Hey my friend.
I'm pleased to hear from you. Figured, or was hoping, that you'd post when you felt comfortable in doing so (hence my not bugging you with a PM i.e. not a Florence Nightingale alt.). Truth be told: you being the main reason why I was trying to walk a fine line between the OP and having this thread closed.
Odd that Zopiclone didn't work though. You sure it was legit? Or the correct strength? The usual is 7.5mg per pill (well here anyway)? And of course there's also this issue of generics. I don't give a shit what anybody says: not all generics are equal even although they're legit pharma.
But yeah. The problem, unfortunately, with all of these things (including the z-drugs) is tolerance. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. About a year in and I can tell you that I'm no longer being bombed out by 1 x 7.5mg Zopiclone and 1 x 1mg Alprazolam at night for sleep. While I'm out within mere minutes once my head hits that pillow: I'm finding, now, that a lot of the time and in the early hours of the morning I'm in a sort of twilight zone i.e. somewhere between being asleep proper and being almost awake.
The above said: the inevitable morning hangover (before coffee type of thing and that would last about a half hour in the morning) isn't as pronounced anymore either. Once or twice I've taken 2 x 7.5mg Zopiclone before bed at night. Slept through for sure. But pretty much fucked up for most of the next day. So gave that up as a bad job. Caveat also being with this stuff: is it REAL sleep? My own jury still out on that. But even if it's not: there is absolutely nothing worse than lying awake for an entire night worrying about shit. To me: that's a far worse punishment than a possible mild physical dependence on these things. And lack of sleep, especially if it be prolonged, is way more counterproductive than anything else and on so many levels it's not funny.
I'm going to make a dumb suggestion here (well some may find it dumb but it's worked for me my entire life): you tried putting a radio on every night and, in particular, talk radio? It takes your mind off of things while listening and that works like a charm. Depends on if you have a partner or not and, if so, if said partner is accommodating. Put it on a timer e.g. 1 hour. I don't make 15 minutes (if that)! Oh and to reiterate: not music. Doesn't work. Music still allows your thoughts to wonder. And if it's Dio: well then that just excites so no point there!
Some other things I've noticed this year to follow...
And by the way: I'm only documenting these things now for the simple reason that because I don't use anything else at all I'm now fully aware of nuances that I would never have noticed before. And yeah I know: a lot of this shit may sound like dumb shit and it's even stuff that I myself used to call into question but I've proved it too many times now in the past year for it to be mere coincidence or anecdotal (to the point where it's almost been an experiment on occasion).
Always eat before 20h00 at night and/or at least an hour before going to bed. And don't overdo it either. For DAMN sure I've noticed that a heavy meal and then straight to bed has me fucked up the next morning. And ESPECIALLY if I've taken the Zopiclone and Alprazolam AFTER eating said heavy meal. Guaranteed worse quality of sleep and guaranteed a hangover the next morning. Tried and tested and experimented with too many times. Definitely also noticed to not tuck into sweet shit either. I've been lectured on this shit by my girlfriend for the past ten years and never took her seriously. But then I was always busy, going to bed at odd hours, and quite often was a bit pissed (on my ear with booze) (and sometimes a lot more than just on my ear I'll tell you). So it's not shit that I would have noticed nor took seriously. But this past year has been a sort of clean, clinical, trial (for want of a better description). And if possible: get into a habit of going to sleep at around the same time every single night.
Meds.? Try dose at exactly the same time every single day. Doesn't matter what the time. Just as long as it's consistent. I've also noticed that once you start fucking around with different times and not to mention different dosages you get out of whack. Well I do anyway.
Fitness, exercise, diet, vitamins, minerals, supplements? Meh. Never been one to watch any of that so cannot comment. But then maybe I'm just lucky in this regard i.e. we're all different I guess. But some people do worry way too much about this type of shit (in my opinion). And frankly: when I walk into a pharmacy and see all of these fucking supplements and vitamins for sale I want to lose my lunch! Fuck. And some of this shit is a danger in my opinion. Supplements purporting to work for all manner of things. It's all bullshit and a money making racket. To me: if it doesn't need a prescription then it ain't worth shit!
Anyway. The above looks like some parental advice or lecture. I assure you: had I not put this all to the test and with my current nightly intake I'd not be posting this shit. And I ain't no creepy old fart that's telling you all of this. And I couldn't be further from being a health and fitness nut if I tried hard!
I hope this helps though.
As for work and stuff: I don't know you nor your history nor anything else about you. And even if I did: not sure I could help with any anxiety issues or confidence issues and the like. But I'll tell you this for what it's worth: judging by your posts etc. you got nothing to worry about my man and can be proud that you're intelligent, well spoken, and, oddly enough, I would have perceived as confident (had you not told me otherwise). So take from all of that what you will.
Also: this COVID shit has hit people hard psychologically. That was a big talk about town at first. But now it seems as though everyone has become desensitized to the whole thing and moved on. The psychological effects of this pandemic are going to outlast the pandemic by far in my opinion. Point is: before people start beating themselves up about their mental conditions etc. they need to take a step back and give themselves a break and factor this shit into the equation. It's been a very real thing and with very real effects and ramifications. And sadly: I don't believe we've seen the end of it. Not even close and not by a long shot.
In light of all of the above I go back to what I've said before. Sometimes the time is just not right to jump off of these things. I firmly believe that. And there's nothing to be ashamed of etc. either. They were invented and formulated for a purpose. And in my opinion: they serve their purpose well UNLESS abused or used for recreational purposes. In spite of what some people may think: big pharma. is actually in the business of making people's lives better. And just because they may make a few billion dollars in profit every other week does not mean they're evil and simply out to get everyone.
Now. If Pfizer can just answer my emails asking where the FUCK my money is then we'll be done!