Should I use heroin?

[Grinders Kiefers]

This is probably going to sound stupid, but drugs are my hobby and I haven't ever done any hard drugs so that is one reason on why I want to do heroin. I know that is literally a very stupid excuse, but that's what I feel. I have a very close minded view on life and I just feel that this is something I really want to do. I don't even care about consequences or any of that because that is just who I am.

It doesn't sound stupid at all, in fact I consider drugs (more so psychopharmacology) one of my hobbies too. As soon as I started using drugs in my teen years, I became obsessed with researching how they worked, the different experiences people had with them, precautions to take when using, all of it. I think it's important to have a reasonable understanding of what you're getting into before you use any drug, but don't think knowledge and education will stop you from the downsides. I could rationalize and intellectualize my use all day long because "I know what I'm doing", but that never stopped me from becoming addicted to any of the drugs I've had problems with over the years.

I'm sure there are things other than drugs you've discovered that you enjoy over the last 16 years, but I understand how difficult it can be to get involved in hobbies when you're preoccupied with depression or other mental issues. I thought drugs would help me cope because they made everything seem OK, but that feeling was usually fleeting, and ended with the duration of whatever substance I was taking. It's incredible how fast it turned into using to feel normal all while hurting myself, friends, and family with my behavior. I know how miserable and hopeless life can seem when you're that age because I felt the same way, and it's not like I've figured everything out 10 years later, but trust that life does get better if you allow it to.

Again, I understand nobody here will stop you from using any drug if that's what you really want to do, but try to listen to what we're saying because it comes from a place of love, respect and care for your well-being, not to serve as an authority telling you what you should and shouldn't do (though you did ask if you should, after all).

It's hard to have any foresight about consequences when you don't know what to expect, especially when you don't care what's going to happen anyway. I'm not going to give you some bullshit line about ending up in rehab, jail or dead if you start using because none of those things may ever happen to you. However, based on what you've said already, it doesn't sound like you're in the right mindset to be using drugs responsibly, heroin especially, and I really don't think you want to become another statistic.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Since I don't know how heroin feels, I think I should do it once and see how it is and figure out if I can do it with self control.

Heroin is an opiate. As you posted before you have already used hydrocodone so you know how an opiate feels and what the high is like.

 

[rc_benzo]

The post encouraging suicide has been removed and the person who posted it dealt with accordingly. There will be zero tolerance for anyone encouraging self harm, this is a harm reduction forum.

I was only trying to help this "depressed and highly impressionable 16 year old", I don't want her to be choking on her own vomit after ODing on a wrong drug. I call this pain reduction.

 

[drugsarecool]

It doesn't sound stupid at all, in fact I consider drugs (more so psychopharmacology) one of my hobbies too. As soon as I started using drugs in my teen years, I became obsessed with researching how they worked, the different experiences people had with them, precautions to take when using, all of it. I think it's important to have a reasonable understanding of what you're getting into before you use any drug, but don't think knowledge and education will stop you from the downsides. I could rationalize and intellectualize my use all day long because "I know what I'm doing", but that never stopped me from becoming addicted to any of the drugs I've had problems with over the years.

I'm sure there are things other than drugs you've discovered that you enjoy over the last 16 years, but I understand how difficult it can be to get involved in hobbies when you're preoccupied with depression or other mental issues. I thought drugs would help me cope because they made everything seem OK, but that feeling was usually fleeting, and ended with the duration of whatever substance I was taking. It's incredible how fast it turned into using to feel normal all while hurting myself, friends, and family with my behavior. I know how miserable and hopeless life can seem when you're that age because I felt the same way, and it's not like I've figured everything out 10 years later, but trust that life does get better if you allow it to.

Again, I understand nobody here will stop you from using any drug if that's what you really want to do, but try to listen to what we're saying because it comes from a place of love, respect and care for your well-being, not to serve as an authority telling you what you should and shouldn't do (though you did ask if you should, after all).

It's hard to have any foresight about consequences when you don't know what to expect, especially when you don't care what's going to happen anyway. I'm not going to give you some bullshit line about ending up in rehab, jail or dead if you start using because none of those things may ever happen to you. However, based on what you've said already, it doesn't sound like you're in the right mindset to be using drugs responsibly, heroin especially, and I really don't think you want to become another statistic.

I do a lot of research on the many different types of drugs, and for every drug I have used, I made sure every time that I was taking the right amounts and expecting the feelings I would get from the drugs. I am always very careful, I like to experiment and see how substances can alter the mind and give you different feeling that nothing else can. I would like to take hallucinogens before doing any hard drugs, but I realized that they are not easy to get where I live, and so that is why I want to go straight to heroin and cocaine.

 

[drugsarecool]

Heroin is an opiate. As you posted before you have already used hydrocodone so you know how an opiate feels and what the high is like.

I have only done it once though, and it is not one of the strongest opiates. I also have back problems and the high was not as strong as I had expected. I feel like using a stronger opiate will give me the full experience and the best high.

 

[rc_benzo]

I have only done it once though, and it is not one of the strongest opiates. I also have back problems and the high was not as strong as I had expected. I feel like using a stronger opiate will give me the full experience and the best high.

So are you trying to get high, or are you planning to commit suicide? Because a few posts ago you were saying that you wanted to OD and now you're saying you want "a full opiate experience".
EDIT: Woohoo, 100th post

 

[drugsarecool]

So are you trying to get high, or are you planning to commit suicide? Because a few posts ago you were saying that you wanted to OD and now you're saying you want "a full opiate experience".
EDIT: Woohoo, 100th post

I wanna be high and then OD and die, is that a better explanation?

 

[drugsarecool]

I certainly don't recommend Heroin or an opiate for this purpose. Try Nembutal or Etaqualone, they will make you feel calm, relaxed and they will add a bit of nice euphoria, and then you will fall asleep and your breathing will painlessly stop. It's the perfect way to die.

I think I should just stop being so lame and just shoot myself then, you say you don't recommend heroin, so I guess there won't be any drugs involved when I kill myself.

 

[crunkazcanbe]

I think I should just stop being so lame and just shoot myself then, you say you don't recommend heroin, so I guess there won't be any drugs involved when I kill myself.

Ignore this dumb ass. Just pay attention to my PMs .

 

[drugsarecool]

Ignore this dumb ass. Just pay attention to my PMs .

Good idea

 

[rc_benzo]

Good idea

This is obviously a troll thread then, some self-destructive attention whore trying to make herself feel better by asking others to discuss her thoughts. If you were really up for suicide, you wouldn't be posting bluelight, you would have been figuring out most effective ways to do it by yourself via Google.

 

[drugsarecool]

This is obviously a troll thread then, some self-destructive attention whore trying to make herself feel better by asking others to discuss her thoughts. If you were really up for suicide, you wouldn't be posting bluelight, you would have been figuring out most effective ways to do it by yourself via Google.

I like how all you do is make me feel like shit. I don't need fucking Google to know how to kill myself, it isn't that hard. If I wanted, I could walk right into my mom and dad's room and take like 2 bars of xanax and a glass of whiskey and then die.

 

[tacodude]

Ha ha ha ha you're really underestimating how easy it is to kill yourself. If it was easy as two xans, a 60 mg morphine, and some liquor I'd be dead today no joke. I've been reading this thread and you need help from a social worker or public health care person. If you really feel you have such little support that you want to kill yourself you need to do everything to find that support. If you are alive you haven't tried everything yet.....

Suicide should not even be a last resort. Rather than express ideas of killing yourself ask for help with the depression and anxiety that leaves you feeling like your only choice in life is to end it or continue to suffer on the edge of death leading to you finally cracking and deciding to do something you know is wrong. This is coming from experience mind you.

While your feelings won't kill you your feelings are real. They can affect you and make you feel like you are dieing. If someone tells you that your feelings don't matter and are just your problem that's going to make them worse. While your not the one to bring yourself down intentionally it's possibly not the intentions of others, such as your mother who you view as selfish for blaming her xan use on you.

It's like a mother telling or asking a child if they understand that causing mommy difficult is killing her before they can understand our grasp the concept of empathy, anxiety, depression, and really the scope of psychology and mental health issues. Even as my major focus of study I feel I'm only grasping the basics at 22-23 years old. You'll be surprised how much can change between now and when you are 22.

You've mentioned also being sent to the crazy house, but seriously if you really look into what an "in patient" mental health assessment facility was like and went in trying to be the best you that you can be then they will be able to identify what's really going on with your life in a controlled space where yes there are other patients, some not so cooperative, but people just as amazing as you move the less that may create social anxiety and tension that may be part of issues you unknowingly create and need to be made aware of and of course the other person to for setting you off. Going on there in a forced situation will start you off with a really bad mental health record that takes too long to correct... Trust me this is from experience as well.

Finally as far as heroin don't do it. You don't need it. From someone with a moderate habit struggling to get a correct prescription that I've finally got, and have been a week off dope, it's just not worth it. Someone your age in your position is very likely to end up getting robed or even sexualy abused during your habits especially if you get into stimulants. I'm sorry to say it's true. If it can happen to me (without stimulant or benzo habit) it can happen to you.

Seriously get help from people that are in your life who can actually help. Your parents care about you and will help you if you need it. Just don't scare them or pressure them either way. It's not just what you want, or what they want, but what everyone wants and needs.

 

[simco]

again, OP, try to separate your desire to self-harm (suicide) from your interest in drugs. it's hard to think clearly about anything when you're suicidal. try to take a step back and a deep breath and think things through. and try hard to find someone you can talk to. seriously, when you're feeling lost and fucked up and like you need a release, it's time to get someone who has your back.

there's nothing magical about a heroin high. i tried it with the intention of doing it just once. then i did it very rarely, and that worked for almost two years. but suddenly i realized it had its hooks in me and i hadn't noticed it happening. it fucking sucks. i've OD'd once, and as it happens, my main connect (who was a super nice guy and very experienced) died of an OD on tuesday. it's a serious deal.

but as i mentioned above, if you opt to do it, be as safe as possible. feel free to PM me. i'll be as honest and helpful as i can possibly be.

 

[drugsarecool]

Ha ha ha ha you're really underestimating how easy it is to kill yourself. If it was easy as two xans, a 60 mg morphine, and some liquor I'd be dead today no joke. I've been reading this thread and you need help from a social worker or public health care person. If you really feel you have such little support that you want to kill yourself you need to do everything to find that support. If you are alive you haven't tried everything yet.....

Suicide should not even be a last resort. Rather than express ideas of killing yourself ask for help with the depression and anxiety that leaves you feeling like your only choice in life is to end it or continue to suffer on the edge of death leading to you finally cracking and deciding to do something you know is wrong. This is coming from experience mind you.

While your feelings won't kill you your feelings are real. They can affect you and make you feel like you are dieing. If someone tells you that your feelings don't matter and are just your problem that's going to make them worse. While your not the one to bring yourself down intentionally it's possibly not the intentions of others, such as your mother who you view as selfish for blaming her xan use on you.

It's like a mother telling or asking a child if they understand that causing mommy difficult is killing her before they can understand our grasp the concept of empathy, anxiety, depression, and really the scope of psychology and mental health issues. Even as my major focus of study I feel I'm only grasping the basics at 22-23 years old. You'll be surprised how much can change between now and when you are 22.

You've mentioned also being sent to the crazy house, but seriously if you really look into what an "in patient" mental health assessment facility was like and went in trying to be the best you that you can be then they will be able to identify what's really going on with your life in a controlled space where yes there are other patients, some not so cooperative, but people just as amazing as you move the less that may create social anxiety and tension that may be part of issues you unknowingly create and need to be made aware of and of course the other person to for setting you off. Going on there in a forced situation will start you off with a really bad mental health record that takes too long to correct... Trust me this is from experience as well.

Finally as far as heroin don't do it. You don't need it. From someone with a moderate habit struggling to get a correct prescription that I've finally got, and have been a week off dope, it's just not worth it. Someone your age in your position is very likely to end up getting robed or even sexualy abused during your habits especially if you get into stimulants. I'm sorry to say it's true. If it can happen to me (without stimulant or benzo habit) it can happen to you.

Seriously get help from people that are in your life who can actually help. Your parents care about you and will help you if you need it. Just don't scare them or pressure them either way. It's not just what you want, or what they want, but what everyone wants and needs.

You would think that after I got in trouble with school for trying to sell pills, cutting for several months, and having an eating disorder that my parents would try to help, but they didn't. They will never help. I made my decision, and I am definitely just going to take my chances and do heroin. I don't even care if I get hurt in the process of getting my drugs, because all that matters is that I get them. I just feel that coming to this website for advice was the dumbest idea, I think I should start being more grown-up and make my own decisions. Clearly I don't care about the consequences, and clearly I just want to escape by getting high. I am very depressed, and I don't want to talk to some random therapist who doesn't even know me. I am also a sociopath and bipolar so there is nothing good about me. My family says I ruin everything with my attitude, and they don't get that I can't help it. The reason I started doing drugs is because I found interest in getting high. I also realized getting high helps me forget everything that is bothering me. It's stupid to think that my choice will change. I don't know why I even try to get advice, because I'm just done with it all. peace out%)

 

[suzieq70s]

Don't give up hope. I am a middle aged woman who has anxiety depression and probable PTSD (my primary care doctor says I do but I haven't been to a therapist yet to confirm it) my PTSD comes from a very violent attack from someone I've known for a long time (20+ years) someone I trusted and cared about. I was very lucky to get out alive. Unfortunately this other person committed suicide infront of me and collapsed right next to me. I had their blood on me. I have nightmares and my life is complete shit right now. I'm not telling you this to downplay your feeling but to let you know I understand how you feel and I understand your intense desire not to feel to be numb to everything that's going on.

Please please do the bare minimum it takes to give you relief and stick to that. and please please don't give up hope that you'll feel better some day. Please somehow find a therapist.

 

[crzydiamond]

If you are looking for support try the sub forum call The Dark Side. It's geared for those struggling-with addiction, suicidal thoughts, depression, drug use.

If you are just looking for someone to cosign your "ill do heroin to escape my problems" idea, you'll likely not find that on this board. Because most here have gone through the whole cycle of drug use beginning to end. And the thing is--using heroin because you have problems/to escape problems won't work well. Cause when it wears off everything is still the same. Drugs can make you not care for a time. But in the end, everything you tried to escape is still there. Compounded by all the fun stuff heroin use brings.

High school is a really shitty time in life. Anyone who's gone through it would never voluntarily live those years again. It's a transition from being a child, a dependant, into finding yourself and what you want to be and do. Hang in there. It gets a lot better--if you don't sabotage your life before it starts. Not every career needs a college degree. But unless you wanna be on welfare, get your HS diploma. Soon you won't be living at home so all that is a temporary issue. A heroin habit--or worse suicide--is a permanent fix to a temporary problem

Anyway--what's the real reason you want to do heroin? From movies? Someone talked it up? Really, it's not the "omg best feeling ever" you may think. It gets glamourized, i dont know why.

 

[rhun]

I'm going to close this thread as I think we've given the OP some great advice but unfortunately, they've chosen not to take it. I think they'll be better served by posting in TDS.

OP, please don't hesitate to post in The Dark Side if you need support or you can PM any of the people here who offered you advice once you reach 50 posts.

While I hope you make a better choice, if you do end up procuring heroin this is the forum to come to if you have any questions about using it safely.

 

[sekio]

If you pick up an opioid habit at age 16 you're going to be in quite a mess by the time you're an independent adult. Just something to think about.

Heroin and other opioids (at the correct sort of dose level) essentially make people ignore essentially all their problems save for sourcing more opioids (or perhaps a pack of cigarettes). They fuck with reward circuitry in your brain in a pretty insidious way. It helps to remember that habits are a sort of learned behavior, and opioid use quickly turns into a coping mechanism for lots of people. Unfortunately, taking drugs to feel good almost never fixes the problems you're taking the drugs for in the first place, but at the same time if that's all you know how to do - because you've been taking drugs since early instead of learning alternative coping mechanisms - it predisposes you to falling deep down the pit of opioid addiction early on in your life.

Opiates are definitely romanticized a lot. Realistically, if you're gonna use a drug to escape your problems, you should consider cannabis or psychedelics. Those have much more of a chance of inspiring action in your life. I know at least psychedelics are, when taken in a good setting.

Daily cannabis use would be way more excusable and likely provide similar "benefits" to daily heroin usage in terms of the recreational/escape aspect. It'd also be cheaper, doesn't involve shady people nearly as much, doesn't involve IV, and healthier for you in the long term both in terms of purity, tolerance development, and overdose potential.

Also check out the Wu Tang Clan's 36 Chambers 36 pages of a stickied mega thread called "Should I Try Heroin?".