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Self Hatred

I hve loathed myself for most of my life. I think I intentionally self harmed with drugs, booze, and cutting because of that self hatred. I still battle with it today but not at such an extreme level. I have to constantly be mindful to not be so hard on myself. It's an ever present battle.
 
I think we all struggle with self hatred, especially in pur perfectionist culture, especially as drug addicts. Thats why a metta (loving kindness) practice is so important. It doesnt just happen, as it isnt our nature to hate ourselves, we likewise have to learn and teach ourselves how to love ourselves too.
 
Sorry to hear that C.H., that really sucks. I hope you were able to get some sleep and not have it enter your thoughts too much today. Wishing you better sleep tonight!
 
Oh, well, I remember most of it. It was really fucking bizarre. I would type it all out but it's highly disturbing.

I'm feeling OK today though. Weird, right? It's like, I have to suffer in my dreams, or I suffer in the waking world. If I get it out of the way, I can have an OK day. I don't get it!!! What the fuck is going on?
 
One of these days you should really hit up a Refuge Recovery meeting or an Against the Stream dharma talk with me. Not only would I really appriciate the company, but you would aquire some skills to help you with your self hatred and put your suffering in a little perspective. None of us are truly alone in this, that is one of the strongest, most potent and destructive illusions there are in the world. Dispel the darkness by shining the light of your mind on your suffering CH, come meditate with me and my sangha :) <3
 
I have a really hard time wanting to be an outgoing, social person since quitting. When I was using, I had no problem socially interacting. Drugs really can change a person's character. 8(

I also focus most of my time into reading and writing now.

Thank you for the invitation though :)
 
I hate nightmares. I have them quite a bit. It is one of the reasons I can never fall back asleep. The weird thing is I don't mind the ones that bad shit is happening to me. What does my head in is the ones that things are happening to my son, or to my family. Can never get back to sleep after those. I generally don't talk about them. I just get up. Sometimes at four am, sometimes five. Always the same though.
 
manboychef said:
I hate nightmares. I have them quite a bit. It is one of the reasons I can never fall back asleep. The weird thing is I don't mind the ones that bad shit is happening to me. What does my head in is the ones that things are happening to my son, or to my family. Can never get back to sleep after those. I generally don't talk about them. I just get up. Sometimes at four am, sometimes five. Always the same though.
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Had this terrible dream that I introduced my brother to opiates and he ended up getting addicted. Woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep, still bothers me to this day.... I'm glad he doesn't have the same drug issues I do
 
CH you should check out a Thich Nhat Hanh book called Anger. I feel like it would really help you, or at least it would be an interesting experiment. You really need better resources for cultivating some self compassion CH, seriously. I can't imagine how you cope with some of your challenges/struggles in recovery and just life generally, so my hat is off to you for making it through each and every day, ready to try again the next.

When are we gonna hang out with my girlfriend and your friend for Ktown food companero?
 
http://www.psychalive.org/stop-hating-yourself/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16192/stop-the-cycle-of-self-loathing-with-8-practices.html

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/transforming-self-criticism-stop-trying-to-fix-yourself/

I was searching the web for things to read before I start a conversation with my brother about this. These three are not necessarily anything new but they are succinct and practical and I agree with them. I just wish the publishers of these would not insist on using cheesy photos of either ridiculously happy people or stereotypically depressed people. Try to ignore them.;)
 
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