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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Hey guys,
NNZO checking in.

I fully recovered from my LTC in 2018 after 4 long years of healing.

Unfortunately I’m here to warn you guys about excessive drug use,

mice been using cocaine all this year because I thought it was non neurotoxicity,

I did a bit too much on Friday and it brought back all my LTC symptoms but worse, the pain I have in my chest area and stomach is constant and sharp burning pain.

I want to repeat that I was FULLY healed from my LTC, although I did have the occasional floaters etc when I tried to look for them.

has anyone got any help for the physical symptoms ? I had a headache and a massive stomach ache when it all happened but I just thought I was tired and the stomach ache was not from eating (clearly not)

thanks team, just know you will get better
 
Hey guys,
NNZO checking in.

I fully recovered from my LTC in 2018 after 4 long years of healing.

Unfortunately I’m here to warn you guys about excessive drug use,

mice been using cocaine all this year because I thought it was non neurotoxicity,

I did a bit too much on Friday and it brought back all my LTC symptoms but worse, the pain I have in my chest area and stomach is constant and sharp burning pain.

I want to repeat that I was FULLY healed from my LTC, although I did have the occasional floaters etc when I tried to look for them.

has anyone got any help for the physical symptoms ? I had a headache and a massive stomach ache when it all happened but I just thought I was tired and the stomach ache was not from eating (clearly not)

thanks team, just know you will get better
The chest pain was and is still the worst LTC effect i have, 2 years later and though its improved, I am taking beta blockers and benzos to ease the condition.
 
Greetings felllow etards,

after munching through 10g of MDMA in 2 weeks, you all know where I woke up. Been sporadically reading this thread for a couple of months and got some value out of it - thank you all for that! At least my LTC clearly is brain damage, which one has to fully accept I think. I also believe with the right care one can repair lots of it. Of course I have been reading all the research data in detail (https://sci-hub.se/).

Reason why I´m writing this reply is, that I tried the whole mercury detox program mentioned here as well. I didn´t really believe it would do something, but in our desperate situation one tries everything and I did eat too much fish in the past - so why not. While on it I feel the best I have ever since the event. DMSA is a derivate of succinic acid, which is a sleeping agent so the effect might be something additive to mercury/heavy metal detox. And yes it has a mellowing effect, that I enjoy - since I cut all drugs, which really is necessary.

I eat 3 days healthy with all the supps (fishoil, NAC, Mg, Zn, Citicolin, lions mane, ginko,...) and then 3 days detox without other supps. I´m in it 6 months now and feeling massive improvement. I can even write and read, which was impossible before - heck I couldn´t even watch a movie. I do believe to be quite capable again one day, although I also believe some scars will be left over. Of course I lost my job in the process and am enjoying lockdown now whilst living off my termination benefits. I guess I will be doing this for at least one more year to come. But I have to say that emotionally I am now more content and at peace with myself than ever. Besides all the tips with doing sports I can add for the rainy days: get a project going - it distracts the mind whilst sharpening it. I´m building a Hifi amplifier for my lifelong enjoyment.

Stay strong - one day it will be over!
Merry Christmas
 
Greetings felllow etards,

after munching through 10g of MDMA in 2 weeks, you all know where I woke up. Been sporadically reading this thread for a couple of months and got some value out of it - thank you all for that! At least my LTC clearly is brain damage, which one has to fully accept I think. I also believe with the right care one can repair lots of it. Of course I have been reading all the research data in detail (https://sci-hub.se/).

Reason why I´m writing this reply is, that I tried the whole mercury detox program mentioned here as well. I didn´t really believe it would do something, but in our desperate situation one tries everything and I did eat too much fish in the past - so why not. While on it I feel the best I have ever since the event. DMSA is a derivate of succinic acid, which is a sleeping agent so the effect might be something additive to mercury/heavy metal detox. And yes it has a mellowing effect, that I enjoy - since I cut all drugs, which really is necessary.

I eat 3 days healthy with all the supps (fishoil, NAC, Mg, Zn, Citicolin, lions mane, ginko,...) and then 3 days detox without other supps. I´m in it 6 months now and feeling massive improvement. I can even write and read, which was impossible before - heck I couldn´t even watch a movie. I do believe to be quite capable again one day, although I also believe some scars will be left over. Of course I lost my job in the process and am enjoying lockdown now whilst living off my termination benefits. I guess I will be doing this for at least one more year to come. But I have to say that emotionally I am now more content and at peace with myself than ever. Besides all the tips with doing sports I can add for the rainy days: get a project going - it distracts the mind whilst sharpening it. I´m building a Hifi amplifier for my lifelong enjoyment.

Stay strong - one day it will be over!
Merry Christmas

You're impressively strong, mentally. Wow. :) Good job! A massive example for everyone here
 
Decided to finally make an account after lurking here for so long

Alot of people here to seem to get their symptoms after a panic attack, but i never in my life ever have experienced an panic attack , my symptoms just started and never left. my last mdma dose was 3,5 months ago.

symptoms:
Dp/dr
feel like im not connected
anhedonia (worst one for me)
premature ejaculation(also causing me alot of trouble)
ED (altough much better than in the beginning)
Difficulty to concentrate
brain fog
pressure and tingling on top of my head right in the centre.

Reading succes stories here makes me feel alot better and ill be sure to post mine once recovery happens

in the last 3,5 months , last week i had a good day where anhedonia was less present, my dp dr has gotten better too but still enough there to notice it, i just wish this would go away and ive made a promise to never touch this substance again, even though i learned alot from my rolls.

My question is, anyone here who devoloped PE and DE and they finally went away? and did anyone get symptoms without panic attack.
thank you
 
Decided to finally make an account after lurking here for so long

Alot of people here to seem to get their symptoms after a panic attack, but i never in my life ever have experienced an panic attack , my symptoms just started and never left. my last mdma dose was 3,5 months ago.

symptoms:
Dp/dr
feel like im not connected
anhedonia (worst one for me)
premature ejaculation(also causing me alot of trouble)
ED (altough much better than in the beginning)
Difficulty to concentrate
brain fog
pressure and tingling on top of my head right in the centre.

Reading succes stories here makes me feel alot better and ill be sure to post mine once recovery happens

in the last 3,5 months , last week i had a good day where anhedonia was less present, my dp dr has gotten better too but still enough there to notice it, i just wish this would go away and ive made a promise to never touch this substance again, even though i learned alot from my rolls.

My question is, anyone here who devoloped PE and DE and they finally went away? and did anyone get symptoms without panic attack.
thank you

Hey there,

I never really had ED, but I think this experience caused such a disruption to my nervous system, it affected all my senses for a while, including touch. Things were definitely abnormal for me for a few months in this regard. I would recommend No Fap, lots of exercise (heavy weight training if you can), and a healthy diet to address this.

What I did experience more of is PE. I couldn't avoid this for probably my first 3-4 months. Was pretty irritating, considering intimacy was one of the few things I could psuedo-enjoy early on.

That said, I can happily say both are completely gone. I have no physiological symptoms left whatsoever. I quit drinking as part of this experience too, so if anything, things in this department got better than ever as a result. You have enough to stress about going through a LTC, so I wouldn't be concerned about it one bit. I'm no expert, but in my opinion, after the first few months, any remaining issues would be tied to the subsequent depression/anhedonia.

Speaking of, I'll also comment on the anhedonia because this was a major problem for me early on, and I'd say it's been almost completely resolved for me as well. My advice for you, and anyone experiencing this, would be to let go of trying to feel good. Be completely OK with the absence of happiness or pleasure. Is this easy? Hell no. But, for me, the more I surrendered, the more the feelings came back. Be willing to accept whatever forms of happiness each day gives you, no matter how little, and some days... none at all. Abandon your old standards. Not that you can't have them back some day, but right now just know it has to be different.

What I found was that when I set my expectations to zero, even the tiniest bit of happiness would create such a strong feeling of joy deep inside of me. Why? Because I treasured it now. By completely surrendering my right to have joy, when the universe did finally give me a little dose, I felt I had earned it. Being alone in complete darkness really is a gift, because it makes you see the true beauty of this life once a little light shines in. Despite what is happening in your neurochemistry at any moment, just gaining this deep understanding is something very few will ever learn in their entire lives. Be thankful for this. Yes, this condition takes everything from you up front, but if you can tap into these deeper understandings, you will be given everything back and more. This peace of mind might not be the euphoria you once sought, but it is an opportunity we all have to get to know ourselves and connect with the world around us.

Another benefit of going through this process was that it shifted my priorities. Think about something for a second. Does anyone else see the irony in that us "ecstasy" abusers, as a result of our actions, have to endure a period of a complete absence of pleasure? Is there not something beautifully poetic about that life lesson we are learning? I can't speak for everyone of course, but my idea of happiness used to be a hedonistic hell hole. How does the cliche go: Booze, women, drugs, money. I wanted it all and none of it moderation. Everyone always talks about getting back to how they used to feel. For me, I don't want that one bit. What makes me happy now? Walking my dog through the park. Doing something special for my girlfriend (side note: I got a girlfriend right in the middle of this whole ordeal, crazy right?). Spending time in nature. I don't need to constantly service my own pleasure centers or ego any more. I belong to everyone else now and I never thought I'd say this, but it's much more fulfilling.

Anyway, didn't mean for this to turn such a long post. Hope that helps you or anyone else out there who needed it right now.

Stay strong my friends! And remember, life isn't nearly as important as we make it out to be :)
 
Hey there,

I never really had ED, but I think this experience caused such a disruption to my nervous system, it affected all my senses for a while, including touch. Things were definitely abnormal for me for a few months in this regard. I would recommend No Fap, lots of exercise (heavy weight training if you can), and a healthy diet to address this.

What I did experience more of is PE. I couldn't avoid this for probably my first 3-4 months. Was pretty irritating, considering intimacy was one of the few things I could psuedo-enjoy early on.

That said, I can happily say both are completely gone. I have no physiological symptoms left whatsoever. I quit drinking as part of this experience too, so if anything, things in this department got better than ever as a result. You have enough to stress about going through a LTC, so I wouldn't be concerned about it one bit. I'm no expert, but in my opinion, after the first few months, any remaining issues would be tied to the subsequent depression/anhedonia.

Speaking of, I'll also comment on the anhedonia because this was a major problem for me early on, and I'd say it's been almost completely resolved for me as well. My advice for you, and anyone experiencing this, would be to let go of trying to feel good. Be completely OK with the absence of happiness or pleasure. Is this easy? Hell no. But, for me, the more I surrendered, the more the feelings came back. Be willing to accept whatever forms of happiness each day gives you, no matter how little, and some days... none at all. Abandon your old standards. Not that you can't have them back some day, but right now just know it has to be different.

What I found was that when I set my expectations to zero, even the tiniest bit of happiness would create such a strong feeling of joy deep inside of me. Why? Because I treasured it now. By completely surrendering my right to have joy, when the universe did finally give me a little dose, I felt I had earned it. Being alone in complete darkness really is a gift, because it makes you see the true beauty of this life once a little light shines in. Despite what is happening in your neurochemistry at any moment, just gaining this deep understanding is something very few will ever learn in their entire lives. Be thankful for this. Yes, this condition takes everything from you up front, but if you can tap into these deeper understandings, you will be given everything back and more. This peace of mind might not be the euphoria you once sought, but it is an opportunity we all have to get to know ourselves and connect with the world around us.

Another benefit of going through this process was that it shifted my priorities. Think about something for a second. Does anyone else see the irony in that us "ecstasy" abusers, as a result of our actions, have to endure a period of a complete absence of pleasure? Is there not something beautifully poetic about that life lesson we are learning? I can't speak for everyone of course, but my idea of happiness used to be a hedonistic hell hole. How does the cliche go: Booze, women, drugs, money. I wanted it all and none of it moderation. Everyone always talks about getting back to how they used to feel. For me, I don't want that one bit. What makes me happy now? Walking my dog through the park. Doing something special for my girlfriend (side note: I got a girlfriend right in the middle of this whole ordeal, crazy right?). Spending time in nature. I don't need to constantly service my own pleasure centers or ego any more. I belong to everyone else now and I never thought I'd say this, but it's much more fulfilling.

Anyway, didn't mean for this to turn such a long post. Hope that helps you or anyone else out there who needed it right now.

Stay strong my friends! And remember, life isn't nearly as important as we make it out to be :)
Hey man. Such a beautiful answer to wake up to in the morning, thank you alot. This made my day honestly and i cant wait to be recovered. im already eating healthy and i workout hard at the gym 4 times a week and thank you for all your suggestions, im glad youre recovered.

Funny how you mentioned shift in how you see life, because literally the past whole week i have felt the same, even though i havent been recovered yet 100% im already learning alot from this and shifting my priorities and this has helped me find myself better than ever.

dont worry, im not beating myself up over this, im taking this as a lesson and a gift since this is over, i will propably feel like i have unlimited possibilities.

Side note, i forgot to mention one symptom wich is also less mentioned here but i seem to have it: my vascular system seems to be fucked up, im hot and cold and sometimes when all my symptoms are its worst is when my hands and feet are super cold and i look pale as hell, and then i go to the gym in the evening: Boom, everythings gets better quickly because i get my blood running better

this is an annoying symptom to me because i seem to not get those crazy pumps that i used to get before, i used to get a nice bicep pump even on a leg day sometimes so the difference is huge. But to anyone reading this i am still making great progress in the gym, and i workout very hard, infact even harder than ever before so i know my style isnt the issue
 
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YOU WILL GET BETTER

Hi everybody,
I was reading this forum so much. It helped me to go through my own LTC and now, I would like to share my recovery story to encourage all people suffering right now.

What happened
I was too dumb and mixed a lot of alcohol with 380 mg of what was supposed to be 4FA/MDMA. I don't remember anything from that night except a few images. I didn't sleep at all. Since the next day I started to deal with consequences.

My symptoms
Next day after this experience a had a painful jaw (typical after MDMA) and was very thirsty. Then I had a pretty strong depression (Suicide Tuesday). This was kinda expected. The next two days I suffered not only with depression, but also paranoia. This was really crazy. I constantly thought all people are staring at me and judging me for what I did. Yet I knew this can happen after heave abuse. Fortunately this was gone after a few days. I don't wish this to anybody. Next week I found out things are not going to be better so fast as I thought. I had weak motor balance, felt DP/DR strongly, heard my heart pounding very strongly, panic attacks got me to hospital once, high blood pressure, brain fog, feeling dumb, weakness, dizziness, shaky hands, sleeping difficulties, chest pains. I even fainted once in public transport. The brain fog was so bad I wasn't even able to do my job well.

Recovery progress
This bad state remained unchanged for at least 4 months, for freaking long 4 months! After that symptoms became gradually resolving. Weak motor balance was resolved within a few weeks. DP/DR took the most time, at least 9 months. I could feel some progress during that time which gave me strength. Sure, some days there was decline. After 9 months I still felt it occasionally. Usually after drinking alcohol or when I didn't have enough of sleep. Panic attacks were gone within a few weeks. Shaky hands took a few months to become normal. Sleeping issues, high blood pressure and chest pains took almost a year to vanish. I underwent echocardiography, EEG and blood tests a few times through a year. Everything was perfect. In summary, it took about 1 year to feel significantly better and not to worry about my health anymore. After 1 year I still had occasional declines, but by the time there were less and less of them until I felt better all the time. Since 4 weeks after the experience it was a gradual recovery. It is safe to say that it took 2 years to completely recover.

What helped
Actually time helped the most. That's 100 % truth. Except for that, it is good to start healthy lifestyle. It is good in general and I believe it helps to speedup recovery process of your body. This means sport, plenty of sleep, vitamins (especially B), zinc, magnesium. Maintaining positive state of mind might be hard, but it is important to work on it. I highly recommend Feeling Good book for depression treatment and staying positive and emotionally balanced through your entire life. Changed my life. I was also tracking my symptoms and their intensity week by week and month by month later. Thus I clearly saw I was getting better and that kept me motivated.

What didn't help
Alcohol. I stayed away from alcohol for months. It made symptoms just worse. I don't recommend any other drug either. All kind of supplements , 5HTP, fish oils or whatever. I never felt any difference. But if some of these things is good to take in general and don't cause any harm, why not to take it. Otherwise I consider it as waste of money.

What I learnt from it
Our brain and bodies are amazing tools and they are well capable of dealing with all kinds of harm we do to it. I started to value my health as never before and will not do any similar stupid thing again, ever. I value my brain. I remember how dumb I was. This was so scary. I value my brain, because it makes me smart. And I will work to keep it like that. Being healthy is tightly connected to sport. I started to do sport more often and it is like enlightenment. If you want to do a really good thing for your health, do some sport, run, walk, whatever.
I learnt that happiness is my top priority in life. I also learnt, that this state of happiness is mostly about our state of mind than external world. It's all in our heads. This was truly amazing revelation for me.
I went through my hardest time in my life. I felt how it is feel like to be defeated, down, depressed, ill, broken. I got my lifetime lesson of how bad things can be. It gave me pride that I recovered from such a thing and I got even better than before - sharp, emotionally balanced, positive, self-confident, no depression, good physical condition, practicing healthy lifestyle. Since recovery I had successes in my job, I got a girlfriend, I did a few personal hiking records, I started to invest money, I found a better job, I put my life in order, ... It was a lesson and I learnt from it, will you?


YOU WILL GET BETTER
 
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Hey man. Such a beautiful answer to wake up to in the morning, thank you alot. This made my day honestly and i cant wait to be recovered. im already eating healthy and i workout hard at the gym 4 times a week and thank you for all your suggestions, im glad youre recovered.

Funny how you mentioned shift in how you see life, because literally the past whole week i have felt the same, even though i havent been recovered yet 100% im already learning alot from this and shifting my priorities and this has helped me find myself better than ever.

dont worry, im not beating myself up over this, im taking this as a lesson and a gift since this is over, i will propably feel like i have unlimited possibilities.

Side note, i forgot to mention one symptom wich is also less mentioned here but i seem to have it: my vascular system seems to be fucked up, im hot and cold and sometimes when all my symptoms are its worst is when my hands and feet are super cold and i look pale as hell, and then i go to the gym in the evening: Boom, everythings gets better quickly because i get my blood running better

this is an annoying symptom to me because i seem to not get those crazy pumps that i used to get before, i used to get a nice bicep pump even on a leg day sometimes so the difference is huge. But to anyone reading this i am still making great progress in the gym, and i workout very hard, infact even harder than ever before so i know my style isnt the issue
Glad to hear that and I am inspired by your determination.

If you want, I am starting a "LTC Positivity" chat group on Reddit. Message me your Reddit username (if you have one) if you would like to join.

I'd also like to extend the invitation out to any of the other folks out there who are suffering but also 100% committed to being completely "at peace" one day (I would say "full recovery" but I have some issues with that concept and think idealizing it can be harmful to getting better in a lot of ways). Lots to say on that, but I'll save it for another time.

Anyway, my theory, and my mission for this group, is that if we can immerse ourselves in a positive and supportive setting, we can rewire our brains to function healthily alongside any neurochemical deficiencies we may be experiencing. I look at it as I've wiped the slate clean going through this experience and now I have a couple options on how I can rebuild myself from the bedrock up. I can read scary stories all day, I can tell everyone how awful I feel, I can talk about brain damage, etc. etc. OR I could do something different. Don't get me wrong, in so many ways I am grateful for Bluelight, but honestly I think it is overwhelmingly harmful for anyone recovering from an extreme anxiety disorder. Same with the discord chat. It just reinforces these same negative and scary thought patterns. And right now, these are the only (2) options that I know of where we can collaborate with others going through this same experience.

So, I want to try a different approach. Maybe I'm crazy and it's just me, but here are some of the things I'd rather spend my time talking about:

1 - Small success stories - "Today I went back to work for the first full day" or "My DP/DR broke for the first time for a couple hours yesterday". Little improvements that you can feel good about and inspire others. Things that you can demonstrate you are capable of will not only make you feel better, but maybe you can give that other person fearful of trying, the motivation they need to take their next step.

2 - Gratitude - "As a result of going through this, I've noticed I've become much more compassionate" "I'm thankful for this experience because I now work out 3x a week and I never thought I'd say that"

3 - All the usual helpful tips/advice/theories/etc

4 - DESPITE Stories - "Today my DP/DR and anxiety was through the roof, but DESPITE that, I ran an important meeting at work and did a great job."

5 - "Healthy" Venting - Venting can be really helpful and there is a time for it if done right "Hey guys, I need to get something off my chest that has been bugging me for a while. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I know you all can probably relate..."

6 - "Healthy" Requests for Support "Sorry guys, I'm just having a helluva day. Been struggling with [fill in the blank]. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that?"

7 - Get to know / joke with / build comradery with folks going through the same thing - This one might be the most important. This condition can feel so isolating and dehumanizing. But what if there were a place to just talk like normal people do and remind each other that we are still human and that it's OK to laugh about stuff and not take all of this so seriously. Know people by their names and where they live and know it's not just anonymous faceless identities behind a username, but that we are real people and we don't need to feel alone.

I'm in another group on Reddit where this was done on a smaller scale and reading through the thread you can see how they got better over time by supporting one other. Only problem is they are all feeling so much better now, they don't talk much on there anymore... haha

Alright, last thoughts: I said this on the Discord chat and I truly do believe it. We don't need to let the stories and anecdotes we read on here set limitations on what is possible for us. We can manifest whatever future we desire. My goal since day 1 is to come away a much better person and I'm well on my path and already there in so many ways. I hope anyone else who is committed to this same goal can join me and if you are too weak right now that's OK, I can help get on your feet, but you have to believe it is possible.

OK that's all. I'm starting the group today with some folks that have already hit me up so anyone wanting to get added, just send me a PM.

Have a great holiday everyone!
 
Decided to finally make an account after lurking here for so long

Alot of people here to seem to get their symptoms after a panic attack, but i never in my life ever have experienced an panic attack , my symptoms just started and never left. my last mdma dose was 3,5 months ago.

symptoms:
Dp/dr
feel like im not connected
anhedonia (worst one for me)
premature ejaculation(also causing me alot of trouble)
ED (altough much better than in the beginning)
Difficulty to concentrate
brain fog
pressure and tingling on top of my head right in the centre.

Reading succes stories here makes me feel alot better and ill be sure to post mine once recovery happens

in the last 3,5 months , last week i had a good day where anhedonia was less present, my dp dr has gotten better too but still enough there to notice it, i just wish this would go away and ive made a promise to never touch this substance again, even though i learned alot from my rolls.

My question is, anyone here who devoloped PE and DE and they finally went away? and did anyone get symptoms without panic attack.
thank you

I've also been lurking for a very long time. I started suffering from brain fog, head pressure, brain tingling (for me its left center) with some feelings of disconnection and occasional anhedonia. Biggest issues for me are memory issues (very sporadic short term memory, memory for specific details got crushed) and a variety of sexual symptoms. Low libido and PE are the two worst of them. It is really awful. I also frequently feel like my penis is disconnected or something.. very hard to describe. I become very aware of it but it doesn't feel responsive. It just feels kind of dead.

I'm 3 years in since I last took mdma, and my dosage was pretty tame (150mg + 100mg redose) so I have a hard time really believing this is neurotoxic brain damage, but I don't know what else it could be. Symptoms have gotten somewhat worse over time, especially the memory / brain fog.
 
I've also been lurking for a very long time. I started suffering from brain fog, head pressure, brain tingling (for me its left center) with some feelings of disconnection and occasional anhedonia. Biggest issues for me are memory issues (very sporadic short term memory, memory for specific details got crushed) and a variety of sexual symptoms. Low libido and PE are the two worst of them. It is really awful. I also frequently feel like my penis is disconnected or something.. very hard to describe. I become very aware of it but it doesn't feel responsive. It just feels kind of dead.

I'm 3 years in since I last took mdma, and my dosage was pretty tame (150mg + 100mg redose) so I have a hard time really believing this is neurotoxic brain damage, but I don't know what else it could be. Symptoms have gotten somewhat worse over time, especially the memory / brain fog.
Yes i also have low libido and feel like disconnected to my body and penis
but in the beginning of my ltc i literally came in 15 seconds and now its like 2 minutes so its slightly better. nothing like before tho i used to last as long as i wanted and if i wanted to orgasm during sex i actually had to concentrate very hard on it. Almost like being on SSRI but it was how i was normally

Thats very though that you have gone through this for 3 years man. Idk if this lasted more than 1-2 years for me id just go to doctor and take whatever ssri/ meds they gave me, though i would be scared it would make it worse. are your symptoms still as bad as in the beginning?

i had terrible memory too but since 1-2 weeks my head pressure has been very minimal and also my memory has been better these days.

yesterday i was laying on my couch reading stories and for the first time in forever i felt my anhedonia was better, i felt emotions just by reading other peoples crazy life stories, it was amazing and i was happy.

Im like 95% sure ill make 95-100% recovery in the next coming 2 months
 
Yes i also have low libido and feel like disconnected to my body and penis
but in the beginning of my ltc i literally came in 15 seconds and now its like 2 minutes so its slightly better. nothing like before tho i used to last as long as i wanted and if i wanted to orgasm during sex i actually had to concentrate very hard on it. Almost like being on SSRI but it was how i was normally

Thats very though that you have gone through this for 3 years man. Idk if this lasted more than 1-2 years for me id just go to doctor and take whatever ssri/ meds they gave me, though i would be scared it would make it worse. are your symptoms still as bad as in the beginning?

i had terrible memory too but since 1-2 weeks my head pressure has been very minimal and also my memory has been better these days.

yesterday i was laying on my couch reading stories and for the first time in forever i felt my anhedonia was better, i felt emotions just by reading other peoples crazy life stories, it was amazing and i was happy.

Im like 95% sure ill make 95-100% recovery in the next coming 2 months

I've seen a lot of doctors. They say there is nothing wrong with me. I've tried a few antidepressants to no noticeable effect.

Re: PE, I last about 10 seconds after penetration and then have a very weak orgasm. It is pretty awful. I have 0 interest in porn / masturbation and minimal sex drive, perhaps partly due to the frustration & embarrassment at the sex being so bad.
 
Glad to hear that and I am inspired by your determination.

If you want, I am starting a "LTC Positivity" chat group on Reddit. Message me your Reddit username (if you have one) if you would like to join.

I'd also like to extend the invitation out to any of the other folks out there who are suffering but also 100% committed to being completely "at peace" one day (I would say "full recovery" but I have some issues with that concept and think idealizing it can be harmful to getting better in a lot of ways). Lots to say on that, but I'll save it for another time.

Anyway, my theory, and my mission for this group, is that if we can immerse ourselves in a positive and supportive setting, we can rewire our brains to function healthily alongside any neurochemical deficiencies we may be experiencing. I look at it as I've wiped the slate clean going through this experience and now I have a couple options on how I can rebuild myself from the bedrock up. I can read scary stories all day, I can tell everyone how awful I feel, I can talk about brain damage, etc. etc. OR I could do something different. Don't get me wrong, in so many ways I am grateful for Bluelight, but honestly I think it is overwhelmingly harmful for anyone recovering from an extreme anxiety disorder. Same with the discord chat. It just reinforces these same negative and scary thought patterns. And right now, these are the only (2) options that I know of where we can collaborate with others going through this same experience.

So, I want to try a different approach. Maybe I'm crazy and it's just me, but here are some of the things I'd rather spend my time talking about:

1 - Small success stories - "Today I went back to work for the first full day" or "My DP/DR broke for the first time for a couple hours yesterday". Little improvements that you can feel good about and inspire others. Things that you can demonstrate you are capable of will not only make you feel better, but maybe you can give that other person fearful of trying, the motivation they need to take their next step.

2 - Gratitude - "As a result of going through this, I've noticed I've become much more compassionate" "I'm thankful for this experience because I now work out 3x a week and I never thought I'd say that"

3 - All the usual helpful tips/advice/theories/etc

4 - DESPITE Stories - "Today my DP/DR and anxiety was through the roof, but DESPITE that, I ran an important meeting at work and did a great job."

5 - "Healthy" Venting - Venting can be really helpful and there is a time for it if done right "Hey guys, I need to get something off my chest that has been bugging me for a while. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I know you all can probably relate..."

6 - "Healthy" Requests for Support "Sorry guys, I'm just having a helluva day. Been struggling with [fill in the blank]. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that?"

7 - Get to know / joke with / build comradery with folks going through the same thing - This one might be the most important. This condition can feel so isolating and dehumanizing. But what if there were a place to just talk like normal people do and remind each other that we are still human and that it's OK to laugh about stuff and not take all of this so seriously. Know people by their names and where they live and know it's not just anonymous faceless identities behind a username, but that we are real people and we don't need to feel alone.

I'm in another group on Reddit where this was done on a smaller scale and reading through the thread you can see how they got better over time by supporting one other. Only problem is they are all feeling so much better now, they don't talk much on there anymore... haha

Alright, last thoughts: I said this on the Discord chat and I truly do believe it. We don't need to let the stories and anecdotes we read on here set limitations on what is possible for us. We can manifest whatever future we desire. My goal since day 1 is to come away a much better person and I'm well on my path and already there in so many ways. I hope anyone else who is committed to this same goal can join me and if you are too weak right now that's OK, I can help get on your feet, but you have to believe it is possible.

OK that's all. I'm starting the group today with some folks that have already hit me up so anyone wanting to get added, just send me a PM.

Have a great holiday everyone!

Your more than welcome to start that chat here at BL too, I’d say there’s a much larger community of sufferers here. Just because there’s a main recovery thread doesn’t mean there can’t be a side thread full of more positivity.

Naturally though with this condition negativity and anxiety go hand in hand, so while I see your desire to have a more positive atmosphere know that wherever this discussion takes place there will be people too deep still to see the light.

-Gc
 
I've seen a lot of doctors. They say there is nothing wrong with me. I've tried a few antidepressants to no noticeable effect.

Re: PE, I last about 10 seconds after penetration and then have a very weak orgasm. It is pretty awful. I have 0 interest in porn / masturbation and minimal sex drive, perhaps partly due to the frustration & embarrassment at the sex being so bad.
Thats rough man i feel bad for you, i hope you make a recovery. Im no expert and you probably have tried alot more things than i, so i dont have any good advice but id say believe in your recovery and that might help
 
Thats rough man i feel bad for you, i hope you make a recovery. Im no expert and you probably have tried alot more things than i, so i dont have any good advice but id say believe in your recovery and that might help
I’m exercising a ton finally and getting other things figured out (cpap for sleep apnea, potential TRT for extremely low T) so it’s likely that my symptoms are only somewhat related to MDMA usage.
 
Glad to hear that and I am inspired by your determination.

If you want, I am starting a "LTC Positivity" chat group on Reddit. Message me your Reddit username (if you have one) if you would like to join.

I'd also like to extend the invitation out to any of the other folks out there who are suffering but also 100% committed to being completely "at peace" one day (I would say "full recovery" but I have some issues with that concept and think idealizing it can be harmful to getting better in a lot of ways). Lots to say on that, but I'll save it for another time.

Anyway, my theory, and my mission for this group, is that if we can immerse ourselves in a positive and supportive setting, we can rewire our brains to function healthily alongside any neurochemical deficiencies we may be experiencing. I look at it as I've wiped the slate clean going through this experience and now I have a couple options on how I can rebuild myself from the bedrock up. I can read scary stories all day, I can tell everyone how awful I feel, I can talk about brain damage, etc. etc. OR I could do something different. Don't get me wrong, in so many ways I am grateful for Bluelight, but honestly I think it is overwhelmingly harmful for anyone recovering from an extreme anxiety disorder. Same with the discord chat. It just reinforces these same negative and scary thought patterns. And right now, these are the only (2) options that I know of where we can collaborate with others going through this same experience.

So, I want to try a different approach. Maybe I'm crazy and it's just me, but here are some of the things I'd rather spend my time talking about:

1 - Small success stories - "Today I went back to work for the first full day" or "My DP/DR broke for the first time for a couple hours yesterday". Little improvements that you can feel good about and inspire others. Things that you can demonstrate you are capable of will not only make you feel better, but maybe you can give that other person fearful of trying, the motivation they need to take their next step.

2 - Gratitude - "As a result of going through this, I've noticed I've become much more compassionate" "I'm thankful for this experience because I now work out 3x a week and I never thought I'd say that"

3 - All the usual helpful tips/advice/theories/etc

4 - DESPITE Stories - "Today my DP/DR and anxiety was through the roof, but DESPITE that, I ran an important meeting at work and did a great job."

5 - "Healthy" Venting - Venting can be really helpful and there is a time for it if done right "Hey guys, I need to get something off my chest that has been bugging me for a while. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I know you all can probably relate..."

6 - "Healthy" Requests for Support "Sorry guys, I'm just having a helluva day. Been struggling with [fill in the blank]. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that?"

7 - Get to know / joke with / build comradery with folks going through the same thing - This one might be the most important. This condition can feel so isolating and dehumanizing. But what if there were a place to just talk like normal people do and remind each other that we are still human and that it's OK to laugh about stuff and not take all of this so seriously. Know people by their names and where they live and know it's not just anonymous faceless identities behind a username, but that we are real people and we don't need to feel alone.

I'm in another group on Reddit where this was done on a smaller scale and reading through the thread you can see how they got better over time by supporting one other. Only problem is they are all feeling so much better now, they don't talk much on there anymore... haha

Alright, last thoughts: I said this on the Discord chat and I truly do believe it. We don't need to let the stories and anecdotes we read on here set limitations on what is possible for us. We can manifest whatever future we desire. My goal since day 1 is to come away a much better person and I'm well on my path and already there in so many ways. I hope anyone else who is committed to this same goal can join me and if you are too weak right now that's OK, I can help get on your feet, but you have to believe it is possible.

OK that's all. I'm starting the group today with some folks that have already hit me up so anyone wanting to get added, just send me a PM.

Have a great holiday everyone!
hi bro! you know me! i would like to join the chat because in the next month i will stop with my psychiatric the meds, and i would like someone to talk during "withdrawl", my name is Morigami
 
YOU WILL GET BETTER

Hi everybody,
I was reading this forum so much. It helped me to go through my own LTC and now, I would like to share my recovery story to encourage all people suffering right now.

What happened
I was too dumb and mixed a lot of alcohol with 380 mg of what was supposed to be 4FA/MDMA. I don't remember anything from that night except a few images. I didn't sleep at all. Since the next day I started to deal with consequences.

My symptoms
Next day after this experience a had a painful jaw (typical after MDMA) and was very thirsty. Then I had a pretty strong depression (Suicide Tuesday). This was kinda expected. The next two days I suffered not only with depression, but also paranoia. This was really crazy. I constantly thought all people are staring at me and judging me for what I did. Yet I knew this can happen after heave abuse. Fortunately this was gone after a few days. I don't wish this to anybody. Next week I found out things are not going to be better so fast as I thought. I had weak motor balance, felt DP/DR strongly, heard my heart pounding very strongly, panic attacks got me to hospital once, high blood pressure, brain fog, feeling dumb, weakness, dizziness, shaky hands, sleeping difficulties, chest pains. I even fainted once in public transport. The brain fog was so bad I wasn't even able to do my job well.

Recovery progress
This bad state remained unchanged for at least 4 months, for freaking long 4 months! After that symptoms became gradually resolving. Weak motor balance was resolved within a few weeks. DP/DR took the most time, at least 9 months. I could feel some progress during that time which gave me strength. Sure, some days there was decline. After 9 months I still felt it occasionally. Usually after drinking alcohol or when I didn't have enough of sleep. Panic attacks were gone within a few weeks. Shaky hands took a few months to become normal. Sleeping issues, high blood pressure and chest pains took almost a year to vanish. I underwent echocardiography, EEG and blood tests a few times through a year. Everything was perfect. In summary, it took about 1 year to feel significantly better and not to worry about my health anymore. After 1 year I still had occasional declines, but by the time there were less and less of them until I felt better all the time. Since 4 weeks after the experience it was a gradual recovery. It is safe to say that it took 2 years to completely recover.

What helped
Actually time helped the most. That's 100 % truth. Except for that, it is good to start healthy lifestyle. It is good in general and I believe it helps to speedup recovery process of your body. This means sport, plenty of sleep, vitamins (especially B), zinc, magnesium. Maintaining positive state of mind might be hard, but it is important to work on it. I highly recommend Feeling Good book for depression treatment and staying positive and emotionally balanced through your entire life. Changed my life. I was also tracking my symptoms and their intensity week by week and month by month later. Thus I clearly saw I was getting better and that kept me motivated.

What didn't help
Alcohol. I stayed away from alcohol for months. It made symptoms just worse. I don't recommend any other drug either. All kind of supplements , 5HTP, fish oils or whatever. I never felt any difference. But if some of these things is good to take in general and don't cause any harm, why not to take it. Otherwise I consider it as waste of money.

What I learnt from it
Our brain and bodies are amazing tools and they are well capable of dealing with all kinds of harm we do to it. I started to value my health as never before and will not do any similar stupid thing again, ever. I value my brain. I remember how dumb I was. This was so scary. I value my brain, because it makes me smart. And I will work to keep it like that. Being healthy is tightly connected to sport. I started to do sport more often and it is like enlightenment. If you want to do a really good thing for your health, do some sport, run, walk, whatever.
I learnt that happiness is my top priority in life. I also learnt, that this state of happiness is mostly about our state of mind than external world. It's all in our heads. This was truly amazing revelation for me.
I went through my hardest time in my life. I felt how it is feel like to be defeated, down, depressed, ill, broken. I got my lifetime lesson of how bad things can be. It gave me pride that I recovered from such a thing and I got even better than before - sharp, emotionally balanced, positive, self-confident, no depression, good physical condition, practicing healthy lifestyle. Since recovery I had successes in my job, I got a girlfriend, I did a few personal hiking records, I started to invest money, I found a better job, I put my life in order, ... It was a lesson and I learnt from it, will you?


YOU WILL GET BETTER
during your recovery u also had mood swings during day? some day good and some very bad days?
 
during your recovery u also had mood swings during day? some day good and some very bad days?
For sure. Some days I felt very positive that I will be good very soon and the next day it struck me really hard and I was regretting what I have done. It's normal. Although such guilt and negativity is not useful at all. We can learn and go on. That's it.
 
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