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Benzos Help - Will I have another seizure? VERY scared!(HIGH dose Xanax)

I owe everyone an update, especially ABW and CG.

Last weekend I went on a wild bender in Atlantic City and brought down 2 bottle of 150mg clonazolam in a PG solution, 100mg etizolam, and 50 xanax. From Thursday to Sunday night everything was gone. One morning, I think saturday, I just drank the entire bottle of clonazolam one morning. I lost $12,000 gambling and finally the crew boss pulled me aside (whom I've goten friendly with over the years), and urged me to stop. Well I had only a couple hundred bucks left anyway so I stopped gambling at least. I sun tanned on the beach. Got a massage at Ceasars (really nice). Anyway, I came home not unprepared for almost certain death. I had 3 bottles of 300mg Diclazepam waiting for me. So far in the past 5 days I've gone through one and a half. I take a 3ml syringe, and fill it up as much as possible, and take the diclazepam sublingually like my suboxone. I guess I'm taking the equivalent of 700mg-1,000mg of diazepam in each dose? I did a test yesterday and I know for absolute certainty that the diclazepam I have is real, and potent. I gave 2 different people .15-2mL (which would equal 10-20mgs of valium) doses of the diclazepam and they literally could not keep their eyes open and had to sleep for nearly 6 hours at my house. They were slurring words, had poor coordination, etc. I know it's real and potent. I am just deathly concerned at how much I'm doing just to feel normal. For example, I took my dose this morning, and I feel OK, not great, not shitty, just OK. Like I don't want to call my friends and go out to lunch and have a party or anything.

My plan if to continue to use the diclazepam to taper down (which I haven't been doing admittedly), and just keep ordering it, and keeping 3 bottle stashes minimum, on top of the 3 bottles I'm using to taper, god forbid anything were to happen. It's going to be a long and difficult ride everybody, but I just as of this morning turned down 2 of my xanax dealers who hit me up. The one is a girl I sleep with from time to time so it will kind of suck having to block her because she is smoking hot. The other is actually a pretty well known associate of a person who is often in the NY Post. Anyway, I don't feel proud or anything, I'm just substituting with the diclazepam and it's working. I figure at this rate, I'll be ready to come off in about 3-4 months, if I stop being a fucking idiot and actually taper. Thank GOD for RCs.


I'm so fuckin pissed at myself because I had it down to just 10mg of xanax a day, and felt alright. But now with these benders, my tolerance keeps literally skyrocketing.

ABetterWay, you truly are the best. You're an angel. <3
 
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Hey sweetie, I haven't forgotten about you. Been so busy it's just a big blur. I so hope you're doing well and that things are getting better every day. I should be able to check back later and/or tomorrow. Lmk how you've been holding up!

Remember that one bad day does not determine each other day. You can do it :)

Peace and be well :)
 
I'm still here and still concerned for you. Please post an update if you can on how you're doing. No need to be ashamed if you're not doing as well as you wish you were.

Sorry I haven't been around more. I've been working and working and working non stop. It's particularly hard for me given my physical health problems. Plus there's a never-ending list of tasks and chores and stuff to do at home. A lot of others to take care of, no time to take care of myself! Lol but it is what it is :)

Anyway, please let me know how you are. Thinking of you as always, and wishing you well.

Peace. :*
 
dude, coming form one junkbox to another, you are NOT GOING TO STOP! you sounded like me in my past where I would come up w/ these master plans but still just ran my usual life which included drugs DAILY, and heavy doses of those drugs.

seems like you have money man, or do something to make money, so you can surly afford to spend some time away and hit a hospital/detox/program, but you just dont want to.

not trying to be rude at all, dude.. but that is just the way it is right now.
 
Hey Mankind :)

Work on your thinking.

Our thoughts become our actions eventually.

Change the way you see things, and ot won't be so hard to change your actions.

Update? No judgement.

Be well.

Peace.
 
Everyone says go to the ER- but honestly I can't say going to the doc is always even the safest route (I will probably get flamed for this but give me a minute to explain). Before I go further I will say this though- if you find yourself getting to where you won't be able to get benzos and will have to taper much faster than you should- YES GO TO THE HOSPITAL OR IMMEDIATELY CALL A DOCTOR.

If you can do it (either yourself or someone who has your best interest in mind can dispense them) I would say it might actually be safer to make sure a taper is going to be done by getting a supply, and if you can't control it have someone else do so. I have seen people go to detox who are on benzos (RX) and taking opioids and have their benzos yanked (happened to me when I went in to kick 90 something mgs of methadone a day years ago- and I was stuck there for a week (it was so bad and didn't sleep a week till I got home and took my kpins and finally took a nap- and I was only on an average of like 1-1.5 mgs most days) and I've seen people have seizures and almost die. One guy was coming off 210mgs of methadone, and was also prescribed 2mg xanax bars (up to four a day every 6 hours as needed) and didn't go there to get off the xanax, he just wanted to get off the methadone first (I personally would get down a lot below that, I would never try to kick methadone at a dose above 40mgs a day again). They took his xanax anyways and he had a seizure and was in the ICU for 3 days. This detox was actually very expensive and highly regarded and they had 3 prescribing docs there: 1 ALWAYS took the patients off benzos b/c he didn't believe in them (he believed in drug addicts suffered more they would be more likely to get clean- thankfully I don't think he works there anymore) and the other 2 probably did it 30-50% of the time (I would possibly tell them I was an alcoholic if I ended up in the hospital and was going to WD from benzos- they have to taper you then). And I've seen it elsewhere.

I've seen people just yanked off benzos they are prescribed with no taper from high doses outside of the hospital environment as well. One friend of mine was on 3mgs of klonopin a day and had a social worker that came buy to check on them randomly (they were one of those people who aren't allowed to touch their own money and the state pays their bills and gives them a weekly allowance) and he was cooking eggs one day and the social worker came by and he ended up burning them. They figured he must be taking something and called his doctor and had his script yanked. He became a daily drinker.

I always hear people say "tell your doc so they will taper you with diazepam" but I have almost never seen it happen when someone comes clean to their doctor about a benzo problem. Unless it is absolutely impossible and the person will keep compulsively taking them (and can't have a supply (wither RX (preferably) or if it had to be a long lasting RC that is less abusable) I actually wouldn't necessarily recommend it. Yes, in a perfect world it is what would happen but in my experience (mostly people I've known- I've never had a BIG benzo habit or a habit other than from an RX) it rarely does.
 
I will admit, like other posters said, OP may very likely continue to abuse. But him ending up locked in some detox with some doc that thinks he should just go cold turkey would probably also result in OP using when he gets out (they often don't even keep people till the WDs are over- when I came off methadone and kpins they pushed me out the door after 7 days) as well. If possible OP maybe get something and give it to someone else to hold and have it dispensed on a agreed upon schedule.
 
I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said. I was in detox (alcohol withdrawal) with a guy who had actually been scripted 8mg of Ativan a day. As bad as I had it, my withdrawals seemed like a walk in the park compared to his benzo withdrawal. Since you've already had a seizure, this demonstrates that your situation is critical. Like everyone else has said, if there's no detox facility near you that will take a walk-in, go to an emergency room and they will find one for you.
 
Hello darling. I hope you are well. Don't lose faith in yourself, and know that no matter what happens, the One whose judgement matters most would never judge you.

No, I'm not religious. Maybe spiritual? No judgement here.

Life is hard. But I truly believe we agreed to it, for our own personal mission, to strengthen the Soul. You cannot know light if youve never been in the dark.

Peace be to you my Brother in this world.

Be well.
Peace.
 
It sounds shitty but you'd be better off going to the hospital and getting admitted there so they can help, weening yourself down is better then just stopping but it's not totally safe especially if you've already had seizures, their scary! I've started getting petite mal seizures from using too much, you should just go to a hospital and keep yourself safe and healthy
 
pbuilder said:
Seriously lmao. Everyone thinks because you can't OD off benzos by THEMSELVES (Let's not even get into the fact that combining them with basically any other depressent increases risk of OD 100 fold), that they have an "excellent" safety profile, and are something to just be brushed off your shoulders.

Benzo's have THE MOST SERIOUS WITHDRAWALS out of every class of drugs. The paws can last LITERALLY YEARS of torture, and you can DIE from them lol. And you don't even need that big of a benzo habit to have a grand mal seizure and break your neck by day 2 if you try to quit cold turkey. Read up on gaba-receptor down regulation dude... Benzo's completely FUCK your brain chemistry up hard.

Benzo's take every problem you initially had when you started taking them, including that anxiety you are trying to fix, and put an infected bandage on it, which eventually makes the initial problems MUCH worse! And then your anxiety is 10x worse, you can't sleep anymore, and your fucking having seizures! How the FUCK is that an excellent safety profile? They make you a slave to the drug out of shear fear of the most terrifying withdrawals on the planet.
Click to expand...

I think AA357 is well enough aware of the cruelly agonizing reality that is withdrawal from benzo's, but I don't think that is what he was referring to when he mentioned benzo's safety profile. Benzos aren't really meant to be used as a long term treatment. They're meant to be used very short term (controlling anxiety until antidepressants reach their intended efficacy) or "as needed" (getting prescribed xanax for pre flight panic attacks or similar.... point is, you fly every day, so you wont need to take a benzo 24/7). When they get used like this, they ARE very well tolerated. They don't cause any long term damage to organs, aren't neuro-toxic, and its not common to have allergic reactions to benzo's, so its generally safe to prescribe in most circumstances. HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER....Benzos are only "well tolerated" when they are used EXACTLY as intended; short term use, very infrequent doses as needed, etc........

Sadly, when benzos hit the market, little was known about the abuse potential benzos have (which as you know is as high as God himself). So even though long term use wasn't the intended use, the doctors prescribed them based on what they knew about it (which was very little, doctors have scared me because of how little they know about drugs.); doctors prescribe "off label" frequently (using a drug to treat something for which the Drug was not approved). Doctors have prescribed benzos long term and/or for chronic panic/anxiety without knowing all the risks. I can't remember exactly who said it, but it was on bluelight (I'll link to the thread when i find it). They said that their doctor had been prescribing for a long time (~2years i think). When they decided to go to his/hers doctor. They explained that they were addicted to high(ish) daily doses of Clonazepam and wanted to switch over and do a valium taper. However, when They told the doctor, he told them that a taper WAS NOT NECESSARY, and that Clonazepam was "SELF TAPERING", presumably due to the long(ish) half life. This, of course, is completely false, But the fact that a licensed doctor told someone heavily addicted to powerful benzos that they did not need to taper scares the shit out of me shows a total lack of knowledge about their JOB!

Benzos (for the most part) are generally benign to the body health wise, Similar to how opiates don't really do damage to the bodies of the users ITSELF, so they could take heroin all year long and still walk away with a somewhat healthy body (technically speaking, PAWS will make you feel like shit for awhile, and this assumes you were able to get clean in the firstplace). With opiates/oids, the main problem lies in the legal status, black market cost (which is fucking expensive thanks to low availability courtesy of the DEA), quality of the drugs (some adulterants in street drugs fuck you up bad), and violence associated with illegal trade. If that wasn't enough, there is a huge lack of affordable treatment centers for people to get the help they need; And even if they get into treatment, insurance might only cover a few days/weeks of treatment, so its pretty fucking hard to stay on the wagon after a 1-2week vacation from drugs that SUCKED and didn't address the underlying problems for using.

THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS IS:

Benzos and Heroin are dangerous drugs. They both have the potential to ruin lives, and they must be treated with a great deal of caution. The things that makes them dangerous to ones health is the legal status of the drugs. There aren't enough treatment options avaliable, gang violence and high prices due to prohibition, doctors who are under-educated about addiction and the drugs they perscribe, and THE STIGMA associated with these drugs. Being addicted to benzos (for me) generally gets me bad reactions from others, and if I knew someone before they found out, they never really treated me the same again after. STIGMA helps prevent people from seeking help due to embarrassment and animosity or contempt from non addicts ("why dont you just get a job", "you're a piece of shit, stop thinking about yourself and put the drugs down", etc...). This is why they're "Well Tolerated, they werent made to be taken long term so when they were used that way, it caused major addiction. Heroin by itself (I.E Uncut) wouldnt cause permenent bodily harm to the user (depending on ROA) unless the user overdoses, gets a batch that is cut with something deadly, or other complications that come from it being illegal (re-using and sharing needles).
 
Abetterway, are you mankind's girlfriend? You sound like you rear-ended a honey truck and still didn't take a shower :)
 
Mankind, I still think of you often.

Always feel free to message me.

You do matter and you are needed. Xoxk
 
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