Temp Banned from poking fingers into my bum

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Dersch

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Dear BL.
I am writing to let you know that my recent ban for being "anti-LGBT" is just a big misunderstanding.

My apologies to TLB. You asked me not to...but this is different. Of course cduggles (ice queen) will never overturn my ban, and that's ok.

This true story proves how much I am totally pro-LGBT. I have to get this off my chest.

It all started over at the Buttsex thread, where I became involved in a conversation with my new LGBT gay friends @swilow and @mal3volent.
At first I was skeptical about the whole buttsex idea, pointing out the dangers of this dog-like sexual activity. As a result, my popularity did not exactly rise, but over time we managed to warm up to each other.

We became friends and eventually @mal3volent made the suggestion for me to poke one or two exploratory fingers into my bum. See here: https://www.bluelight.org/xf/threads/buttsex.874686/page-5#post-14580099

Ok...I mean...why not try it? I am open minded, and pro LGTB... @swilow and others are into this kinds of stuff, right?. So I figured I should do it too.

I went right ahead, and it was amazing... only my finger couldn't do much, right? I had recently learned from our buttsex conversations that there can be so much more. I looked around for something better to use, and found one of those 5.5oz Benzomatic Butane canisters: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/...mHQ2RSYlO3y7s5WX59rt98rzPdoSD2IeNDYZO97Ga5Rlz

@cduggles you couldn't have known this, but it was at this exact time when I made the offending "anti-LGBT" comment on another thread. Check the time-stamps to verify. I was typing with only one hand, because of smelly fingers, and feeling really freaked out: https://www.bluelight.org/xf/threads/buttsex.874686/page-6#post-14580115

Anyhow...the butane canister was great, until I lost my grip and the whole thing suddenly got sucked into my bum. Woosh. It completely disappeared ?!? 8o
Holy shit ?! No one told me that was going to happen. How embarrassing, right? I panicked. What am I going to do? There is no way I'm going to the hospital with this. Out of the question !!

I needed a home-made, in-house solution, so I logged onto quora.com, where some really smart people like to hang out.
They came up with a strategy for me. I was told about 2 powerful donut-shaped "ring-magnets" which can be found inside every microwave oven: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/...JwdcsXNTOWm_nIb_CyyUtZJrGVO6hUmCGx_CY9Kv6890g

The plan was for me to remove the Magnetron-component from my oven, pry off one of these ring-magnets, tie a string to it, and put the damn thing into my bum-hole, where it will attach via magnetic attraction to the metal canister. Pull the string to remove both objects at once. What a great plan.

The magnet went in, no problem, only the string broke. WTF ??
Don't panic...don't panic...there are two magnets for every microwave. I still have one left. But is there even enough room left inside my bum? Better check. I set up two mirrors and used a LED pen-torch to take a good look around.
And woosh, that ring-magnet pulled the torch right out of my fingers and into my bum. Just like that. You wouldn't believe how powerful those magnets are. Damn.

I became delirious, feeling faint...needed to rest, turned the lights out and tried to snooze a little. Whilst tossing and turning, I noticed a ray of light shining out of my bum. No shit man. I could see it in those mirrors that I had set up earlier. What a freak show !! This has gone on long enough. I could find no rest.

Back online, reddit to the rescue. "Can anyone help me, I have this unusual problem aha".
A LGBT trans person suggested that I go and take a dump on a railway track. Go, squat over the steel rail he/she said, and you'll shit that magnet right out onto the track. ok.

A little after midnight, I walked 2 miles with a bum full of objects to the nearest railway line, squatted down until my light-emitting bum-hole touched the cold steel rail as instructed, and I pushed really hard.
I wasn't moving from that spot. Everything was coming out before the next train, or not. Either way, problem solved.

But it worked !! The clank-sound of a ring-magnet hitting the rail is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. Everything came out altogether. What a relief !!
The LGBTs took me under their wing. I love the reddit LGBT community. You know I do. I mean...who wouldn't, right ??
I will never forget who helped me in my darkest hour.

Let it be known. I love all the LGBT ?
 
Haha, sorry couldn't hold. ''I logged on Quora where smart people loves to hangout'' your words. Smart people hangout everywhere, with this you call all of us stupid, including disrespecting people of our community, staff as staff but the members.. my dear, a big no. You don't do that, not here. I don't wanna judge you or anybody else, but having few close friends where you vent out some things would work more than perfect, a life, a job, daily duties principles and responsibilities maybe some fun. Everytime you got banned you complained, one of the reasons we ban you it's because you cannot behave correctly, you don't think before you speak, you read only to reply not to understand. You take this forum way too personal and everything that's goin on in here. What did I told you? What you say online stays where? on the internet, right. Read a book, go to a meeting and participate in lectures.
 
online community 101: "how to totally vindicate a ban by thumbing your nose at site staff"

alasdair
 
Dersch said:
Of course cduggles (ice queen) will never overturn my ban,
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For your awareness, and that of any others wondering, while there is a staff name who hits the button to issue an infraction, this is generally not done without some discussion with the fellow mods of the forum to see if it was warranted. That is the case here, she did not act alone, but with agreed support from the rest of her peer mods of the forum and senior staff.

Also, mods can't overturn a ban - only admin can. As they were in agreement with the infraction, it's unlikely they will overturn it.

Lastly, it isn't typically the staff who issue a 'ban'. We have a points system whereby members who continually have difficulty playing by our rules get longer and longer temp bans. So, any mod across any forums can issue an infraction point for violation of the site user agreement (BLUA) or their forum specific rules, but it is the member who earns the points and the associated increasing temp bans.

Full 'permanent ban's of an account are manual by sr. staff based on extensive accumulation of points and inability to behave. That is not the case here.


Dersch said:
My apologies to TLB. You asked me not to...but this is different.
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Different topic, same behaviour. Serve out the temp ban and try again. If you use this support forum for your entertainment in the meantime, we will consider it wasting staff time that could be spent more productively, and as such it will likely earn more infractions which extend your current temp ban, or sr. staff may consider giving up and permanently banning you. The choice remains yous, for now.
 
Man, how the op is still allowed here is a mystery to me.

Mods must have the patience of a saint or something. :ROFLMAO:
 
I love that I am gay in the OP ? News to me but thanks for clearing that up ?

nuttynutskin said:
Man, how the op is still allowed here is a mystery to me.

Mods must have the patience of a saint or something. :ROFLMAO:
Click to expand...

He's actually banned but we let banned users post in this sub forum. The idea is that most users don't abuse this function and just try to clarify the length of their account suspension.
 
holy fuck this post lmaoo

also, if you're who i think you are this is even funnier, have a nice break, i know we sure sure will
 
somnilicious said:
Careful... That kind of gender bias gonna get you banned.
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If there was a chance I was doing that maybe, but it's Derschrieber lol. Also, everyone knows that there's a cultural marxist SJW double standard that you're allowed to talk shit about straight white men, it's liberal hegemony
 
swilow said:
The idea is that most users don't abuse this function and just try to clarify the length of their account suspension.
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^^This.

However, the expectation is also that the regular members don't turn this into a free for all at the OP's expense (earned or not). I get that some may be amused at the situation, but we would hope you have better ways to spend your time.
 
It is pretty funny and I highly doubt anything we have to add is at OP's expense as he clearly layed himself out prostrate in mock manner.

I especially love his links and citation. That being said... The can in that picture looks suspiciously alluminum and well.... Aluminum doesn't stick to magnets.
 
I'm honestly a little glad it happened to him of all people, something very poetic about that innit?
 
Factualist said:
I'm honestly a little glad it happened to him of all people, something very poetic about that innit?
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Not very familiar with the guy but it is apropos. As my friend is found of saying
"In order to get fucked, one must first assume the position." Butane canisters aside.
 
Factualist said:
It's Dershrieber, I'm almost certain
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Lol
 
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