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Social The NEW "What Song Fits Your Current Mood" Thread

dragonix

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2021
Messages
1,375
Relapsed bad last night felt remorse upon waking lost control again with reefer led to a couple beers go figure with my broken tinker and shot impulse control then all hell broke loose with propylhexedrine I boosted one so sketchy

Fed up with that disgusting Benzedrex trash man drinking menthol and lavender I am sick and tired of this garbage drinking and weed lead me to it now I am an awful polyaddict drunkard the effects are weaksauce at a "safe" dosage (no one even knows how safe 250mg is...) the toxic aftermath is super trashy and sketchy feeling in the brain I could order RC stims but I admitted I lose control and binge with a stash

Gotta stop somehow only way I see is getting more active with meetings any kind of program not just twelve step but I need them for psychotherapy

 
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darvocet21

Bluelighter
Joined
May 31, 2021
Messages
4,060
Relapsed bad last night felt remorse upon waking lost control again with reefer led to a couple beers go figure with my broken tinker and shot impulse control then all hell broke loose with propylhexedrine I boosted one so sketchy

Fed up with that disgusting Benzedrex trash man drinking menthol and lavender I am sick and tired of this garbage drinking and weed lead me to it now I am an awful polyaddict drunkard the effects are weaksauce at a "safe" dosage (no one even knows how safe 250mg is...) the toxic aftermath is super trashy and sketchy feeling in the brain I could order RC stims but I admitted I lose control and binge with a stash

Gotta stop somehow only way I see is getting more active with meetings any kind of program not just twelve step but I need them for psychotherapy

You can actually get high off of benzedrex is a new one on me. What's it like? Do you put it in a hot cup of coffee the way they used to put Benzedrine inhalers?
 

dragonix

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2021
Messages
1,375
Like for trying to process your moods through song even though Idk what it is? Like a Bard from Bard's Tale?

Sorry just looked up bard doesn't fit us posting vids here I fear

Will try to K.I.S.S. from now on. Keep it stupid simple or since I am simple I am stupid? Hahahahah spoiler for drama most don't wanna hear about

So I am bored. Afraid I suppose of being tired and stuck at home lack resources to go out and do something wholesomely entertaining. Not being able to do that makes nicotine and weed seem fun at home when it's just escapist indulging really not at all fun.

I tried to hit a Hyde crushed by a car looked like on the side of the street coming back in the rain from trying to go workout a little at a park way too weak and drained plus still sick a bit. I felt guilty right after and afraid because that can drag me back to the worst part of my vices.

I forced myself to oil pull after rinsing mouth with some APC vinegar feel better I didn't beg someone for money for another nic vape & I need weed or booze shortly after or it grosses me out too much throw away before done often...

Now I feel angry at a toxic society not afraid but I will try to separate from it without violence nor hatred expressed offensively.

Me afraid actually. That outpatient + meetings won't stop another binge and that hurts a ton thinking about. Will I have the energy to keep going daily before I slide back down?

At least deep down I have some faith if I try to get a sponsor and work the steps my hate will dissolve as unspeakable power begins to fill me. Humbly so perhaps or why bother going?


 
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Asclepius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 30, 2010
Messages
7,286
Location
Europe
Gotta stop somehow only way I see is getting more active with meetings any kind of program not just twelve step but I need them for psychotherapy

Try it. Do it. During it, you can, explore what works for you/doesnt. Reserve/suspend judgement for now, until you're thinking gets clearer - you can make informed choices later- don't put pressure on ultimatums, in your head. You can always choose. Go for you, be selfish, look after your fucking self, right now.❤️❤️❤️

Just have a goal toward doing what you need now.
Don't be harsh on yourself; try and cut yourself some slack, while you are trying to move toward moderating your health & not going over, nonsense that might sabotage you.

Sorz, words are deficient but hope you get back to baseline mind-wellness.

Trust yourself in doing what you know you need, sounds like a decent rational decision, mate, for right now. ❤️


Learn to function, more importantly, learn to BE yourself, and cope with the former.❤️

 
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Crash Override

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2021
Messages
102
Location
UK


Pushing past the limit
Trippin' on hallucinogenics
And then I crawled back to the life
That I said I wouldn't live in

'Cause I carried on like the wayward son
And now through and through, I've come undone
And now I am just but the wayward man
What with my bloodshot eyes and my shaky hand
 
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