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September H&R Thread v. Doggo

chinup said:
too depressed to do anything
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ah yes, that makes a bit more sense. but if that were also the case one would be too "depressed" to actually attempt and then it would be a non-sequitor.

sorry I'm logic-killing everything

:p I tend to do that.

I have a hard time interpreting lyrics :\
 
Just sober.... Full time job hunting on the menu today. I'm also going to my sister's to put up a basketball hoop for my neice. Last night I went to a seminar dinner at this beautiful, lakeside, fine dining restaurant. It was 3 courses and the main dish was prime roast. Ummm melt in your mouth delicious. The seminar was about retirement savings and investment. It quickly got political when the conversation turned to tariffs. It was a lot more interesting than more normal dinner conversation.

I'm going to make this a good day.
 
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Bork

59f04a0e98e86edc2bceebd037ba577a--animal-memes-dog.jpg
 
morning guys.

i am driving myself mad. so, in general, i'm allergic to any small particles as far as i can tell- dust and pollen are a nightmare. while i was on the dark i didn't have problems with allergies cos my histamines were fucked all the time. my cat just moved into my place which i'm super happy about. when i got out of rehab i was allergic to her, eyes streaming and sneezing, and got over it. now i seem to be allergic to her again but this time i'm getting hives. its so fucking itchy. and cos its so itchy, in places i've scratched myself hard with whatever i'm allergic to under my nails, making a really angry scratch. anti histamines are not helping. cold water give some immediate relief from itching.

has anyone had anything similar when coming off opiates? what did they do and how long did it take to resolve itself? getting rid of the cat is not an option i love that animal so much. i got her before i got addicted to heroin and was never allergic to her in any way up til getting clean.
 
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i have not have you tried antihistamines?

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I am not doing well. I seem to be in solid panic though anxiety/depression have gone away for now but the panic and shit won't go away. I even had 12 hours of good sleep and woke up without nightmares and still severe panic. It is causing me great distress and I've taken medication and I fear it won't work. I almost know it won't (isn't that fucked up).

I'm beginning to lose hope that any medicinal or illegal drug will ever help my sick mind and I am destined to being this way forever. I don't see how I will survive my own hands long-term if this stays this way.

I know I'm working through MASSIVE AMOUNTS of grief and loss and I should forgive myself, give myself time and not worry about it too much.

Every day I count the few good things going on in my life. I try to remain objective. I try to realize life isn't all bad things too. I am doing what I can to keep it together.
 
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Hi-o.... 13 days free from kratom. Reading a lot of recovery stories, watching the show Aquarius and bored out of my skull.
 
yep i tried antihistamines they don't seem to help. i'm now not sure its my cat cos i wasn't at mine last night and still had it today. don't know what it can be but its a nightmare. i feel really self conscious about scratching, hangover from scratching for other reasons...

CH i really hope the medication did help. it sounds awful. i'm glad you at least got some decent sleep cos everything is so much harder when you're exhausted, but still. it sounds like maybe you need to try a different approach, your current one is not working. is there anything you know helped but stopped doing? is there anything you wrote off a long time ago that could be worth another shot?

well done somni! those first days are the hardest. watch out for boredom, i've seen friends relapse from it. can you find things to get you out of the house for a good chunk of every day? in early recovery groups at the drugs services, gym, therapist, key worker and NA kept me out of trouble. now i have a job i'm out 9-6.30 at least every day, and often doing things after work, so gone a bit too far the other way tbh but by the time i have 2 nights of recovery stuff and 2 of recreational, and one for pissing about at home, the week it gone.
 
chinup said:
yep i tried antihistamines they don't seem to help.
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if I don't bore you by asking, which ones? There's a variety of them; some may work better for specific causes than others. Have you considered going to an allergist?

CH i really hope the medication did help. it sounds awful. i'm glad you at least got some decent sleep cos everything is so much harder when you're exhausted, but still. it sounds like maybe you need to try a different approach, your current one is not working. is there anything you know helped but stopped doing? is there anything you wrote off a long time ago that could be worth another shot?
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Nothing seems to work it either just does or does not work out well. I am currently trying a new approach. I'm quickly running through "the options" and can really connect to some lyrics that are more Words appropriate than H&R.
 
Really depressed and craving today. I can't believe I'm actually considering taking a little kratom. If I had more money I would pick up some kava to kill this anxiety but I'm so broke.
 
somnilicious said:
Really depressed and craving today. I can't believe I'm actually considering taking a little kratom. If I had more money I would pick up some kava to kill this anxiety but I'm so broke.
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Try printing out the CBA (cost benefit analysis) from this site and filling it out https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/

There's also one called Hierarchy of Values. I worked on it last week, and it helped clarify what is important to me and what I want my identity to be. Lo and behold, getting intoxicated didn't make the list ;)
 
somnilicious said:
Concerned about you Captain. You've been through so much and seem to be self medicating a lot. Be careful with the benzos. They wound up making my anxiety and depression a lot worse. Im not trying to sound patronizing and I'm actually the last person to be saying anything but it comes from the heart. We care about you man.
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now i'm scared to take one tonight
 
Hylight said:
now i'm scared to take one tonight
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It doesn't make it worse for me. I'll take days off. I am not going out of ordinary dosages with the medication. Sometimes it works. Sometimes, even without tolerance, it doesn't. It can be hit or miss.

I know one can become addicted to it. There's many panic attacks, days, etc. where I go without taking it because I am seemingly obsessed with my sick mind, or feel guilty over needing to self-medicate. I have met true benzo addicts who will get a script akin to mine or even 2, 3x. as much, and run through all of it in the first 3 days of having it. I'm obviously not like this. They are not reinforcing. I don't feel euphoria from it. If it works, I barely get relief from my symptoms so that I can barely function or act like a normal person.

I have tried almost every other class for my symptoms with one left to try (the advice actually was recommended in research sources I later looked up; thanks to you know who) that may help with some of the symptoms.

I am waking up with less panic every day and accepting reality for what its worth a little more day by day. I am making progress, even if it involves examining issues and admitting when things get tough. Being in denial doesn't work so I'm willing to accept it and talk about it. I still do positive things every day, like counting blessings, focusing on passions, taking care of important stuff first and then relaxation. I've been working on acceptance. I'm doing everything I can.

There's no need to worry about me. I will be fine if I am. I fully (and truthfully, regrettably) believe in determinism. I have faith that whatever is bound to happen will happen and I need not concern myself with worrying about the actual outcome of everything, but just to balance my mind for all the moments it's worth for the rest of my life. I do want to live a full life if I can get past enough of this, or find at least continued mild symptom relief.
 
@ "I have tried almost every other class for my symptoms with one left to try (the advice actually was recommended in research sources I later looked up; thanks to you know who)"

Is that what I think I can be ROTFDL about.

? I have been trying to understand it for years. I can't just deal with it anymore. ☹
 
I just need to take all the steps necessary to deal with it and life will be smoother. Ignoring the problems doesn't work.
 
CH glad you've found something else to try. it gives a little hope, which goes a long way.

i hadn't thought about seeing an allergist, if it doesn't calm down soon i'll have to cos i'm going deranged. i'd probably have to go privately to get help so hope i can avoid it. i've found cold water as soon as i start itching really helps. its gone down a bit.
 
I've reverted to self-isolation and such to kind of shut out the world/excess emotions. Trying just to work on mental health. It's hard.
 
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