moment: I am in that much physical pain.

But before I got sick I had the lovely experience of having severe sun poisoning as well as abrasions on my body. For you see I biked 12 miles yesterday. After the first three miles - thanks to this city's shit sidewalks - badly misaligned bike and deflated the tires. Then I almost got hit by a car when I didn't want to die. Irony much? Reminds when I broke both bones in my right arm while I was walking to the gym.
 

mrflowers00

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tri and cap i'm holdin up pretty good and i'm glad to have you as friends i've been spending a lot of time talking and chillin with friends listening to music and going on walks/hikes and it's actually nice to be medication free i'm in quite a bit of pain and i'm anxious as hell and the voices wont shut up (but they never do drugs or no drugs) i just want you two to know that i care about you and really enjoy our conversations please take your own advice for me and practice it on yourself if not for yourself then for me and everyone else who cares about you and this goes to everyone on this thread you are all great people and have helped me out many times i feel blessed to have come across this particular thread
much love
Flowers
 

Tommyboy

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I know I have to kill myself today. I fucked up everything so, so bad it makes me cry. I was given a beautiful opportunity at life but I fucked up.
Please reply in here to let us know that you are OK.
 

mrflowers00

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i wish i could take pieces of my new found happiness and spread it around to all of you beautiful people life really is a bitch sometimes but the good are so much better after being though the worst
 

severely etarded

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I'm glad you survived C.H. You've always been positive for me when I'm at my lowest points. I feel my depression is mostly situational, and not manic. losing my job, breaking up fiancée/domestic partner of 5 years, having to take my dog to the pound, homeless for awhile bumming money from my drunken prick father and dealing with his drunken BS on a regular basis--all these things at once triggered an episode of heavy depression I ended up using opiates to numb the pain.

I finally got a good job I like, get back in college, and the very same day I registered for classes I managed to get in some majorly deep shit I think I told C.H & herbivore about in confidence. Looking at 2-20 years (I do not want to disclose any more details so please don't ask--Thx)

Now my ex is drunk dialing my job crying cuz she regrets dumping me, all the guys she screwed just fucked her and never called. :\
 

mrflowers00

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today is such a bitch i'm physically in hella pain and emotionally hurt my girl not gf is hella i'll almost died and looks like she still could idk i don't want to lose anyone i care about and that made me re realize that i can't end my life it would hurt more people than i usually think about
 

Sunrise&beats

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I've scarily had alot of suicidal thoughts the past week, Im definately past my worst that I was 4 weeks ago, so I'm concerned as to why the thoughts are becoming more frequent when I'm feeling a bit better.
Like you I always tell myself I'd be hurting alot more people than just myself if I ever ended my life, I couldn't do it to those around me.
 

stardust.hero

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PM has been sent. You have me quite worried tricomb.

SE <3 be strong man, this is temporary. You will make it through I promise!
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Severely etarded

Please PM me. I will respond. ❤

I almost ended my life before one of the greatest life experiences I ever had.

I will always love so much that it hurts but I can handle this.
 
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