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Self Hatred

Positive self talk is a wonderful tool to use to change that voice that tells you don't deserve to love yourself. Talk in the mirror and tell yourself that YOU ARE WORTH (happiness) (being sober) (a promotion) (support system) whatever you are feeling low about. I think I looked to others and my pills to make me happy. When they weren't making me happy I was angry.
I was taught positive self talk and I use to think it was silly and laugh while looking in the mirror or saying it to myself but I still did it a few times a day. Then one day I stated thinking how worthless I was and I swear I spoke out loud and said I am worth being happy. Finally, that part of me that had been buried under that hate came out and has stayed out. I also would write letters and then burn them to get out any frustration I was having specifically after a trying day which I think helped with the dreams.
I also have some PTSD and therapy is what taught me the positive self talk. I also started taking my anti-depressants regularly. I hope you find something that helps but you need to find that happiness inside of you that you deserve. Lots of best wishes to being happy.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Horribly stressful day. I don't know how I'm still here.
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Your hear for the same reason I am here. Things may be bad. You may feel worthless. You may examine the things you have lost and not what you have gained...but you are like me. You hold onto hope that the changes you make will help bring some happiness into your life.

You are such a role model for me man! Do not give up. It would break my heart if you weren't here.
 
I have been working on acceptance.

I don't enjoy living, I don't like myself, I just happen to be doing it.

It felt good being able to admit that to a close friend. She said, "It's ok to feel that way, a lot of us feel that way on the inside."

I'm smiling because I am not at war with my self-image or my self-esteem today.

I need to be able to live like this every day.
 
If you're interested, Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche is giving a cyber workshop right now called Healing From the Source free of charge that deals with these states. He describes this pain self that we experience and how to give that self a spacious, luminous, warm hug in session 3. Maybe it's not your bag but thought I would make you aware of it. Usually these workshops are not free.

http://www.glidewing.com/workshops/
 
What's really been working for me is practicing small acts of "self compassion" every day, over time it's started to feel more natural. I also try to counter negative thoughts with positive ones. I don't always have to believe them, I just have to keep thinking them.
 
morphine-dreams said:
What's really been working for me is practicing small acts of "self compassion" every day, over time it's started to feel more natural. I also try to counter negative thoughts with positive ones. I don't always have to believe them, I just have to keep thinking them.
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Thanks for sharing :)

I have been having utterly awful nightmares. But I am able to smile today. I am not judging myself or trying to change my self image and it is very refreshing.

I'm also reminding myself that I have strengths, and I can feel good about that.
 
Thanks herby. :)

I've been having suicidal urges for a long time, and I don't talk to anyone about it because I don't want to be institutionalized.

I end up angry at a lot of points throughout the day and I get depressed at just a few points, but at least I feel genuine. This is me. At least I can feel real, you know? I'm not so busy shooting up all the time to avoid a withdrawal. I can be mad if I feel mad. I can be sad if I feel sad. That's so refreshing.

I feel like half of why addicts relapse is they can't deal with emotions. Well, of course you can't! I can't! I can't imagine any of us really "deal" with them, at all, ever!

I am trying though to be a happier person "naturally", and I feel like I do what I can, and if I don't do that well at it, then at least I tried.

I don't "recommend" my approach to people because I'm an abysmal failure, but I do hope that my posts help at least indirectly for anyone trying to be happier and less self-hating. <3
 
I feel you. I wish I weren't afraid all the time. It is really hard to deal with. I am lucky to have a girlfriend that understands that sometimes I have a hard time separating my fear from my response.

I don't really get that angry. I grew up in a house in which I experienced an intense amount of anger directed at me....it has shaped the way I deal with things. With my ex I spent most of my days angry...it was no way to be.

I just want to say. The fact you are working on yours CH makes me want to work on mine...angered or fearful is no good natural state to be in.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I feel like I'm making progress. :)

Anyone else other than cj who can relate? Thank you cj for your input <3 :)
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When are we getting bulgogi?

And to answer the question: HELL YEAH! as you can see in other threads :)

peace and blessing to all <3 shit I should have included you in my last pm, my silly ass set it to automatically delete outgoing messages, so maybe herby or someone else can forward it you way. Totally didn't mean to leave you out, I just was being absent minded (as always, heh). . .
 
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Grant me the strength to change what I can
because I don't want to fucking live anymore!!! :!
 
CH: It will get better. Are you seeking therapy? This thread has gotten me thinking. I hated myself for a long time. It took nearly dying the last time to make me appreciate life.
 
manboychef said:
CH: It will get better. Are you seeking therapy? This thread has gotten me thinking. I hated myself for a long time. It took nearly dying the last time to make me appreciate life.
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I am not seeking therapy.

I could tell myself a bunch of comforting shit if I thought that would help. It just doesn't.

toothpastedog said:
Whats up man?
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The last 6 weeks have been exceedingly stressful and today is going to be the worst.

Last night was the first night for a few weeks I didn't have bizarre nightmares, so I guess that's a plus.
 
I've actually been feeling what I'd describe as malice or self loathing yesterday and today. I think this is why I don't like house guests and why I try not to think about birthdays. I don't feel comfortable being the center of attention.
 
toothpastedog said:
I've actually been feeling what I'd describe as malice or self loathing yesterday and today. I think this is why I don't like house guests and why I try not to think about birthdays. I don't feel comfortable being the center of attention.
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Hope it passes soon.

I feel like that every day.
 
I just need more of herby in my life. Listening to what she has to say just makes so much more sense to me than my dear friend I just spend 72 hours with.

Two words. House. Guest.
 
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