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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

trogere

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 11, 2005
Messages
711
Glad you found out the root cause of yout issues, many people never do and just continue to suffer badly, it's crimina!

Do you family know about this stuff? Mine didn't suport me at all, everytime I spoke about it it was like it was taboo and I felt like I was lying, I hear similar stories from other people.


I know that my dad searched a bit on internet and found some things about mercury toxicity. When I told my parents that I was about to get my amalgams removed, they told me that my aunt got hers removed because of thyroid problems. But, I don't speak much to them about this. My girlfriend is supportive but all that experience was hard for her.

Another of my aunt suffers of fibromyalgia. Her mouth is full of amalgam. I told her about mercury toxicity, but she's sure her health problems are coming from a car accident. I know another woman suffering from fibromyalgia, mouth full of amalgams and her daughter looks like the kids in Vietnam during the "Agent Orange" era. I never found the courage to tell her :(
 

joebobby

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2015
Messages
9
I know that my dad searched a bit on internet and found some things about mercury toxicity. When I told my parents that I was about to get my amalgams removed, they told me that my aunt got hers removed because of thyroid problems. But, I don't speak much to them about this. My girlfriend is supportive but all that experience was hard for her.

Another of my aunt suffers of fibromyalgia. Her mouth is full of amalgam. I told her about mercury toxicity, but she's sure her health problems are coming from a car accident. I know another woman suffering from fibromyalgia, mouth full of amalgams and her daughter looks like the kids in Vietnam during the "Agent Orange" era. I never found the courage to tell her :(

SInce I discovered this topic I've been sure that mercury was the elephant in the room in terms of huge health issues in society, I've helped a couple of people who listened, but yeah many people are just closed minded, nothing you can do to help them it seems.

I once started talking about mercury in a restaurant when I was with my Mum and she told me to shhh under her breath, that's the kind of reaction I get.
 

Leopold

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Hey all, I'm 10 weeks into this hell-hole of dizziness, brain fog, disorientation, insomnia and head numbness / pain after taking some xtc and was wondering whether anyone could reccomend 5-HTP?. I try to do sport to take my mind off things but that makes my symptoms worse. Not sure how much longer I can take this.
 

LTC 2020

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 15, 2020
Messages
4
Hey everyone,

Been working on a compilation of some recovery stories and encouraging words I’ve come across so far:


It’s probably not the cleanest or most comprehensive list, so if anyone has a better one or has additional stories (particularly from thread 6 which was deleted before my time or thread 1 which I cannot seem to find for some reason) hit me up or feel free to add.

So strangely, I’ve read a lot things like on BL like, “the reason you don’t see too many success stories...”. This is perplexing to me because I found like 100 in a quick run through. The ratio of success to fail actually seems pretty extraordinarily high. I’m a member of the forum on healing-anxiety.com and there is virtually no difference. Like any anxiety disorder, there are always people who get stuck in the cycle for years or decades because they are unable to change their thought patterns. In fact, it might be more likely for LTCers to recover because most folks likely didn’t have the severe anxious tendencies and habits before their condition started.

Couple more thoughts on this...

1. For those of you in the future who are just discovering Bluelight, I wouldn’t even bother reading anything else posted on here other than the recovery stories. Listen to what the folks who got better are saying and tune out the rest of the noise. The only other thing you’ll find is a million different theories and tons of anxious energy to fill your already skittish mind with more scary thoughts. This is just my opinion, and I know you’re going to do it anyway, but I at least wanted to mention this.

2. I’ve seen this estimate a lot, and I tend to agree, that something like 95% of posters on here recover (usually within 2-3 years at the max). Yeah this is one of the worst things one could endure, but think about that for a second? There are some pretty horrendous afflictions with a much lower recovery rate. Everything about this is always put in such dark terms (understandably), but in a sense, the first thing someone new to this needs to be presented with is the “good news”. If you put in the work, stay patient, and let your nervous system calm, you’re practically guaranteed to get your life (or close to) back.

3. Think about how many people lurk, recover, and never post? I’d be willing to bet there are more lurkers than active members by a large margin. Anecdotal, but just in my short time with this affliction, I’ve already talked to a bunch of recovered folks on Reddit that don’t even know this place exists or barely came here. One guy who recovered in 8 months said he came here once or twice and they triggered panic attacks so he never came again and was 100% recovered on the shorter end of the typical timeframe.

4. It’s probably just the absolute most nervous people that sign up and end up regulars here. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was create a BL account, but I have such a hatred for this condition I’ll do whatever it takes to get myself and as many people as I can out of this hell. Has anyone ever read what they say to people with anxiety disorders? Stay off of the forums! So again, most of the folks here forever and not getting better are just like the ones you’ll find on anxiety forums for years.

That said, I do still see the tremendous potential this place could have. I’m in a group chat on Reddit where the guys were incredibly encouraging to one another. I joined late but I could go back through the old thread and watch how they all improved over the months because they helped each other and had a positive mindset. I think if the tone were to change to overwhelmingly positive vs negative it would do wonders to helping people instead of mostly just freaking them out.
Thanks for creating this Google Drive, I’ve been going through a load of the posts and it’s given me a lot of hope.

...that was until I came across this post:


It’s saying that mdma does create long term changes, in the form of higher densities of HT2a receptors through an overcompensating healing mechanism.

Sorry for picking out the negative, it’s just got me worrying a lot!
 

happy_dude

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 20, 2014
Messages
75
Hey all, I'm 10 weeks into this hell-hole of dizziness, brain fog, disorientation, insomnia and head numbness / pain after taking some xtc and was wondering whether anyone could reccomend 5-HTP?. I try to do sport to take my mind off things but that makes my symptoms worse. Not sure how much longer I can take this.

Coenzyme Q10 has worked the best for me on my recovery journey. I take around 600mg per-day and I noticed results with the first 2 - 3 days.
 

SpiderBro

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
15
Thanks for creating this Google Drive, I’ve been going through a load of the posts and it’s given me a lot of hope.

...that was until I came across this post:


It’s saying that mdma does create long term changes, in the form of higher densities of HT2a receptors through an overcompensating healing mechanism.

Sorry for picking out the negative, it’s just got me worrying a lot!

Don’t be sorry, it’s just your anxious mind finding the worst part of something. Perfectly natural and I’m sure anyone here can relate. I know I can. Kindly thank it for its concern but also understand it’s being completely irrational. Getting familiar with that anxious voice is going to be important for recovery.

Here’s the thing, don’t worry about what you read at all.

For one, worry will prolong your condition, so,
in general, don’t bother with it. And especially dont when it comes to LTC issues.

Secondly, I think that theory is interesting (which was the reason I snapshotted it) and yeah maybe it’s true, but it’s critical to understand one thing: knowing or not knowing how/why this happened to you will make absolutely no difference in your recovery. (Well, except for maybe hindering it with prolonged worry.)

There’s a lot of “shiny objects” in this thread that a mind plagued with extreme anxiety would love to grab ahold of. I know, because I did it for months straight. The reason I put that list together was to weed through the noise to find what’s helpful. And funny enough, what’s the one thing you (and I’m sure many others) fixate on? The worst one. Kind of proves the point of why I made it in the first place. Theories are great, and when you’ve recovered, you can read all about them if you’re interested. But for now, none of the them (so far at least) will do anything for you. What will?

*Listening to what people who recovered have said*

What do they say? Treat it like an anxiety disorder.

I’ve been very deep down both paths and I can tell you which one leads to recovery. Take the advice of the people who got better and either tune out the rest or keep it as arm’s length.

On that note, I’ve started writing a recovery post, but it’s morphed into something much bigger than that, so I’ll probably make some smaller posts over the coming months while I work on that. Im also available to chat with anyone who is interested or has questions as I’m very passionate about helping anyone else I can.
 

LTC 2020

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 15, 2020
Messages
4
Don’t be sorry, it’s just your anxious mind finding the worst part of something. Perfectly natural and I’m sure anyone here can relate. I know I can. Kindly thank it for its concern but also understand it’s being completely irrational. Getting familiar with that anxious voice is going to be important for recovery.

Here’s the thing, don’t worry about what you read at all.

For one, worry will prolong your condition, so,
in general, don’t bother with it. And especially dont when it comes to LTC issues.

Secondly, I think that theory is interesting (which was the reason I snapshotted it) and yeah maybe it’s true, but it’s critical to understand one thing: knowing or not knowing how/why this happened to you will make absolutely no difference in your recovery. (Well, except for maybe hindering it with prolonged worry.)

There’s a lot of “shiny objects” in this thread that a mind plagued with extreme anxiety would love to grab ahold of. I know, because I did it for months straight. The reason I put that list together was to weed through the noise to find what’s helpful. And funny enough, what’s the one thing you (and I’m sure many others) fixate on? The worst one. Kind of proves the point of why I made it in the first place. Theories are great, and when you’ve recovered, you can read all about them if you’re interested. But for now, none of the them (so far at least) will do anything for you. What will?

*Listening to what people who recovered have said*

What do they say? Treat it like an anxiety disorder.

I’ve been very deep down both paths and I can tell you which one leads to recovery. Take the advice of the people who got better and either tune out the rest or keep it as arm’s length.

On that note, I’ve started writing a recovery post, but it’s morphed into something much bigger than that, so I’ll probably make some smaller posts over the coming months while I work on that. Im also available to chat with anyone who is interested or has questions as I’m very passionate about helping anyone else I can.
Thanks, this is helpful. Really so, in fact.

I’ve been suffering with this for coming up to 20 years now and it’s only fairly recently that I feel as though I am close to believing that I really can get better. In the start it was truly dark and scary, and so much of the information here seemed to suggest I almost certainly had irreparable brain damage and was stuck this way. However, I think deep down I’ve always believed this is just an anxiety disorder and I can recover. I’ve been told that by lots of people, I guess I just haven’t had the courage to let go of my fear that it isn’t. I think some of it is also guilt that I may have done this to myself.

One thing that is complicating things for me now though is that for the last year or so I’ve felt “different”. I think I’m depressed now as well, although I’m not convinced it’s depression. Despite how bad my symptoms have made me feel in the past, after the first few months when all this initially hit I had actually got myself to a place where I could at least feel a little joy. Nowadays I struggle to even get that, and life feels pretty bleak I’m sad to say. Even drinking doesn’t make me feel good, which is previously something I’ve always really enjoyed.

I’d be really keen to chat with you more as you mention above, if that is possible? You seem to have some great ideas and suggestions about all this and I wonder if you might be able to shine some light on things for me.
 

Miru

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2020
Messages
11
I’m also a year and 4 months into my own ordeal caused by Mdma. I have arrived at the exact same conclusion as you through consultations with professionals in the area and my own knowledge.

Mdma use certainly does reduce 5ht2a receptor density I’ll post some studies to back this up. However I’ll post another extract of interest.

“In recent MDMA users, post-synaptic 5-HT(2A) receptor densities were significantly lower in all cortical areas studied, while 5-HT(2A) receptor densities were significantly higher in the occipital cortex of ex-MDMA users. The combined results of this study suggest a compensatory upregulation of post-synaptic 5-HT(2A) receptors in the occipital cortex of ex-MDMA users due to low synaptic 5-HT levels.”

Ex users had higher than normal densities of HT2a receptors, which I guess is a compensatory healing mechanism. However you may think this is a good thing but that could be incorrect. A fair few other studies have shown that increased 5ht2a receptor density have been found in the brains of people with epilepsy and those who suffer depression or who have experienced chronic stress. This is one theory why ssris work which is by downregulating 5h2a receptors to an extent. ( I would however never recommend an ssri). Chronic stress also increases 5ht2a receptor density. That’s how things like ptsd etc end up causing mood swings depression etc.

My theory is that the original Mdma use caused an increase in glutamatory excitation in the brain which causes all the acute symptoms the days later derealization, panic attacks, movement disorders, visual disturbances etc. This increase In glutamate which you can look up may be caused by some kind of serotoninergic damage/excess signalling. Your cortisol is then chronically raised which over time the chronic stress leads to your brain increasing 5h2a receptor density which in layman’s terms puts your serotonin system out of natural order. (Too much is just as bad as too little.)

- Just as you said though exercise and diet especially cardio and hiit.. Mix it up though weight lifting one day, run the next. Are the best possibly things you can do for the depression.

- Meditation/mindfulness is good for calming your nervous system. Good for anxiety.

- Epa only fish oil (Nordic naturals) helps.
Iv tried literally all other supplements/nootropics and this is the only one that won’t placebo out on you after a couple of days use Lol.

- If you want to get on medication I’m going to firmly say fuck ssris. They may even help you in the short term but you will experience the exact same symptoms as a LTC when you come off them. I guarantee. They downregulate your receptors over time. (look this up)

- I’m only going to recommend one medication which is Lamotrigine in a lower than normal dose. I’m talking 2mg to 5mg to normalise your glutamate system and in turn calm you nervous system. Normal dosages used for epilepsy and mood disorders are 150mg to 300mg titrated up over many months at 25mg at a time. You will find these dosages to be too high. Unfortunately you will probably have little luck getting a dr to prescribe it at such a low dose. (You could say you tried ssris once and they sent you unstable and you want to try a mood stabaliser to help with the withdrawal symptoms but your sensitive to drugs so need 5mg pills to ) I dunno haha. I want to try this one as I have read so much about it. I tried 25mg but couldn’t handle the side effects.

Anyway mate let me know how your recovery is going and what you find helps and we can exchange ideas. I took Mdma in feb 2019 so we are pretty much at the same stage depending on how much damage we done.

I have days were I feel normal and then suddenly days were I can’t get out of bed so depressed. Waves I would call them that all started after Mdma.
im 5 months in after one single assumption of mdma. my psychatric after the missisipy test and rorschach test told me im bipolar type 1, even if i didnt have any 1 full blown mania typical of bipolar 1. what u think man? did u improved?
how many days were there between depressed and normal days, and how long did the "normal" days last and what did you do? Also do you also have many mood swings during the day?
 

Needhelp123

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
137
Wim Hof breathing every day (been so effective I’ve started doing it 2x a day) - honestly this is been amazing for me. I’d highly recommend this one because it has you pressurize your head which seems to increase the cognitive benefit:

wouldnt pressurizing your head be bad? Elevated ICP seems be horrible
 

SpiderBro

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
15
wouldnt pressurizing your head be bad? Elevated ICP seems be horrible
It’s been helpful for me but I’d start very gently and only go as much as feels comfortable. On days where my head isn’t feeling great, I’ll just barely do it or skip it entirely.
 

SpiderBro

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
15
Hello again everyone,

I have great news to share that I hope will leave all current and future readers with hope in regards to regaining cognitive function. I am happy to report that today was my first full day where my cognitive functions did not have an impact on me. I accomplished the complex tasks at work with the same level of difficulty I would have expected and navigated through my day as I normally would have. I did my daily exercises on the Neuronation App late in the day and I performed satisfactorily on that as well. I’m sure this will fluctuate in the coming months, but I’m officially not worried anymore cause I know if I can get there for a day, I can get easily there permanently, and like many others have stated, with potentially increased function.

On that note, there are a couple things I wish I would have known early on that would have saved me a ton of agony:

1 - Timetable: My psychiatrist who works at a neurology center, told me that virtually all brain healing should occur within 2 months from the initial trauma. I don’t necessarily doubt this to be true in most regards, but when it comes to regaining cognitive function stemming from a LTC, it simply doesn’t apply. I remember breaking down and crying when she told me it would be extremely unlikely that I would see any more improvement. I can’t even describe how dumb I felt at the time, so I honestly believed her, because it felt impossible to ever regain function again. I imagined being stuck like that for the rest of my life and it sent me into an even more hellish place. I can’t even tell you how many panic attacks I probably triggered stressing about my mental state. DO NOT BE LIKE ME. Especially if you are early in your recovery, LET ME LEARN THIS HARD LESSON FOR YOU. You do not need to add these devastating thoughts to an anxiety riddled mind. I wish I could have had the luxury of reading the exact words you are reading in this moment. Sure, nothing in life is guaranteed, but I’ll give you the advice I’d give my former self: never worry about, test, or even consider anything but a full rebound of mental function for at least several years. You’ll probably recover much, much sooner than that, but again disregard any timetables.

2 - Do not compare: I’ve probably messaged about every single person who’s ever posted on r/mdma and have scoured every corner of the internet for as much anecdotal evidence as I could accumulate. There is no meaningful correlations to be had, other than almost everyone gets their functions back with time (assuming they can address the anxiety properly, more on that below). I’ve talked to folks who have done absolute monster doses and were fine. Some took days, some took years. But again, not recovering is the rare exception. Unfortunately, an anxious mind won’t interpret this information correctly. An anxious mind will (predictably) do what my anxious mind did and seek out the similar scenarios and try to justify the case for or against recovery. Again, DONT BE LIKE ME. This isn’t helpful and either just freaks you out or psychologically drains you. It’s all very bad for recovering from anxiety. For this very reason, I’m not going to tell you how long it took me or what my usage was because it doesn’t effing matter and it’s so dang important that you understand that.

3 - Anxiety = brain fog = feeling dumb: this has been covered plenty on here, but just realize that when your brain is under extreme duress you are of course going to feel stupid. Address the anxiety and this will heal too.

Anyway, wishing you all the best in your recoveries. Every day we get one day closer to finding peace ✌🏼
 

Sirheidi

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
6
Hey guys,

Does anyone of you have experience with cbd products regarding the anxiety recovery?
Would you consider cbd useful or is it probably hindering the recovery?

Cbd-oil has anxiolytic effects during acute administration, but there are also studies concerning anxiogenic effects after chronic administration.


Rly appreciate any insights....
 

Berendje

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 17, 2017
Messages
41
Hey guys,

Does anyone of you have experience with cbd products regarding the anxiety recovery?
Would you consider cbd useful or is it probably hindering the recovery?

Cbd-oil has anxiolytic effects during acute administration, but there are also studies concerning anxiogenic effects after chronic administration.


Rly appreciate any insights....
For me using cbd oil with and without thc made it worse. Same for 5-htp.
 

nnzo

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
49
Hey guys,
NNZO checking in.

I fully recovered from my LTC in 2018 after 4 long years of healing.

Unfortunately I’m here to warn you guys about excessive drug use,

mice been using cocaine all this year because I thought it was non neurotoxicity,

I did a bit too much on Friday and it brought back all my LTC symptoms but worse, the pain I have in my chest area and stomach is constant and sharp burning pain.

I want to repeat that I was FULLY healed from my LTC, although I did have the occasional floaters etc when I tried to look for them.

has anyone got any help for the physical symptoms ? I had a headache and a massive stomach ache when it all happened but I just thought I was tired and the stomach ache was not from eating (clearly not)

thanks team, just know you will get better
 

sassyfrass

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 21, 2019
Messages
55
Hey guys,
NNZO checking in.

I fully recovered from my LTC in 2018 after 4 long years of healing.

Unfortunately I’m here to warn you guys about excessive drug use,

mice been using cocaine all this year because I thought it was non neurotoxicity,

I did a bit too much on Friday and it brought back all my LTC symptoms but worse, the pain I have in my chest area and stomach is constant and sharp burning pain.

I want to repeat that I was FULLY healed from my LTC, although I did have the occasional floaters etc when I tried to look for them.

has anyone got any help for the physical symptoms ? I had a headache and a massive stomach ache when it all happened but I just thought I was tired and the stomach ache was not from eating (clearly not)

thanks team, just know you will get better
The chest pain was and is still the worst LTC effect i have, 2 years later and though its improved, I am taking beta blockers and benzos to ease the condition.
 

Deep_Fried

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
1
Greetings felllow etards,

after munching through 10g of MDMA in 2 weeks, you all know where I woke up. Been sporadically reading this thread for a couple of months and got some value out of it - thank you all for that! At least my LTC clearly is brain damage, which one has to fully accept I think. I also believe with the right care one can repair lots of it. Of course I have been reading all the research data in detail (https://sci-hub.se/).

Reason why I´m writing this reply is, that I tried the whole mercury detox program mentioned here as well. I didn´t really believe it would do something, but in our desperate situation one tries everything and I did eat too much fish in the past - so why not. While on it I feel the best I have ever since the event. DMSA is a derivate of succinic acid, which is a sleeping agent so the effect might be something additive to mercury/heavy metal detox. And yes it has a mellowing effect, that I enjoy - since I cut all drugs, which really is necessary.

I eat 3 days healthy with all the supps (fishoil, NAC, Mg, Zn, Citicolin, lions mane, ginko,...) and then 3 days detox without other supps. I´m in it 6 months now and feeling massive improvement. I can even write and read, which was impossible before - heck I couldn´t even watch a movie. I do believe to be quite capable again one day, although I also believe some scars will be left over. Of course I lost my job in the process and am enjoying lockdown now whilst living off my termination benefits. I guess I will be doing this for at least one more year to come. But I have to say that emotionally I am now more content and at peace with myself than ever. Besides all the tips with doing sports I can add for the rainy days: get a project going - it distracts the mind whilst sharpening it. I´m building a Hifi amplifier for my lifelong enjoyment.

Stay strong - one day it will be over!
Merry Christmas
 

ZeroLuck

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2017
Messages
353
Greetings felllow etards,

after munching through 10g of MDMA in 2 weeks, you all know where I woke up. Been sporadically reading this thread for a couple of months and got some value out of it - thank you all for that! At least my LTC clearly is brain damage, which one has to fully accept I think. I also believe with the right care one can repair lots of it. Of course I have been reading all the research data in detail (https://sci-hub.se/).

Reason why I´m writing this reply is, that I tried the whole mercury detox program mentioned here as well. I didn´t really believe it would do something, but in our desperate situation one tries everything and I did eat too much fish in the past - so why not. While on it I feel the best I have ever since the event. DMSA is a derivate of succinic acid, which is a sleeping agent so the effect might be something additive to mercury/heavy metal detox. And yes it has a mellowing effect, that I enjoy - since I cut all drugs, which really is necessary.

I eat 3 days healthy with all the supps (fishoil, NAC, Mg, Zn, Citicolin, lions mane, ginko,...) and then 3 days detox without other supps. I´m in it 6 months now and feeling massive improvement. I can even write and read, which was impossible before - heck I couldn´t even watch a movie. I do believe to be quite capable again one day, although I also believe some scars will be left over. Of course I lost my job in the process and am enjoying lockdown now whilst living off my termination benefits. I guess I will be doing this for at least one more year to come. But I have to say that emotionally I am now more content and at peace with myself than ever. Besides all the tips with doing sports I can add for the rainy days: get a project going - it distracts the mind whilst sharpening it. I´m building a Hifi amplifier for my lifelong enjoyment.

Stay strong - one day it will be over!
Merry Christmas

You're impressively strong, mentally. Wow. :) Good job! A massive example for everyone here
 

ar223

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
7
Decided to finally make an account after lurking here for so long

Alot of people here to seem to get their symptoms after a panic attack, but i never in my life ever have experienced an panic attack , my symptoms just started and never left. my last mdma dose was 3,5 months ago.

symptoms:
Dp/dr
feel like im not connected
anhedonia (worst one for me)
premature ejaculation(also causing me alot of trouble)
ED (altough much better than in the beginning)
Difficulty to concentrate
brain fog
pressure and tingling on top of my head right in the centre.

Reading succes stories here makes me feel alot better and ill be sure to post mine once recovery happens

in the last 3,5 months , last week i had a good day where anhedonia was less present, my dp dr has gotten better too but still enough there to notice it, i just wish this would go away and ive made a promise to never touch this substance again, even though i learned alot from my rolls.

My question is, anyone here who devoloped PE and DE and they finally went away? and did anyone get symptoms without panic attack.
thank you
 
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